Love and Domination

[SaltydogNH]

What's love got to do with it

well.. you can separate erotic love, sex and BDSM as well as B- D/s & S/M.
any combinations are available as well.

I love my wife, enjoy sex and light Bondage with her, switch off and on for who gets to hold who down. with no interest in Sadism or Masochism.

I have had others who are fun to screw and nothing more, and others who are fun to spank and nothing more etc.

You should respect some one you play with, but you need not love them

 

[amsubone]

Relationship is based on trust and, in my opinion, trust is born out of relationship. as i spend time with a person, as we share, as i sense respect grow, i find love grows as the relationship deepens. In the longer term relationships i've had, it seemed to me that something more than mutual respect and trust began to develop. Submission, i believe, requires trust and as trust deepens, i believe, love begins to grow.

Yes, i've had those relationships that were based, purely, on a physical attraction and/or lifestyle choice, but, generally speaking, those were for the "fun" of it and both of us recognized the transient nature of the relationship. Even in those, one of us has been hurt from time-to-time when things didn't go quite right.

Perhaps as i've grown older, i've begun to look at the whole relationship thing a litle differently. i've begun to realize that people aren't expendable and the quality of relationship is important,

 

[naaki]

.....snip....Perhaps as i've grown older, i've begun to look at the whole relationship thing a litle differently. i've begun to realize that people aren't expendable and the quality of relationship is important,

With all due respect amsubone, people, actually, are expendable. Sad but too true.

I just wish that we could take our heads out of la la land when discussing reality.

 

[Goddess Helena]

My boy and I have a relationship that started in friendship and has grown over time. There have been times when due to illness or issues outside of O/our life together, we have had to take a break from the D/s part of O/our life. There is a tenderness and loving quality to O/our relationship that is present whether or not we are playing. Gentle kisses during aftercare are just as important as the ones that occur just because. I believe for U/us, our emotional bond has made O/our bond in D/s stronger.


Helena

 

[s'lara]

Loving D/s vs. Strict Power Exchange

i think love must be a part of the equation in a D/s relationship. As Shadowsdream said, some submissives often end up as the sexual playthings of their Masters/Mistresses. i believe this is because there is no emotional attachment that prevents this from going on. Granted, there are some D/s relationships that function strictly without the love ratio involved and that does work for some. As a matter of fact, it is preferred by S/some as they view emotional attachment as a detraction from the relationship or the play.

Personally, i want and need for Him to love me and care for me. It allows me to achieve a deeper level of trust that i would not be able to have with Someone i knew didn't love me and had my well-being at heart. Does that make sense to A/any?

Hello to A/all btw.

 

[Ebonyfire]

Re: Loving D/s vs. Strict Power Exchange

i think love must be a part of the equation in a D/s relationship. As Shadowsdream said, some submissives often end up as the sexual playthings of their Masters/Mistresses. i believe this is because there is no emotional attachment that prevents this from going on. Granted, there are some D/s relationships that function strictly without the love ratio involved and that does work for some. As a matter of fact, it is preferred by S/some as they view emotional attachment as a detraction from the relationship or the play.

Personally, i want and need for Him to love me and care for me. It allows me to achieve a deeper level of trust that i would not be able to have with Someone i knew didn't love me and had my well-being at heart. Does that make sense to A/any?

Hello to A/all btw.

It just goes to show that there are many types of relationships. I have a sub who trusts me implicitily, yet love is not a component of our relationship. Trust can and does flourish outside of a love relationship. It can come from many directions as we have seen by the differing experiences posted in this and other threads in this forum.

Thanks for posting your views. Welcome to the forum.


Ebony

 

[s'lara]

Re: Re: Loving D/s vs. Strict Power Exchange

It just goes to show that there are many types of relationships. I have a sub who trusts me implicitily, yet love is not a component of our relationship. Trust can and does flourish outside of a love relationship. It can come from many directions as we have seen by the differing experiences posted in this and other threads in this forum.

Thanks for posting your views. Welcome to the forum.


Ebony

For this subbie, trust is the base from which everything else flows. i commend You on the relationship You have with Your sub that does not include love. However, i think there are a few of U/us who still seek to have that emotional attachment in a D/s relationship. i know there are differing viewpoints on whether love should or shouldn't be a part of the equation and i tip my hat in those varying directions. Play is great if all you are looking for is play. But, playing with the O/one you love is great too. Bottom line, whatever works for T/those involved is the best method, no?

For me, as stated before, my level of trust increases with the knowledge that i am loved by my Partner. i am more willing to let down barriers with Someone i care for than with Someone i didn't have an emotional connection with (huh? - *laughs*). i guess it is my need to be loved as well is my inherent human/needy quality...*chuckles*

Thanks for the welcome Ma'am.

 

[Ebonyfire]

Re: Re: Re: Loving D/s vs. Strict Power Exchange

Play is great if all you are looking for is play. But, playing with the O/one you love is great too. Bottom line, whatever works for T/those involved is the best method, no?

I think you have the wrong idea. I do not "play". I am a service oriented lifestyle Domme with submissives who belong to me. Just because I am not married to them or they do not live with me, does not make our relationship less meaningful.

I have three subs, and the one of which I speak has been mine for almost two years. Many of the "love" relationships between dominants and submissives have not lasted as long.

And yes, whatever works for those involved is the best method.

Eb

 

[lark sparrow]

It seems dependent on how love is defined, doesn't it?

Romantic love or being "in love" may not be part of the arrangement, but it seems after years of service that love may develop, as in of a friend, family member, etc. Not romanticized love, but a deep trust, respect and affection.

 

[s'lara]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Loving D/s vs. Strict Power Exchange

I think you have the wrong idea. I do not "play". I am a service oriented lifestyle Domme with submissives who belong to me. Just because I am not married to them or they do not live with me, does not make our relationship less meaningful.

I have three subs, and the one of which I speak has been mine for almost two years. Many of the "love" relationships between dominants and submissives have not lasted as long.

And yes, whatever works for those involved is the best method.

Eb

It appears i have been misunderstood. i did not deem Your relationship one of just "play." i couldn't do that as i do not know You or Your submissive's. The statement was generalized and my pardon if it seemed directed at Your relationships.

In addition, i think i made it clear that what works for ME is to have love as a part of MY relationship. i did not disparage those relationships that don't have love as a part of their makeup. Again, as i said, i commend You on the relationship You have with Your sub. It obviously works for You and that is what counts. As for the "love" relationships, some do tend to last as long and it is a secret wish that all D/s relationships have that kind of longevity. Love based or not.

Simply put, love works for me and doesn't necessarily have to work for everyone. Nor does having love or not having love as a part of the relationship make it more or less meaningful. It does make the relationships different and each kind has its own depth as suited to the P/parties involved. Thought i'd made that clear. If i haven't, i hope this post clears it up.

 

[Kirabeth]

I'm a Switch as most know. I am married to my Master, we have been married for 14 years( 15 come February) He was my friend first, we met when he was in highschool i was in jr. high. we got married whenhe was in college I was in 10th grade. We found this lifestyle when I was in college and realized we had been living a lifestyle t hat now had a name and we were no longer alone there were others just like us in the world. so do we love each other......YES very much so......is he my Master...my DOM yes..Do I submit to him willingly......YES............ We love each other and love what we have between us it fits us its who we are.

 

[Ebonyfire]

Bump

 

[RisiaSkye]

Wow, the first appearance of Shadowsdream. Nice nostalgia; I like that kind.

Though I think I've said, often, what I have to contribute on this subject, I couldn't help but bump this back up to the top for old times' sake.

RS

 

[Shadowsdream]

Wow, the first appearance of Shadowsdream. Nice nostalgia; I like that kind.

Though I think I've said, often, what I have to contribute on this subject, I couldn't help but bump this back up to the top for old times' sake.

RS

Hello Risia....nostalgia takes on a fresh taste with new thoughts...
So many ways of looking at this subject..some views coming from new relationships..some from established relationships and some from relationships no longer in effect...
Of course as most who know Me have discovered...I generally look past the moment and into the big picture....

 

[Johnny Mayberry]

You guys are cool...just thought I would share.

 

[Shadowsdream]

You guys are cool...just thought I would share.

sharing is good ~~grin~~

 

[Johnny Mayberry]

sharing is good ~~grin~~

That could mean all sorts of things...all good!


Love and domination, huh? I can't imagine being in a D/s relationship, or any relationship, without some mutual respect, trust, and love of some sort or other.

 

[Shadowsdream]

That could mean all sorts of things...all good!


Love and domination, huh? I can't imagine being in a D/s relationship, or any relationship, without some mutual respect, trust, and love of some sort or other.

defining the level of love and its direct interaction required is a good beginning....without mutual respect there would never be a seed of interest for Me to take it to the next level of building trust...love is subjective...I have no interest in beginning a D/s relationship on the back of romantic love...but if that romantic love developes through the Domination and submission I use it to deepen My Dominance to another level...

 

[Johnny Mayberry]

defining the level of love and its direct interaction required is a good beginning....without mutual respect there would never be a seed of interest for Me to take it to the next level of building trust...love is subjective...I have no interest in beginning a D/s relationship on the back of romantic love...but if that romantic love developes through the Domination and submission I use it to deepen My Dominance to another level...

Oh, I'm in complete agreement...but I require the love implied in a good friendship before I do anything else with anyone.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Bump...

 

[myinnerslut]

.....

 

[MasterPhoenix]

My slave and I share a deep bond of love beyind the D/s aspect of our relationship.... It is what works for us, and thats what matters to us.

there is no right or wrong way to do D/s except what does not work for you.

 

[Netzach]

I love H, definitely. He's one of the best friends I've ever had and a fantastic slave. I am not "in love" with him, we have a warm and intense symbiosis. It's not my fault that our concepts of love in this culture are so limited anyhow.

I am in love with my husband. I am in love with my bull. The D/s aspect of these relationships PALES in comparison - it's far too messy once my heart strings start getting yanked to effectively own someone. They have too much capital and power with me for me to do it. Slap 'em up and boss 'em around? Sure, mandatory. Own? No.


Kudos to those who can do it, but I can't. If I'm in love with someone I can't view them foremost as my property. *shrug* I just can't be "in love" and call that person a slave. I'm not "in love" with my desk, my cats, or my vibrator even though it's nice to have around and does its job well.

 

[Still Falling]

i have almost a parallel situations with You Natzach. i am completely in love with M'lady. We began as lovers before i became Her slave. She certainly loves me and i know that She does struggle with some aspects of owning me in the way You have described. i don't think She would call it being in love though - but then i'm fairly sure that She would never claim to have been in love with anyone.

The love/ownership combination certainly does create some challenging situations for our relationship - but at the same time, the depth of intimacy on all levels including BDSM would not have been achievable for either of us with out the love we share.

 

[s_red830]

My slave and I share a deep bond of love beyind the D/s aspect of our relationship.... It is what works for us, and thats what matters to us.

there is no right or wrong way to do D/s except what does not work for you.

Hear, hear to the love bond. I love my sub dearly, and he and his welfare mean a lot to me. Mind you, I'm not the strictest Domm out there, nor the most sadistic, so I don't know how it would work with other couples. But for us, the D/s aspect and some sadism is very much present, but it works.