Looking to edit

[Sinful_whispers]

okay okay..haveta..post this one..made me chuckle....lawd I hope this isn't me and my granddaughter one day..BUT with my luck...


There was a young woman who lived with her grandmother. One night the
granddaughter came bouncing down the stairs dressed to go out to a party wearing
a see through blouse without a bra. Her grandmother told her to go back up
stairs and "dress decent."

The young woman said, "No, I want to show off my rosebuds," and went out the
door.

The next day the granddaughter came outside to find her grandmother on the porch
wearing the see through blouse without a bra.

"Grandmother! What are you doing? My boyfriend and a couple of other friends are
coming over any time now!" she cried, "Please go change your blouse, I'm so
embarrassed!"

The older woman replied, "Well if you can show off your rosebuds then I can show
off my hanging baskets."

 

[rozezwild]

If I were to go anywhere..yups..would be there! So, if that one tornado blows me (Gawd! I'd cream myself if it did..) erm..takes me on a jurney i hope it's Michigan!



I'm getting there got the first 40 paras dun..got about 20 to go..it's a long one.
Speaking of, hell I guess I gotta PM sumbody to find out why my rejected two are still being viewed and the new two re-dun chapters are sitting there.

I left the numbers on the paragraphs..-laughs- I tend to leave my head in my ass now and then, seems alot more than normal these days

love ya'll dearly...-goes and waits fer that one tornado..bag packed-

Pack for an extended stay

 

[rozezwild]

Tonight's funny....

Two guys were picked up by the cops for smoking dope and appeared in court
before the judge.
The judge said, "You seem like nice young men, and I'd like to
give you a second chance rather than
jail time. I want you to go out this weekend and try to show others
the evils of drug use and pursued them
to give up drugs forever. I'll see you back in court Monday."
Monday, the two guys were in court, and the
judge said to the first one,
"How did you do over the weekend?"
"Well, your honor, I persuaded 17 people to give up drugs forever."
"17 people? That's wonderful. What did you tell them?"
"I used a diagram, your honor. I drew two circles like this:
O o and told
them this (the big circle) is your brain before drugs and this
(small circle)is your brain after drugs."
"That's admirable," said the judge. "And you, how did you
do?" (to the 2nd guy)
"Well, your honor, I persuaded 156 people to give up drugs forever."
"156 people! That's amazing! How did you manage to do that!"
"Well, I used the same two circles. I pointed to the small circle and
told them,
"This is your asshole before prison...."

Oh my fucking god -- i am laughing so hard i have tears coming outta my eyes

 

[rozezwild]

okay okay..haveta..post this one..made me chuckle....lawd I hope this isn't me and my granddaughter one day..BUT with my luck...


There was a young woman who lived with her grandmother. One night the
granddaughter came bouncing down the stairs dressed to go out to a party wearing
a see through blouse without a bra. Her grandmother told her to go back up
stairs and "dress decent."

The young woman said, "No, I want to show off my rosebuds," and went out the
door.

The next day the granddaughter came outside to find her grandmother on the porch
wearing the see through blouse without a bra.

"Grandmother! What are you doing? My boyfriend and a couple of other friends are
coming over any time now!" she cried, "Please go change your blouse, I'm so
embarrassed!"

The older woman replied, "Well if you can show off your rosebuds then I can show
off my hanging baskets."

OMG i spit Pepsi all over the screen

 

[Sinful_whispers]

Pack for an extended stay

Better watch what you write ! -packs all her clothing-

OMG i spit Pepsi all over the screen

Oh my fucking god -- i am laughing so hard i have tears coming outta my eyes

-laughs- ever have soda come out your nose? Burns like hell!
Okay let's see if i can find the funny for tonight..

One night, as a couple lays down for bed, the husband gently taps his
wife on the shoulder and starts rubbing her arm. The wife turns over
and says: "I'm sorry honey, I've got a gynecologist appointment
tomorrow and I want to stay fresh." The husband, rejected, turns
over and tries to sleep. A few minutes later, he rolls back over and
taps his wife again. This time he whispers in her ear: "Do you have a
dentist appointment tomorrow too?"

So Monica Lewinsky goes to a plastic surgeon requesting
liposuction, primarily getting rid of her "love handles." Anyway, he
agrees to rid her of this extra weight, and preceeds with the surgery
right away. She, then wakes up an hour later, proceeds to the mirror
and her ears are missing!


The president got off the helicopter in front of the
White House with a baby hog under each arm. The
Marine guard snapped to attention, saluted, and said,
"Nice pigs, sir". The president replied, "These are
not pigs, these are authentic Arkansas Razorback hogs.
I got one for Hillary and I got one for Chelsea."
The Marine again snapped to attention, saluted, and
replied, "Nice trade, sir."

-snuggles up Roze - night night baby!!

 

[rozezwild]

Better watch what you write ! -packs all her clothing-



-laughs- ever have soda come out your nose? Burns like hell!
Okay let's see if i can find the funny for tonight..

One night, as a couple lays down for bed, the husband gently taps his
wife on the shoulder and starts rubbing her arm. The wife turns over
and says: "I'm sorry honey, I've got a gynecologist appointment
tomorrow and I want to stay fresh." The husband, rejected, turns
over and tries to sleep. A few minutes later, he rolls back over and
taps his wife again. This time he whispers in her ear: "Do you have a
dentist appointment tomorrow too?"

So Monica Lewinsky goes to a plastic surgeon requesting
liposuction, primarily getting rid of her "love handles." Anyway, he
agrees to rid her of this extra weight, and preceeds with the surgery
right away. She, then wakes up an hour later, proceeds to the mirror
and her ears are missing!


The president got off the helicopter in front of the
White House with a baby hog under each arm. The
Marine guard snapped to attention, saluted, and said,
"Nice pigs, sir". The president replied, "These are
not pigs, these are authentic Arkansas Razorback hogs.
I got one for Hillary and I got one for Chelsea."
The Marine again snapped to attention, saluted, and
replied, "Nice trade, sir."

-snuggles up Roze - night night baby!!

yeah it burns like the devil -- and i would trade them for my husband and kid right now

 

[Sinful_whispers]

yeah it burns like the devil -- and i would trade them for my husband and kid right now

Hmmm..that doesn't sound good you okay Roze? -hugs her up-

 

[Sinful_whispers]

Okay Roze baby I sent the first half of the story, since it's long and I'm not quite done the second half.

-grabs her vasoline, taking her shorts down to her ankles as she prepares for the screwing she'll be receiving with corrections in return-

BTW!!! It is such a beautiful day here..but i'm sure the storms on it's way..hoping not. Everything here is like a mushy puddle of grass...was gonna say it sloshes like a wet snatch BUT...



Hello Lady C!..hopes you have great weather as well..if not i'm sure you'll be getting it as were headed into more storms..dayum, you weather snatcher!

 

[LadyCibelle]

Okay Roze baby I sent the first half of the story, since it's long and I'm not quite done the second half.

-grabs her vasoline, taking her shorts down to her ankles as she prepares for the screwing she'll be receiving with corrections in return-

BTW!!! It is such a beautiful day here..but i'm sure the storms on it's way..hoping not. Everything here is like a mushy puddle of grass...was gonna say it sloshes like a wet snatch BUT...



Hello Lady C!..hopes you have great weather as well..if not i'm sure you'll be getting it as were headed into more storms..dayum, you weather snatcher!

Doesn't look like spring at all here today. It's so cold and grey I could believe we're getting into the end of fall/beginning of winter. To counteract it, I've gotten up at 1h30 PM today. Good thing my husband got up with my son, I didn't even hear them get up this morning.

My daughter is coming back tuesday night from her trip to Fredericton with her friend. She hadn't been gone for 2 hours yesterday and already I was missing her like crazy...weird huh? I know that she's safe, in good hands and in no danger but I still worry about her *sigh* She's gonna be 16 in a 3 months and I'm wondering where did the time go. It seems like just yesterday she was still a baby and now she's all grown up doing her own things. *sigh* Where has my baby gone?

 

[rozezwild]

Hmmm..that doesn't sound good you okay Roze? -hugs her up-

Just the passing of a freind from here -- that and the hubby ( would be ex if he signed the papers) is just driving me nuts add a teenager to it too

 

[rozezwild]

Okay Roze baby I sent the first half of the story, since it's long and I'm not quite done the second half.

-grabs her vasoline, taking her shorts down to her ankles as she prepares for the screwing she'll be receiving with corrections in return-

BTW!!! It is such a beautiful day here..but i'm sure the storms on it's way..hoping not. Everything here is like a mushy puddle of grass...was gonna say it sloshes like a wet snatch BUT...



Hello Lady C!..hopes you have great weather as well..if not i'm sure you'll be getting it as were headed into more storms..dayum, you weather snatcher!

I got the freaking storms -- and i was soooooooo not prepared for it

 

[rozezwild]

Doesn't look like spring at all here today. It's so cold and grey I could believe we're getting into the end of fall/beginning of winter. To counteract it, I've gotten up at 1h30 PM today. Good thing my husband got up with my son, I didn't even hear them get up this morning.

My daughter is coming back tuesday night from her trip to Fredericton with her friend. She hadn't been gone for 2 hours yesterday and already I was missing her like crazy...weird huh? I know that she's safe, in good hands and in no danger but I still worry about her *sigh* She's gonna be 16 in a 3 months and I'm wondering where did the time go. It seems like just yesterday she was still a baby and now she's all grown up doing her own things. *sigh* Where has my baby gone?

shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh dont say that -- mine is 14 shhhhhhhhhhhh i dont want to hear it

NANNERNANNER NANNER i am not listening

 

[Sinful_whispers]

Doesn't look like spring at all here today. It's so cold and grey I could believe we're getting into the end of fall/beginning of winter. To counteract it, I've gotten up at 1h30 PM today. Good thing my husband got up with my son, I didn't even hear them get up this morning.

My daughter is coming back tuesday night from her trip to Fredericton with her friend. She hadn't been gone for 2 hours yesterday and already I was missing her like crazy...weird huh? I know that she's safe, in good hands and in no danger but I still worry about her *sigh* She's gonna be 16 in a 3 months and I'm wondering where did the time go. It seems like just yesterday she was still a baby and now she's all grown up doing her own things. *sigh* Where has my baby gone?

Hmm..were in tornado warning and demmit I'm packed for it to take my ass to Michigan! -waves Roze's addy around with a grin- It was really nice till the black clouds moved in. I never get to see it comming my way till it's right at the mountain top. Needless to say the clothing on the line is staying out there going thru another wrinse cycle.

shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh dont say that -- mine is 14 shhhhhhhhhhhh i dont want to hear it

I guess since i've been thru it with mine, I can say it doesn't get any easier. Being so far from Holly (my brat) drives me nuts. After she left after visitng for a month..I was muts. Again now I know what My Momma went thru when I left the nest, and knows why she calls and rips me a new ass if i don't call her after a few days. If anything i think it get's worse...sorry to say. Was easier worrying about if she remembered her lunch money than wondering if she remembered to stick her patch on, so's I'm not a grams at 40.

-hugs up ya both- I hate being bearer of bad ass news! -runs for cover-

One day their 3 years old, then 5...10..15. It goes by so fast. Blink and you miss a year. Dayum, she'll be driving Lady C! Warn those on the sidewalks with a huge bulletin board, flyers and PA announcements yet?

Now my Dearest sweet Roze...

Just the passing of a freind from here -- that and the hubby ( would be ex if he signed the papers) is just driving me nuts add a teenager to it too

I have over a hundred acres and down here in the south we take care our own, so baby..I got LOTS of room to hide bodies! The kinda ex hubby that is, the daughter eh..we'll place her to work shoveling crapola! Few hours of that and all the world will be at peace again for ya!

Love to say the hurt goes away fast but you know it doesn't, only thing you can do is be positive..guess it all depends on whatcha think happens afterwards.

-loves her up cus I jest got outta the shower and smell like watermellon and kiwi-

 

[rozezwild]

Hmm..were in tornado warning and demmit I'm packed for it to take my ass to Michigan! -waves Roze's addy around with a grin- It was really nice till the black clouds moved in. I never get to see it comming my way till it's right at the mountain top. Needless to say the clothing on the line is staying out there going thru another wrinse cycle.





I guess since i've been thru it with mine, I can say it doesn't get any easier. Being so far from Holly (my brat) drives me nuts. After she left after visitng for a month..I was muts. Again now I know what My Momma went thru when I left the nest, and knows why she calls and rips me a new ass if i don't call her after a few days. If anything i think it get's worse...sorry to say. Was easier worrying about if she remembered her lunch money than wondering if she remembered to stick her patch on, so's I'm not a grams at 40.

-hugs up ya both- I hate being bearer of bad ass news! -runs for cover-

One day their 3 years old, then 5...10..15. It goes by so fast. Blink and you miss a year. Dayum, she'll be driving Lady C! Warn those on the sidewalks with a huge bulletin board, flyers and PA announcements yet?

Now my Dearest sweet Roze...



I have over a hundred acres and down here in the south we take care our own, so baby..I got LOTS of room to hide bodies! The kinda ex hubby that is, the daughter eh..we'll place her to work shoveling crapola! Few hours of that and all the world will be at peace again for ya!

Love to say the hurt goes away fast but you know it doesn't, only thing you can do is be positive..guess it all depends on whatcha think happens afterwards.

-loves her up cus I jest got outta the shower and smell like watermellon and kiwi-

you my dear woman never cease to amaze me -- one minute you are nuttier than a fruit bat and then the next you are spewing Einstein at me -- oh i gots a good place to hide the body -- its called a piggy farm -- you know they eat anything right???-- Remember the movie Hannible -- the pigs came when they heard humans scream?? -- i can train them there piggidies in about 1 week or so


Now i am off to bed just gots home from a birthing

 

[poppy1963]

I have been told that the editing here is absolutely vicious...LOL. I am quite confident in my skills at writing. I been writing a long time. I am looking for HONEST editing...not ego-editing.

Any takers? I am open to honest feedback.

poppy

 

[rozezwild]

I have been told that the editing here is absolutely vicious...LOL. I am quite confident in my skills at writing. I been writing a long time. I am looking for HONEST editing...not ego-editing.

Any takers? I am open to honest feedback.

poppy

You want me try me -- that is all you can do -- PM me if you want a good editor that is not full of herself-- I will tell you like it is and that is what you get -- i am not in it for my ego -- i am in it to help my writers grow as writers

 

[Sinful_whispers]

you my dear woman never cease to amaze me -- one minute you are nuttier than a fruit bat and then the next you are spewing Einstein at me -- oh i gots a good place to hide the body -- its called a piggy farm -- you know they eat anything right???-- Remember the movie Hannible -- the pigs came when they heard humans scream?? -- i can train them there piggidies in about 1 week or so


Now i am off to bed just gots home from a birthing

I'm nutty? -blinks pondering that and shrugs- okay IF only you say so I won't be offended.
mmhm I know they eat anything, and lotsa ppl eat 'anything' off of them -shudders- But, you don't shit where ya eat so let this here suther nuttier than a fruit bat take care of it..me and my buddy knuckles and slim jim -cracks her knuckles ..puffs her chest as she poses all he-womanly-..oh yea i'll show em!

BTW...Conrads on the new addition to the family!..Dream sweet dahlin'...and hears the funny for the night...-gives a drum roll-


A women goes to her boyfriends parents house for dinner.
This is to be her first time meeting the family and she is very nervous.
They all sit down and begin eating a fine meal.
The woman is beginning to feel a little discomfort,
thanks to her nervousness and the broccoli casserole, the gas pains
are almost making her eyes water. Left with no other choice, she
decides to relieve herself a bit and lets out a dainty little fart.
It wasn't loud, but everyone at the table heard the toot.
Before she even had a chance to be embarrassed, her boyfriends father
looked over at the dog that had been snoozing at the women's feet,
and said in a rather stern voice, "Ginger!"
The woman thought, "this is great!" and a big smile came across her face.
A couple minutes later, she was beginning to feel the pain again.
This time, she didn't even hesitate. She let a much louder and longer fart rip.
The father again looked at the dog and yelled, "dammit Ginger!"
Once again the woman smiled and thought, "yes!"
A few minutes later the woman had to let another one rip.
This time she didn't even think about it. She let rip with
a fart that rivaled a train whistle blowing. Again, the father
looked at the dog with disgust and yelled,
"dammit Ginger, get away from her before she
shits all over you!"


....Niters Roze...lady C..peekers and lurkers!

 

[Sinful_whispers]

~A serious note from Sinful~

I have been told that the editing here is absolutely vicious...LOL. I am quite confident in my skills at writing. I been writing a long time. I am looking for HONEST editing...not ego-editing.

Any takers? I am open to honest feedback.

poppy

Poppy ...Roze is a really good editor, she's helped me tremendously with my fours chapters thus far. She doesn't do it to feed her ego, she really does it for 'us'. I haven't scared her off yet with my stuff, and lawd knows she's given me back my share of corrections and comments. She's wonderful, as an editor and a person. I can't speak for anyone else editing wise but her.

okay I'm done...-slips out-

By the way poppy..welcome to Roze's 10 page thread.

 

[poppy1963]

Poppy ...Roze is a really good editor, she's helped me tremendously with my fours chapters thus far. She doesn't do it to feed her ego, she really does it for 'us'. I haven't scared her off yet with my stuff, and lawd knows she's given me back my share of corrections and comments. She's wonderful, as an editor and a person. I can't speak for anyone else editing wise but her.

okay I'm done...-slips out-

By the way poppy..welcome to Roze's 10 page thread.

LOL...

Glad to be here...and thank you sinful...I will check Roze out. I am certainly open to honest editing and improvement! I will decide in time if I should try to pursue this more. But I am grateful for the kind response!

 

[Sinful_whispers]

-Back to the non-serious me- =)

Gawd, I can't resist posting this...-laughs- here are some VERY important facts that will be on your next pop quiz students!

MOST SEMEN SWALLOWED
Michelle Monahan had 1.7 pints of semen pumped out of her
stomach in Los Angeles in July 1991.

LONGEST PUBES
Maoni Vi of Cape Town has hair measuring 32 inches from the
armpits and 28 inches from her vagina.

MOST CAVERNOUS CROTCH
Linda Manning of Los Angeles could, without preparation,
completely insert a lubricated American football into her
vagina.

ZITS
In July 1987, Carl Chadwick of Rugby, England, squeezed a zit
and projected a detectable amount of yellow pus a distance of
7ft 1 inch.

WORST DRINK
The most horrible drink to be considered a beverage and safely
drunk is Khoona. It is drunk by Afghani tribesmen on their
wedding night and consists of a small amount of still-warm very recently
attained bull semen. It is believed to be a potent aphrodisiac.

MOST OFFENSIVE COCKTAIL
This is available from a few select bars in New York. It
contains tomato juice, a double shot of vodka, a spoonful of
French mustard and a dash of lime. It is not mixed, but served with a
tampon(unused) instead of a cocktail umbrella and is known as a 'Cunt Pump'.

GREATEST DISTANCE ATTAINED FOR A JET OF SEMEN
Horst Schultz achieved 18 ft 9 in with a 'substantial' amount
of seminal fluid. He also hold the records for the greatest
height(12ft 4in) and the greatest speed of ejaculation, or muzzle velocity,
with 42.7mph.

LONGEST TURD
The longest dump ever verified was produced by an American,
who produced a 'staggering turd' over a period of 2 hr 12 mins
which was officially measured at 12 ft 2in.
The offender is banned from 134 washrooms in his state.

MOST PROLONGED FART
Bernard Clemmens of London managed to sustain a fart for an
officially recorded time of 2 mins 42 seconds​

I REALLY wanna comment on some of there but for now I'll allow digestion..then I'll rip (no pun to the last fact above) a few comments!

 

[Sinful_whispers]

LOL...

Glad to be here...and thank you sinful...I will check Roze out. I am certainly open to honest editing and improvement! I will decide in time if I should try to pursue this more. But I am grateful for the kind response!

You are quite welcome, but don't believe a word she says about me! Only if it's good..then you can.

 

[Sinful_whispers]

He came swishing down the aisle and said through the PA, "Captain Harvey has
asked me to announce that he'll be landing the big scary plane shortly,
lovely people, so if you could just put up your trays that would be super."

On his trip back up the aisle, he noticed that one of the women hadn't moved
a muscle.

"Perhaps you didn't hear me over those big brute engines. I asked you to
raise your trazy-poo so the main man can pitty-pat us on the ground."

She calmly turned her head and said, "In my country, I am called a Princess.
I take orders from no one."

The flight attended responded, "Well, sweet-cheeks, in my country, I'm
called a Queen, so I outrank you. Put the tray up, Bitch."


A guy goes into a drugstore to buy condoms. The clerk says, "What size?"
The guy says, "Gee, I don't know". The clerk says, "Go see Sophie in
aisle 4." He goes over to see Sophie; she grabs him in the crotch, and
yells, "Medium". The guy is mortified; he hurries over to pay and get
out of the store.
Another guy comes in to buy condoms, the clerks asks the size, and again
sends him over to Sophie in aisle 4. Sophie grabs him and yells, "Large".
The guy struts over to the register, pays and leaves.
A high school kid comes in to buy condoms. The clerk says, "What size?"
The kid (embarrassed) says, "I've never done this before. I don't know
what size." The clerk sends him over to Sophie in aisle 4. She grabs
him and yells, "Clean up in aisle 4!"

Okay..I've shared enough tonight...BUT no need to run to the free clinic and get a shot..I'm clean HONEST!

 

[rozezwild]

I'm nutty? -blinks pondering that and shrugs- okay IF only you say so I won't be offended.
mmhm I know they eat anything, and lotsa ppl eat 'anything' off of them -shudders- But, you don't shit where ya eat so let this here suther nuttier than a fruit bat take care of it..me and my buddy knuckles and slim jim -cracks her knuckles ..puffs her chest as she poses all he-womanly-..oh yea i'll show em!

BTW...Conrads on the new addition to the family!..Dream sweet dahlin'...and hears the funny for the night...-gives a drum roll-


A women goes to her boyfriends parents house for dinner.
This is to be her first time meeting the family and she is very nervous.
They all sit down and begin eating a fine meal.
The woman is beginning to feel a little discomfort,
thanks to her nervousness and the broccoli casserole, the gas pains
are almost making her eyes water. Left with no other choice, she
decides to relieve herself a bit and lets out a dainty little fart.
It wasn't loud, but everyone at the table heard the toot.
Before she even had a chance to be embarrassed, her boyfriends father
looked over at the dog that had been snoozing at the women's feet,
and said in a rather stern voice, "Ginger!"
The woman thought, "this is great!" and a big smile came across her face.
A couple minutes later, she was beginning to feel the pain again.
This time, she didn't even hesitate. She let a much louder and longer fart rip.
The father again looked at the dog and yelled, "dammit Ginger!"
Once again the woman smiled and thought, "yes!"
A few minutes later the woman had to let another one rip.
This time she didn't even think about it. She let rip with
a fart that rivaled a train whistle blowing. Again, the father
looked at the dog with disgust and yelled,
"dammit Ginger, get away from her before she
shits all over you!"


....Niters Roze...lady C..peekers and lurkers!

Oh lordy -- my grandpa would do that

 

[rozezwild]

Gawd, I can't resist posting this...-laughs- here are some VERY important facts that will be on your next pop quiz students!

MOST SEMEN SWALLOWED
Michelle Monahan had 1.7 pints of semen pumped out of her
stomach in Los Angeles in July 1991.good god that is ewwwwwwwwwwww

LONGEST PUBES
Maoni Vi of Cape Town has hair measuring 32 inches from the
armpits and 28 inches from her vagina.nair anyone???

MOST CAVERNOUS CROTCH
Linda Manning of Los Angeles could, without preparation,
completely insert a lubricated American football into her
vagina.I will not touch that one

ZITS
In July 1987, Carl Chadwick of Rugby, England, squeezed a zit
and projected a detectable amount of yellow pus a distance of
7ft 1 inch.ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww just ewwwww

WORST DRINK
The most horrible drink to be considered a beverage and safely
drunk is Khoona. It is drunk by Afghani tribesmen on their
wedding night and consists of a small amount of still-warm very recently
attained bull semen. It is believed to be a potent aphrodisiac.puke

MOST OFFENSIVE COCKTAIL
This is available from a few select bars in New York. It
contains tomato juice, a double shot of vodka, a spoonful of
French mustard and a dash of lime. It is not mixed, but served with a
tampon(unused) instead of a cocktail umbrella and is known as a 'Cunt Pump'.Ummm we did this one night on a bender

GREATEST DISTANCE ATTAINED FOR A JET OF SEMEN
Horst Schultz achieved 18 ft 9 in with a 'substantial' amount
of seminal fluid. He also hold the records for the greatest
height(12ft 4in) and the greatest speed of ejaculation, or muzzle velocity,
with 42.7mph.OMG

LONGEST TURD
The longest dump ever verified was produced by an American,
who produced a 'staggering turd' over a period of 2 hr 12 mins
which was officially measured at 12 ft 2in.
The offender is banned from 134 washrooms in his state.grossssssss

MOST PROLONGED FART
Bernard Clemmens of London managed to sustain a fart for an
officially recorded time of 2 mins 42 seconds​

I REALLY wanna comment on some of there but for now I'll allow digestion..then I'll rip (no pun to the last fact above) a few comments!

Omg where are you finding some of this stuff

 

[rozezwild]

He came swishing down the aisle and said through the PA, "Captain Harvey has
asked me to announce that he'll be landing the big scary plane shortly,
lovely people, so if you could just put up your trays that would be super."

On his trip back up the aisle, he noticed that one of the women hadn't moved
a muscle.

"Perhaps you didn't hear me over those big brute engines. I asked you to
raise your trazy-poo so the main man can pitty-pat us on the ground."

She calmly turned her head and said, "In my country, I am called a Princess.
I take orders from no one."

The flight attended responded, "Well, sweet-cheeks, in my country, I'm
called a Queen, so I outrank you. Put the tray up, Bitch."


A guy goes into a drugstore to buy condoms. The clerk says, "What size?"
The guy says, "Gee, I don't know". The clerk says, "Go see Sophie in
aisle 4." He goes over to see Sophie; she grabs him in the crotch, and
yells, "Medium". The guy is mortified; he hurries over to pay and get
out of the store.
Another guy comes in to buy condoms, the clerks asks the size, and again
sends him over to Sophie in aisle 4. Sophie grabs him and yells, "Large".
The guy struts over to the register, pays and leaves.
A high school kid comes in to buy condoms. The clerk says, "What size?"
The kid (embarrassed) says, "I've never done this before. I don't know
what size." The clerk sends him over to Sophie in aisle 4. She grabs
him and yells, "Clean up in aisle 4!"

Okay..I've shared enough tonight...BUT no need to run to the free clinic and get a shot..I'm clean HONEST!

Lord baby the first one is half the men i know