Looking for that frisson again

[katze101]

Lo and behold! This simple wordfest has exploded into a wordfight of epic proportions! On one side, we have the rugged, intrepid Scot, and on the other, we have the dashing debonair, EnglishAgain. And what is this I see? A bonny lass from the mountains of Canada, YourEagerToy, has defected from EA’s cyberharem to clasp the brawny arms of our silver-haired Celt. Perhaps it was the promise of a pint? Or the rock-hard legs?

And another interesting phenomenon, folks! A most prolific writer, another Englishman by the name of Appleby, has entered the fold. Will he act as EnglishAgain’s second? Or will he join the ring and engage EA in a battle of wits?

C’mon, lovely lit ladies and brave gents! Come out of hiding, and put your two cents in, regardless of whether they are dollars (US, Can, Aus or NZ), euro cents, or the queen’s currency! Any and every kind of currency (and remark) is welcome. EnglishAgain still needs a second for this duel of diction at dawn.

Ladies, who will you throw your knickers/panties to? The celtic-tongued “jock in a frock” (think Mel Gibson in “Braveheart”, albeit with more grey hair), or the witty, wily Englishman? (somehow, Hugh Grant comes to mind, or perhaps Rupert Everett?)

Stay tuned, folks!

 

[EnglishAgain]

As to your frozen pees, wimp? I have heard of watersports. I have climbed frozen waterfalls.

But beating a lassie with frozen pee?

Disgusted, Tunbridge Wells

Dear Sid DeGust,

Thank you for your letter of last century, it was so nice to see the quaint and antiquarian attitudes which still pervade Tunbridge Wells. As can be seen by the publicity video recently released by our chairman, Max Moseley, the activities you so niaively believe are disgusting are in fact common practice now. Often watersports and their companion activities of incest, bestiality and home shopping are used every day in place of saying grace before meals, or as a form of greeting in public areas such as hotels and airports.
If your quiet little backwater has yet to drag itself forward into the naughties, (noughties? Which spelling is correct in this instance? Ah, decisions decisions) then I would not presume to interrupt and suggest you start investing in electricity or removing the cobbles from the surface of the motorway, but in turn I would ask that you no longer address your prejudiced rantings to me.

For reference, all future letters should be addressed to;

Uncle Jessie, Bo, Luke and Daisy
Prejudiced Ranting Letters r Us.
The Shack
Hazzard County

Many thanks

Miss Information

 

[EnglishAgain]

I'm afraid I have to grant you the smile-power, which nodody else on this thread (so far) has been able to match.

But when it comes to the really important things in life, like being world champions at Elephant Polo, where are you?

Just sitting trying to mint your next pathetic riposte.

Unmatched? I think not, noble foe. They're all smiling at your ribaldry, rivalry and revelry. Wel, they were until you dragged out that sad old "Elephant Polo" cup. May I point out those were imported elephants and the opposition were all still hammered from the whisky the night before.

Try a real sport sometime. Cheese rolling, the sport of heroes

 

[EnglishAgain]

C’mon, lovely lit ladies and brave gents! Come out of hiding, and put your two cents in, regardless of whether they are dollars (US, Can, Aus or NZ), euro cents, or the queen’s currency! Any and every kind of currency (and remark) is welcome. EnglishAgain still needs a second for this duel of diction at dawn.

Ladies, who will you throw your knickers/panties to? The celtic-tongued “jock in a frock” (think Mel Gibson in “Braveheart”, albeit with more grey hair), or the witty, wily Englishman? (somehow, Hugh Grant comes to mind, or perhaps Rupert Everett?)

Stay tuned, folks!

Hold on a moment, how come he gets to be Mel Gibson and I get Rupert Everett? A fate worse than ....well I suppose it's not so bad actually, I could have ended up as Elton John.

No, it just won't do. Now that I think about it, he can get to be Sean Connery, and who do I get? Timothy Dalton. I think I should run away now before I become more of a laughing stock than ever.

(turns and shuffles off, head bowed, crushed by the realisation that the skirted Scot has such huge resources at his potential. Worse, the media frenzy has already started...is that a reporter I see?)

 

[EnglishAgain]

Hey, I'm on page 3!

for those of you that are not familiar with this concept, there is a popular newspaper over here called the Sun, and it became famous for posting a topless picture on page 3 of every issue. It has since become synonymous with titillation. A "Page 3 girl" is known immediately as a topless model. Anyone else want to join me? Obviously,I'm a bloke, and this is not a national newspaper, but apart from that the similarities are endless

 

[PaintedSeamstryss]

I knew it wouldn't be long after the nipple polishing that you would indeed be on page 3. Nnow I see it all very clearly, that was why you polished them in the first place...

Hugs & Lix

 

[Scotsman69]

Sorry EA, I was just chatting to my friend from the alleged Sun in the pub at lunchtime. Over a pint of Deuchars, of course. She was short of a tale for Saturday and maybe I was a trifle indiscreet.......and of course I was smarting about your calculated insult to the noble world-beating Scots Elephant Polo team.

We had to import the fucking (sorry, my frustration emerges) elephants, numpty.

Have you ever tried polo sitting on a haggis?

 

[Scotsman69]

And as to your pathetic suggestions ( some of which were quite hurtful, *sobs*) about what your infertile imagination conceives as a duel?

Have you never heard of the mighty sport of
TOSSING THE CABER?

I doubt you could best me at that.

Disgusted, Braemar

(Tunbridge Wells is so yesterday)

 

[Scotsman69]

THIS THE BBC WORLD SERVICE. HERE IS AN IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT.

HARRY POTTER REPORTS:

Ummm. Well hello everybody. Sorry, I'm new at this job, so please stay with me, OK?

Err. The world now knows about the insipid - sorry, intrepid - silly online sparring between EA and S69. Umm, or it will tomorrow, when the Sun frontpages it.

But both contestants have been in touch with the World Service with some very worrying news.

Neither have seconds in this awful - sorry - awsome contest. It seems that none of the felame - shit, sorry again, you know what I mean......

Anyway, none of them have volunteered themselves as seconds.

EA and S69 are preparing to travel to Beijing to test their skills as a world first in the Olympics.

They NEED seconds NOW.

The rules only allow women for these challenging posts. Strangely, they may be of any nationality.

THIS IS A WORLDWIDE APPEAL IN THE UK'S NATIONAL INTEREST.

We (the UK that is) stand a good chance of winning the First Ever Olympic Flyting Gold Medal. In fact, it is a certainty, as no other nation has dared to enter!

Please send you applications NOW to

H.Potteresq@bbcworldservice.co.uk

 

[EnglishAgain]

Have you ever tried polo sitting on a haggis?

Yes, what a slow game that was.

 

[EnglishAgain]

And as to your pathetic suggestions ( some of which were quite hurtful, *sobs*) about what your infertile imagination conceives as a duel?

Have you never heard of the mighty sport of
TOSSING THE CABER?

I doubt you could best me at that.

Disgusted, Braemar

(Tunbridge Wells is so yesterday)

...No, I said Sell the tunbridge wells place now....yes, immediately....look, trust me on this, I've got a source who says it's so yesterday....oh, hold on, there's people looking.

ahem, (clears throat, smoothes back hair, adjusts monocle...) Hi again, Scotsman.

Tossing? As a sport? I know it's a pass-time, but I'm not sure about the sporting aspect. It's probably because I have such an infertile imagination. Sterile, pretty much. Hold on while I try and conjure up some sort of mental image....

hold on....


any moment now.....

Nope, not a thing. Zip. Nada. It's so sad. I can't explain this lack of imagination, perhaps I had a deprived childhood or never read books. Whatever the cause there's probably no help for it now. I think I'm going to give up, ride off on my rhinoceros to the spaghetti house at the top of the drive and bury my patellas in lime jelly and wood shavings until the cannibals come and get me.
It's so much fun being average.

 

[your_eager_toy]

A fickle and changeful thing...

oh my...

leapt over to the Dark Side, have I?

his whispers were just so hard to resist...

'I look forward to completing your training. In time you will call me Master.'

(Okay, that would have been much more effective if Vader's synthetic rasp could be evoked in text. LOL)

If our silver haired Celt is Darth Vader, tempting us all to the Dark Side, does that mean EA is Sir Alec Guinness?

Y.E.T.

 

[katze101]

Oohlala! Exciting new developments, folks!

Now that YourEagerToy has officially joined the ranks of the Scotsman's camp, it's only the Englishman who has a need for a second in this duel of diction!

Ms. PaintedSeamstryss, will you step up and be the Englishman's second? After all, he has obliged you by trimming his eyebrows (his recently buffed nipples are still shiny, and don't need rebuffing). Perhaps you can join EA in a titillating pose on page 3 of the Sun? If you're too modest, we can hire an artist to cover you in body paint, and sew you some tiny seams, as befits your name.

EA, I meant no disrespect when I likened you to Hugh Grant or Rupert Everett. Somehow, Pierce Brosnan or Daniel Craig don't seem loquacious enough, and won't hold a candle to your wit and charm. Ol' Rupert is not too bad a chap; in fact he can carry a decent tune. I just imagine him singing, "The moment I wake up, before I put on my make-up..."

S69, I hope you didn't mind being compared to Mel Gibson. I don't know if Sean Connery ever wore a kilt, so Braveheart Mel (and his ass/arse under the kilt) came to mind.

Any other ladies who would like to step up and join the fold? The EA and S69 camps are still open to applicants! Men are welcome too - both camps need assistants, towel carriers, accountants, publicity managers, and whatnots. C'mon, people, don't be shy! Stop lurking and reading from the sidelines; throw your two cents in!

Oh, and I need an impartial observer - one who will collect the bets. lol

Stay tuned folks!

 

[ganner]

hmm.. someone need a bet collector?

 

[PaintedSeamstryss]

Oohlala! Exciting new developments, folks!

Now that YourEagerToy has officially joined the ranks of the Scotsman's camp, it's only the Englishman who has a need for a second in this duel of diction!

Ms. PaintedSeamstryss, will you step up and be the Englishman's second? After all, he has obliged you by trimming his eyebrows (his recently buffed nipples are still shiny, and don't need rebuffing). Perhaps you can join EA in a titillating pose on page 3 of the Sun? If you're too modest, we can hire an artist to cover you in body paint, and sew you some tiny seams, as befits your name.

EA, I meant no disrespect when I likened you to Hugh Grant or Rupert Everett. Somehow, Pierce Brosnan or Daniel Craig don't seem loquacious enough, and won't hold a candle to your wit and charm. Ol' Rupert is not too bad a chap; in fact he can carry a decent tune. I just imagine him singing, "The moment I wake up, before I put on my make-up..."

S69, I hope you didn't mind being compared to Mel Gibson. I don't know if Sean Connery ever wore a kilt, so Braveheart Mel (and his ass/arse under the kilt) came to mind.

Any other ladies who would like to step up and join the fold? The EA and S69 camps are still open to applicants! Men are welcome too - both camps need assistants, towel carriers, accountants, publicity managers, and whatnots. C'mon, people, don't be shy! Stop lurking and reading from the sidelines; throw your two cents in!

Oh, and I need an impartial observer - one who will collect the bets. lol

Stay tuned folks!

(Pulls katze to the side...Of course I will step up to be EA's second, however, keeping with the spirit of properness, I think it only fitting that he should express his willingness to accept my offer. Modesty has never really been a forte of mine so I will pass on the body paint, unless of course, I have a volunteer to apply it.....)

 

[EnglishAgain]

hmm.. someone need a bet collector?

A bet collector? Right here at the right time? What are the odds on that? T'would take an age on this page to assuage all the rage I might gauge should we wage who is most sage, me or scot's age.

Still, wage it seems we must, and if you are to be bet taker then watch the others gamble as we gambol through a gamut of gambits to the eventual azimuth of our adjectives.

Oh good grief, how wordy is that? sorry, I'll bugger off.

 

[EnglishAgain]

(Pulls katze to the side...Of course I will step up to be EA's second, however, keeping with the spirit of properness, I think it only fitting that he should express his willingness to accept my offer. Modesty has never really been a forte of mine so I will pass on the body paint, unless of course, I have a volunteer to apply it.....)

Ooh, me me me, pick me, over here, me please.

Oh, you already did that. Sorry. Trying to retain some image of cool then.

Thank you very much Seamstress, I am indeed willing and eager. No need for modesty, and no need for much paint....just a lick here and there......he he he

 

[EnglishAgain]

oh my...

leapt over to the Dark Side, have I?

his whispers were just so hard to resist...

'I look forward to completing your training. In time you will call me Master.'

(Okay, that would have been much more effective if Vader's synthetic rasp could be evoked in text. LOL)

If our silver haired Celt is Darth Vader, tempting us all to the Dark Side, does that mean EA is Sir Alec Guinness?

Y.E.T.

No, these aren't the droids you're looking for...

 

[your_eager_toy]

No, these aren't the droids we're looking for...

<shaking head, dazed>

I'm sorry, were you saying something?

 

[EnglishAgain]

Quiet in here tonight, isn't it? I just want to say that I have nothing more to say on this subject. Since the reporter has nothing to report, the protagonists weren't protagonising, we couldn't find a second second, the wagers weren't waged, and Flirty McSkirty seems to have retired gracefully there is little left to do but talk to myself.

and I'm not listening

 

[PaintedSeamstryss]

What???? You have nothing to say EA??? And just when I was practicing my pose for page 3...

*now where did I put my shirt*

 

[katze101]

No, No, No! This fight is not over!

I'm back folks! Yes, the lovely reporter is back. (cough, cough) Oh, Englishman, don't despair. The battle has not begun, and you're already hanging up your sword? It is too early yet!

Ms. PaintedSeamstryss, don't put your blouse on yet. I've already contacted a gorgeous reporter from the Sun, and she will come in tow with a hunky photographer for your Page 3 photoshoot. So far, she has envisioned a mountainous backdrop, where you and EA (covered in body paint) will do a lascivious but tasteful pose, and YourEagerToy and S69 will do a Star War-ish pose; YET will wear a Princess Leia outfit, S69 will wear his favourite kilt but with a Vader mask. This will be part of the publicity photos and article for the much-awaited battle of wits!

We already have an enterprising young man from the U.S. Midwest, by the name of ganner, to collect the bets and keep abreast of the finances for this fearsome fight.

Oh Scotsman69, where art thou? We are languishing in your absence. Your mountaineer's legs, rock-hard chest, and silvery, scintillating hair (and presence) is needed in this thread. Are you busy plotting the demise of the witty Englishman?

Stay tuned, folks!

 

[PaintedSeamstryss]

Welcome back Katze (now I know where I got this dreadful summer cold-*cough, cough, sniffle,sniffle*)....

I assure you, EA will be prepared and sharp for the battle-- busying myself with pumping his ego as we speak. He hasn't given up, just gone into seclusion to prepare. After all, we must be cautious of the spies, since one has already defected. As I am not at liberty to divulge any more information, I must go quickly and attend to the Englishman....

 

[matt_wolf]

a bewilded passerby looks on...

I stop my metaphorical wandering to read (some of) this with not a little wonder... don't understand the rules except one must never say bouncy when another word will do.

But then if words are to be the weapon I sometimes wonder whether it isn't the shorter, sharper ones that don't do better. Not necessarily the anglo-saxon ones but just those that go right to the throat without pausing to flonce - or is that flounce... Like BREAD for example, theres a word...

And on Rupert Everett. I think he is damn sexy - I pause here to insert the required assertion about my heterosexuality - anybody seeing him in the recent documentary about the Victorian sex adventurer Richard Burton? Looked soo good with his hair short and flirting with Indian nuns...

None of this is relevant to the thread, but seeing as I can't figure out the rules I'm making my own up.

And I've gone no side whose side I on in this battle between EA and the Scotsdude. Can I located myself on the Tweed?

Matt

 

[EnglishAgain]

I stop my metaphorical wandering to read (some of) this with not a little wonder... don't understand the rules except one must never say bouncy when another word will do.

But then if words are to be the weapon I sometimes wonder whether it isn't the shorter, sharper ones that don't do better. Not necessarily the anglo-saxon ones but just those that go right to the throat without pausing to flonce - or is that flounce... Like BREAD for example, theres a word...

And on Rupert Everett. I think he is damn sexy - I pause here to insert the required assertion about my heterosexuality - anybody seeing him in the recent documentary about the Victorian sex adventurer Richard Burton? Looked soo good with his hair short and flirting with Indian nuns...

None of this is relevant to the thread, but seeing as I can't figure out the rules I'm making my own up.

And I've gone no side whose side I on in this battle between EA and the Scotsdude. Can I located myself on the Tweed?

Matt

Rules? There are only two, and it is to always keep count.

As you seem to be the voice of raisins, I think you've probably deduced by now that this thread wandered off topic some time ago and has now become simply a place for those who want to offload some excess words in a nice friendly manner.

you are of course right about many things. Rupert Everett is damn sexy, as is Hugh Grant to a discerning audience. My protestations were merely that I cannot hold a candle to either man given their charm and intellect, let alone their looks. Your assertion about your heterosexuality is duly noted with a manly nod, lowering of vocal tone to suitable gruff and obviously forced bass and offering of manly pursuits such as drinking real ale, shooting passing bears and singing lewd songs about axle grease.

Flounce? Bread? Hmm, I am not convinced. I'm more of a saunter kind of guy personally, I do a good line in nonchalance (although I'm never chalant) and if 5 letter words are to be used then my choice would be pithy. It's so....pithy.

Your brave interjection shows spirit, and your contempt of the existing rules and substitution with your own is bold, little grasshopper. Abide here for a time and you shall learn much that is completely irrelevant. The Boers had a word for those who stood undecided, they described them as having one foot in England and another in Africa, and therefore they had soutpiel (saltprick) - their tadger was left to hang loose in the salt of the ocean. Your offer to stand astride the Tweed loses you valuable street on two counts. One - it makes you look like a soutpiel, and ( two) it was the name of a "wannabe" perfume in the UK in the late Seventies. I think it was advertised by Penelope Keith too

On the plus side of the street cred though, Matt Wolf is a much better concept than Gloss Wolf.

Have fun