Looking for some advice

[shadow6666]

Hi all, I'm fairly new to all of this right now though BDSM has always been a fantasy for me, yet up untill now i've never been in the situation to be able to try it. But like I said as luck has it i'm engaged to a wonderful person whos there no matter what.

So any pointers and help you folks can give to me will be greatly apreciated.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Not sure what you are asking....is your fiance willing to try it with you or are you saying they support you in going outside your relationship to explore this desire?

Catalina

 

[shadow6666]

Not sure what you are asking....is your fiance willing to try it with you or are you saying they support you in going outside your relationship to explore this desire?

Catalina

I'm saying that I have never done the SUB/DOM thing before, but have always wanted to, and my fiance wants to, so I'm just looking for some pointers.

 

[AppleBiter]

I'm saying that I have never done the SUB/DOM thing before, but have always wanted to, and my fiance wants to, so I'm just looking for some pointers.

Have a safeword. In case it gets too painful, the safeword lets you/him out of the situation. Since "no" and "stop" are often said during BDSM play, you want to pick something that would be unusual to hear in the bedroom. For instance, our safeword is "banana."

That's my tidbit.

Good luck to you!

 

[shadow6666]

Thanks for the piece of advice.

 

[NekoBakamegami]

Yay!

Fun stuff to do! Bananas... hehehe... I say our word should be DANCING BANANA!!! hehehe

 

[shadow6666]

For sure, go Danceing Banana

 

[Rrrosyn]

From what I understand in other threads you're taking the dominant role but are usually submissive? Might work better if you have a more specific question.

 

[shadow6666]

From what I understand in other threads you're taking the dominant role but are usually submissive? Might work better if you have a more specific question.

Ok, I do have some more specific questions. I wouldn't mind if any one had some advice with bloodplay and candle wax play, as those are two of my fantasys.

 

[Rrrosyn]

Ok, I do have some more specific questions. I wouldn't mind if any one had some advice with bloodplay and candle wax play, as those are two of my fantasys.

Both probably have links in the BDSM Library.

I won't do blood play. I have blood triggered PTSD flashbacks. So that would be a bad idea.

I go here when I am not sure on something with wax play. So far I stick with plain white emergency candles (not slow burn specific) and I want to try parafin wax.

With parafin (blocks of wax for canning) you use a hot clothes iron (not one you intend to use on anything else) and press the block of wax to the hot iron. The iron is held point down to aim it onto the sumbissive. Using the coolest wax is a good idea because there will be A LOT of it and there will be splatters in this method. You can always cover up sensative areas with a scarf or facecloth to protect them. I have tested this on my calves and thighs, but not on anyone else yet.

You can wax your skis the same way.

 

[shadow6666]

Both probably have links in the BDSM Library.

I won't do blood play. I have blood triggered PTSD flashbacks. So that would be a bad idea.

I go here when I am not sure on something with wax play. So far I stick with plain white emergency candles (not slow burn specific) and I want to try parafin wax.

With parafin (blocks of wax for canning) you use a hot clothes iron (not one you intend to use on anything else) and press the block of wax to the hot iron. The iron is held point down to aim it onto the sumbissive. Using the coolest wax is a good idea because there will be A LOT of it and there will be splatters in this method. You can always cover up sensative areas with a scarf or facecloth to protect them. I have tested this on my calves and thighs, but not on anyone else yet.

You can wax your skis the same way.

Yeah, i've been researching bloodplay for a while, since i started my fetish for biteing. And Thanks for the link for the waxplay.

 

[Rrrosyn]

Yeah, i've been researching bloodplay for a while, since i started my fetish for biteing. And Thanks for the link for the waxplay.

I bite. I leave nice circular and heart-shaped bruises that last about a week. I just don't break skin. Somehow eating a vegetarian seems wrong. But I eat beef.

 

[shadow6666]

I bite. I leave nice circular and heart-shaped bruises that last about a week. I just don't break skin. Somehow eating a vegetarian seems wrong. But I eat beef.

I haven;t broken the skin yet, but i may sooner or later.

 

[Rrrosyn]

I haven;t broken the skin yet, but i may sooner or later.

I like my meat cooked. (That could so totally mean something else!)

Thinking of weenies and chestnuts roasting now.

 

[kel-belle]

Hi.. welcome to the wonderful world of D/s.

I would suggest reading as much as possible and talking about it together. This allows you to remain in the same page as you go. There are some great books and websites out there on the subject.

Speaking from experience here, I would suggest practicing a lot of self-reflection as you go. Take the time to ask yourself why you want to feel the things you do. Don't let yourself get caught up in the excitement of all the things you want to feel and experience. Start small so you grow emotionally as your activities get more extreme.

I totally agree on the safeword. I've heard both submissives and dominants say that they don't need safewords because they "know each other so well" but there have been times that for some reason, physically or emotionally, that I couldn't handle something that I could handle two days before. We always used green, yellow and red. It seems obvious, but red meant "Stop Now", yellow meant "maintain what you are doing now, but check in with me in a few minutes" and green meant "Good God, keep going".. Now that I think about it, I never had to say green.. I guess he could just tell..

Good Luck, I'm sure things will be great. Remember to take everything you hear and read with a grain of salt.. All that matters is how you and your partner feels. I hope you never feel like you know everything there is to know... I have that same hope for myself too

kel

 

[shadow6666]

Thank you very much, i'm kinda excited as her flight is comeing in at 9:18 pm.

 

[Etoile]

Yep, my advice is read read read. If you are planning to make this a lifestyle then you need to read even more. If it's just some kinky fun for you both, then you will still be responsible for her safety and you should be able to live up to that responsibility. I know reading seems boring compared to doing, but it's really vital in this instance.

 

[Rrrosyn]

Thank you very much, i'm kinda excited as her flight is comeing in at 9:18 pm.

WE wanna know how things went!!!