Long Distance Love

[graebeard]

hmmmmmmmm ....... interesting ??? Sily what would i do????

Drop everything......... jump on a plane and get where i need to be...... thats the hypothetical...... the reallity....... still trying to figure that one out...... will let you know when i have a difinitive ........ *sshrugs.......

Grae

 

[tulip2lipservice]

Congradulations Silky

I hope we see ya about the boards more. Hugs to you.

Graebeard only lost his a couple of months ago. I think he is trying to get to a 100 tonight but it is a long process.

Peace,
Tulip

 

[funspirit]

interesting thread..... heres my input-
I agree with vapidness about using not only your heart but you head. A relationship must have an incredibly strong and realistic foundation to be able to survive a LDR. It is easy to romanticize a partner when they are somewhere else, and I have found myself actually wanting a person more simply because they were far away, although I didn't realize it at the time.

 

[silkynsmooth]

interesting thread..... heres my input-
I agree with vapidness about using not only your heart but you head. A relationship must have an incredibly strong and realistic foundation to be able to survive a LDR. It is easy to romanticize a partner when they are somewhere else, and I have found myself actually wanting a person more simply because they were far away, although I didn't realize it at the time.

I agree with you funspirit....the head and heart have to work together on this one. But it can't be impossible. Maybe I'm thinking or living in a dream world that if 2 people love each other that much and want to be together they can make it happen.

Ok *sighs* i'll write more another time.

 

[NoOtherName]

ok.... when someone posts a reply.......how do you see it.......without leaving the page?????

Grae

psssst, graebeard...if you hit your 'refresh' button, the new post will show up...

 

[silkynsmooth]

Good morning and Happy hump day everyone!

Cmon peeps....I find it hard to believe that no one has experienced t his...oh wait...maybe they have their together and don't come here anymore. Ok silly me.

Still looking for any insight and of course stop in to say hello.

Hugs to all

((((((((((((Tulip & Grae)))))))))))

 

[Neftoon_Zamora]

I've thought for some time that it isn't just distance that can make an LDR difficult, but situations. Jobs, marriage, children, all these things work together to add to the distance between two people.

For me, knowing the little day to day things that he does, what he's wearing that day, what he had for breakfast, what book he's currently reading, these things help me feel closer. These are things that I'd know if he were here with me. I remember the day I learned what he takes in his coffee, how a silly, small thing like that seemed so intimate.

<shrugs> Just some random morning ramblings from a woman who hasn't had near enough coffee yet.

 

[Gil_T2]

I don't have a love in my life but have many friends who are so far from me and I'd love to be able to just take each & every one of them in my arms & cuddle them well the ladies anyhow to be able to sit with ALL of them and talk in R/L.

 

[silkynsmooth]

Bump

Don't want this one to die....I want to hear people's suggestions and ideas, please!!!

(((((((Tulip & grae))))))

(((((((((((((((Everyone else))))))))))))))))))

 

[rosylady]

Bump

Don't want this one to die....I want to hear people's suggestions and ideas, please!!!

(((((((Tulip & grae))))))

(((((((((((((((Everyone else))))))))))))))))))

I would love to help you out Silky but alas I have no online love in my life. I gave up months ago in finding someone to have long conversations about anything and everything. Good Luck in finding others to share this with you though.


{{{{{{Silky}}}}}}}}}}

 

[omahaman2]

Bump

Don't want this one to die....I want to hear people's suggestions and ideas, please!!!

(((((((Tulip & grae))))))

(((((((((((((((Everyone else))))))))))))))))))

If you love the person,really love them,you can take the strength of your love to keep the relationship strong.KEEP THE FAITH
The thread neftry suggested is great for support too.LOL,i should know,it was started by the other half of my LDR

 

[Native Alien]

Okay so here's my 2 cents worth. While I am not dealing with another country, I am dealing with a very long distance that might as well be another country for now.

I think one of the most important things is to tell the other person what you are really thinking, and sometimes snail mail is better than e-mail,(at least for me).

They need to understand that they can do the same and both need to accept that while the words are there on the screen you can't hear the tones or see the gestures (unless you are on a cam).

Another important thing is that when you have the chance to communicate, make the most of it. By that I mean try to set a time when the distractions and interruptions are not going to happen. Both people also need to take into account the time differences as well. The lack of sleep can make for bad communications as we all know.

That is just my 2 cents worth anyway.

 

[~*sunkyssed_kym*~]

Oh my....

Just in from floating around the pool and thinking of MY-Sir so far away and I come into Lit and find this thread! Oh dear, dear, dear!! Can I ever relate to this thread. MY-Sir and I have had a long distance relationship going for longer than I care to think about. (pardon all of those longs there ) We met on the net back in August of 2001 and since that time, have been with one another three times. Each lasting for a total of 3 months. Yes.... I know; doesn't sound like much when thinking of a mate, but He and I are well suited for one another. Its more than lust that I feel for Him and He the same for me. Its on a deeper almost spiritual level.
Presently we are looking toward trying to get me over there for six months, (the longest I can stay on a visa) and then decide where we wish to go. I don't care, as long as we are able to try this out so that both of us know how we wish to proceed. I love Him dearly and truly wish to be with HIm, but who's to say what the future holds?
All I can do is keep the faith that all will work out for our greater good and embrace each new day.


-kym- Wishing, wanting, needing...............

 

[tulip2lipservice]

There was a time I felt it

was possible but today I am not sure for myself. I am not denying that it can happen for I have been blessed on meeting some that crossed over into their reality with somebody making the move. To me it is not a state to state move but half way around the world one. I would literally have to give up everything. Friends, family, job, driving on my side of the road, voting, familiar places I visit, etc. but most importantly my security to be entrusted into one person.

Right now, today, my LDR, is on hold but those that know me know that my feelings could sway again. If we continue the way we are going it is unfair to both of us. Something has to give sooner or later or the relationship will.

I fucked up plain and simple three weeks before we were getting together again. Perhaps it was some sort of a test to see how much he loved me. Perhaps it was an excuse I was giving myself or to him to break the whole thing off. Perhaps it was being alone for almost 8 months and wanting to feel like a woman? Perhaps it was plain and simple self sabotage.

We spent three weeks together and I was blessed to have him, my best friend, be with me in that time. For the most part things to me felt that they could work but I had the underlaying feeling when he was leaving is he the "one" the "love of my life"? I guess in a way I felt as if he was cool, calm and collect over everything. That he could take me or leave me. That he could live without me.

This morning we spoke and through the conversation his doubts came out again. His uncertaintity and/or another reason as why we might not work. The major mistake I made that would never be forgotten. It was strange because he was the one that always told me we could make this work. Now it feels as if it is me placing the effort on it to work.

So after a while when do you know it is time to throw in the towel? When is enough enough? I do feel as if I have been traveling in limbo for almost a year because of this relationship. So many fights to get him to come visit. So many times I was lonely and I wished he was with me to hug me. Right now I feel lonely for I do not know where the future is going.

To me I want a man willing to move heaven and earth to be with me. Well, at least make me feel that he would.

I just needed a place to vent. Please do not quote me. There is no reason to. To those that read thank you for any responses or word of wisdom you might share.


Peace,
Tulip

 

[Native Alien]

{{{{{Tulips}}}}

I think that we all feel that way at one time or another Tulip. It is a very difficult thing to come home and be thinking of all the things that we want to share with our special one, but to know that it will not happen for hours or maybe days.

We are all only human, and you do have a right to want to feel like a woman at times. There is a need in all relationships for some give and take and that is the one truth that is very needed and needs to be understood in LDRS.

If you feel that you aren't getting what you want out of the relationship, then I would suggest that it might be a good time to sit down and think it thru, then discuss it with your S/O. Not online but on the phone. So that you can hear the voice and the inflections contained therein.

That is just my 2 cents worth.

 

[swagman]

Tulip...if I may I will throw my 2 bobs worth in also

Long distance relationships are difficult
So are short distance ones, in fact relationships are difficult period.

If you analyse any relationship you will only ever get part of the answer because they are not things based on logic alone, they are by nature affairs of the heart, totally unpredictable, exciting and disappointing. What they bring is a new outlook on life, a new corner to turn without knowing what is around it.

My advice for what its worth, is to ignore what was yesterday, ignore what you may give up, but look to the future, what can you give, what can you gain.

and above all follow your heart and be strong


love
your friend michael x x x

 

[Native Alien]

Swagman has a point in that any relationship is difficult at best. Anytime that you put two people with different backgrounds together it is going to be difficult. His being calm, cool, and collected might only be his way of dealing with having to leave you. If you are having to fight with him to get him to see you then you really need to talk with him about that. However, if it is because of all the things that some countries make you go thru to get a visa for visitation then that is another thing all together.Plus I know that it is sometimes easier for Americans to go to other countries to visit.

It all boils down to what sacrifices are you both willing to make in order to have a life together? Who would it be easier on to travel? Who would have the lesser adjustments to make if the two of you should decide that you want to make this a lifelong situation with the two of you together?

I agree with whoever said that this can't be a decision made only by the heart, the mind has to be in on this one too.

 

[tulip2lipservice]

Thank you

Michael and many hugs! You always seem to know what to say. Thank you too Native Alien for your advice.

Basically I have been living in limbo for a year. Not knowing to move forward or to move elsewhere. The final decision was made by him the other day. He cannot get past my one indiscression and that is that. True it was a major one and all but that is all it was. If things were truly meant to be one mistake shouldn't ruin a life time of happiness. Again perhaps my major mistake was a test or self sabotage. It could of been a reason for one of us to use. Who knows but I do know I cannot change what I did.

In hindsight and still fresh with it all there have been signs on both parties of how far we would take it. Too many disappointments. Bottom line is I need and want somebody in my life that will be with me mind, body and spirit. I deserve that much in life and not somebody that has reasons as not to be here or me there.

The sad part is he is my best friend and I will miss him. It is easy for a person to to get accustom to talking to another everyday and today was difficult without that communication but it was my choice to do so. If I continue to talk to him I will feel as if I owe him something. That there is a possibility to get together? Some sort of hope? I cannot go through this limbo for another year of what can happen? How things will be like if we were together? Etc.

Those that know me say a prayer for me and my best friend that we can move on and let go. He deserves a wonderful lady in his life. I deserve a wonderful man. It is obvious but hurts that we cannot make it work. Cannot cross over the boundaries.

*jumping off my soap box and my dramatic moment. Thank you for reading and giving me a place to vent some of my feelings.

Peace,
Tulip

 

[tulip2lipservice]

Oops

double post. I hate that when that happens.

Peace,
Tulip

 

[Native Alien]

Tulips, you just get on your soapbox and have all the dramatic moments you wish, right here among friends. After all, isn't that what friends are for? To help us over the rough spots in life.

You could be more right than you know. Maybe it just wasn't meant to be. It is tough enough to maintain a relationship, but when one partner doesn't realize that the other is hurt and confused then it is impossible. That has nothing to do with the distance. When one partner doesn't realize the needs or wants of the other partner it just gets damn near impossible.

 

[tulip2lipservice]

Again thank you Native Alien

It is not easy not being able to speak to him but then again it is something I need to do. The lack of his chasing only validates that perhaps he was not the one. I do believe if you truly want something you will attempt to move heaven and earth. Looking about nope nothing has moved at this end.

Ok off soap box.

Peace,
Tulip

 

[Native Alien]

I know exactly what you mean Tulips. When the other party doesn't chase at all, it throws all the work of the relationship onto one person and that will never work ( at least in my opinion), in any relationship.

It is hard to let a relationship of anykind go. I tend to do the "old shoe" thing myself. Staying in a relationship that is not working simply because it is a known thing rather trying to start something new.

This whole long distance thing is very new to me and I find that it does require alot of work on both our parts. It also requires that we be more understanding of each other and that we definitely communicate. I think that if one party were not as committed as the other it simply wouldn't work at all.

 

[tulip2lipservice]

I know exactly what you mean Tulips. When the other party doesn't chase at all, it throws all the work of the relationship onto one person and that will never work ( at least in my opinion), in any relationship.

It is hard to let a relationship of anykind go. I tend to do the "old shoe" thing myself. Staying in a relationship that is not working simply because it is a known thing rather trying to start something new.

This whole long distance thing is very new to me and I find that it does require alot of work on both our parts. It also requires that we be more understanding of each other and that we definitely communicate. I think that if one party were not as committed as the other it simply wouldn't work at all.

Native Alien it is difficult and it is not for the desire of trying for over a year but again things come to a stand still. Aggrrr frustration.

Some advice with your Long Distance relationship.... meet him/her as soon as you can and spend time together in real life. That is usually when you will see if it can or cannot work. Good luck to you.

Peace,
Tulip

 

[JennyOmanHill]

From New York to Omaha

Good wishes to all who find themselves miles away from someone they love.

There are so many scenarios to long distance relationships. Mine started very innocently, and it's hard for me now to place myself fully back there in time when I was in NY communicating with Oman (who was in Missouri at that time).

Each of us needs to decide for ourselves where our heart is. I realized that I was not going to be able to continue loving Oman without being closer to him, and fortunately for me, Oman decided the same thing.

Once that decision was made, it was an equal (and HONEST) process of posting cities where we thought both of us would be able to "adjust" to.

Initially, I had hoped that Oman would want to settle in NYC (where I had lived my entire life, and where all my friends are). It might have been very different if either of us were committed to a good job at that time. Oman was willing to be with me no matter where I was, and that seemed to "clinch" my decision to make the BIG move.

So here I am in the midwest! I do miss my friends and NYC, but they are still around for me (and it's a LOT less stressful to be in an LDR situations with them than it would be to continue apart from Oman!).

Dealing with each other day-to-day, face-to-face, is certainly a lot different than words on a computer (and voices on the phone). Facing each day together, dealing with the trials and joys of everyday living, is quite a different challenge, but a rewarding one.

I do not feel shortchanged at all by "giving up" all the glitz and excitement of the Big Apple.

I made the move because I wanted to, and I am thankful each day that I did. The love of all my friends in NYC (who first thought I was crazy, then felt they couldn't "live" without me) allowed me to follow my heart. It's scary, but when your heart insists, there's no greater feeling in the world.

 

[Native Alien]

We are planning to do just that in about 24 days. I am hoping that he will be here about 2 weeks. He is wanting to move anyway from where he is so that is something that we will be discussing while he is here.