Litiquette3

[ChainedUp]

I posted in another thread (Who Intimidates You?) about want the book cover to be as intriguing as the contents. I want the whole package. Which then led me to start thinking about online , playing online, the evolution of that play and then a decision point. Things are progressing nicely. Fun and flirty at the beginning, hot & steamy as it moves along. Text turns into voice and the intensity increases. You then want to share, maybe it's your man or lady bits, or something else. But eventually you see your friend/lover/playmate. And unfortunately he/she is the exact opposite of what attracts you physically. Everything else is spot on. Many will say it wouldn't matter. Beauty and sexy are inside, in the brain. But for me, it's not that easy. I really do want the whole package. Looks are important. Maybe that makes me shallow.

But, in that case would you continue or would you start to drift apart because you can't unsee the seen?

 

[Endless_Night]

Interesting question, and one I’ll admit to wondering about. Real life, I definitely gravitate towards a certain physical type. Is the “type” enough to keep me at the table? Nope. Most definitely not. But it is often what gets me to the table in the first place. Have I dated those not true to type, certainly, but I can’t say physical appeal is negligible.

Online is different. My initial attraction to people is based on personality. Theoretically, that’s all that should really matter, and for the most part I’d say that’s true. Any play interest I have would be “kink” based, and I need a certain emotional intimacy to explore my needs. In that situation, looks and physical appeal rank low on the scale of importance.

So…I’m not really quite sure where I am on the question.

There are a lot of factors involved. But…real life vs online is different. If appearance were going to be a factor I think I’d be more likely to be put off in the early stages of attraction. Once I’d established a relationship dynamic, I think it would be less of an issue. Perhaps I might just not ask for pics, if I thought there might be a disconnect.

A word on pics. I have a thing about them. Privacy is the main motivator, but the idea of sexual pics floating about the interwebs, or saved to some random dude’s hard drive, creeps me out!

I’ve noticed that this doesn’t bother most people, so it may be that I’m a little phobic. I’m not really all that in to receiving them either…. Not that I never share. I have let loose of a couple. Fully dressed, with a partially covered face, so hardly revealing. And I, errr, recently posted a breast pic (in a bra!). Long story. Fortunately it was late at night and there were only a few people on the thread. There were, of course, no lurkers at the time.

 

[ChainedUp]

It's Monday that feels like a Sunday, my week is going to be all messed up now

Some times it's good to feel a little messed up. To get outside of your comfort zone. To push yourself or be pushed beyond where you safely go.

But do you do that? It's easy to say yes, but deep down are you allowing yourself to go farther, further than you are comfortable with? And if/when you do, how rewarding is the experience?

 

[ChainedUp]

Its so quiet around here. Almost eery. As such, how important is it for you to be liked. Many will say they don't if they are liked because........ But I disagree. We all have a fundamental need to be liked. I've changed. It used to be that I wanted to be well liked by everyone. Now, there are fewer and fewer that earn that respect from me. I don't want to be an ass mind you, but those whose friendship I desire and those i want to be liked by have gotten smaller. And I'm good with that. Are you?

 

[All_4_Love]

There has always been something about hearing someone say that they don't care what others think about them that has made me feel sad for that person. This is usually because it's coming from a place where there is not an abundance of love for the self but rather a lack thereof. Underneath that facade is a person who has emotional pain and this is usually a defense mechanism.

I am very sensitive to what others think of me, always have been, but I find that along with the process of loving and accepting who I am, I mean really fully embracing that person, that when someone doesn't like me, it's more of a disappointment type feeling and then I can move on. I am not crushed by it anymore because I have grown into the type of person that can say, it's okay if you don't like me; I like me. I have done the hard work. I've become a better person today than I was yesterday. I better like me!

That said, if it's someone whom I truly respect and admire (someone like my dad), someone that I see as superior to me (even though I know that's not normal), then it's a totally different story. That completely crushes me.

So, yes, the number has become much less for me, as well, and that's a wonderful feeling, but I'm still susceptible to being hurt when I'm not liked, and I'm learning to be okay with that. I'm not a saint and I don't like everyone I meet, so it's understandable when someone doesn't like me.

 

[Endless_Night]

I like to be liked, but….

It’s taken on a different meaning than it once had. Now I see it as coming with baggage. Odd, I know, but while I can go through highly social periods, I’m a person who requires a lot of down time. There have been instances where I’ve offended people, or hurt the feelings of those who’ve taken a liking to me. Not with intent, but through simply not being available. If there is a lot on my plate I may opt out of most extracurricular social interaction. Too often the “like” tag seems to come with the expectation of high energy exchange.

*shrug*

Yeah. I know; I’m weird. It’s an introvert thing.

So, while I like to be liked, a polite neutrality works just fine.

 

[All_4_Love]

Yeah. I know; I’m weird. It’s an introvert thing.

We are not weird just cause we are introverted. I mean, yeah, give me solitude or give me death...but still!

 

[Endless_Night]

We are not weird just cause we are introverted. I mean, yeah, give me solitude or give me death...but still!

Are you trying to say we're weird for other reasons?

 

[All_4_Love]

Are you trying to say we're weird for other reasons?

Haha! Now THAT is completely possible!

 

[ChainedUp]

I make snap decisions. I may read a profile and decide "you" are not of interest to me, I may see you post a pic of yourself and think "not for me", you maybe post on a thread and I'll just sigh sigh and move along. Am I missing some really great people by this, undoubtedly. But I'm willing to miss out on a few to avoid spending time with someone I just"know" I wouldn't care for.

I'm pretty sure I'm not alone on this...

 

[Paul_Chance]

I make snap decisions. I may read a profile and decide "you" are not of interest to me, I may see you post a pic of yourself and think "not for me", you maybe post on a thread and I'll just sigh sigh and move along. Am I missing some really great people by this, undoubtedly. But I'm willing to miss out on a few to avoid spending time with someone I just"know" I wouldn't care for.

I'm pretty sure I'm not alone on this...

Not alone there at all. I make similar snap decisions on things like - avatars, signature lines, attitude checks. I think that's part and parcel of the online experience. We're all disposable commodities. I'm sure I miss some wonderful human beings, but, frankly, I'm not willing to jump through hoops for people much anymore.

 

[may_I_please]

I make decisions on posts ...after a while the number of posts start to form an impression ..if there's no depth, humour or personality then what's the point?

Avs are an extension of posts. They give a visual reference point. I actually prefer not to put faces to people it removes the mystery, without face shots it's rather like a masked ball ...I like body shots though (and the other sort too)

I'm rambling, I expect to be completely snap decisioned for it ...fair enough

 

[Apisto42]

Many (if not all, though absolutes are always inherently risky assumptions) people make snap decisions on or about other people. We have to instinctively. Nothing wrong with it. Future experiences can always be a reason to evaluate that person again though.

 

[Paul_Chance]

I like the idea of Lit as a masked ball.

If you are a person who makes snap decisions (like me), I think there is some redemption in always being willing to revisit those decisions when circumstances change.

 

[Endless_Night]

A masked ball? Sexy. I like.

I also make decisions based on posts. Rarely do I trade PMs with someone I haven't interacted with on the board. If it does occur, it's because I've seen enough of their posts to have formed an opinion.

AVs too. Not a fan of genitals in the AV. Not a fan. Not.

Snap judgements? Not so much, but I like the concept of revising first impressions. Nice.

 

[JennyNo1]

A masked ball? Sexy. I like.

I also make decisions based on posts. Rarely do I trade PMs with someone I haven't interacted with on the board. If it does occur, it's because I've seen enough of their posts to have formed an opinion.

AVs too. Not a fan of genitals in the AV. Not a fan. Not.

Snap judgements? Not so much, but I like the concept of revising first impressions. Nice.

This for me too. Including revising first impressions. I made a judgment about someone based on her avs and then later realized what a great person she was. You have to be flexible.

 

[SMNaughtywife]

I posted in another thread (Who Intimidates You?) about want the book cover to be as intriguing as the contents. I want the whole package. Which then led me to start thinking about online , playing online, the evolution of that play and then a decision point. Things are progressing nicely. Fun and flirty at the beginning, hot & steamy as it moves along. Text turns into voice and the intensity increases. You then want to share, maybe it's your man or lady bits, or something else. But eventually you see your friend/lover/playmate. And unfortunately he/she is the exact opposite of what attracts you physically. Everything else is spot on. Many will say it wouldn't matter. Beauty and sexy are inside, in the brain. But for me, it's not that easy. I really do want the whole package. Looks are important. Maybe that makes me shallow.

But, in that case would you continue or would you start to drift apart because you can't unsee the seen?

This is a tricky and possibly there is no right or wrong answer. Play here on Lit is lust filled, hot and heavy all the way. And if you Skype with your playmate, that’s all one can go by are their looks. Men are visual creatures, pure and simple. But what is sometimes forgotten is what ‘real’ really looks like. If you look at all the pics in the threads, all the models are beautiful, flawless women. (A large portion of them.) A crew of professionals have done an exceptional job making these women look like delectable goddesses. This is a far cry to what the average women looks like on cam. It could be a let down perhaps when you see your playmate and compare it to what you have pictured in your head then mixed to what is seen in the threads.

Are you shallow for wanting the whole package, of course not. Is it realistic to find the whole package, in my opinion, I’d say no. You may be lucky though. But with all this said, this is your erotic fantasy world, so you are entitled to be selfish, shallow and find exactly what you have in mind. And if that means drifting apart because you’re not attracted, that is certainly understandable.

It's Monday that feels like a Sunday, my week is going to be all messed up now

Some times it's good to feel a little messed up. To get outside of your comfort zone. To push yourself or be pushed beyond where you safely go.

But do you do that? It's easy to say yes, but deep down are you allowing yourself to go farther, further than you are comfortable with? And if/when you do, how rewarding is the experience?

I'm always expanding my comfort zone, pushing past barriers and insecurities. It's a slow and well thought out process, overthinking at times, but rarely regretting my decision. Oddly vulnerability is something I crave, never pretending fear and anxiety don't exist, but figuring out how to comfortably walk in sync with the emotion. I have this whack idea that if I'm not constantly nudging that safe line, I'll loose the drive, the ambition to want more, do more or to be more.
Most times my experiences have been rewarding. I've been burned and cowered away a few times, only to pick back up and try a new approach.

 

[ChainedUp]

Oh shit, no new question or thought today. I'm negligent. Does that make it less of an offense? I mean it's not like I meant to not post. Is it the offense or the intent that bothers us most?

 

[Endless_Night]

Oh shit, no new question or thought today. I'm negligent. Does that make it less of an offense? I mean it's not like I meant to not post. Is it the offense or the intent that bothers us most?

"If we do not penalize accidental negligence, we open up the way for intentional negligence."

Dorothy Sayers, paraphrased.

Sort of.

Hmmm. Offense or intent? With a few exceptions, I’d say the intent behind an action (presumably negative?) is what's likely to bother me the most. Passive aggressive behavior is just annoying.

On a separate note, how is that I’m the only one to answer today's question?!?

 

[jaF0]

"Litiquette3"

I thought that said 'Lickinit'

I like the idea of Lit as a masked ball.

A masked ball? Sexy. I like.

Not into balls. All hairy and lumpy, just hangin' there.

 

[jameslewis]

This is a tricky and possibly there is no right or wrong answer. Play here on Lit is lust filled, hot and heavy all the way. And if you Skype with your playmate, that’s all one can go by are their looks. Men are visual creatures, pure and simple. But what is sometimes forgotten is what ‘real’ really looks like. If you look at all the pics in the threads, all the models are beautiful, flawless women. (A large portion of them.) A crew of professionals have done an exceptional job making these women look like delectable goddesses. This is a far cry to what the average women looks like on cam. It could be a let down perhaps when you see your playmate and compare it to what you have pictured in your head then mixed to what is seen in the threads.

I think this ignores or overlooks the men that do know what real women look like, and appreciate them. I've been around the block enough to know the difference between the models and natural beauty, and I know what to expect. Seeing someone allows you to see all their beauty - their smile, their laughter, their eyes. You can see feeling, and real passion. You can see when the time calls for support or caring more than play; when you can see something is hurting them.
Men are visual, I agree 100% - but I don't think that what we're all looking for is as shallow as your post suggested. We do want visual, but we want real too.

 

[Endless_Night]

I think this ignores or overlooks the men that do know what real women look like, and appreciate them. I've been around the block enough to know the difference between the models and natural beauty, and I know what to expect. Seeing someone allows you to see all their beauty - their smile, their laughter, their eyes. You can see feeling, and real passion. You can see when the time calls for support or caring more than play; when you can see something is hurting them.
Men are visual, I agree 100% - but I don't think that what we're all looking for is as shallow as your post suggested. We do want visual, but we want real too.

What a sweet post, James.

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

I think this ignores or overlooks the men that do know what real women look like, and appreciate them. I've been around the block enough to know the difference between the models and natural beauty, and I know what to expect. Seeing someone allows you to see all their beauty - their smile, their laughter, their eyes. You can see feeling, and real passion. You can see when the time calls for support or caring more than play; when you can see something is hurting them.
Men are visual, I agree 100% - but I don't think that what we're all looking for is as shallow as your post suggested. We do want visual, but we want real too.

It has been my close men friends at Lit who have taught me to accept, value and enjoy my curvy, squishy, jiggly, eight-baby body.

 

[jaF0]

Odd bit is that the models don't even look like their pictures in real life.

That, I know to be absolute fact from experience.

 

[Jamicurechickie]

There has always been something about hearing someone say that they don't care what others think about them that has made me feel sad for that person. This is usually because it's coming from a place where there is not an abundance of love for the self but rather a lack thereof. Underneath that facade is a person who has emotional pain and this is usually a defense mechanism.

I am very sensitive to what others think of me, always have been, but I find that along with the process of loving and accepting who I am, I mean really fully embracing that person, that when someone doesn't like me, it's more of a disappointment type feeling and then I can move on. I am not crushed by it anymore because I have grown into the type of person that can say, it's okay if you don't like me; I like me. I have done the hard work. I've become a better person today than I was yesterday. I better like me!

That said, if it's someone whom I truly respect and admire (someone like my dad), someone that I see as superior to me (even though I know that's not normal), then it's a totally different story. That completely crushes me.

So, yes, the number has become much less for me, as well, and that's a wonderful feeling, but I'm still susceptible to being hurt when I'm not liked, and I'm learning to be okay with that. I'm not a saint and I don't like everyone I meet, so it's understandable when someone doesn't like me.

Exactly.

I have learned, that I don't need to constantly ask myself why.....or what I can do to, or change about myself to make that person like me. Too many times in the past, a friendship sparked and then died because deep down inside, what I changed to for them wasn't me....what makes me that special person.
Yes.... I sometimes do catch myself heading down that road, after all, old habits are hard to break.
But I find now I can deal with it much better, and like you, be disappointed with them only for truly missing out on the wonderful person that I am.