Litiquette2

[All_4_Love]

Good morning all. Weekenders have gone back to the weekday routines, weekdayers are just waking up and looking forward to see what they missed over the weekend. I'll start the week with this:

When you've met someone here and feel that special chemistry, it's natural for the desire to blossom, and often times you find yourself wanting to be with that person to experience in RL what you feel online. My question is this, does the feeling of want/need/desire of online surpass that same feeling in RL. In RL the sexual matching that happens online doesn't always exist, early on. After having been with someone in RL, that need to be with them again is stronger but can someone definitely a greater sense of want, at least initially via online?

If I understand your question, is there a greater sense of want via online? Probably so, initially. It is human nature to desire something so strongly that we know we can't have or that appears to be unattainable.

The true magic is to find that chemistry both online and in RL. In other words, when the real-life meeting happens, and the chemistry is there, then I can't imagine any greater sense of want/desire because the mental connection was there. It was strong enough to lead to a physical connection, which was also there. If I were going to develop a relationship, I would favor a mental connection first over a physical connection. I think that is where lasting, loving relationships are formed. It has to be there...all of it...mind, heart, body, and soul.

ETA: Speaking of being a romantic, I just realized that the question was about sexual chemistry, and here I go talking about love and lasting relationships. Sorry, my bad.

 

[Aquagal]

Good morning all. Weekenders have gone back to the weekday routines, weekdayers are just waking up and looking forward to see what they missed over the weekend. I'll start the week with this:

When you've met someone here and feel that special chemistry, it's natural for the desire to blossom, and often times you find yourself wanting to be with that person to experience in RL what you feel online. My question is this, does the feeling of want/need/desire of online surpass that same feeling in RL. In RL the sexual matching that happens online doesn't always exist, early on. After having been with someone in RL, that need to be with them again is stronger but can someone definitely a greater sense of want, at least initially via online?

 

[GiggLeGasm]

if I have to quote someone.. you know..
(good morning, waterbaby)

I don't think that desire/need/want thing is any stronger one place or the other. I've noticed that people don't maintain the same boundaries online that they probably do in real life.. but I'm not sure that I, personally, equate that "can't have it" lust with true desire. If I over-analyze it, my desire tends to grow with little things.. touches, comments, the way I catch a man looking at me while I brush my hair.. those are the things that fuel my desire.

 

[BrokenRomantic]

When you've met someone here and feel that special chemistry, it's natural for the desire to blossom, and often times you find yourself wanting to be with that person to experience in RL what you feel online. My question is this, does the feeling of want/need/desire of online surpass that same feeling in RL. In RL the sexual matching that happens online doesn't always exist, early on. After having been with someone in RL, that need to be with them again is stronger but can someone definitely a greater sense of want, at least initially via online?

This is a difficult question for me to answer. I don't really meet people, so to speak. Rather I should say anymore. I've shared some posts and comments back and forth, but that's really it. I don't PM anyone and rarely get any so the opportunity just isn't there for any real interaction.

That being said, I'm going to provide a little bit of overshare here. Some years ago, I met someone in RL that I initially met on LIT. The emotional connection was there after some online interaction. The physical and sexual connections were there after a little more. One day, we decided to meet. I wanted to. She wanted to. When we finally met, it was.. yeah. Take what we had online and multiply that times 1000. Even with the good that came with this, I very much doubt this is going to be something I'll do again.

Back to the question. The feelings I had from online interaction did not surpass real life at all. Not by a long shot. Were they stronger in real life because of the initial online meeting and getting to know each other? Maybe. Probably. I doubt they'd be as strong as quickly as they were in real life if it weren't for us already having that connection.

Now take a relationship that hasn't started online, which would be all the other ones I've had. I don't think think the feelings from the beginning of those relationships were weaker by any means. They just came about in a different manner and developed differently. It's not how something starts. What matters is the journey from the beginning. Real life has this remarkable way of providing real things... like real touching, real affection, and real emotion. I feel the need and want for those are stronger than any online interaction because of what they are. Words on a screen just don't compare to someone's hand on your heart.

 

[All_4_Love]

Now take a relationship that hasn't started online, which would be all the other ones I've had. I don't think think the feelings from the beginning of those relationships were weaker by any means. They just came about in a different manner and developed differently. It's not how something starts. What matters is the journey from the beginning. Real life has this remarkable way of providing real things... like real touching, real affection, and real emotion. I feel the need and want for those are stronger than any online interaction because of what they are. Words on a screen just don't compare to someone's hand on your heart.

That's it! I'm done! I officially have a LIT crush.

Thanks, Mr. BrokenRomantic... like I really needed another one of those.

All kidding aside, I really do sincerely appreciate your outlook on things. It's different than most.

 

[BrokenRomantic]

That's it! I'm done! I officially have a LIT crush.

Thanks, Mr. BrokenRomantic... like I really needed another one of those.

All kidding aside, I really do sincerely appreciate your outlook on things. It's different than most.

Your reply made me smile, and I'm so very glad that you enjoy the things I have to say. Thank you for that.

 

[Endless_Night]

Interesting question.

They start so differently, it’s hard to quantify. In real life my attention is usually caught by a physical attraction. Online, it’s mental, though I suppose it could be physical if one's crush had a pics threads.

As far as a greater sense of want? I just don’t know. A strong physical attraction can be pretty darn compelling…. And my online attractions have been few, so I don’t have a large pool of information to draw from.

Hmmm. For me, I think my level of want boils down to whether it’s just a spark of interest or an actual full blown attraction. If it’s a spark, my interest wanes pretty quickly. Minutes, on occasion. If interest flares into need/want/desire I can be pretty steadfast. I suspect that would apply online as well as real life.

That said, I’m not sure my opinions are all that applicable on the question. While I like being attracted, I dislike feeling attached, or having any strong sense of need. So If those feelings come I do my best to talk myself out of them, meaning my perception is probably skewed on the topic.

What can I say. I’m weird.

As far as lasting power I couldn’t say, though it seems logical to assume a mental connection would fare better than a physical. I do know that any lasting attraction I’ve had has combined both to some degree.

Did I answer the question? I’m never quite sure by the time I get done rambling.

I think for many couples it's like masturbation. Each knows the other does it, they just don't want to hear about it.

Why would this bother anyone?

 

[All_4_Love]

Your reply made me smile, and I'm so very glad that you enjoy the things I have to say. Thank you for that.

Made you smile? Well, now I'm smiling! It's a good day at LIT.

Why would this bother anyone?

Maybe a couple of reasons. It may fall under something quite similar to when one partner discovers the other watching porn, perhaps it conjures up feelings of inadequacy? Or, perhaps, a bit of prudishness in a sense that it's a private thing and not to be shared?

 

[RubenesqueAphrodite]

RA, what happened to your AV and all your sexy pics?

Beauty is but skin deep...ugly goes to the bone.


I'm just trying to keep my "ugly" in check at the moment.

Than you for being concerned.


As for the question, I can't add anything more than what was already said by Broken Romantic. I don't think the attractions are different, they simply develop differently.
Online, your sexual match might reveal itself earlier on, but if there aren't other factors to keep you together, those relationships will ultimately fizzle, just like a RL.

So, while chemistry develops online, I don't think it's more intense than RL .. Just different.

 

[SweetSam42]

Why would this bother anyone?

Maybe a couple of reasons. It may fall under something quite similar to when one partner discovers the other watching porn, perhaps it conjures up feelings of inadequacy? Or, perhaps, a bit of prudishness in a sense that it's a private thing and not to be shared?

Agree with All 4 Love. I'm not bothered by it so much as I just don't need to know when he does it. Maybe because it's a part of his sexuality that doesn't include me. I just don't need to hear all about it.

 

[Aquagal]

if I have to quote someone.. you know..
(good morning, waterbaby)

I don't think that desire/need/want thing is any stronger one place or the other. I've noticed that people don't maintain the same boundaries online that they probably do in real life.. but I'm not sure that I, personally, equate that "can't have it" lust with true desire. If I over-analyze it, my desire tends to grow with little things.. touches, comments, the way I catch a man looking at me while I brush my hair.. those are the things that fuel my desire.

Good Afternoon, Lovely.

I read everyone's answer, but after a few it was like Charlie Brown's teacher because I couldn't figure out what the question was.

 

[makinmepurr]

My feeling, already voiced by others, is that online connections can be as strong as those in real life. Chemistry happens, in person or otherwise. But, when rl is prefaced by online familiarity, well, fireworks can ensue, or so I hear. I for one have enjoyed and been blown away by connections made here, and have been very tempted to cross that line into rl with someone. If distance and my marital status at the time weren't an issue, I may well have. The longing for connection remains....

 

[TheSilverLining]

It's a little too early for me still, so (forgive me) I'm condensing the question to this :

My question is this, does the feeling of want/need/desire of online surpass that same feeling in RL.

Anyone who knows me will know that I'm fond of stating that "online isn't real".

However, I met a man online about 5 years or so ago (before I came to Lit, before the rumour-mill gets their teeth into this one), who affected me greater than any other man ever has.
I've not met anyone IRL that's come close since.

Clearly, I don't get out enough.

 

[ChainedUp]

So apparently yesterday's question wasn't easily discerned amongst all the rambling. I'll seek clarity today. How do you handle when "going to the next level" doesn't really work for you? Maybe it's from text to voice and the voice is like fingernails on a blackboard to you. Or voice to cam and you see something in the other person that you can never "unsee". Do you tell them straight up, look for another reason that it's not going to work, or just let things fade off into the sunset.

 

[Pervy_Sage]

So apparently yesterday's question wasn't easily discerned amongst all the rambling. I'll seek clarity today. How do you handle when "going to the next level" doesn't really work for you? Maybe it's from text to voice and the voice is like fingernails on a blackboard to you. Or voice to cam and you see something in the other person that you can never "unsee". Do you tell them straight up, look for another reason that it's not going to work, or just let things fade off into the sunset.

In the past I've done all three, and had all three done to me. I find that it's just easier to be straight up, regardless of any hurt feelings. It saves feelings and time in the end. I work the same way in real life. Unfortunately, many times online it is easier to just act like the person doesn't exist anymore and ignore private messages and the like. It gets awkward, though, when you just so happen to post on the same thread as the one you are supposedly ignoring. Lol. Anyway, just be straight up.

 

[dutchrain]

So apparently yesterday's question wasn't easily discerned amongst all the rambling. I'll seek clarity today. How do you handle when "going to the next level" doesn't really work for you? Maybe it's from text to voice and the voice is like fingernails on a blackboard to you. Or voice to cam and you see something in the other person that you can never "unsee". Do you tell them straight up, look for another reason that it's not going to work, or just let things fade off into the sunset.

The very few times I moved from text to voice it stopped because of the great differences in timezones. It is just too difficult to find a time both are online and able "to voice" then. It just faded after a few "Are you on tomorrow, or later this night?" "No, I can't. But day after tomorrow I have an hour of me-time around 10AM my time?" "No, that is not possible for me, lets try again next week?" "Okay, but next week I'll be quite busy, better make it the week after next?"

But a very high-pitched voice in a man would turn me off I am afraid. I would constantly be wondering if he was a she ...

The same (timezones) applies to camming, which is much less interesting to me anyway. I did try it a few times (no, I don't do it anymore, no need to PM me about it) but found it shallow, not much rewarding and awfully nuisancy. Which I told my partners.

Cyber-chatting with someone in a complete different timezone (their night being my early morning or vice versa ) is easier if both are okay with the fact the other might suddenly stop responding because of nodding off because off drowsiness after satisfaction.

 

[Endless_Night]

So apparently yesterday's question wasn't easily discerned amongst all the rambling. I'll seek clarity today. How do you handle when "going to the next level" doesn't really work for you? Maybe it's from text to voice and the voice is like fingernails on a blackboard to you. Or voice to cam and you see something in the other person that you can never "unsee". Do you tell them straight up, look for another reason that it's not going to work, or just let things fade off into the sunset.

I prefer things tidied up neatly. So awkward as it might be, straight up all the way.

 

[rubydlite]

So apparently yesterday's question wasn't easily discerned amongst all the rambling. I'll seek clarity today. How do you handle when "going to the next level" doesn't really work for you? Maybe it's from text to voice and the voice is like fingernails on a blackboard to you. Or voice to cam and you see something in the other person that you can never "unsee". Do you tell them straight up, look for another reason that it's not going to work, or just let things fade off into the sunset.

It usually doesn't work for me.....*ima chicken*...
..voice is fine.....I've not been disappointed in my lit encounters.
I have listened to some lit audios before and though hmmm....there goes that fantasy.Not in a bad (that person is terrible) way but you (or atleast i) tend to create a whole person in my head and when something is drastically different it alters the fantasy.
now camera is another thing...it takes forever for me to work up to it because it's completely out of my control. I think it's why I take pics...i can control the visual outcome. And after all this time I still don't really have the confidence that the live me and the pic me are similar. (Hmmm that just burst forth )
When i get to know someone really well I always like to see.them....it gives me some assurance that they're who they say they are. Only once...pre lit....did I ever feel like I couldn't unsee something . I had been chatting with someone for almost a year and when I finally saw them.*shallow as it was*...the feeling fizzled. But....to clarify.....this person hugely misrepresented themselves and that was 99% of the turnoff.
I'd like to say I'm direct....but I'm the let it fizzle kind of girl. If asked directly I wouldn't lie. And I wouldn't continue false declarations either....they'd just feel the immediate 'fizzle off' ....

 

[ViciousTease]

So apparently yesterday's question wasn't easily discerned amongst all the rambling. I'll seek clarity today. How do you handle when "going to the next level" doesn't really work for you? Maybe it's from text to voice and the voice is like fingernails on a blackboard to you. Or voice to cam and you see something in the other person that you can never "unsee". Do you tell them straight up, look for another reason that it's not going to work, or just let things fade off into the sunset.

My only experience that progressed to voice was incredible, no complaints. I haven't really been through a "progression gone bad" scenario. I guess I can't really speak to that issue.

Clearly, I need to be more progressive.

 

[All_4_Love]

So apparently yesterday's question wasn't easily discerned amongst all the rambling. I'll seek clarity today. How do you handle when "going to the next level" doesn't really work for you? Maybe it's from text to voice and the voice is like fingernails on a blackboard to you. Or voice to cam and you see something in the other person that you can never "unsee". Do you tell them straight up, look for another reason that it's not going to work, or just let things fade off into the sunset.

For me, it would depend on the situation and the extent/nature of the relationship.

I can’t see myself ever changing my mind about a relationship with someone based on their voice or something that I couldn’t unsee, but if it really came down to something like that, then other things were definitely missing from the relationship anyhow. In that case, I would find another reason and be as honest as I could be without being hurtful. I could never be straight up over something like that.

If it were something less superficial, then I would be straight up and honest, again with the hope of not being hurtful, because everyone deserves that. Everyone deserves an explanation as to why the person’s interest has wavered, even more so when the other person's interest has not. A person will always want to know why they are being rejected. To just let things fade off may be difficult for me because I feel too much a sense of duty where others are concerned.

On the flip side of that, if I ever felt that I was the one being rejected, then yes, I would definitely saddle up and ride, not fade, off into the sunset, with my dignity intact.

Heh…right? Of course, I would. With AC/DC “Ride On” playing in the background.

 

[ChainedUp]

You know the nearer your destination the more you're slip slidin away

 

[makinmepurr]

You know the nearer your destination the more you're slip slidin away

I must be almost there then.

 

[jameslewis]

So apparently yesterday's question wasn't easily discerned amongst all the rambling. I'll seek clarity today. How do you handle when "going to the next level" doesn't really work for you? Maybe it's from text to voice and the voice is like fingernails on a blackboard to you. Or voice to cam and you see something in the other person that you can never "unsee". Do you tell them straight up, look for another reason that it's not going to work, or just let things fade off into the sunset.

I can't speak for anyone I've communicated with, but I've yet to be disappointed. First, cam isn't just for "playing" and I've enjoyed being able to see and hear Lit friends just as a way to connect better, more completely. There is something about hearing a laugh and seeing a smile. If this meeting works, then the movement to actually play seems easy and natural - but then the best play always happens after you've taken the time to make real connections. The caring and trust have already been built, and if you've been honest there shouldn't be any surprises to make you want to ride off or fade off. So far, it hasn't failed to work for me; just don't rush it would be my advice. And be honest.

 

[pfflyerhot]

... Were they stronger in real life because of the initial online meeting and getting to know each other? Maybe. Probably. I doubt they'd be as strong as quickly as they were in real life if it weren't for us already having that connection.

I've not met in person someone I've known on Lit, but my inclination is to agree with Broken's ideas, here.

Now take a relationship that hasn't started online, which would be all the other ones I've had. I don't think think the feelings from the beginning of those relationships were weaker by any means. They just came about in a different manner and developed differently. It's not how something starts. What matters is the journey from the beginning. Real life has this remarkable way of providing real things... like real touching, real affection, and real emotion. I feel the need and want for those are stronger than any online interaction because of what they are. Words on a screen just don't compare to someone's hand on your heart.

Again... this makes a ton of sense, but I've found that words on a screen CAN compare to real life interactions (sad commentary on my RL )... but, it's (the words, the voices and/or the pixels) are just not enough for me.
Which always leads me back to the question. "wtf am I doing here? Am I even cut out for this kind of shit?" https://s.yimg.com/lq/i/mesg/emoticons7/7.gif

 

[ChainedUp]

Good morning everyone. When you awoke this morning did you consciously make a decision regarding Lit? Did you tell yourself that you need to cut back? Do you have plans to meet someone. Is it a slow day, and you're just going to surf the boards? Do you know you're going to have a busy day and that only quick peeks at best?

How well do you control your online life?