Litiquette2

[RubenesqueAphrodite]

I think exclusivity is rare. Too many variety of sweeties around for most people.
I think if you find someone who is like minded and wants to only be with one person...
Then you have found something very special that most people on Lit won't have, whether that is through choice or through compromise or being naive.

But you knew that anyway

Oops I forgot to answer Chains question

I think if people care for eachother and want to spend time together,
then they will make time for each other regardless of the time zone.
Simples

 

[Bitesback]

Oops I forgot to answer Chains question

I think if people care for eachother and want to spend time together,
then they will make time for each other regardless of the time zone.
Simples

In essence, FS, you are correct, but where significant timezone differences are a factor, it is rarely simple to make time for each other. The logistics are compounded for those here without the knowledge of SOs. For two people in time zones many hours apart, trying to find time time between work, domestic and family responsibilities, other real life commitments and the need to sleep is difficult enough without having the issue of privacy with which to contend.

That being said, for someone with whom I knew I could have truly amazing exchanges, where you both know the chemistry just works, where there is an understanding of these challenges and a respect for the efforts each partner makes to set aside that time to be together and foster the relationship, I'd find a way, even if it had to be in less than ideal circumstances, and not as frequent as either party would like, to get some time.

Heck, I might one day consider driving my car to a secluded location or set my alarm for 2am one night to fit into his busy day...but I live in Australia, and most people with whom I have ever chatted from Lit are 9-14 hours behind my time.
It is what it is, but it's rarely simple.

 

[Aquagal]

I enjoy my mornings.

 

[LusterMunky]

I enjoy my mornings.

Well geez, you have an AV again.

 

[SweetSam42]

Like a lot of the folks who have already responded, I have found myself chatting with people from all over the world in my year on Lit, which has been really fun. I'm West Coast US, and find very few people in my time zone are around, oddly enough. (We in California like to think we're the center of the known universe. )

As for schedules, I've only talked regularly with a few folks. At one point, I talked to a man 8 hours ahead near daily - often multiple times a day. I'd catch him on his morning commute, when it was late night for me, and he'd be up at all hours of the night for various reasons, and would catch me during my evenings usually. I have had chat partners lose sleep to talk to me, which I'll admit is kind of a turn on.

But, on the whole, time zones haven't been too much of an issue for me - most have been only a few hours' difference. And yes, I might be deterred from being involved with anyone on a regular basis who was so far from me that it would be challenging to talk - he'd have to be REALLY worth it.

This brings up an interesting point. Why do people feel the need to conceal the broader info of their relationships or friendships? ...

I guess I'm just curious what leads people to the varying levels of discretion they may/may not apply to having their friendships in the public domain here at Lit?

I'm very private these days about any relationships I have with anyone from Lit. Yes, I did just reveal the time diff between a man I used to talk to here, but I don't talk to him much anymore, and he was never really visible on the boards anyway. No one would have any idea who I was talking about.

I did have one relatively public Lit-ship, and looking back, it disgusts me now that I was so open about it. Absolutely nothing against anyone else who is open about things - it's just not my thing, and he had issues with making sure people knew I was "spoken for," which turned me off to the whole thing.

 

[SmileyGirl]

Logistically it can be challenging, I agree. However I think what Fakie was saying is that even though logistics can be difficult it is simple in that if you want to make the time for someone you will. If you don't. You won't.

Thank you Rainy
That is exactly what I was trying to say.
If you care for someone then you will make the time.
Even if those moments are short and stolen.
It's about making the effort even against the odds.
If you want to you will.

 

[DeeJay2609]

It is not the quantity it is the quality of the people you chat too.

Mind you our timezone makes it difficult to chat with a lot of Litsters because they are all asleep.

But as FaS says if you take the time you reap the benefits

 

[Bitesback]

......It's about making the effort even against the odds.
If you want to you will.

.....if you take the time you reap the benefits

Very well put.
Good luck to you both.

 

[Arianthe]

I giggle a bit on the inside when a new friend in an area that I am already familiar with tells me what time of day it is there and I think to myself, "yeah, I know."

Hahaha... THIS!!! All the time!

I sometimes get a bit sniffy with guys who message me with some inane comment which reveals they haven't glanced at my location (It's right there, dude! ) and automatically calculated what time of day I am likely to be at.

Fucking timezones are the bane of my life. I'd throw a tantrum, but it is what it is. I can reasonably accommodate up to 3 hours in front through to about 13 hours behind. There is always a point where morning and evening align and I can fit a regular daily chat into my day. The timezones that I struggle most with are New Zealand (+5hrs) and the West coast of US and Canada (-15hrs). A guy would need to be pretty damn special for me to rearrange my life to that extent.

 

[geronimo_appleby]

Hahaha... THIS!!! All the time!

I sometimes get a bit sniffy with guys who message me with some inane comment which reveals they haven't glanced at my location (It's right there, dude! ) and automatically calculated what time of day I am likely to be at.

Fucking timezones are the bane of my life. I'd throw a tantrum, but it is what it is. I can reasonably accommodate up to 3 hours in front through to about 13 hours behind. There is always a point where morning and evening align and I can fit a regular daily chat into my day. The timezones that I struggle most with are New Zealand (+5hrs) and the West coast of US and Canada (-15hrs). A guy would need to be pretty damn special for me to rearrange my life to that extent.

3 in front and 13 behind, eh?

there's stuff like that on xhamster.

 

[Arianthe]

3 in front and 13 behind, eh?

there's stuff like that on xhamster.

Ha! I can always count on you, GA!

 

[geronimo_appleby]

Ha! I can always count on you, GA!

number 1 in front, please.

 

[ChainedUp]

There's been a bit of a discussion throughout the time zone topic about public/not public Lit-ships(thanks for the term SweetSam). From a rhetorical perspective I can see both sides of the discussion. Maybe it's because some want to be promiscuous, for others maybe they want to maintain a sweet, innocent persona, or maybe some just don't like being open. Then again, why not run to the roof top and profess your unending love?

Personally, I'm not open about about any online relationship. I'm just more private that way and don't want everyone to know my business. And I'm not a fan of public displays of affection. But that's just me, what about you.

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

I am open about my friendships....to an extent.

I'll refer to my friendship with pmann, because it's the one that I have that I'm getting the feeling is well outside of the norm or what's considered cool here.

Why am I open about my affection for him? Simply put, because I am proud to be in his orbit and have him in mine. There has been a lot of talk that it's somehow less cool, exclusionary, even disgusting to be open about your affection for another human being. I come from the complete other school of thought that tells me if you love someone you should tell them so and be unashamed in that. For me, part of loving my friends and the people in my life is being proud of them, having a transparent relationship with them and acknowledging that they count. You'll see me telling a few people on here how I feel for them, at any given point in time and all of those people are in my life beyond Lit.

When you sign on with me that's^ what you get. *shrug* If I can't have you in my real life, as you are in my Lit life, then I'm not interested. I am just not cut out for drawing those lines.

I understand that's not for everyone, and that's cool, but it is as it is for me.

Perhaps I am misunderstanding what you are saying here, but I don't see how being more private interferes with these things....?

 

[wrant]

Honey, your box is full. Just thought you should know. lol

 

[ydahecnot]

how can you not know how many hours it is???

I count the hours to see what time it is where he is several times a day....

It was a short, nonserious thing, so I never did the math.

As to the latest question, I'm not a big BDA fan. To me, junior highish. Doesn't mean I am right, just my view

 

[Ellafun]

There's been a bit of a discussion throughout the time zone topic about public/not public Lit-ships(thanks for the term SweetSam). From a rhetorical perspective I can see both sides of the discussion. Maybe it's because some want to be promiscuous, for others maybe they want to maintain a sweet, innocent persona, or maybe some just don't like being open. Then again, why not run to the roof top and profess your unending love?

Personally, I'm not open about about any online relationship. I'm just more private that way and don't want everyone to know my business. And I'm not a fan of public displays of affection. But that's just me, what about you.

I have always kept my closest on-line "relationships" off the boards. I have a lot of wonderful friends here, and I honestly have never wanted to share my "off" board activities publicly. I guess I fall into the same category as you, Chained.

In my time here I have seen some of those more public situations go up in flames. I don't ever want to have to choose sides.

 

[Ellafun]

What do you mean by have to choose sides, Ella?

When the relationship ends; if I happen to be friends with both parties, it's difficult to talk to either one after. Just like r/l.

 

[Mr_Jon_Thon]

I’ve been open, I’ve been private, and I’ve been a spectator over the years. Around here, some of the most entertaining dramas have a secret relationship as one of the main causes for the opening credits.

I noticed in the relationship I admitted to, there was a gradual cooling of some friendships. Whether it was just the normal decay of online friendships or due to me being attached, I never bothered to ask. I also noticed I received a few attempts to be lured away.

These days I keep my relationships in real life. I’m not ashamed to admit it’s for the cooking.

 

[BradBigBrain]

I guess I've been here too long. I honestly don't notice who's in a relationship or not. And as far as PDA goes I'm like John Legend...we just don't care.

 

[Lord Pmann]

Interesting question...

I'll let you guys in on a little secret- Rainshine and I are sort of paired off. I know, shocking right? Who knew?!?!

I have no problem being open about the fact that I do adore and cherish her. She's a wonderful person and she is very important to me. It's possible that it may get on people's nerves that I would say that on the forum. But I'd also say it's possible that I don't care. Highly possible.

But for me, I don't know why someone would want to keep a friendship like that private. I mean, I understand keeping the details of it private, for certain. But as far as keeping that person private, I just don't get that. Perhaps I am an insecure person, but if Rainshine said that she wanted to keep my identity secret, I would feel like the ugly girl that the football player fucks on the weekend but won't acknowledge at school on Monday.

And if that's what is agreed upon by both parties, then by all means. I just don't operate that way.

I have noticed a very unique standard that interests me. It seems that there is an openness about people talking dirty and seeing one another naked and all that. There are threads for them. Those are perfectly acceptable. However, the other side of that, would be people openly pairing off or something of that nature. That seemed to be frowned upon much more than the other. That's so odd to me. Perhaps it's because you are all a bunch of godless heathens!!! (I keed)

I do quite feel like I'm probably in the minority here. I'm not saying that like "woe is me". I am just surprised. It seems people are much more cavalier here than what I thought. Not saying that is good or bad, just that this thread has made my perception change quite a bit. I think my views are a bit different, considering my relationship here. Granny goat porn may have brought Rainshine and me together, but much more has kept us going.

The main thing that would bother me is if I was in what I consider an intimate friendship/relationship with someone and they were against letting others know, I would be hurt. Maybe I'm a baby. I think I'm delightful though. Don't you agree?!?! *crickets*

 

[GiggLeGasm]

I'm not understanding why there is a "right" answer and a "wrong" answer. When I go to work, I don't necessarily discuss my other circle of friends - but that does not mean that I value my work friendships any less. Work is just one example. It's being discussed as if I go out of my way to conceal friendship when maybe it's just a matter of.. we discuss things outside that matter to us outside of this "Lit group" and, quite frankly, those things don't matter to anyone else.

The fact that I share things privately with someone else make that relationship, in and of itself, special. A public acknowledgement is not what validates that friendship.

Until this became a topic on this thread, I don't think I've ever seen anyone slam a couple (except when they took over a thread with private details) and I presumed that we were just discussing this as we have so many other things. Surely we are allowed to disagree on this just as we have so many other things.. without people feeling insulted.

 

[BradBigBrain]

I'm not understanding why there is a "right" answer and a "wrong" answer. When I go to work, I don't necessarily discuss my other circle of friends - but that does not mean that I value my work friendships any less. Work is just one example. It's being discussed as if I go out of my way to conceal friendship when maybe it's just a matter of.. we discuss things outside that matter to us outside of this "Lit group" and, quite frankly, those things don't matter to anyone else.

The fact that I share things privately with someone else make that relationship, in and of itself, special. A public acknowledgement is not what validates that friendship.

Until this became a topic on this thread, I don't think I've ever seen anyone slam a couple (except when they took over a thread with private details) and I presumed that we were just discussing this as we have so many other things. Surely we are allowed to disagree on this just as we have so many other things.. without people feeling insulted.

GiggLeGasm and I are in love! We've been that way forever.

 

[GiggLeGasm]

Oh Great - now I have to do damage control with my other 437 Lit lovers!

(meet me over in the "What made you laugh today" thread)

 

[TheSilverLining]

I'm not understanding why there is a "right" answer and a "wrong" answer.

There isn't.

Each couple does what works for them, and that's the way it should be.
You do what makes you happy together and to hell with the opinion of others.

Never let anyone make you feel bad for doing the things that make you happy.