Litiquette V

[Paul_Chance]

I don't understand the need to cheer someone up. I hate to be sought out if I'm not in a pleasant mood according to someone's else's idea of acceptable. The worst being grief. It's like I'm putting on a facade for someone because they can't handle to be around a downer day. I guess fake it til you make it is good enough.

Within me, the need arises from a desire to ease another persons suffering. I differentiate between two types of suffering though - random suffering caused by external events and circumstances beyond our control, and internal suffering caused by our own actions, choices, and perceptions. For the first, I (or anyone) can do many things to help ease the suffering. For the second, perhaps we can influence it, but the desire to escape suffering must first arise in that person, a spark has to fire. We cannot fire that spark for them.

 

[ChainedUp]

It's because you are a sucker. ;-)

I thought he was a giver

 

[Aquagal]

Within me, the need arises from a desire to ease another persons suffering. I differentiate between two types of suffering though - random suffering caused by external events and circumstances beyond our control, and internal suffering caused by our own actions, choices, and perceptions. For the first, I (or anyone) can do many things to help ease the suffering. For the second, perhaps we can influence it, but the desire to escape suffering must first arise in that person, a spark has to fire. We cannot fire that spark for them.

I "get" the message A problem shared is a problem halved. What I was trying to relay is the need to cheer someone is sometimes seems selfish driven. That that friend can't understand misery loves company is just...enough.

 

[numeniusa]

It's a rainy, gloomy morning but no need to have that get in our way.

Cheering people up is a tricky proposition. Nobody enjoys being around sad and gloomy people but it's delicate work to try and cheer someone up. Don't want to be that annoying peppy person but no sense letting someone wallow in their own misery if you can help out.

So, do you try and help another's mood or do you avoid them and let them work things out on their own? Where do you draw the line for both? When is someone so dark that even if you tend to avoid you are drawn to try and help? How do decide that you've tried enough and that you might becoming more irritating than helpful?

I have a friend who suffers from clinical depression, sometimes it's barely there, sometimes it floors her. And she says that when she's really low the absolute worse thing is someone trying to cheer her up or make her laugh. At those times, just being there, quietly, is what helps, acknowledging her suffering but not trying to fix it, still visiting her and inviting her out and just accepting how she is on that day.

So that's what I do. It's hard to see her troubled. If I could fix her, I would. But I accept that I can't.

 

[TheSilverLining]

It's a rainy, gloomy morning but no need to have that get in our way.

Cheering people up is a tricky proposition. Nobody enjoys being around sad and gloomy people but it's delicate work to try and cheer someone up. Don't want to be that annoying peppy person but no sense letting someone wallow in their own misery if you can help out.

So, do you try and help another's mood or do you avoid them and let them work things out on their own? Where do you draw the line for both? When is someone so dark that even if you tend to avoid you are drawn to try and help? How do decide that you've tried enough and that you might becoming more irritating than helpful?

I think that this depends very much on the person. This year has been so very cruel that I've seen more than enough misery.
It's hard to answer because I think I project a lot of my own wishes onto others. I'd never become irritating in my desire to help because I'm so worried about doing just that that I tend to go in the opposite direction. But I always try, even if it's just a message to let a person know that I'm there for them, whenever they're ready.

I have a friend who suffers from clinical depression, sometimes it's barely there, sometimes it floors her. And she says that when she's really low the absolute worse thing is someone trying to cheer her up or make her laugh. At those times, just being there, quietly, is what helps, acknowledging her suffering but not trying to fix it, still visiting her and inviting her out and just accepting how she is on that day.

So that's what I do. It's hard to see her troubled. If I could fix her, I would. But I accept that I can't.

This. I have a friend who seems to think it's her right to visit and be cheery. I've definitely found that acknowledgement is much more comforting than firing solutions and unwanted advice. Sometimes a good ear and acceptance of suffering is more valuable.

 

[gamegamale]

I have a friend who suffers from clinical depression, sometimes it's barely there, sometimes it floors her. And she says that when she's really low the absolute worse thing is someone trying to cheer her up or make her laugh. At those times, just being there, quietly, is what helps, acknowledging her suffering but not trying to fix it, still visiting her and inviting her out and just accepting how she is on that day.

So that's what I do. It's hard to see her troubled. If I could fix her, I would. But I accept that I can't.

[QUOTE
This. I have a friend who seems to think it's her right to visit and be cheery. I've definitely found that acknowledgement is much more comforting than firing solutions and unwanted advice. Sometimes a good ear and acceptance of suffering is more valuable.[/QUOTE]

Just being there is the best support. My sister suffers with severe emotional swings and when her depression overcomes her she just wants to be left alone.
We often visit each other unannounced but when I get a phone call with her saying "I'm here if you need me." I know she is in pain and needs her solitude.

Simply knowing that another person cares is often the best, and only, help a person wants & needs.

 

[ChainedUp]

Lots of thoughtful responses yesterday. Busy day today so another quick hitter:

In one sentence, describe Lit as you would to someone who had no idea a site such as this existed.

 

[Lord Pmann]

To answer today's question:

Lit is like high school for flirts, attention whores and sex addicts; it can be wonderful.

(I would like to point to my tricky use of the semi colon there to cheat and make it two sentences. I'm very clever.)

It's because you are a sucker. ;-)

It's because you don't fucking listen!

 

[Aquagal]

Lots of thoughtful responses yesterday. Busy day today so another quick hitter:

In one sentence, describe Lit as you would to someone who had no idea a site such as this existed.

I did just that, last week.

An erotic literature site that includes links to favorite vids and pics. Sexy threads that discuss thoughts and ideas about sex.

Can I ask a question that has me confused?

I see a style of flirting between various random posters that appears on the surface as rude. Making fun of one another with much more dig than sarcasm, is that a new thing? I'm dumbfounded. I had a conversation with someone last year about this and the dude said women respond well to this and I disagreed vehemently. It seems degrading.

 

[Hornblende]

Lots of thoughtful responses yesterday. Busy day today so another quick hitter:

In one sentence, describe Lit as you would to someone who had no idea a site such as this existed.

A fun, flirty place which is (in the main) delightfully supportive to people of all shapes, sizes and sexual persuasions.

(This of course only describes the Playground!)

 

[gamegamale]

I did just that, last week.

I see a style of flirting between various random posters that appears on the surface as rude. Making fun of one another with much more dig than sarcasm, is that a new thing? I'm dumbfounded. I had a conversation with someone last year about this and the dude said women respond well to this and I disagreed vehemently. It seems degrading.

I have noticed this too.
Maybe it's just my age and the fact that I was raised to respect women but I agree with you as to I being degrading. I asked a lady friend, here on Lit, who is much younger than myself as to her thoughts on this type of interchange. She explained to me that folks who are enthusiast of S&M, B&D, and other cultures where control of a partner is the goal, such interaction is the norm.

Live and learn.

 

[Paul_Chance]

Lots of thoughtful responses yesterday. Busy day today so another quick hitter:

In one sentence, describe Lit as you would to someone who had no idea a site such as this existed.

It's a friendly little website with some very good erotic stories and a dynamic little BBS with some very good people and a fairly light troll count.

<-Master of the run on sentence!>

 

[Aquagal]

I have noticed this too.
Maybe it's just my age and the fact that I was raised to respect women but I agree with you as to I being degrading. I asked a lady friend, here on Lit, who is much younger than myself as to her thoughts on this type of interchange. She explained to me that folks who are enthusiast of S&M, B&D, and other cultures where control of a partner is the goal, such interaction is the norm.

Live and learn.

Thank you, that's not something I'm schooled in too much, so I suppose that would make for a fit. I'm sure even those sexual interests have variations of what's acceptable and not too.

 

[gamegamale]

Thank you, that's not something I'm schooled in too much, so I suppose that would make for a fit. I'm sure even those sexual interests have variations of what's acceptable and not too.

"what's acceptable", obviously, varies amongst players. Thus the use of safe words.
I've had some experience with B&D and Dom/Sub games but with older groups my age...when similar language was only spoken it was at times of play. Surely there are other here who know much more than myself regarding the topic so please speak up and educate us...me, anyway.

 

[Paul_Chance]

I think it comes from a couple of different places.

Some folks are sarcastic and biting and rude - and when the run across a kindred soul they connect and then dance with language and attitude and a sense of humor that isn't necessarily shared by other people.

There are definitely language norms in the Dom/sub community, though I'd say rudeness isn't one of them, rather command language, language that reinforces roles.

Then there are people who are just sarcastic, biting, and rude and for them it's a "take me as I am approach", and there are people who respond to that.

My own sarcasm tends toward dry humor and satire.

 

[gamegamale]

I think it comes from a couple of different places.

Some folks are sarcastic and biting and rude - and when the run across a kindred soul they connect and then dance with language and attitude and a sense of humor that isn't necessarily shared by other people.

There are definitely language norms in the Dom/sub community, though I'd say rudeness isn't one of them, rather command language, language that reinforces roles.

Then there are people who are just sarcastic, biting, and rude and for them it's a "take me as I am approach", and there are people who respond to that.

My own sarcasm tends toward dry humor and satire.

Thank you, Paul, for more clearly explaining what I was trying to say.

 

[Suz_anne]

I mean-flirt with Pmann because it makes his willy not soggy.

 

[SMNaughtywife]

Girls love girls and boys.

 

[Lord Pmann]

I mean-flirt with Pmann because it makes his willy not soggy.

My penis is hard all the time. Until Sarah Jessica Parker makes an appearance. Otherwise, always hard. Like petrified wood.

 

[Lord Pmann]

Can I ask a question that has me confused?

I see a style of flirting between various random posters that appears on the surface as rude. Making fun of one another with much more dig than sarcasm, is that a new thing? I'm dumbfounded. I had a conversation with someone last year about this and the dude said women respond well to this and I disagreed vehemently. It seems degrading.

Oh, Sean just doesn't know how to talk to women.

 

[ChainedUp]

Friday once again. We seem to be in a pattern here, every seventh day it's Friday.

I did a fair bit of driving yesterday and watching people drive is always an interesting sociological endeavor. It made me wonder if the way people drive is an extension of their natural personality or does that personally change when they get behind the wheel. is the way you drive an accurate representation of who you are, or do you morph into someone knew once the engine revs?

 

[beachbaby179]

I know a lot of people who do change, usually into a more aggressive, angry version of themselves. I'm not one of them.

 

[rubydlite]

Friday once again. We seem to be in a pattern here, every seventh day it's Friday.

I did a fair bit of driving yesterday and watching people drive is always an interesting sociological endeavor. It made me wonder if the way people drive is an extension of their natural personality or does that personally change when they get behind the wheel. is the way you drive an accurate representation of who you are, or do you morph into someone knew once the engine revs?

I used to love driving and was always very laid back. Now I drive with a mission...get here...get there...have to do this...have my kids with me. It's hardly ever leisurely. If a driver is being irresponsible I get irritated that they're putting my family at risk. Also...if I'm in a hurry and get behind someone doing under the limit
Apparently...if you ask my kids...I've got road rage. But they laugh because I call people 'friendly words' that a 5 year old can hear. I get pretty creative lol

 

[PeteHulbert37]

I used to love driving and was always very laid back. Now I drive with a mission...get here...get there...have to do this...have my kids with me. It's hardly ever leisurely. If a driver is being irresponsible I get irritated that they're putting my family at risk. Also...if I'm in a hurry and get behind someone doing under the limit
Apparently...if you ask my kids...I've got road rage. But they laugh because I call people 'friendly words' that a 5 year old can hear. I get pretty creative lol

I can relate. I've been cut off and instantly screamed at the guy calling him a penguin!!! Little eats in the back seat.

One of my biggest pet peeves in regard to bad drivers is on/off ramps. You have 1000 feet to get up to speed if you would just speed up on the damn ramp merging wouldn't be the nightmare that you've turned it into!!!!! Also, you don't need to slow down until you get to the ramp. That's what it's for!

 

[gamegamale]

Friday once again. We seem to be in a pattern here, every seventh day it's Friday.

I did a fair bit of driving yesterday and watching people drive is always an interesting sociological endeavor. It made me wonder if the way people drive is an extension of their natural personality or does that personally change when they get behind the wheel. is the way you drive an accurate representation of who you are, or do you morph into someone knew once the engine revs?

Thus the need for public transportation, taxicabs and chauffeurs.