Lit Stories Used in Custody Dispute?

[Karenas]

So, my husband and I are divorcing. He hinted this evening that it wouldn't look good to a judge that I wrote erotica and especially not the mother/son incest stories. Whereas he is a boy scout--literally.

I dont want my son to pay the price for our fight, and this seems unwinnable, so I feel like giving up and giving in.

Has anyone else been in this situation? Does anyone have any advice or even just a touch of sympathy? I feel pretty discouraged right now.
TIA

 

[sr71plt]

It's not that safe in this regard to be attached to the Boy Scouts just now.

But what can I say about the other? If you write those stories and acknowledge you do, yes, they can be a factor in determining your attitudes. There's no fantasy shield for writing and publishing erotica. And mother-son incest? Yes, I could see your husband's attorney using that in a custody battle--if he can evidence it.

So, I think you are right to be concerned. And if you are, it may not be too late to zero it out. Others here at one time have had to do that for one reason or the other. I haven't yet, though, no. Best of luck on negating it as a problem.

 

[Stella_Omega]

I think Pilot has said it all here.

I wish you all the fortitude and strength to move through this, and a lot of blind luck as well.

 

[TE999]

I don't react well to threats and neither should you. If that's how a Boy Scout conducts himself, then he's a piss poor one. What you do on your own time is (or should be) irrelevant to retaining custody of your son. It's not the Law's place to make moral judgements anyway, but to deal with legal matters such as division of property and alimony and child support payments.

Get a good lawyer and fight for your rights ... and don't give up.

 

[sr71plt]

I don't react well to threats and neither should you. If that's how a Boy Scout conducts himself, then he's a piss poor one. What you do on your own time is (or should be) irrelevant to retaining custody of your son. It's not the Law's place to make moral judgements anyway, but to deal with legal matters such as division of property and alimony and child support payments.

Get a good lawyer and fight for your rights ... and don't give up.

Well, yes, she should get a good lawyer. But the adivice you're giving her, I think, would be pretty much guaranteed to give her the worst possible result. It's no skin off your bones to have this sort of bravado, but I think your advice stinks for getting to where she wants to go. And I think you are being totally irresponsible for giving that advice.

 

[SevenSquared]

Well, yes, she should get a good lawyer. But the adivice you're giving her, I think, would be pretty much guarateed to give her the worst possible result. It's no skin off your bones to have this sort of bravado, but I think your advice stinks for getting to where she wants to go. And I think you are being totally irresponsible for giving that advice.

What advice did he give other than 'get a good lawyer'?

 

[sr71plt]

What advice did he give other than 'get a good lawyer'?

He told her to be belligerent. He told her that writing mother-son incest stories while being in a child custody battle was only her business. In real life, that's bullshit. A judge very much would consider that relevant troublesome evidence. It's indulging in fantasy more than a bit too much to think otherwise. He told her she should take the attitude that it's none of the law's business. (The courts decide what is their business. Anyone who stands in front of judges and says it's none of their business is in for a rude awakening--and not the best of reactions.)

She needs to get all of that erased as best she can and hope to hell it doesn't become something she'd stand in front of a judge and assert it was nobody's business but hers.

 

[SevenSquared]

He told her to be belligerent. He told her that writing mother-son incest stories while being in a child custody battle was only her business. In real life, that's bullshit. A judge very much would consider that relevant troublesome evidence. It's indulging in fantasy more than a bit too much to think otherwise. He told her she should take the attitude that it's none of the law's business. (The courts decide what is their business. Anyone who stands in front of judges and says it's none of their business is in for a rude awakening--and not the best of reactions.)

She needs to get all of that erased as best she can and hope to hell it doesn't become something she'd stand in front of a judge and assert it was nobody's business but hers.

Fair enough. To be honest, I didn't really consider any of the above 'advice' per se, more an opinion.

I'm fairly torn on this issue. On one hand I fully sympathise with the OP and their situation. On the other hand, looking at this issue objectively I can fully understand why he would take this position. I'm imagining a custody battle of a young girl where the father writes daddy/daughter incest erotica. Here in England I can imagine there would be complete media and society outrage if the father was even considered for custody in that situation.

 

[sr71plt]

I was suggesting what she should do for her own interests to get custody--which was why I'm appalled by the attitude TE999 suggests she take. If he thinks that writing mother-son incest stories for an erotica site doesn't have any bearing in a legal child custody battle, he's been on recreational drugs a bit too long.

What I see in TE999's response is a projection of his Libertarian views on this woman's situation as if they were what controlled the situation. They aren't. This is not a Libertarian world.

Didn't get into my opinion on the issue itself.

 

[sun_sea_sky]

Has anyone else been in this situation? Does anyone have any advice or even just a touch of sympathy? I feel pretty discouraged right now.
TIA

I have sympathy, if that helps. Presumably there wouldn't be an issue if you were a famous writer of murder novels, no-one would suggest you are planning to murder your son.

Interestingly, the "moral" organizations such as the Church, and Scouts, are currently under fire (or indeed investigation) as having some members who, shall we say, haven't quite lived up to the high standards you might expect of them.

My argument would be: "I write erotica, so what? If you don't have any proof that I am morally corrupt then don't judge me."

Some Scout leaders molest children. Presumably your husband doesn't. If he is going to get the benefit of the doubt, so should you.

 

[Handley_Page]

So, my husband and I are divorcing. He hinted this evening that it wouldn't look good to a judge that I wrote erotica and especially not the mother/son incest stories. Whereas he is a boy scout--literally.

I dont want my son to pay the price for our fight, and this seems unwinnable, so I feel like giving up and giving in.

Has anyone else been in this situation? Does anyone have any advice or even just a touch of sympathy? I feel pretty discouraged right now.
TIA

I think this has arisen before a year or two ago.
The Author concerned took down all her stories and stayed well away from sites like this. At least that way, it's a bit difficult to pin the tail on your particular donkey.

Whilst one can sympathise with the advice to fight it with some vigour, I think you may have to be careful, if only because lawyers of quality are bloody expensive.

I wish you good luck. If you manage to find any media reports of mistreatment of the young in the Boy Scouts, keep it to hand - just in case.

 

[Trinique_Fire]

Delete your stories, delete your account. Stay away from Lit. If you want a chance at fighting this battle, then this is what you should start with. Yes, hopefully you have a good lawyer. No, you should not continue to write mother-son incest stories right now...or maybe ever again. The fact that your husband is being a giant asshole is irrelevant. Unless he's writing father-son incest on the sly, I'd say you're in no position to fight this.

*hug*

 

[Kikoro]

Human nature never fails to disgust, as people find new and exciting ways to turn everything into a game of politics. Raising themselves on pedestals while throwing mud on the opposition is a painfully effective tactic here, and the biggest concern I see is that even with the most understanding judge and jury, the media will make sure the maximum damage possible is done, win or lose. Definitely talk to a lawyer, but unless you have something equally publicly damaging to use as leverage to get the case moved to a verdict by a closed arbitrator, I would have to take the child's potential suffering into account the most.

If you do fight, your only ammo may well be the father's willingness to subject his child to such trauma.

 

[Desiremakesmeweak]

Hmn. I've been at the bar in Australia where I live most of the year both for the government in a different area, and in Family Law Courts for many years although I no longer do any of this stuff...!

I have encountered similar things in situations over here and in every single instance it went against the person bringing in this type of material - if there is little in the person's life that indicates actual behaviour that is legally problematic.

I would even go so far as to say that today, in any Australian Family Law Court, if the fact that someone wrote fictional material of an adult erotica nature and that was published in something like Literotica - which is in fact subject to standards to do with grammar and spelling and fundamental social considerations - was raised as somehow objectionable by your husband/ex-husband, it would be a virtual guarantee that the court would start to discount your adversary as a mature adult or a very realistic person.

Yes, Australia is in many regards a much more enlightened society than modern era USA.

Moreover, there is a very strong stance here taken to keep parents together with their children as much as possible and usually, in the care of the mothers.

I have a belief - it may be incorrect - but I think that if you are able to show that you take steps to be a good parent, or even just a reasonably caring and careTAKING one (providing food, clothes, shelter, and getting them to school - and without neglecting your kids and failing to shield them from dangerous things) the court has to take that powerfully into consideration.

Best,

D.

 

[mikey2much]

I know it isn't the same, but it is similar

I have had many friends face this same situation over the use and selling of drugs.
Surprisingly most of the time the judges see what is going on and choose to ignore these personal attacks. I know that you are frightened by the damage that he can do to you but, believe it or not these judges have heard all of this kind of chickenshit behavior before and are pretty good about setting it to the side to deal with the real issues.

I would follow the advice given here and distance myself from the site but I would trust the Judge to see through the bullshit.

 

[BuckyDuckman]

I know that you are frightened by the damage that he can do to you but, believe it or not these judges have heard all of this kind of chickenshit behavior before and are pretty good about setting it to the side to deal with the real issues.

I would follow the advice given here and distance myself from the site but I would trust the Judge to see through the bullshit.

I agree with much of the advice you've received so far. It seems to me, there's value to minimizing a recreational hobby/writing hobby/writing practice. Without reading your stories (sorry) I'm willing to be you haven't written anything illegal. While unsavory to some, the same could be said of horror stories or cowboy stories or ...

Unless this is the reason for the divorce, it becomes more a matter of keeping it in perspective compared to the real reasons for the divorce. I don't know. Makes sense to me.

 

[annanova]

*Hug*

I'm sorry to hear you're having to go through this. Custody shouldn't be a battle, as that only ends up hurting the child in the end. As a child of divorce, I'm grateful that custody wasn't a fight between my parents. I can only hope that you come through this intact, and with your son.

It seems so petty that, with erotica breaking into the mainstream more and more, it should be an issue.

No advice from this end, just thoughts of happiness and strength. And a cup of tea. Just because.

 

[SevenSquared]

I would even go so far as to say that today, in any Australian Family Law Court, if the fact that someone wrote fictional material of an adult erotica nature and that was published in something like Literotica - which is in fact subject to standards to do with grammar and spelling and fundamental social considerations - was raised as somehow objectionable by your husband/ex-husband, it would be a virtual guarantee that the court would start to discount your adversary as a mature adult or a very realistic person.

Any other type of erotica I would probably agree. But if you think they wouldn't take mother/daughter incest erotica into account... well, if you're right Australia must be more 'enlightened' than pretty much any country in the world anywhere.

 

[Karenas]

Thank you, thank you, thank you everyone! I feel better this morning about things in general, and this in particular. But I am going to take the advice to delete the stories and account that he knows about. Just in case.
Again, thank you all for your advice and support. It means the world to me.
Karenas

 

[TE999]

I was suggesting what she should do for her own interests to get custody--which was why I'm appalled by the attitude TE999 suggests she take. If he thinks that writing mother-son incest stories for an erotica site doesn't have any bearing in a legal child custody battle, he's been on recreational drugs a bit too long.

What I see in TE999's response is a projection of his Libertarian views on this woman's situation as if they were what controlled the situation. They aren't. This is not a Libertarian world.

Didn't get into my opinion on the issue itself.

Are you a natural moron or do you consciously work at it?

What my political views are and aren't is irrelevant to this discussion. By trying to interject them here shows just how small minded and petty a person you really are.

Your snarky remarks are irrelevant also.

I was not suggesting this woman be belligerent in court, what I was saying is that she should not cower before the law because of what she has or hasn't done; rather she should presume objectivity on the courts part in such matters.

I'm sure this isn't the divorce judge's first rodeo and he or she could see through this woman's husbands juvenile vindictiveness in introducing such an irrelevant issue into the discussion.

It's not the court's place to make moral judgements. If it does, it's an excellent reason to appeal the decision to a higher court. I'm sure that any number of competent attorneys practicing Family Law would take this on pro bono to set a precedent in the court for rejecting spurious testimony such as this woman's husband is threatening to introduce into the divorce proceedings.

Your presumptions of how the court would react to this woman's writing erotic stories as a measure of her character is to reveal your own paranoiac fears and uncertainties on this subject.

Try to stick to the subject at hand next time and leave your personal prejudices at home .

 

[sr71plt]

What my political views are and aren't is irrelevant to this discussion. By trying to interject them here shows just how small minded and petty a person you really are.

YOU were the one who interjected your political views in your original response. You didn't just say get a good lawyer, you ranted on your Libertarian perspective, which not only is totally irrelevant to the case, the woman, and the courts as they now exist, but also is potentially damaging to this woman's chances of ending up with her children rather than splashed across the front pages of her local newspaper, childless.

And you just did it again. It's not YOUR place (or this woman's place) to tell the court what it can and cannot do in this case.

You are a prisoner to your dogma. Can't even see what you did here.

 

[TxRad]

Thank you, thank you, thank you everyone! I feel better this morning about things in general, and this in particular. But I am going to take the advice to delete the stories and account that he knows about. Just in case.
Again, thank you all for your advice and support. It means the world to me.
Karenas

PM Laurel, you will find her name at the top in the sticky list. Explain the situation and tell her you need to kill your account but before you do, go through and delete every post you have made here and everywhere else.

You might also want to take any pictures and stuff off your computer and then wipe the drive. Not just format it but use a wipe program. That will over write anything and everything on the hard drive. Nothing will be recoverable from it.

Wipe any other computer you have used to write stories.

 

[Pure]

note to karenas

there is some good advice, here, esp. from sr71. take measures to eliminate your track, history and records(stories) at Lit.

FURTHER: your hubby cannot get to Lit, easily, where he has easy access is on your computer(s) to your own files, there, e.g. drafts of your stories.

you must shred all questionable files on your computer. do NOT simply delete them. "shred" means "overwrite" sufficiently to prevent reclaiming.

http://download.cnet.com/File-Shredder/3000-2144_4-10662831.html

AND shred/overwrite all the free space (where your deleted files, from earlier days, are). several programs do this.

http://www.piriform.com/ccleaner/download

HOWEVER: In fact, it's almost impossible to clear evidence, because of how windows creates so make tracks and backup files. SO. you yourself-- or have a pro do it-- save the valuable stuff from your old harddrive (i.e. save ONLY the designated files, NOT everything, as is commonly done) to a new harddrive, and install the new one.

then physically destroy the old harddrive, ie. whack it with a hammer, damage its disk, etc.

PS. before this, you might want to look at your husbands internet history and porn that has been accessed or stored by him. save that!

i hope this is of use.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

Are you a natural moron or do you consciously work at it?

What my political views are and aren't is irrelevant to this discussion. By trying to interject them here shows just how small minded and petty a person you really are.

Your snarky remarks are irrelevant also.

I was not suggesting this woman be belligerent in court, what I was saying is that she should not cower before the law because of what she has or hasn't done; rather she should presume objectivity on the courts part in such matters.

I'm sure this isn't the divorce judge's first rodeo and he or she could see through this woman's husbands juvenile vindictiveness in introducing such an irrelevant issue into the discussion.

It's not the court's place to make moral judgements. If it does, it's an excellent reason to appeal the decision to a higher court. I'm sure that any number of competent attorneys practicing Family Law would take this on pro bono to set a precedent in the court for rejecting spurious testimony such as this woman's husband is threatening to introduce into the divorce proceedings.

Your presumptions of how the court would react to this woman's writing erotic stories as a measure of her character is to reveal your own paranoiac fears and uncertainties on this subject.

Try to stick to the subject at hand next time and leave your personal prejudices at home .

You seem to know squat about courts. Judges try and do whatever they want, and piss on the law. The OPs lawyer will likely be scared shitless to offend the judge, and let things slide without protest. Plus appellate courts care squat for facts, they care about the process. That is, if the judge accepts the proposition that 2+2=5, 5 is OK by the appellate court.

 

[sun_sea_sky]

I don't know I agree about deleting your posts and destroying your computer. Your next step is perjury when you lie under oath to the question:

"Do you write erotic stories on Literotica?"

Once you've lied, all your husband has to do is produce a single shred of evidence (which he may possess) and your credibility is destroyed. To say nothing of being in trouble for perjury.


Hold your head up. If asked, say you write fiction. You are no worse than the people who write about murder, kidnapping, drug barons, and bank robberies.