Lightbulb Jokes

[Gord]

Always thought they were funny wonder if we can get any new ones


Q How many Vietnam Vets does it take to change a lightbulb

A YOU WONT KNOW MAN , YOULL NEVER KNOW YOU WERENT THERE

amy others ?

 

[just pet]

Q: How many Californians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?


A: None. Californians don't screw in lightbulbs. They screw in hot tubs

 

[Gord]

Irishmen

Q: How many Irishmen does it take to change a light bulb

A: Five, one to hold the light bulb and the other four to turn the ladder round and round !

 

[Gord]

Scotsmen

Just in case someone accuses me of being anti Irish

Q: How many Scotsmen does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Scotsmen don't change light bulbs, it's cheaper to sit in the dark

 

[Gord]

One more

Q: How many Cancerians does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: Just one. But it takes a therapist three years to help them through the grief process.

 

[Cotedebeaune]

This is IT

Q: How many MS engineers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None, they just define darkness as an industry standard!

 

[Gord]

Another IT

Q: How many MicroSoft tech support people dies it take to change a light bulb?

A: We have an exact copy of the light bulb here, and it seems to be working fine. Can you tell me what kind of system you have? Okay. Now exactly how dark is it? Okay, there could be 4 or 5 things wrong...have you tried the light switch?

 

[Gord]

How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?
Fish....

How many surealists does it take to change another lightbulb?
Aardvark on toast....

How many anarchists does it take to change a light bulb?
42
one to change the bulb, two to launch a bombing campaign against the bulb as a symbol of capitalist oppression, and 39 to start a self help group to persuade light bulbs every where that they shouldn't obey oppressive institutions such as light bulb fittings but should otherthrow the electricity dictatorship and form a free society where all electrical appliances can live in non exploitative harmony with their comrades in the class struggle, the calculators.

 

[Gord]

here is one for marxist

Q: How many Marxists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A: None. The light bulb's own internal contradictions will inevitably lead to revolution.

 

[jass1960]

One for P_P_man

Q. How many Floridians does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. Don't know for sure, they're still counting.

 

[MissTaken]

Q. How many therapists does it take to change a lightbulb?

A. One....to help the light bulb decide if it really wants to change.

 

[jass1960]

Q: How many Republicans does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: Tw, one to do it and one to steady the chandelier.
A: None, they only screw the poor

 

[jass1960]

Q: How many seventies disco dancers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Two. One to boogie up the ladder and one to say "Get daaowwwwn !"

 

[Gord]

How many Bakuninists does it take to change a light bulb?


(first possible answer): One, but only because the material circumstances of mankind suggest that there was no supernatural lightmaker to "let there be light." Being a jealous lover of human darkness, I reverse the statement of Voltaire and say: If a supernatural light maker really existed, it would be necessary to abolish him. If a supernatural light maker is, man is not; if a supernatural light maker is everything, man is nothing.

(second possible answer): Two. One to change the light bulb and another to demand that workers take direct control of the means of production, without state representation, which has up to this point enslaved and degraded mankind.

(third possible answer): One, but he must be Slavic--the inability to form a strong government in Slavic history is proof that the Slavs are innately free people, whereas the Germanic people are inherently autocratic.

 

[jass1960]

Q: How many aerospace engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. It doesn't take a rocket scientist, you know.

 

[jass1960]

Q: How many lit women does it take to change a light-bulb?
A: Two, one to change the light-bulb and one to have an orgasm with the old one.

 

[jass1960]

Q: How many lexicographers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Two. One to change it and one to protest that he should have
changed it to "light bulb".

 

[jass1960]

Q: How many American college football players does it take to change
a light bulb?
A: The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!

 

[Gord]

Here is one for our new york friends

Q: How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A1: None of your damn business!

A2: 50, 50? Yeah 50, it's in the contract.

 

[jass1960]

Q: How many mystery writers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two, one to screw it almost all the way in and the other to
give it a surprising twist at the end.

 

[Gord]

San Francisco

Q: How many straight San Franciscans does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: Both of them.

 

[Gord]

New Jersey

Q: How many people from New Jersey does it take to change a light bulb

A: Three. One to change the light bulb, one to be a witness, and the
third to shoot the witness.

 

[claude_moveml]

Ukraine

Q. How many Ukrainians does it take to change a light bulb?

A. They don't need to, they glow in the dark.

 

[Latinababe]

How many Shadow Lords does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One, but you have to make her alpha or she won't even consider it!

 

[Weird Harold]

How many Lieroticans does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only two, but has to be a really big light bulb.