life and bdsm

[cromwellsub]

Hi, im not shore if this is always the case but having done some research into it it seems that people who prefer to get dominated in the bedroom are often people with power in their normal lives. So they find that they need some release of control in the bedroom. In my work area i have quite a bit of power over people and it just feels so good to get dominated after a hard days work, give someone else the power to have over me. apparently even hitler used to get girls to piss on him and torture him.

 

[angeleyes612]

I don't find that accurate in my personal situation. I have never been in power in any occupation I have had nor in my home life outside of the bedroom.

 

[KlaytonFrost]

Doesn't hold true for me or the people I know either. I'm sure it's the case for some people, but not everyone. People have a huge variety of different reasons for wanting different things.

 

[twister947]

I've had power...authority is a better word for it. I am a reluctant leader; it's not something I've ever sought. I'm not at all sure my submissive tendencies have anything to do with the burdens of leadership. But maybe...<shrug> I try not to overthink these things.

 

[KatherineAlex]

This situation is very true for me and the people in my circle. But power in someones day to day life is relative I guess... I regards to this kind of question.

I love to be able to submit/relinquish control during sex & play, because it allows space for me to shut my mind off and let go of the obsessive need to control everything.

I have often wondered if I was not more naturally submissive to begin with but through life and experiences, I slowly pushed/learned/adapted myself to become more dominate towards my career, life goals, friends etc.

Not sure how I feel about the Hitler reference but I'll just leave it at that...

 

[Jen2013]

It's a complicated subject and that is certainly one of common reasons. Or even if your job may not have much 'official' authority it may have a lot of responsibility. so putting that aside in the bedroom is therapeutic. Others are just inately dominant or submissive. It's a interesting subject, very reflective..

Hi, im not shore if this is always the case but having done some research into it it seems that people who prefer to get dominated in the bedroom are often people with power in their normal lives. So they find that they need some release of control in the bedroom. In my work area i have quite a bit of power over people and it just feels so good to get dominated after a hard days work, give someone else the power to have over me. apparently even hitler used to get girls to piss on him and torture him.

 

[Deacon13]

As a Dom both online and off I have witnessed this. I had a submissive that was a CFO in a large regional firm and on the opposite end I had a submissive that was a file clerk, (nothing being wrong being a file clerk) So, IMHO, it is the nature of the sub. They may have an occupation that pushes them to dominate at work, possibly taking them out of their natural environment - but like the OP stated, being sub at home gave him the ability to relax and let someone control the situation AND him.

Is there a right or wrong answer? No, each sub is different and each has a different reason for submitting.

Deacon

 

[Ahlam]

Is that really true about Adolph Hitler?

 

[Stella_Omega]

Is that really true about Adolph Hitler?

Google says that a lot of people have asked that question...

 

[Ahlam]

Google's interest in sociology is, at times, astounding.

 

[LallyH]

I have to be dominant at work - I can act it, because it is necessary to fulfil my role and I'm a bit of a perfectionist in that regard. But I am sexually submissive, always have been, and the thought of being remotely dominant in the bedroom turns me off completely. I don't know if it is two sides of the same coin but my submission is a constant - it has been the same, even when I had jobs with little responsibility. So in my view, the two are not necessarily linked, but those of us in this situation, who have the opportunity to give up control for part of our lives and get a break from work stress, are lucky indeed.

 

[njlauren]

I think it depends on who you are talking about. Standard theory is that subs are powerful people who use submission to give up having to make decisions and so forth, release control....I think there are people who fit that bill, but IME with lifestyle people I don't think that rule is all that great. Where it is true IME is with professional domination, from what I know from the dominas I got to know when I was doing play there, a lot of their clientele is high powered people, mostly men, some F executives and such as well .....but that also could be that given how expensive those sessions are, it is what they attract. I have known a lot of submissives who have low stress jobs and such, so I don't think it is the only or even the most common thing.

 

[Amanda83]

I know for me. My job makes me a dom. But alone I am a natural sub.

 

[desertslave]

I'm submissive, period. Sometimes I have to be "boss-ish" since I'm a Mom, but in most other relationships and situations I'm much more comfortable in a position of NON-leadership.

 

[Lrn_The_Ropes]

Life and BDSM

Interesting thread, from what I have read in the few books I have found, the opposite angle seems to be what most are saying. However, from I'm experiencing during my growth process is Dom = Dom, etc. I really think alot of it has to do with the comfort levels of each person is with their position in life.

 

[leighannste17]

It is strange. I have a submissive work life. I work for a prince from Nigeria, he's a royal pain in the ass. And the moment I come home, I feel like blindfolding someone, and having my way. I also do have a submissive side, but it takes the right man to over-power me sexually. He has to know what he's doing, and how to communicate before I would even begin to trust him as my Master.

Were all different, we come from different back-rounds. There is no right, or wrong way in the world of BDSM. Unfortunately all I've met so far, are Vanilla guys.

Not to mention the dumbass last night that spanked me ONCE on the ass and suddenly stopped and wondered why I didn't get off.

*sighs*

 

[Lrn_The_Ropes]

Response to: leighannste17

Hey, I think your Prince still needs to send me the 3 million dollars he promised after I set up the bank account and wired him $25K. If you get a chance can you please check on that. Thanks

 

[Noira]

I spend all day cleaning up after other people's crap and after all that, I just want something to be under my control for once. I'm moderately switchy though I trend towards topping sexually and submissive in "life", as it were, and I find that the more control I have over my life outside, the more open I am to bottoming.

The problem is, then people meet me and assume I'm a sub and it's tough getting it through their heads that no, I'm not joking around, I'm not an uber bitch with wonky caps but I still want to tie you up and do bad things to you.

 

[njlauren]

I think it depends, and no blanket statement like that will work. I think there is more then a few grains of truth with that with the people who use pro dommes , most of their clients tend to be high powered, well off men (though it also could reflect that at 200+ bucks an hour, they are who can pay it).

I am sure there are people to where being submissive in play is a stress relief, and even for lifestyle subs I am sure a good session with their domme can relieve stress, but I don't think it is the common root of being sub, because as others have pointed out, they have seen subs who aren't powerful or in control of much *shrug*. I think, too, that someone looking to 'give over power' because they are powerful in their 'real' life might not be too attractive as a lifestyle sub, because then you get the phenomenon of the sub who needs the D to literally tell them to do everything, who are like robots or something, and from what D's have told me, that isn't what they want

 

[KoPilot]

I've never been a boss. Was a freelance artist for a couple years, and probably will do contract work again once I move, so if you want to call that "authority", go ahead. I'll be over here rolling my eyes.

There's a difference between wanting to be your own boss and wanting to be in charge of a team. I have absolutely no interest in the latter, though I seem to have a tendency to start organizations and groups when I feel like there's a need for them, but I always try and make sure they are self-sustaining.

Outside of that, I've got little tolerance for the concept of social authority in general, and am a lone wolf most of the time. I like being controlled, directed, and inflicted upon by my partner for reasons unrelated to hierarchy.

 

[Netzach]

I've never been a boss. Was a freelance artist for a couple years, and probably will do contract work again once I move, so if you want to call that "authority", go ahead. I'll be over here rolling my eyes.

There's a difference between wanting to be your own boss and wanting to be in charge of a team. I have absolutely no interest in the latter, though I seem to have a tendency to start organizations and groups when I feel like there's a need for them, but I always try and make sure they are self-sustaining.

Outside of that, I've got little tolerance for the concept of social authority in general, and am a lone wolf most of the time. I like being controlled, directed, and inflicted upon by my partner for reasons unrelated to hierarchy.

Everything except the last sentence goes for me. I could have written this. Authority makes me uneasy, hierarchies make me uneasy, I really want to be left alone and considered "a resource" not "an employee." The thought of managing other people makes me want to scream and run, far and fast.

As everyone probably is sick of hearing, I like to be in control and inflicting in my personal SM, the vast majority of the time. I wonder if people like us just get a psychosexual penny to flip on this issue, that it just falls randomly and there you go.