letting go??

[lizzie anne]

i fully realize,..this is...a hot topic...and many many people get very very uptight over it...
P L E A S E !!!!!!!!!

everyone try to stay calm...

i am very highly sincere....in asking about this...
please bear with me here..



----------------

"I".......being raised........totally......type A behavior pattern...a real anal person.....
am so so highly curious........
can ANYONE?........explain..........
i am TOLD the-lifestyle----REQUIRES.....DEMANDS....for people to be able to let-go........of ALL self control.....??????

CAN--WOULD--WILL???????

anyone---anywhere....explain my one question?.........HOW?????

thank you one and all everywhere

lizzbeth

 

[FungiUg]

Lizzie,

I'm sorry, but your question isn't very clear. I think you are asking "how do I give up control completely?"

Which lifestyle are you referring to? The Dom/sub? The live-in 24x7 slave? The "I live with a control freak" lifestyle?

D/s, BDSM, S&M, etc, can be and often are lifestyles. But lifestyles are made up of the lives of the people who live them.

So the question really comes back to "what is right for you?"

For some of the lifestyles people enjoy here, they either want to give up control completely, or what someone to give up control completely to them. This is known as TPE (total power exchange).

Is that what you are referring to?

 

[Shadowsdream]

One must have control before being able to give it away.

To give control away you must first own it. Self control.

When you give it away you have more of it. Self control.

It will happen naturally if it is meant to be.

 

[lizzie anne]

control

i will try to be more helpful here.....

i am under the idea....per se.....all those white collar folks that have-to be in control at work..have-to let go of control w/ dommes/masters......for that happy hour or whatever term they are there for.........
and return to the real world as themselves later.....

and, "I" ask,..please?/......."I" was raised to believe that NO mature responsible adult EVER gives-up-control for some fantasy thingy.......like children are reported to do as kids......
being anal "I" have-to ask.......since "I" had MY childhood end at 10 years old................
HOW?.......do you let go of inner controls.....??//
"I" was taught ANY matured responsible caring level headed adult is NOT allowed to EVER let=go.........THAT is wanting to be childish and after you become an adult that option is gone forever...............

"I"...........REALLY need help from anyone that feels they are able to explain this.....
i have been asking this Q for 6 years.....

thank you

 

[catalina_francisco]

But is it a fantasy if it is your chosen lifestyle and you live it 24/7? For most, the letting go comes in stages or degrees until the process is complete. IMO it seems just when you think you have achieved your goal, you find yourself letting go of another part you didn't acknowledge was still there before, and so it goes.

Catalina

 

[Luna_Wolf72]

Re: control

and, "I" ask,..please?/......."I" was raised to believe that NO mature responsible adult EVER gives-up-control for some fantasy thingy.......like children are reported to do as kids......
being anal "I" have-to ask.......since "I" had MY childhood end at 10 years old................
HOW?.......do you let go of inner controls.....??//
"I" was taught ANY matured responsible caring level headed adult is NOT allowed to EVER let=go.........THAT is wanting to be childish and after you become an adult that option is gone forever...............

"I"...........REALLY need help from anyone that feels they are able to explain this.....
i have been asking this Q for 6 years.....

thank you

First of all, the ability to maintain or give up control is an adult thing, not childish in the least. As adults, we control EVERYTHING about ourselves (and if we are parents) we control everything for our children as well.

I took your question to mean that you were unsure WHY amyone would CHOOSE to do this and HOW someone could conceivably give up all control without feeling that something is lacking.

Here is my take on it: In a BDSM based relationship: trust and control are exchanged. The more a submissive/slave trusts thier Dom/me/Master the more control they give to that Person. Only hen trust has long been established will control become a non-issue. That is it in a nutshell.

I do not think your early raising was anal retentive in the least...one just has to know when, where and with whom a loss of control is acceptable, even encouraged.

I hope that helped.

Pet

 

[NCShin]

I think this might be a bit easier for you to understand if you think of it in every day terms.

Have you ever driven in a car with someone as the passenger? Aren't you giving up control and putting yourself under the driver's control? You get into the car, buckle up, and hope that you'll arrive at point B safe and sound.

If you translate that into D/s it might be the same as agreeing to scene with the dom. Stepping into his home/bedroom (or wherever) might be the same as sitting in the car. You agree to go where he takes you.

Chances are if he's a decent dom he'll take you to the place you want to go, just like a good driver. I think the trick is first knowing where you want to go and second finding a driver that wants to go to the same place.

 

[Phoenix Stone]

This is a good useful analogy for me, and speaks to some clear hints that were already there in our relationship.
Despite my good driving record, every time we've gone someplace in the car together my husband has driven. For 23 years. He's so easygoing and egalitarian, etc. that friends who hear this are really shocked that he's Got to drive.
(He'd be the one driving the airplane and the roller coaster if he could, and he doesn't even like to drive. He just prefers being in control. And I don't care. In fact, I feel a little more comfortable with the other person driving. It never even occurs to me that they might not be good drivers.) Funny to think that I ever thought he'd have any problem picking up the dom role when I asked.