Letters

[Neftoon_Zamora]

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[MercyMia]

To all guys at Lit

I assume you have seen Mia's thread that asks for your length and girth. I had only measured the length earlier but got a brilliant idea yesterday when my gf was giving me a bj.

I had the tape measure handy on the table and said "hold it just there" as she had her lips around my head and was licking teasingly with her tongue.

You should have seen her face when i started to wrap the tape around it. I have never seen a girl that has dressed and disappeared as fast as my girlfriend and to be honest i think it is my ex considering the way she shouted when she left.

Yours
Tim

Dear Tim,

I am aggrieved to hear of your experience. I hope your girlfriend will understand that you were acting for the good of science and mathematics. If she needs some convincing, please have her PM me and I will do my best to explain properly.

Distressed,
Mia

 

[Arwen23]

Dear Arwen,

Aww, it doesn't matter how long it took you to get here. It's very good to see you. Thank you and yes, being a mother is an "everyday of the year" kinda thing and worth every minute of it, might I add! *hugss you very tight*

Always,
Bella

Dear Bella,

Thank you for waiting. Im glad your experience of being a mother has been a very rewarding one. I hope your day went well you deserve it especially since you are "every day of the year"
Not everyone can do it every day. My experience for example is only every once in a while, and I must not be good at it because its allways when Im being yelled at. Take the other day for example. I showed up early enough that I got a good parking space in VIP But as I was walking in the building the vice president yelled. "HEY YOU MOTHER...!" The rest was muffled cause I wanted to get in and get the good doughnuts and he wasnt very nice

Unemployedidly Yours
Arwen

 

[SecretScribe]

Dear Charmed's mother,

Please stop sending recipes to your daughter, Charmed. While she is touched by each and every one of them, the fact is that they are being used as alternates when the TP runs out. Instead, please redirect the recipes to myself and I assure that they will find a good home.

Sincerely,
SecretScribe

 

[Arwen23]

Dear Charmed,

You and Arwen sure know how to make a girl feel loved. Thank you both SO much for your kind words.

*Blushing a pretty shade of pink*
Bella

Dear Bella,

Your very welcome. On second... You can thank me latter. Oh and BTW that color looks good on you

yours

Arwen

 

[MercyMia]

Dear You,

I've been chugging along for the last 2 months on principle. It's wearing thin, though. I've thought about our good times and bad times, the in-between times. We had a lot of fun, all told.

What do you think?


Mia

 

[jussforfun]

Dear Mr. High Speed Internet Cable Provider,
Since I spent all day yesterday waiting for the repair man to arrive sometime between 8am and noon! and due to the fact that he never showed, nor called, I just wanted to drop you a note.
I will be mailing my check to you, oh! sometime between this month and next, and will also be making appointments with your repair techs (to which I will not be home for).
My name is Jon, did I answer all your questions satisfactorily?
Have a great day then, be calling you soon.

 

[~*sunkyssed_kym*~]

Dear Mr/Mrs. Asshole Customer;
Whilst I understnd your opinion that the customer is always right and as we live in a democratic society that gives you the right to feel that way; allow me to say that you are funking wrong! I am not here to pick up after you once you have thrown your unwanted food, used kleenex, or other gross item on the floor. Nor am I here to clean the crap off of the bathroom walls because you couldn't get your fat arse on the loo before letting loose. It is also not my job to take your verbal abuse because you are having a bad day. Hell my day was shot as soon as you walked thru the door with your attitude. And if I hear one more time that another store has the same item for cheaper; I'm going to cram said item down your throat and thus give it to you for free. Tho perhaps shoving it up your ass may make me feel better!
Thank you for shopping at....... and we hope that it was as pleasurable for you as its been for us!


-kym- Your smiling service clerk

 

[charmed1]

Dear Charmed's mother,

Please stop sending recipes to your daughter, Charmed. While she is touched by each and every one of them, the fact is that they are being used as alternates when the TP runs out. Instead, please redirect the recipes to myself and I assure that they will find a good home.

Sincerely,
SecretScribe

Dear SecretScribe,

I want to tell you I will be forwarding this on to her,ASAP. She will be so glad to have someone to send recipes to that can cook. I thank you so much for taking the burden off of me.

Gratefully Yours,
Charmed

 

[BellaBloodAngel]

Dear Landlord,

We have been residing in this home for 3 years and have never once called you for maintenance. We have done all the work on this house and have only been late with our rent on a few occasions. Why you feel it necessary to hobble up onto our porch and treat us like morons is beyond me. You are old and I am trying to be patient with you, but damn.

You tell us we have 3 days to find a new place and move 3 years worth of stuff along with 2 kids out of "your" house.

I thought this "letter" would make me feel better. It's only making me angrier...lol

Long letter short: You old codger...give me some flippin slack

ticked off tenant,
Bella

 

[charmed1]

Dear Mr. Bella's Landlord,

Please take it easy on Bella. She has had a BAD case of PMS (putting up with her man's shit) lately and could snap at any moment. She is usually an easy going person, so her above letter should clue you in to her state of being. If, as she says, you are old and mean, I would suggest to you that you not bother her and go away as fast as possible.


Just a warning for you,
Charmed

 

[charmed1]

Dear Duct Tape Manufacturers,


It has been brought to my attention that Bella has been using your product in some very self-destructive ways. As her friend, I sincerely ask that you no longer send her free samples of your product. She may hurt herself soon.


Thank You,
Charmed

 

[innocentnbama]

Dear Mr or Miss whoever
Please stop sending me emails for penis enlargements and for septic tank repair.First off I dont have a penis and second off if I needed septic tank repair I sure as hell wouldn't get it from you.i would call someone.

 

[MercyMia]

Dear Bella's Landlord,

You can't give her 3 days' notice to get out of your house. There are laws against that, especially for families with children. Go read your municipal property laws. The last thing you want to do at your age is get caught in a time-consuming, expensive lawsuit that will end up being more trouble than it would have been had you taken the effort to think things through calmly and discussed things with your tenants.

Mia

 

[charmed1]

To whom it may concern:


This is bump. I repeat, this is only a bump.
Mainly for Bella if she'll ever get here!
Charmed

 

[Arwen23]

Dear Bella's Landlord,

You can't give her 3 days' notice to get out of your house. There are laws against that, especially for families with children. Go read your municipal property laws. The last thing you want to do at your age is get caught in a time-consuming, expensive lawsuit that will end up being more trouble than it would have been had you taken the effort to think things through calmly and discussed things with your tenants.

Mia

Dear Mia,

Maybe you can give Bella some free consultation. Probono work even, only you dont have to take off your clothes. On second thought that may help her case. Ive also been working around the clock to help her case. After all position IS 9/10ths of the law. You can help her out with those miniscule proprietary laws and stuff. Ive tried to help her but she doesnt think Im very legalirate. Now I admit I need help with the big words but just last week I finished reading Harry Potter. So in confusion(Thats legal speak for all you lay people or little people or whatever the hell the politically correct term is now) Id like to say that Bella is not the guilty party here. It was society that failed her. And what of the bodies of the Jahova's witnesses she buried in the back yard. Do they get deflicted by the landlord as well? I mean thats like a cemetary now and falls under last bill of rights. Is nothing sacred in this country?

Arwen

Now for something I know nothing about. What is a bump???

 

[teasing_tim]

Dear Tim,

I am aggrieved to hear of your experience. I hope your girlfriend will understand that you were acting for the good of science and mathematics. If she needs some convincing, please have her PM me and I will do my best to explain properly.

Distressed,
Mia

Dear Mia

I wish you could help me out but i think there is no way back. The operator says unknown number when i call her cell phone. She has moved out of her apartment and didn't leave a new adress so I think it is time for me to post an ad under Lit personal and try to find a new girlfriend. You don't happen to be single ?

Yours
Tim.

 

[teasing_tim]

Dear Mr or Miss whoever
Please stop sending me emails for penis enlargements and for septic tank repair.First off I dont have a penis and second off if I needed septic tank repair I sure as hell wouldn't get it from you.i would call someone.

Dear Mr or Miss whoever.

Has something gone wrong with your email campaign since I get all the emails for boob jobs, not that I need the penis mails but I think you would have a better chance to succeed if you kept track of your customers to be.

Ps. I don't need Viagra either

Yours
Tim

 

[MercyMia]

Dear Tim,

I'm sorry to hear about that girlfriend. Seems like she over-reacted. But I wasn't there, so I don't know...

For a sweet man like you, I do wish I was single. In real life, though, I am double.

Let me know if you post a personal on Lit and I'll act as your agent

Best wishes and kisses,
Mia

 

[Arwen23]

Dear Bella,

Im sorry to hear that your not feeling good lately. I know youve been really stressed and have had alot going on lately. I just hope you feel better hugs :x

Arwen

 

[BellaBloodAngel]

Dear Arwen,

Your words have made me smile. Thank you so much. Just knowing you are by my side with your support and ever caring ways has made things that much easier for me. You are my constant.

Smiling, with a warmed heart,
Bella

 

[Arwen23]

Dear Arwen,

Your words have made me smile. Thank you so much. Just knowing you are by my side with your support and ever caring ways has made things that much easier for me. You are my constant.

Smiling, with a warmed heart,
Bella

Dear Bella,

Im glad I have made you feel better. Your very welcome. Its nice to know Im making a difference. Youve made things easier on me as well.

Smiling back

Arwen

 

[MercyMia]

Dear Coffee Shop Friend,

I'm glad you let me know that you were hurt. The way you let me know hurt me, too. But I hope our talk cleared up the basic misunderstanding between us. I can't undo the hurt other people's words have wrought on you. I won't even try. I'm sorry my expressions of sympathy (all sincere) did not register.

I don't know what to do now. You've been awfully prickly and distant over the past couple of months. I thought that meant you were easing away or had other more important things to do.

Somehow, I get the feeling you're mixing up the sources of your pain.

I'll be here if you want to have a friendship where I don't have to be the one apologizing for life's unfairness.


Mia

 

[charmed1]

To my family:



I'm sorry I will not be attending Tracie's wedding. I know you were all looking forward to it and I was also. Living far apart makes it hard for us to see each other as much as we wish we could. I was looking forward to seeing you all together, as I haven't seen the family all together in 8 years. I hope you all enjoy the celebrations and kiss the bride for me. She holds a special place in my heart as my little cousin. Tell her for me that I am proud of her and all of her accomplishments and how proud it makes me to see the young woman she has grown to be. My joy over this occasion overshadows my sorrow that I will miss it.

Bright Blessings to you all,
Charmed

 

[Arwen23]

To my family:



I'm sorry I will not be attending Tracie's wedding. I know you were all looking forward to it and I was also. Living far apart makes it hard for us to see each other as much as we wish we could. I was looking forward to seeing you all together, as I haven't seen the family all together in 8 years. I hope you all enjoy the celebrations and kiss the bride for me. She holds a special place in my heart as my little cousin. Tell her for me that I am proud of her and all of her accomplishments and how proud it makes me to see the young woman she has grown to be. My joy over this occasion overshadows my sorrow that I will miss it.

Bright Blessings to you all,
Charmed

Dear Charmed,

Im sure they will miss you as you do them. Its just as well because I heard that they were bringing Henry the Alcoholic Donky to the Batchelorette party as the strippers were all booked. Henry has been featured in such films as "Jackass" "Fun with Farm Animals" and "Bill Clinton Diaries" At any rate Im sure your family will miss you so dont be too sorrowfull

Arwen