Letters

[Aurora_s_Flame]

Dear Tim Horton's Bitch,

Don't give me crap for asking for the bag to be left in...you people do NOT always leave the bag in on my tea, so I ask so it gets done, because otherwise I am bitchy, so you my dear Timmy's bitch can bite my ass...

Thank you, and have a nice day.

~ Rora

 

[Minkey Boodle]

Dear xxxx,

You make me weak in the knees and that's rare. I wanna have your babies.

So, stop drinking and get your butt over here, dangit.

Sincerely,

Boodle

 

[johnny_sway]

To All Ice Cream Vendors,

I would like to inquire as to what it might take to have you set up a 24/7 stand on a deserted island ... for two.

I feel it would make the warm climate much more forgiving for the beauty who doesn't necessarily enjoy hot weather. Please stock the bins with plenty of cookies & cream and mint chip.

I'll remit another letter to you when I have an accurate inventory of her desired flavors.

Grassy-ass (that's white for gracias)

 

[TheDR4KE]

Dear Perks

I wish all the best for the duckling. I wish it truely, and a third time I wish it. Let there be magic in the thrice, although I'd rather cement it through anal sex magic with you

Oh, and I miss you and love you and lust for you and and and



you know...

Quack

your Drake

 

[Aurora_s_Flame]

Dear Mystery Caller...

Really, it's very nice of you to call and everything...but you've got to say hi...

At least pant on the phone or something...I need something to work with man! Geeeeeeeeesh!!

Sincerely in Sexual Curiousity,

~ Rora

 

[killallhippies]

dear steve,

STEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!

love,
kah.

 

[honeylick]

dear clive,

i bought cheese. not that sharp cheddar that would strip the paint off a wall, but a lighter, mild sweet cheese.

cut class, meet me behind the gym with some wheat crackers, and i'll share my goodness.

with dairy,
#cake.

 

[Lasz]

Dear Potential Employer

A FOURTH interview? How many does it take for you to realize that I will be the most valuable asset that your company has ever invested in?

Laz

 

[Vilac]

Dearest Rora,

Given the recent admission of your chocolate-craving, cramp-induced attitude as of today, the aforementioned letter to the "Tim Horton's Bitch" has been excused.

No further action will be taken.

Have a nice day.

Regards,
The Law Offices of Literotica
c/o Vilac

Dear Tim Horton's Bitch,

Don't give me crap for asking for the bag to be left in...you people do NOT always leave the bag in on my tea, so I ask so it gets done, because otherwise I am bitchy, so you my dear Timmy's bitch can bite my ass...

Thank you, and have a nice day.

~ Rora

 

[Aurora_s_Flame]

Dearest Rora,

Given the recent admission of your chocolate-craving, cramp-induced attitude as of today, the aforementioned letter to the "Tim Horton's Bitch" has been excused.

No further action will be taken.

Have a nice day.

Regards,
The Law Offices of Literotica
c/o Vilac

Memo - To Vilac ~ Re: "Tim Horton's Bitch" Controversy

The previous letter directed towards the employee of a certain coffee chain was written as such because it makes the aforementioned "Bitch" wet to be called such a name.. She likes it rough; that shouldn't be a crime.

Thank you for your concern regarding the matter.

~ Rora

P.S. No, you cannot have her number.

 

[st4nton]

dear landscaper:

hurry the hell up with your leaf blower please. i want to open my shades and enjoy my afternoon.

sincerely,

s

 

[Oscuridad]

Dear contractor,

Don't mess up my walls when you install the new windows. I've just painted them and may have to resort to sarcasm if you provoke me.

O.

 

[Aurora_s_Flame]

Dear UPS,

Thank you for delivering my business cards, but I really think they should have come with a special bonus of a masseur. You could have it as a promotion of sorts. You know, 10 deliveries, and on your 11th get a bonus masseur.

Just an idea. Thank you.

Sincerely in need of a rub,

~ Rora

 

[Oscuridad]

Dear Rora,

We're so very sorry about the confusion. Lars the delivery massuse was meant to have made your delivery and then kneaded you into blissful relaxation. But unfortunately, he was detained en'route by another customer.

Our apologies,

UPPS
(United Parcel Pumping Service)

 

[Vilac]

Memo To: Rora
Re: "Tim Horton's Controversy"
Fr: The Law Offices of Literotica

Please discontinue any further slander/liabalous discussion of the aforementioned "Tim Horton's Bitch", her supposed "Wet"-ness, and furthermore any other misguided namecalling.

Besides...my Mom doesn't like it rough. Just let her sling Tim-Bits and leave her the hell alone!!!! <ahem>

Sorry about the outburst.

Sincerely,
Vilac

Memo - To Vilac ~ Re: "Tim Horton's Bitch" Controversy

The previous letter directed towards the employee of a certain coffee chain was written as such because it makes the aforementioned "Bitch" wet to be called such a name.. She likes it rough; that shouldn't be a crime.

Thank you for your concern regarding the matter.

~ Rora

P.S. No, you cannot have her number.

 

[Aurora_s_Flame]

Memo To: Rora
Re: "Tim Horton's Controversy"
Fr: The Law Offices of Literotica

Please discontinue any further slander/liabalous discussion of the aforementioned "Tim Horton's Bitch", her supposed "Wet"-ness, and furthermore any other misguided namecalling.

Besides...my Mom doesn't like it rough. Just let her sling Tim-Bits and leave her the hell alone!!!! <ahem>

Sorry about the outburst.

Sincerely,
Vilac

*cough*that's what you think*cough*

Disregard that. Have a nice day.

Sincerely,

Rora

 

[islandman]

Dear anon emailer,

Good try, and given today's date, it was somewhat funny. But it didn't work. And you're still a loser for trying. L-O-S-E-R.


Kind regards,


Islandman



ps - Thanks for reminding me about the pictures. I'll take care of that this weekend.

 

[amelia]

Dear Pixies:

I'm angry and hurt. Why do you have a reunion tour and come no where near anyplace i could actually go to? I've loved you for so long and this is how you treat me?

Way out in the water,
Amelia

 

[MercyMia]

Dear Collective Spirit,

Thank you for surrounding me with love and adoration from important sources. Please don't disillusion me by taking these things away too soon.


Mia

P.S. Yes, I do recognize the accompanying responsibilities, but believe me, they do not feel like a burden.

 

[WaxNWane]

Dear everyone friendly,

Hi. I hope you're all well.

Sincerely,
Tu Papa

Ps - eff the stupid lucky dentists!

 

[lobito]

Dear Wax,

Thanks for bringing back a great thread.

lo

 

[lobito]

Dear Boo,

Though the news was odd, it sounds promising. Hopefully it won't change things too much. You always know where I am or how to find me at the right time.

I smiled when I was asked, why'd you leave? Couldn't you get reception in my house? Aunts.

Yours...

 

[lobito]

Dear Sweet T,

I'm glad I took a chance, again. Things will be different, but the same. In a good way. You'll see.

Always?
The Sunflower Guy

 

[Aurora_s_Flame]

Dear Litsters,

Please keep this thread around, as it is one of my favourites. A heartfelt thank you to WaxNWane for resurfacing it, and to Lo for bumping it to a spot where I spotted it.

Don't forget this beautiful way of expressing one's self...

Sincerely, in pj's...

~ Rora

 

[lobito]

Dear members of the clueless clique,

Here's a quarter so you can buy a clue. Keep the change.