Letters

[zipman]

Dear Dry Cleaners,

While I can appreciate the fact that it is not easy to keep track of everyone's clothes, I was wondering why you only seem to lose my favorite shirts? Perhaps the expensive cotton is lighter and these 90$ shirts just float away while the $30 dollar ones are too heavy to make it out of the bag.

Oh, and if you are going to give me women's underwear in return, please make it a clean sexy thong and not the supersized dirty white ones that no woman in their right mind would wear.

Thanks for your attention to this matter.

Zipman7

 

[Eumenides]

Dear Jim,

Just do what I do: I wait for Eume to get drunk to the point that she's incapable of running away.

She's particularly entertaining that way.

All the best,
V~

Dear V~

They arrest people for the kink you made me endure last time you got me smashed. But I'll never rat on you.

Swimmingly Sober,
Eu

 

[Jim_Henson]

Dear Eu

In the kiss, of course

Beautiful Eu.

Me

 

[perks]

Dear Ume, my sweet grrrl.

I hope you use your yahoo mail, because I sent you a card for "no apparent reason"

hearts,
ruffles

 

[WaxNWane]

To whom it may concern,

Today was a different day...and hopefully a better one.

Talking you to sleep,
Lazy boy

 

[Eumenides]

Dear Ruffles,

I sure do! I hope that I can get into it, as I can not get into yahoo. What a thing for them to do for "no real reason"! Geesh!

Yours droolingly,
Ume

 

[Vilac]

Dear V~

They arrest people for the kink you made me endure last time you got me smashed. But I'll never rat on you.

Swimmingly Sober,
Eu

Dear Eume,

I beat the rap before, and I shall beat it again! Rat away, my cocktail-cohort.

Painfully pickled,
V~

 

[Eumenides]

Dear Ruffles,

You (and Uma) make me feel like a natural woman. Thank you, darlin. Smoochies and huggles and lust...not to mention lil corner tears.

Sniffingly yours,
Eu

 

[amelia]

Dear Spicy Chicken Sandwich:

you are delicious! Thank you for tasting soooo warm and soooo yummy.

Lips Burnin for you,
Amelia

 

[perks]

sweet grrl and bedilia,

I must be in heaven,

ruffles.

 

[Vilac]

Dearest Amelia,

Yet another brilliant idea for a thread you've created here. I've only begun to write my letters as of tonight, but just wanted to say that you rock my socks.

And, if only you lived closer...I'd eat you up faster than you put away that chicken sandwich.

Mouth-Wateringly yours,
V~

 

[amelia]

Dear Ruffles:

I want to be wrapped in your blanket.

love,
Barbie

 

[perks]

Dear Vilac,

get your grubbie hands off my blanky. Bedilia Barbie is busy.

ruffles.

 

[amelia]

Dear Vilac:

i'm glad you're having a good time in this thread. there are a lot of funny and creative people here. i love reading their letters. as for eating me, i'd rather you do it slow.

sighingly yours,
Amelia

 

[Pagliacci]

Dear Credit Card company.

How come you can't get your shit together and sort out the bug that claims I have no money in my account when I tried to buy groceries earlier tonight ?

This is bad enough when there's an ATM nearby,then at least I can salvage the situation,but tonight there was no open ATM close by so I'm forced to starve.

If I ever see any of you on the streets I'll assfuck you with a spruce.

Sincerely:

P.

P.S:You could make it up to me by putting in a good word or me with her Perkiness D.S

 

[Vilac]

Dear Vilac,

get your grubbie hands off my blanky. Bedilia Barbie is busy.

ruffles.

Dearest Ruffleslut,

You are just going to have to learn to share. Bedilia Barbie professed her undying love to me when I presented her the "Bedilia Barbie" Townhouse and Corvette.

Besides...she lusts me because I look like "Dave Thomas".

Stalkingly yours,
V~

 

[perks]

Dearest Stalker V~

I always play well with others, I just like the struggle before hand, it excites me.


ruffleslut


PS ask pacci what he thinks the good word is.

 

[amelia]

Dear Vilac:

You do not look like Dave Thomas. You look like Ed from the show on NBC. You know the one...ED


http://image.pathfinder.com/people/spa/bachelors2001/men/images/tcavanagh1.jpg


that's the stuff,
Amelia

 

[perks]

Dearest Ed,

holy hot damn, molly would be kickass for you, kick that carol vessy tramp to the curb.

hearts,

uh...
molly

 

[Guest]

 

[Vilac]

Dearest Stalker V~

I always play well with others, I just like the struggle before hand, it excites me.


ruffleslut


PS ask pacci what he thinks the good word is.

Dearest Perkalicious,

I always knew you were an endorphine junkie...it's the thrill of the chase, not the capture.

And, btw...Pacci said the word is "Misanthrope". Is it some kind of code between you kids? Games are nice...but play safe: We don't want anyone losing an eye.

Cautiously yours,
V~

 

[Vilac]

Dearest Amelia-"the Ed Junkie",

Unfortunately you may have a point as to the "Ed" reference. Unfortunately for myself, however, I don't have a "Carol Vessy" roaming the streets of my fair little town.

I was using Mr. Thomas to pay homage to the fact that you'd follow anyone home who happened to be carrying a sack of tasty, hot spiced chicken sandwiches.

"Would you like Fries with that?"
V~

 

[Vilac]

Dearest Molly-Perky-Ruffleslut person,

I must confess, I have a soft spot for Ms. Vessy. She can keep me after class anytime.

heh

Care to stay after with me?

Detentionally yours,
V~

 

[perks]

Dear Stalker V~

Yes, I heart endorphins, but I'm not all talk either. I just like the physicality of a struggle.

As for misanthrope, I think that's his pet name for me. Sometimes I close my eyes, though.

ruffleslut.

 

[Vilac]

V:

Dude, What's up with the square meat?

Triple or nothingly,

MaxP

Dear Max,

Funny, that's exactally what Mrs. Thomas said on our honeymoon.

Did you know her or is it a strange coincidence?

Ketchup ya later,
Mr. Thomas