Let's Talk About... 'Ghosting'

[jasonmason]

I consider ghosting cutting all communication with no explanation.

I've had it happen to me several times. (rolley eyes)

Sorry you've had that happen. It really does suck.

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

One of the most frustrating aspects of ghosting is that it's only in retrospect that you know they've gone for good.

At what point do you consider them to have ghosted? One month? Six?

 

[LadyVer]

One of the most frustrating aspects of ghosting is that it's only in retrospect that you know they've gone for good.

At what point do you consider them to have ghosted? One month? Six?

No more than a week, two weeks tops.

 

[jasonmason]

One of the most frustrating aspects of ghosting is that it's only in retrospect that you know they've gone for good.

At what point do you consider them to have ghosted? One month? Six?

So it really depends. I know in my case, she said she was having some health problems. So our free time together was cut short. But then days became a week between contact, then a week became two. Before you know it, poof she was gone. In hindsight there were a few things I ight should have noticed. Like the time she popped up on my skype as being online, but she had told me she wouldn't be available to skype at that time.

 

[shescurious11]

I think the part that bothers me is feeling foolish for trying, for waiting those few days, for expecting someone to reciprocate. Once I realize (luckily pretty quickly) what happened, I can adjust my expectations and move on.

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

This thread is the first time I've heard of ghosting as a thing.... I can think of a couple of people I wish would ghost me.

Ahaha

Maybe Laurel can come up with a Cloak of Invisibilty button. Like iggy in reverse.

 

[mickyp123]

I had a relationship on here with someone for 7 years, then overnight gone, that was 4 and a half years ago, i can only think she suffered an asthma attack and passed on, the worst bit is no closure, no goodbye, if she were to ghost me now, well that would be wicked fun.

 

[ydahecnot]

I've never done it. I have had it happen, and it's a blow for a bit, but I'm not going to give one the satisfaction of letting it keep me down. Life goes on. The more frustrating one is having sent the last PM in a convo....and you never end up getting the return, unless you send a follow-up one.

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

I had a relationship on here with someone for 7 years, then overnight gone, that was 4 and a half years ago, i can only think she suffered an asthma attack and passed on, the worst bit is no closure, no goodbye, if she were to ghost me now, well that would be wicked fun.

I've never done it. I have had it happen, and it's a blow for a bit, but I'm not going to give one the satisfaction of letting it keep me down. Life goes on. The more frustrating one is having sent the last PM in a convo....and you never end up getting the return, unless you send a follow-up one.

Somebody has to send the last one.

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

Gimpy and mickey bring up a good point: sometimes ghosting seems unavoidable.

Does anyone in your rl know about Lit, and would be able to let your friends here know in the event you were to pass on?

 

[barefootgirl69]

I've never done it. I have had it happen, and it's a blow for a bit, but I'm not going to give one the satisfaction of letting it keep me down. Life goes on. The more frustrating one is having sent the last PM in a convo....and you never end up getting the return, unless you send a follow-up one.

I told you I was sleeping and I'd write when I woke up!

I've had it happen. It isn't something I'd choose for someone to do to me.

 

[mickyp123]

Gimpy and mickey bring up a good point: sometimes ghosting seems unavoidable.

Does anyone in your rl know about Lit, and would be able to let your friends here know in the event you were to pass on?

Nobody in RL knows about Lit, so it is a problem if someone vanishes it is a problem, and it has happened to a few I know where we have been told of a possible demise but without any proof

 

[beachbaby179]

There are several people here on Lit who know who I really am, and they know I would never just leave without saying goodbye. I'd like to think that if I ever just disappeared, they'd Google obituaries or something and then come here and let you all know I wouldn't be back.

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

Nobody in RL knows about Lit, so it is a problem if someone vanishes it is a problem, and it has happened to a few I know where we have been told of a possible demise but without any proof

Yes, I have a friend on another forum with serious health issues. If something were to happen to him...

My second daughter knows about Lit, and has multiple ways of getting the word out, although I'm secretly hoping that she would come and start a really crazy-fun thread and carry on the family tradition! If nothing else, I have several Lit friends on Facebook... I'm sure someone would pass the info along.

A Litster died not too long ago... dirtwrench, I believe was his name. His wife came on and let everyone know he had passed. It was tremendously gracious of her to do so, and moving to see other posters' responses.

 

[hotoldrguy]

no ghosting for me....I am not sure if I have been ghosted but I am old so maybe I just wasn't paying attention

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

There are several people here on Lit who know who I really am, and they know I would never just leave without saying goodbye. I'd like to think that if I ever just disappeared, they'd Google obituaries or something and then come here and let you all know I wouldn't be back.

Can I have dibs on the dress you're wearing in your av?

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

no ghosting for me....I am not sure if I have been ghosted but I am old so maybe I just wasn't paying attention

hahahahahahaha

 

[PeteHulbert37]

I'll tell you what it is......bullshit! I don't pretend to be something I'm not. I think most times someone ghosts it's because they are a liar. No matter what, to not behave like an adult about things is fucking stupid.

 

[Jamiegeo]

I came in this thread to learn what 'Ghosting' was. Wrongly i read the title and just assumed it must be some new slang like 'teabagging','Dutchrudder' etc...wow was i wrong..

I have inadvertantly lost regular pm conversation with some on here but thats probably down to me being a terrible conversationalist and general Hermit. I apologise to those involved in that
Regards, J.

 

[beachbaby179]

True, Ricky. And sometimes they get caught and have to leave to fix what's broken. But if they're physically able they should say goodbye. Almost as bad are the one line "I have to walk away" messages you get with no real explanation. I've gotten one of those.

Honey...you can have it. But don't wait for me to croak. It's on Venus.com!!

 

[jmarx20102012]

Never knew what ghosting was until now. If I had guessed it would have been 2 people making pottery together naked.

 

[LizzieEr]

I have been ghosted once. It's hurtful and not fun. I understand the need to leave and grow. I do it myself but there is the need for a proper closure and the chance to say goodbye...

I feel like there are a shit tonne of people who should ghost themselves from this forum in order to make it a more readable place. Pretty much anyone who has ever said, "That's offensive." They should all disappear and be banished to a forum where they can vela me together.

Also, people who listen to Nickelback should be ghosted.

Incidentally I Nickelback.

 

[done_got_old]

I'm sure there are women and men who are dead because they tried to leave a relationship the right way. Ghosting may have saved their lives. Perhaps a person is afraid of what someone could/would do if they left. Sometimes you have to remove toxic people from your life in order to protect yourself.


Have I ever done it? Yes, about 40 years ago.

 

[Lord Pmann]

Imagine having what you think is a good relationship with someone. You've known them for months or years on line or IRL. One day, they decide to stop talking to you. You have no idea why. You can only imagine. It is really hurtful, no matter the age.

I think you missed the intent of my post. I was saying that lame people should ghost themselves as to not bore us to death with their stupid ass posts.

I do realize it sucks to be ghosted. I've had it happen a time or two, though I didn't know it was called ghosting. Sadly, the one that I remember was, I believe, for health reasons. So that's more sad than anything on me.

So, LadyVer, I'm just saying the people who need to ghost themselves are not people who we enjoy seeing post!

 

[shescurious11]

I don't think of not answering a private message or not continuing a casual conversation as ghosting. I'm thinking of an ongoing and significant relationship, like someone who texted me almost every day for 5 months and then POOF, just gone.