Let's Talk About 'Gentle' FemDom

[LittleSwitchy]

I'm a switch and I started this thread.

If you've got something to say, go ahead and say it, regardless of your label - or lack of.

Thanks Wild Honey. I appreciate that

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

Thanks Wild Honey. I appreciate that

Of course. And call me Honey - or Miss Honey, if you prefer.

Why would it matter if you're a switch? It doesn't. There's no rule that says switches can't have opinions on matters of FemDom. What is this, middle school?

If you're a human, you get to have an opinion. And you get to share it here.

Carry on.

 

[LittleSwitchy]

Of course. And call me Honey - or Miss Honey, if you prefer.

Why would it matter if you're a switch? It doesn't. There's no rule that says switches can't have opinions on matters of FemDom. What is this, middle school?

If you're a human, you get to have an opinion. And you get to share it here.

Carry on.

Miss Honey
It’s just lot of the time a switch doesn’t really fit in.

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

Miss Honey
It’s just lot of the time a switch doesn’t really fit in.

Please elaborate.

 

[LittleSwitchy]

Please elaborate.

Miss Honey
Surely. From my experience at least. Lot of submissives don’t like switches. They feel that a switch is not dominant enough. Then dominants think a switch is going to top from the bottom.

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

Miss Honey
Surely. From my experience at least. Lot of submissives don’t like switches. They feel that a switch is not dominant enough. Then dominants think a switch is going to top from the bottom.

Online? Offline?

Give me an example of one of these conversations, please.

 

[LittleSwitchy]

Online? Offline?

Give me an example of one of these conversations, please.

Miss Honey
Feel free to DM. We can have a pc conversation about it.

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

Miss Honey
Feel free to DM. We can have a pc conversation about it.

If it's happened to you, it's probably happened to others, and your perspective may be helpful to them.

It hasn't been my experience, but perhaps that's because I'm a woman? Idk.

I will say that almost every man who has told me he IDs as a switch has ended up wanting to bottom to me, rather than top. Which is fine. But there's been a distinct pattern. I feel like many men claiming to be switches aren't, they're just saying that to get their foot in the door. I wish they'd just own their shit and say they're a sub from the get-go. I mean, come on now, I'm not stupid, I can usually smell the sub all over them.

What I'm saying is that I think there's an excellent chance that the subs who are turning you down have perhaps had a similar experience to mine, and if they're not also a switch, then there would be no viable Plan B available.

Ultimately, no one can know what sort of chemistry they will or won't have with another person until they dip their toe in the pool, and anyone with any sense knows that. Switch or not. So either the folks who are giving you a pass are lacking sense (in which case, you've dodged a bullet), or there's something else going on.

Could you be putting too much emphasis on the label itself? I typically don't make a big deal about mine, if I use it at all. I prefer to just answer the question of roles by saying that I like to allow a dynamic to develop organically and see where it takes us.

 

[LittleSwitchy]

If it's happened to you, it's probably happened to others, and your perspective may be helpful to them.

It hasn't been my experience, but perhaps that's because I'm a woman? Idk.

I will say that almost every man who has told me he IDs as a switch has ended up wanting to bottom to me, rather than top. Which is fine. But there's been a distinct pattern. I feel like many men claiming to be switches aren't, they're just saying that to get their foot in the door. I wish they'd just own their shit and say they're a sub from the get-go. I mean, come on now, I'm not stupid, I can usually smell the sub all over them.

What I'm saying is that I think there's an excellent chance that the subs who are turning you down have perhaps had a similar experience to mine, and if they're not also a switch, then there would be no viable Plan B available.

Ultimately, no one can know what sort of chemistry they will or won't have with another person until they dip their toe in the pool, and anyone with any sense knows that. Switch or not. So either the folks who are giving you a pass are lacking sense (in which case, you've dodged a bullet), or there's something else going on.

Could you be putting too much emphasis on the label itself? I typically don't make a big deal about mine, if I use it at all. I prefer to just answer the question of roles by saying that I like to allow a dynamic to develop organically and see where it takes us.

I dipped my toes into lifestyle 15 years ago. I started learning on a now nonexistent website. I’ve been lucky enough to meet some ladies. We started a relationship outside of lifestyle. After we built a trust. I slowly introduced them into the lifestyle.
Over the years I’ve had some tell me they saw me as dominant. Others said submissive. In either case. I’m being me. How they see me is on them.

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

Fair enough!

 

[LittleSwitchy]

I’m going to agree to disagree with you on this topic

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

Pardon?

 

[LittleSwitchy]

The ladies I was lucky enough to introduce them to the lifestyle. They were all in person. In case anyone is thinking… oh LittleSwitch is just online.
Nope. Just started my learning there. Like many around here and there. In my years in the lifestyle I’ve met some awesome people. Some are good friends.

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

Online experience is valid. It's how many, many people got started.

Wonderful that you've had rewarding experiences and made lasting friendships.

 

[LittleSwitchy]

Online experience is valid. It's how many, many people got started.

Wonderful that you've had rewarding experiences and made lasting friendships.

If by valid you mean online is a resource to read/ learn about lifestyle. I agree it’s a starting point. But that’s where online stops teaching.
People that have never felt an impact toy used on them. They can’t really say…. Ooooo I love a cane/ flogger. Cause it’s a huge difference from mental/ fantasy and in person physical contact.
I’m pretty sure I just ticked off A LOT of people.

 

[emme8]

If by valid you mean online is a resource to read/ learn about lifestyle. I agree it’s a starting point. But that’s where online stops teaching.
People that have never felt an impact toy used on them. They can’t really say…. Ooooo I love a cane/ flogger. Cause it’s a huge difference from mental/ fantasy and in person physical contact.
I’m pretty sure I just ticked off A LOT of people.

It's also very different when you are hitting yourself or are being stuck by someone else. There's a huge difference that restraints make also.

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

If by valid you mean online is a resource to read/ learn about lifestyle. I agree it’s a starting point. But that’s where online stops teaching.
People that have never felt an impact toy used on them. They can’t really say…. Ooooo I love a cane/ flogger. Cause it’s a huge difference from mental/ fantasy and in person physical contact.
I’m pretty sure I just ticked off A LOT of people.

Doubtful.

I don't see anyone arguing that online is the same/as 'good' as offline. I think in person is probably the ideal for most folks.

If you're looking for a scuffle, might I suggest a visit to the General Board? Otherwise, take a breath, relax, and enjoy your time in this corner of Lit. Most of the BDSM regulars are pretty chill and welcoming, if you give them the opportunity.

 

[javerotics]

Some women who have reached adulthood prefer their sexuality and self-esteem. They feel the desire to dissipate solveand in sex, and the awareness of their own sexuality controls a stormy flow of desire for complete satisfaction. In most cases, it is these mature women who are most familiar with the tones in female domination.

 

[Wonderer67]

I would say that our relationship falls into the gentle femdom category. We were watching some porn where the woman slapped the man she was with a little bit. I told my wife that turn me on. She’s very loving and gentle person and doesn’t like the idea of striking anyone. After some discussion we tried it a little bit but it just didn’t work for her.

Any relationship is about communication, limits, discussion about likes, dislikes etc. even a relationship which is based on power exchange.

 

[subbywannabe]

Gentle femdom also called Sensuous Femdom. Some spanking, no whipping. Nothing extreme. No pain , unless asked for. You might tell him that he has to beg Mistress to slap her pet. You have to discuss limits first. I love my nipples to be clamped. But no hits or slaps to the balls. Verbally you might call your submissive your pet as opposed to calling him a worthless piece of shit. All of my submission has only been in my fantasies. But I'm new and wanted to say something.

 

[Ssbbw4u1974]

I feel I'm a very gentle Dom as a woman. I don't do belittling unless my sub enjoys it. I get turned on by my sub getting turned on. Yes I'm a switch also.

 

[Titsandclits]

I feel I'm a very gentle Dom as a woman. I don't do belittling unless my sub enjoys it. I get turned on by my sub getting turned on. Yes I'm a switch also.

You sound like my kind of Dom

 

[MiaDani80]

Miss Honey. I’m a switch too. Really enjoyed and appreciate this thread.

When I’m not in sub space, I think gentle femdom is exactly what I like when I serve a mistress. But my experience is that when I am deep on sub space and my limits are pushed, I very much respond enthusiastically to much less gentle femdom.

What keeps me coming back to the phrase though is that at my most submissive, I want to be coddled and cuddled and loved and petter, almost like an adult baby…to suckle from mommy’s breast’s.

All of which is to say that I think gentle femdom is real, I want it most of the time, but not all of the time when I’m in a domme/sub relationship

 

[Hardon4u21]

Welcome - shall we begin?

I have a few questions, but it would be great if the gentlemen chiming in here could give us just the tiniest bit of an intro by way of including their age and how they became interested in FemDom (gentle or otherwise). Thank you!

**How do you see 'Gentle' FemDom being different from the more traditional type of feminine domination?

**Why is it appealing?

**What does a 'gentle' Domme look like to you? How does she behave?

**What do you look for in a GFD relationship? What do you hope to get out of it?

**How do you see it fitting into your life - bedroom only, or lifestyle?

I’m 59. I’ve never been dominated, but the thought of a role reversal turns me on. I see my self being treated by a woman who just wants to make me feel good acting as the loving alpha getting me I touch with my feminine side.

 

[Wonderer67]

I’m 59. I’ve never been dominated, but the thought of a role reversal turns me on. I see my self being treated by a woman who just wants to make me feel good acting as the loving alpha getting me I touch with my feminine side.

For me it’s all about the role reversal. Being forced to be in a taking Role, sexually. Sometime I tell my wife it feels like I am being transformed into a woman. It’s super hot, for me.