Kitkat103
Waiting for Daylight
- Joined
- Oct 18, 2009
- Posts
- 24,514
Laughter is Contagious
- Thread starter techsan
- Start date
- Status
Kitkat103
Waiting for Daylight
- Joined
- Oct 18, 2009
- Posts
- 24,514
Kitkat103
Waiting for Daylight
- Joined
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- Posts
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Kitkat103
Waiting for Daylight
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Kitkat103
Waiting for Daylight
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Slow Ride469
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Nov 28, 2003
- Posts
- 49,419
At a Senior Citizen's luncheon, an elderly
> gentleman and an elderly lady
> struck up a conversation and discovered that
> they both loved to fish.
>
> Since both of them were widowed,
>
> they decided to go fishing together the next day.
>
> The gentleman picked the lady up, and they
> headed to the river to his fishing boat and
> started out on their adventure.
> They were riding down the river when there was a
> fork in the river, and the gentleman asked the lady,
> "Do you want to go up or down?"
>
> All of a sudden the lady stripped off her shirt
> and pants and made mad passionate love to the man
> right there in the boat !
>
> When they finished, the man couldn't believe
> what had just happened, but he had just experienced
> the best sex that he'd had in years.
> They fished for a while and continued on down the
> river, when soon they came upon another fork in the
> river.
>
> He again asked the lady, "Up or down ?"
>
> There she went again, stripped off her clothes,
> and made wild passionate love to him again.
>
> This really impressed the elderly gentleman, so
> he asked her to go fishing again the next day.
>
> She said yes and there they were the next day,
> riding in the boat when they came upon the fork in
> river, and the elderly gentleman asked, "Up or down ?"
>
> The woman replied, "Down."
>
> A little puzzled and disappointed, the gentleman
> guided the boat down the river when he came upon
> another fork in the river and he asked the
> lady,"Up or down ?"
>
> She replied, "Up."
>
> This really confused the gentleman so he asked,
> "What's the deal? Yesterday, every time I asked
> you if you wanted to go up or down you made mad
> passionate love to me. Now today, nothing!"
>
> She replied, "Well, yesterday I wasn't wearing
> my hearing aid and I thought the choices were
> fuck or drown."
> gentleman and an elderly lady
> struck up a conversation and discovered that
> they both loved to fish.
>
> Since both of them were widowed,
>
> they decided to go fishing together the next day.
>
> The gentleman picked the lady up, and they
> headed to the river to his fishing boat and
> started out on their adventure.
> They were riding down the river when there was a
> fork in the river, and the gentleman asked the lady,
> "Do you want to go up or down?"
>
> All of a sudden the lady stripped off her shirt
> and pants and made mad passionate love to the man
> right there in the boat !
>
> When they finished, the man couldn't believe
> what had just happened, but he had just experienced
> the best sex that he'd had in years.
> They fished for a while and continued on down the
> river, when soon they came upon another fork in the
> river.
>
> He again asked the lady, "Up or down ?"
>
> There she went again, stripped off her clothes,
> and made wild passionate love to him again.
>
> This really impressed the elderly gentleman, so
> he asked her to go fishing again the next day.
>
> She said yes and there they were the next day,
> riding in the boat when they came upon the fork in
> river, and the elderly gentleman asked, "Up or down ?"
>
> The woman replied, "Down."
>
> A little puzzled and disappointed, the gentleman
> guided the boat down the river when he came upon
> another fork in the river and he asked the
> lady,"Up or down ?"
>
> She replied, "Up."
>
> This really confused the gentleman so he asked,
> "What's the deal? Yesterday, every time I asked
> you if you wanted to go up or down you made mad
> passionate love to me. Now today, nothing!"
>
> She replied, "Well, yesterday I wasn't wearing
> my hearing aid and I thought the choices were
> fuck or drown."
kayte
This Was My Favorite Toy
- Joined
- Jan 7, 2002
- Posts
- 135,693
Doctors vs. Gun Owners
Doctors
(A) The number of physicians in the U.S. is
700,000.
(B) Accidental deaths caused by Physicians
per year are
120,000.
(C) Accidental deaths per physician
is
0.171
Statistics courtesy of U.S. Dept of
Health and Human Services.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Now think about this:
Guns
(A) The number of gun owners in the U.S.
is
80,000,000.
(Yes, that's 80 million)
(B) The number of accidental gun deaths
per year, all age groups,
is
1,500.
(C) The number of accidental deaths
per gun owner
is
.0000188
Statistics courtesy of FBI
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
So, statistically, doctors are approximately
9,000 times more dangerous than gun owners.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Remember, 'Guns don't kill people, doctors do.'
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
FACT: NOT EVERYONE HAS A GUN,
BUT
Almost everyone has at least one doctor.
This means you are over 9,000 times more likely to be killed by a doctor as by a gun owner!!!
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Please alert your friends
to this
alarming threat.
We must ban doctors
before this gets completely out of hand!!!!!
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Out of concern for the public at large,
We withheld the statistics on
lawyers
for fear the shock would cause
people to panic and seek medical attention!
Doctors
(A) The number of physicians in the U.S. is
700,000.
(B) Accidental deaths caused by Physicians
per year are
120,000.
(C) Accidental deaths per physician
is
0.171
Statistics courtesy of U.S. Dept of
Health and Human Services.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Now think about this:
Guns
(A) The number of gun owners in the U.S.
is
80,000,000.
(Yes, that's 80 million)
(B) The number of accidental gun deaths
per year, all age groups,
is
1,500.
(C) The number of accidental deaths
per gun owner
is
.0000188
Statistics courtesy of FBI
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
So, statistically, doctors are approximately
9,000 times more dangerous than gun owners.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Remember, 'Guns don't kill people, doctors do.'
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
FACT: NOT EVERYONE HAS A GUN,
BUT
Almost everyone has at least one doctor.
This means you are over 9,000 times more likely to be killed by a doctor as by a gun owner!!!
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Please alert your friends
to this
alarming threat.
We must ban doctors
before this gets completely out of hand!!!!!
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Out of concern for the public at large,
We withheld the statistics on
lawyers
for fear the shock would cause
people to panic and seek medical attention!
Now for the insurance part.
Last edited:
Kitkat103
Waiting for Daylight
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- Posts
- 24,514
Kitkat103
Waiting for Daylight
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settledseas
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Aug 9, 2008
- Posts
- 58,931
54 year old woman
************************************
A 54 year old woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital.
While on the operating table she had a near death experience.. Seeing
God she asked "Is my time up?
God said, "No, you have another 43 years, 2 months and 8 days to live."
Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a
face-lift, liposuction, breast implants and a tummy tuck.
She even had someone come in and change her hair color and brighten her
teeth! Since she had so much more time to live, she figured she might as
well make the most of it.
After her last operation, she was released from the hospital. While
crossing the street on her way home, she was killed by an ambulance.
Arriving in front of God, she demanded, "I thought you said I had
another 43 years? Why didn't you pull me from out of the path of the ambulance?"
God replied: "Child! I didn't recognize you."
************************************
A 54 year old woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital.
While on the operating table she had a near death experience.. Seeing
God she asked "Is my time up?
God said, "No, you have another 43 years, 2 months and 8 days to live."
Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a
face-lift, liposuction, breast implants and a tummy tuck.
She even had someone come in and change her hair color and brighten her
teeth! Since she had so much more time to live, she figured she might as
well make the most of it.
After her last operation, she was released from the hospital. While
crossing the street on her way home, she was killed by an ambulance.
Arriving in front of God, she demanded, "I thought you said I had
another 43 years? Why didn't you pull me from out of the path of the ambulance?"
God replied: "Child! I didn't recognize you."
Kitkat103
Waiting for Daylight
- Joined
- Oct 18, 2009
- Posts
- 24,514
Some pandas are dicks:
http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lhg5lezFnU1qh4nf6o1_250.gif
http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lhg5lezFnU1qh4nf6o1_250.gif
AbsintheFather
Passing some time
- Joined
- Dec 10, 2009
- Posts
- 42,571
AbsintheFather
Passing some time
- Joined
- Dec 10, 2009
- Posts
- 42,571
I wish I could be this oblivious to distractions
http://26.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lh86ee4CbC1qzma4ho1_500.jpg
http://26.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lh86ee4CbC1qzma4ho1_500.jpg
Kitkat103
Waiting for Daylight
- Joined
- Oct 18, 2009
- Posts
- 24,514
Kitkat103
Waiting for Daylight
- Joined
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- Posts
- 24,514
Kitkat103
Waiting for Daylight
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- Posts
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Kitkat103
Waiting for Daylight
- Joined
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- Posts
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AbsintheFather
Passing some time
- Joined
- Dec 10, 2009
- Posts
- 42,571
Kitkat103
Waiting for Daylight
- Joined
- Oct 18, 2009
- Posts
- 24,514
He WILL get that cheese!
Kitkat103
Waiting for Daylight
- Joined
- Oct 18, 2009
- Posts
- 24,514
Kitkat103
Waiting for Daylight
- Joined
- Oct 18, 2009
- Posts
- 24,514
kayte
This Was My Favorite Toy
- Joined
- Jan 7, 2002
- Posts
- 135,693
Why You Shouldn't Send A Woman To A Hardware Store
Charlie was installing a new door and found that one of the hinges was missing.
He asked his wife, Mary, if she would go to the hardware store and pick up a hinge.
Mary agreed to go.
While she was waiting for the nice young man to finish serving a customer, her eye caught a beautiful bathroom vanity faucet set.
When the man finished with the other customer, Mary asked him, "How much is that vanity set?"
The young assistant manager replied, "That's a gold plated set and the price is $900.00."
"My goodness," Mary exclaimed, "that is very expensive. It's certainly out of my price bracket." She then proceeded to describe the hinge that Charlie had sent her to buy.
The manager said that he had them in stock and went into the storeroom to get one. From the storeroom he yelled, "Lady, do you wanna screw fo the hinge?"
Mary paused for a moment and then shouted back, "No, but I will for the vanity set."
This is why you should never send a woman to the hardware store!
Charlie was installing a new door and found that one of the hinges was missing.
He asked his wife, Mary, if she would go to the hardware store and pick up a hinge.
Mary agreed to go.
While she was waiting for the nice young man to finish serving a customer, her eye caught a beautiful bathroom vanity faucet set.
When the man finished with the other customer, Mary asked him, "How much is that vanity set?"
The young assistant manager replied, "That's a gold plated set and the price is $900.00."
"My goodness," Mary exclaimed, "that is very expensive. It's certainly out of my price bracket." She then proceeded to describe the hinge that Charlie had sent her to buy.
The manager said that he had them in stock and went into the storeroom to get one. From the storeroom he yelled, "Lady, do you wanna screw fo the hinge?"
Mary paused for a moment and then shouted back, "No, but I will for the vanity set."
This is why you should never send a woman to the hardware store!
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