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Laughter is Contagious

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kayte said:
Good afternoon ALL.

The funnies that have been appearing are just wonderful. :D

Here is a giggle.

On a beautiful summer's day, two English tourists were driving through Wales.

At the town of Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwyllllantysiliogogoch they stopped for lunch, and one of the tourists asked the very blonde waitress, "Before we order, I wonder if you could settle an argument for us... Can you pronounce where we are, very, very, very slowly?"

The girl leaned over and said, "Burrr.... Gurrr.... King".



I do wonder though, is she blonde or just very, very literal? ;)
Click to expand...

Hey K all is well. Funny joke!

http://28.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_leub0wL3Ye1qalykoo1_400.jpg
 
A cowboy appeared before St. Peter at the Pearly Gates. 'Have you ever done anything of particular merit?' St. Peter asked.

'Well, I can think of one thing,' the cowboy offered.

'On a trip to the Black Hills out in South Dakota , I came upon a gang of bikers who were threatening a young woman. I directed them to leave her alone, but they wouldn't listen. So, I approached the largest and most tattooed biker and smacked him in the face, kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring, and threw it on the ground. I yelled, 'Now, back off or I'll kick the shit out of all of you!'

St. Peter was impressed, 'When did this happen?'

'Couple of minutes ago.'
 
Two cannibals, a father and son, were elected by the tribe to go out and
get something to eat. They walked deep into the jungle and waited by a
path.

Before long, along came this little old man. The son said, "Ooh dad,
there's one."

"No," said the father. "There's not enough meat on that one to even feed
the dogs. We'll just wait."

Well, a little while later, along came this really fat man. The son said,
"Hey dad, he's plenty big enough."

"No," the father said. "We'd all die of a heart attack from the fat in
that one. We'll just wait."

About an hour later, here comes this absolutely gorgeous woman. The son
said, "Now there's nothing wrong with that one dad. Let's eat her."

"No," said the father. "We'll not eat her either."

"Why not?" asked the son.

"Because, we're going to take her back alive and eat your mother."
 
A tour bus driver is driving with a bus load of seniors down a highway when he is tapped on his shoulder by a little old lady. She offers him a handful of peanuts,which he gratefully munches up.

After about 45 minutes, she taps him on his shoulder again and she hands him another handful of peanuts.

She repeats this gesture two more times.

When she is about to hand him another batch again ....he asks the little old lady, 'Why don't you eat the peanuts yourself?'.

'We can't chew them because we have no teeth', she replied.

The puzzled driver asks, 'Why do you buy them then?'

The old lady replied, 'We just love the chocolate around them.'
 
One day, after striking gold in Alaska, a lonesome miner came down from the mountains and walked into a saloon in the nearest town. "I'm lookin' for the meanest, roughest and toughest whore in the Yukon!" he said to the bartender. "We got her!" replied the barkeep. "She's upstairs in the second room on the right." The miner handed the bartender a gold nugget to pay for the whore and two beers. He grabbed the beer bottles, stomped up the stairs, kicked open the second door on the right and yelled, "I'm lookin' for the meanest, roughest and toughest whore in the Yukon!" The woman inside the room looked at the miner and said, "You found her!" Then she stripped naked, bent over and grabbed her ankles. "How do you know I want to do it in that position?" asked the miner. "I don't," replied the whore, "but I thought you might like to open those beers before we get started.
 
After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Target. Unfortunately, like most men I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate my wife is like most women - she loves to browse.

Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Target:

Dear Mrs. Clifton:

Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Clifton, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras:



1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: He made a trail from a jar of brown gravy on the floor leading to the both the ladies and men's restrooms.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'. This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance causing management to lose time and costing the company money.

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.

6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.

8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' EMTs were called.

9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the 'Mission Impossible' theme.

12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels.

13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through yelling 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

14. October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'



And last but not least:

15. October 23: Went into a fitting room shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.' One of the clerks passed out.

.
 
newbiebabe said:
After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Target. Unfortunately, like most men I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate my wife is like most women - she loves to browse.

Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Target:

Dear Mrs. Clifton:

Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Clifton, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras:



1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: He made a trail from a jar of brown gravy on the floor leading to the both the ladies and men's restrooms.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'. This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance causing management to lose time and costing the company money.

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.

6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.

8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' EMTs were called.

9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the 'Mission Impossible' theme.

12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels.

13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through yelling 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

14. October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'



And last but not least:

15. October 23: Went into a fitting room shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.' One of the clerks passed out.

.
Click to expand...

Lol, could you imagine the damage he would have done in Walmart?
 
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