techsan
...just chugging along
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Laughter is Contagious
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techsan
...just chugging along
- Joined
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- 6,165
techsan
...just chugging along
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Jail
Mrs. Flameman
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- Oct 30, 2004
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First Thing to do after Jail
Bad Bernie was in prison for seven years. The day he got out, his wife and son were there to pick him up. He came through the gates and got into the car.
The only thing he said was, "F.F."
His wife turned to him and answered, "E.F."
Out on the highway, he said, "F.F."
She responded simply, "E.F."
He repeated, "F.F."
She again replied, "E.F."
"Mom! Dad!" their son yelled. "What's going on?"
Bad Bernie answered, "Your mother wants to eat first!"
Bad Bernie was in prison for seven years. The day he got out, his wife and son were there to pick him up. He came through the gates and got into the car.
The only thing he said was, "F.F."
His wife turned to him and answered, "E.F."
Out on the highway, he said, "F.F."
She responded simply, "E.F."
He repeated, "F.F."
She again replied, "E.F."
"Mom! Dad!" their son yelled. "What's going on?"
Bad Bernie answered, "Your mother wants to eat first!"
Jail
Mrs. Flameman
- Joined
- Oct 30, 2004
- Posts
- 30,188
Low Sperm Count
A 70 year old man went to his doctor's office to get a sperm count.
The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and
bring me back a sample tomorrow." The next day the 70 year old man
reappears at the doctor's office and gives him the jar, which is as
clean and empty as on - the previous day.
The doctor asked what happened and the man explains:
"Well, doc, it's like this: First I tried with my right hand, but, nothing.
Then I tried with-my left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my wife
for help. She - tried with her right hand, with nothing. Then her left,
but nothing. She - even tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in,
then with the teeth-out, and still nothing. We even called up
the lady next door and-she tried with both hands and her mouth too,
but nothing."
The doctor was shocked! "You asked your neighbor?"
the old man replied, "yep, but no matter what we tried we couldn't get the DARN jar open!"
A 70 year old man went to his doctor's office to get a sperm count.
The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and
bring me back a sample tomorrow." The next day the 70 year old man
reappears at the doctor's office and gives him the jar, which is as
clean and empty as on - the previous day.
The doctor asked what happened and the man explains:
"Well, doc, it's like this: First I tried with my right hand, but, nothing.
Then I tried with-my left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my wife
for help. She - tried with her right hand, with nothing. Then her left,
but nothing. She - even tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in,
then with the teeth-out, and still nothing. We even called up
the lady next door and-she tried with both hands and her mouth too,
but nothing."
The doctor was shocked! "You asked your neighbor?"
the old man replied, "yep, but no matter what we tried we couldn't get the DARN jar open!"
Jail
Mrs. Flameman
- Joined
- Oct 30, 2004
- Posts
- 30,188
Check your Dirty IQ!
Questions:
1. When I go in I might cause pain. I cause you to spit and ask you not to swallow. I can fill your hole. What am I?
2. A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored. The best man always has me first. What am I?
3. I'm spread before I'm eaten. Your tongue gets me off. People sometimes like to lick my nuts. What am I?
4. I go in hard. I come out soft. You blow me hard . What am I?
5. All day long it's in and out. I discharge loads from my shaft. Both men and women go down on me. What am I?
6. I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When You blow me you feel good. What am I?
7. If I miss, I hit your bush. It's my job to stuff your box. When I come, it's news. What am I?
8. I offer protection. I get the finger ten times. You use your fingers to get me off. What am I?
9. I assist an erection. Sometimes big balls hang from me. I'm called a big swinger. What am I?
10. I'm at least 6 inches long. I leave foamy lubrication when engaged in my job. What am I?
Answers:
1. a dentist
2. a wedding ring
3. peanut butter
4.chewing gum
5. an elevator
6. a nose
7. a newspaper boy
8. a glove
9. a crane
10. a toothbrush, of course!
Now Really! Just what were you thinking?
Questions:
1. When I go in I might cause pain. I cause you to spit and ask you not to swallow. I can fill your hole. What am I?
2. A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored. The best man always has me first. What am I?
3. I'm spread before I'm eaten. Your tongue gets me off. People sometimes like to lick my nuts. What am I?
4. I go in hard. I come out soft. You blow me hard . What am I?
5. All day long it's in and out. I discharge loads from my shaft. Both men and women go down on me. What am I?
6. I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When You blow me you feel good. What am I?
7. If I miss, I hit your bush. It's my job to stuff your box. When I come, it's news. What am I?
8. I offer protection. I get the finger ten times. You use your fingers to get me off. What am I?
9. I assist an erection. Sometimes big balls hang from me. I'm called a big swinger. What am I?
10. I'm at least 6 inches long. I leave foamy lubrication when engaged in my job. What am I?
Answers:
1. a dentist
2. a wedding ring
3. peanut butter
4.chewing gum
5. an elevator
6. a nose
7. a newspaper boy
8. a glove
9. a crane
10. a toothbrush, of course!
Now Really! Just what were you thinking?
KnowsCycles
Really Experienced
- Joined
- Apr 25, 2006
- Posts
- 101
Motorcycle joke...
There's these 3 dogs on motorcycles. One is riding a Harley, one is riding a Sport bike (aka crotch rocket), and the other is riding a Gold Wing.
The harley dog says, "Let's go into the butcher shop and steal some steaks!"
The sport bike dog says, "Naw, let's just go in and buy the steaks."
The GoldWing dog says...*snicker* "Nooooo...let's go in and whine until they give 'em to us for free..."
For you, Jaily!
There's these 3 dogs on motorcycles. One is riding a Harley, one is riding a Sport bike (aka crotch rocket), and the other is riding a Gold Wing.
The harley dog says, "Let's go into the butcher shop and steal some steaks!"
The sport bike dog says, "Naw, let's just go in and buy the steaks."
The GoldWing dog says...*snicker* "Nooooo...let's go in and whine until they give 'em to us for free..."
For you, Jaily!
KnowsCycles
Really Experienced
- Joined
- Apr 25, 2006
- Posts
- 101
And another motorcycle joke...
There's this girl, maybe 12 or 13, walking down the sidewalk.
An older man rolls up alongside of her on a Honda motorcycle...and says, "Hey there little girl. Wanna go for a ride?"
She begins walking faster, trying to ignore him.
He keeps pace with her and says, "Come on...just let me give you a ride home..."
She finally stops, turns and glares at him...*snicker* And says to him..."Dad...How many times have I told you! I'm not riding on that thing! You shoulda got the Harley!"
There's this girl, maybe 12 or 13, walking down the sidewalk.
An older man rolls up alongside of her on a Honda motorcycle...and says, "Hey there little girl. Wanna go for a ride?"
She begins walking faster, trying to ignore him.
He keeps pace with her and says, "Come on...just let me give you a ride home..."
She finally stops, turns and glares at him...*snicker* And says to him..."Dad...How many times have I told you! I'm not riding on that thing! You shoulda got the Harley!"
techsan
...just chugging along
- Joined
- Feb 10, 2005
- Posts
- 6,165
LMAO! It's all in the code!Jail said:First Thing to do after Jail
Bad Bernie was in prison for seven years. The day he got out, his wife and son were there to pick him up. He came through the gates and got into the car.
The only thing he said was, "F.F."
His wife turned to him and answered, "E.F."
Out on the highway, he said, "F.F."
She responded simply, "E.F."
He repeated, "F.F."
She again replied, "E.F."
"Mom! Dad!" their son yelled. "What's going on?"
Bad Bernie answered, "Your mother wants to eat first!"
Jail
Mrs. Flameman
- Joined
- Oct 30, 2004
- Posts
- 30,188
oh boyKnowsCycles said:There's these 3 dogs on motorcycles. One is riding a Harley, one is riding a Sport bike (aka crotch rocket), and the other is riding a Gold Wing.
The harley dog says, "Let's go into the butcher shop and steal some steaks!"
The sport bike dog says, "Naw, let's just go in and buy the steaks."
The GoldWing dog says...*snicker* "Nooooo...let's go in and whine until they give 'em to us for free..."
For you, Jaily!
Jail
Mrs. Flameman
- Joined
- Oct 30, 2004
- Posts
- 30,188
LMFAOKnowsCycles said:There's this girl, maybe 12 or 13, walking down the sidewalk.
An older man rolls up alongside of her on a Honda motorcycle...and says, "Hey there little girl. Wanna go for a ride?"
She begins walking faster, trying to ignore him.
He keeps pace with her and says, "Come on...just let me give you a ride home..."
She finally stops, turns and glares at him...*snicker* And says to him..."Dad...How many times have I told you! I'm not riding on that thing! You shoulda got the Harley!"
Jail
Mrs. Flameman
- Joined
- Oct 30, 2004
- Posts
- 30,188
the carburettor
"The car won't start," said a wife to her husband. "I think there's water in the carburettor."
"How do you know?" said the husband scornfully. "You don't even know what the carburettor is."
"I'm telling you," repeated the wife, "I'm sure there's water in the carburettor."
"We'll see," mocked the husband. "Let me check it out. Where's the car?"
"In the swimming pool."
"The car won't start," said a wife to her husband. "I think there's water in the carburettor."
"How do you know?" said the husband scornfully. "You don't even know what the carburettor is."
"I'm telling you," repeated the wife, "I'm sure there's water in the carburettor."
"We'll see," mocked the husband. "Let me check it out. Where's the car?"
"In the swimming pool."
Jail
Mrs. Flameman
- Joined
- Oct 30, 2004
- Posts
- 30,188
Criminal Mastermind
An applicant was filling out a job application.
When he came to the question, "Have you ever been arrested?" he wrote, "No."
The next question, intended for people who had answered in the affirmative to the previous question, was "Why?"
The applicant answered it anyway: "Never got caught."
An applicant was filling out a job application.
When he came to the question, "Have you ever been arrested?" he wrote, "No."
The next question, intended for people who had answered in the affirmative to the previous question, was "Why?"
The applicant answered it anyway: "Never got caught."
Jail
Mrs. Flameman
- Joined
- Oct 30, 2004
- Posts
- 30,188
In Deep Shit
A bird was flying south for Winter, but he had left it too late and was frozen solid in a storm.
He dropped down into a pasture of cows.
The biggest, fattest cow was doing a crap there, and the bird landed in it.
At first he was disgusted, until he realised the poo was thawing him out!
He started crying out for joy as the ice melted.
A cat that was nearby heard the cries, walked over, saw the bird and ate it
There are three morals to this story:
1. Not everyone who gets you into shit is your enemy.
2. Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.
3. If you are in shit, keep your mouth shut.
A bird was flying south for Winter, but he had left it too late and was frozen solid in a storm.
He dropped down into a pasture of cows.
The biggest, fattest cow was doing a crap there, and the bird landed in it.
At first he was disgusted, until he realised the poo was thawing him out!
He started crying out for joy as the ice melted.
A cat that was nearby heard the cries, walked over, saw the bird and ate it
There are three morals to this story:
1. Not everyone who gets you into shit is your enemy.
2. Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.
3. If you are in shit, keep your mouth shut.
pleaz_me
Icing Queen
- Joined
- Dec 2, 2005
- Posts
- 47,698
Laughing so hard, just caught up finally! Those were all hilarious!
pleaz_me
Icing Queen
- Joined
- Dec 2, 2005
- Posts
- 47,698
Haven't done that *one* yetJail said:
But I hadn't even made it out the door and had an order for Batman also! My house was bakin last night! Unfortunately, not in the *good* way Here's a pic of the first one though...I was very pleazed with it!
Jail
Mrs. Flameman
- Joined
- Oct 30, 2004
- Posts
- 30,188
oh Wow!!!!!!!!! that's awesome, pleaz!!!!!!!!!!!pleaz_me said:Haven't done that *one* yet
Here's a pic of the first one though...I was very pleazed with it!
I love the colours, and thank you for sharing
techsan
...just chugging along
- Joined
- Feb 10, 2005
- Posts
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