techsan
...just chugging along
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Laughter is Contagious
- Thread starter techsan
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techsan
...just chugging along
- Joined
- Feb 10, 2005
- Posts
- 6,165
Ever have one of those day when you just couldn't make a decision?
http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i306/eraney01/FunnyPart-com-side_ways_bike.jpg
http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i306/eraney01/FunnyPart-com-side_ways_bike.jpg
copperbutterfly
Literotica Guru
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Happy Friday!
Texas Troopers
GOOD
In Richardson, Texas State Trooper was running radar. He had a perfect spot to watch for speeders, but wasn't getting any. Then he discovered the problem. A 12 year old boy was standing up the road with a hand painted sign which read "RADAR TRAP AHEAD!"
The officer later found a young accomplice down the road with a sign reading, "TIPS" and a bucket full of money. (And we used to just sell lemonade!)
BETTER
A motorist was mailed a picture of his car speeding through an automated radar post in Plano, Texas. A $140 speeding ticket was included. Being cute, he sent the police department a picture of $140. The police responded with another mailed photo of handcuffs.
BEST
A young woman was pulled over in Austin, Texas for speeding. As the TX State Trooper walked to her car window, flipping open his ticket book, she said, "I bet you are going to sell me a ticket to the Texas State Police Ball." He replied, "Texas State Troopers don't have balls." There was a moment of silence while she smiled and he realized what he'd just said. He then closed his book, got back in his patrol car and left. She was laughing too hard to start her car.
Texas Troopers
GOOD
In Richardson, Texas State Trooper was running radar. He had a perfect spot to watch for speeders, but wasn't getting any. Then he discovered the problem. A 12 year old boy was standing up the road with a hand painted sign which read "RADAR TRAP AHEAD!"
The officer later found a young accomplice down the road with a sign reading, "TIPS" and a bucket full of money. (And we used to just sell lemonade!)
BETTER
A motorist was mailed a picture of his car speeding through an automated radar post in Plano, Texas. A $140 speeding ticket was included. Being cute, he sent the police department a picture of $140. The police responded with another mailed photo of handcuffs.
BEST
A young woman was pulled over in Austin, Texas for speeding. As the TX State Trooper walked to her car window, flipping open his ticket book, she said, "I bet you are going to sell me a ticket to the Texas State Police Ball." He replied, "Texas State Troopers don't have balls." There was a moment of silence while she smiled and he realized what he'd just said. He then closed his book, got back in his patrol car and left. She was laughing too hard to start her car.
Lonely Knight
Cancer Survivor
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- Jan 19, 2005
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A for effort!
A couple just started their Lamaze class and they were given an activity requiring the husband to wear a bag of sand to give him an idea of what it feels like to be pregnant. The husband stood up and shrugged saying, "This doesn't feel so bad."
The instructor then dropped a pen and asked the husband to pick it up.
"You want me to pick up the pen as if I were pregnant, the way my wife would do it?" the husband asked.
"Exactly," replied the instructor.
To the delight of the other husbands, he turned to his wife and said, "Honey, pick up that pen for me."
A couple just started their Lamaze class and they were given an activity requiring the husband to wear a bag of sand to give him an idea of what it feels like to be pregnant. The husband stood up and shrugged saying, "This doesn't feel so bad."
The instructor then dropped a pen and asked the husband to pick it up.
"You want me to pick up the pen as if I were pregnant, the way my wife would do it?" the husband asked.
"Exactly," replied the instructor.
To the delight of the other husbands, he turned to his wife and said, "Honey, pick up that pen for me."
Lonely Knight
Cancer Survivor
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Top of class?
While making rounds, a doctor points out an X-ray to a group of medical students.
"As you can see," she says, "the patient limps because his left fibula and tibia are radically arched. Michael, what would you do in a case like this?"
"Well," ponders the student, "I suppose I'd limp too."
While making rounds, a doctor points out an X-ray to a group of medical students.
"As you can see," she says, "the patient limps because his left fibula and tibia are radically arched. Michael, what would you do in a case like this?"
"Well," ponders the student, "I suppose I'd limp too."
Lonely Knight
Cancer Survivor
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Know your enemy, and relatives.
The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day the kids came back and 1 by 1 began to tell their stories. "Johnny, do you have a story to share?"
"Yes ma'am. My daddy told a story about my Aunt Karen. She was a pilot in Desert Storm and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a small flask of whiskey, a pistol and a survival knife. She drank the whiskey on the way down so it wouldn't break and then her parachute landed right in the middle of twenty enemy troops. She shot fifteen of them with the gun until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, till the blade broke, and then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands."
"Good Heavens" said the horrified teacher. "What kind of moral did your daddy tell you from this horrible story?"
Stay the hell away from Aunt Karen when she's drinking!"
The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day the kids came back and 1 by 1 began to tell their stories. "Johnny, do you have a story to share?"
"Yes ma'am. My daddy told a story about my Aunt Karen. She was a pilot in Desert Storm and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a small flask of whiskey, a pistol and a survival knife. She drank the whiskey on the way down so it wouldn't break and then her parachute landed right in the middle of twenty enemy troops. She shot fifteen of them with the gun until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, till the blade broke, and then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands."
"Good Heavens" said the horrified teacher. "What kind of moral did your daddy tell you from this horrible story?"
Stay the hell away from Aunt Karen when she's drinking!"
Lonely Knight
Cancer Survivor
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Insert title here
A little boy got on the bus, sat next to a man reading a book, and noticed he had his collar on backwards. The little boy asked why he wore his collar that way. The man, who was a priest, said, "I am a Father."
The little boy replied, "My Daddy doesn't wear his collar like that."
The priest looked up from his book and answered " I am the Father of many."
The boy said, "My Dad has 4 boys, 4 girls and 2 grandchildren and he doesn't wear his collar that way."
The priest, getting impatient, said, "I am the Father of hundreds," and went back to reading his book.
The little boy sat quietly thinking for a while, then leaned over and said, "Maybe you should wear your pants backwards instead of your collar."
A little boy got on the bus, sat next to a man reading a book, and noticed he had his collar on backwards. The little boy asked why he wore his collar that way. The man, who was a priest, said, "I am a Father."
The little boy replied, "My Daddy doesn't wear his collar like that."
The priest looked up from his book and answered " I am the Father of many."
The boy said, "My Dad has 4 boys, 4 girls and 2 grandchildren and he doesn't wear his collar that way."
The priest, getting impatient, said, "I am the Father of hundreds," and went back to reading his book.
The little boy sat quietly thinking for a while, then leaned over and said, "Maybe you should wear your pants backwards instead of your collar."
Lonely Knight
Cancer Survivor
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The sky redo.
One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken Little to her class. She came to the part of the story where Chicken Little tried to warn the farmer. She read, ".... and so Chicken Little went up to the farmer and said, 'The sky is falling, the sky is falling!'"
The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you think that farmer said?"
One little girl raised her hand and said, "I think he said, 'Holy shit! A talking chicken!'"
The teacher was unable to teach for the next ten minutes.
One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken Little to her class. She came to the part of the story where Chicken Little tried to warn the farmer. She read, ".... and so Chicken Little went up to the farmer and said, 'The sky is falling, the sky is falling!'"
The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you think that farmer said?"
One little girl raised her hand and said, "I think he said, 'Holy shit! A talking chicken!'"
The teacher was unable to teach for the next ten minutes.
Lonely Knight
Cancer Survivor
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And what if?
A guy named Pete gets a job as a switchman with the railroad, and undergoes weeks of training. The supervisor then takes him into the switch booth to test his readiness. The following exchange takes place:
Supervisor: "Imagine you were sitting here alone and you learned there was a train coming from the North on that track, and another coming from the South on the same track. What would you do?"
Pete: "I'd throw this switch right here and put one train on the other track."
Supervisor: And what if that switch didn't work?"
Pete: "I'd go down to the track and throw that big switchlever there, putting one train on the other track."
Supervisor: "And what if that switchlever didn't work?"
Pete: "Then I'd come back here and call the dispatcher to stop both trains."
Supervisor: "And what if the phone didn't work?"
Pete: "Then I'd go to that gas station across the street and use their phone."
Supervisor: "And what if their phone didn't work?"
Pete: "Then I'd go get Uncle Joe."
Supervisor: "Uncle Joe??? What would he do?"
Pete: "Nothing, but he ain't never seen a train wreck as big as that one will be."
A guy named Pete gets a job as a switchman with the railroad, and undergoes weeks of training. The supervisor then takes him into the switch booth to test his readiness. The following exchange takes place:
Supervisor: "Imagine you were sitting here alone and you learned there was a train coming from the North on that track, and another coming from the South on the same track. What would you do?"
Pete: "I'd throw this switch right here and put one train on the other track."
Supervisor: And what if that switch didn't work?"
Pete: "I'd go down to the track and throw that big switchlever there, putting one train on the other track."
Supervisor: "And what if that switchlever didn't work?"
Pete: "Then I'd come back here and call the dispatcher to stop both trains."
Supervisor: "And what if the phone didn't work?"
Pete: "Then I'd go to that gas station across the street and use their phone."
Supervisor: "And what if their phone didn't work?"
Pete: "Then I'd go get Uncle Joe."
Supervisor: "Uncle Joe??? What would he do?"
Pete: "Nothing, but he ain't never seen a train wreck as big as that one will be."
Lonely Knight
Cancer Survivor
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- Jan 19, 2005
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One Liners
HOW DO CRAZY PEOPLE GO THROUGH THE FOREST?
They take the Psycho path.
HOW DO YOU GET HOLY WATER?
You boil the Hell out of it.
WHAT DO FISH SAY WHEN THEY HIT A CONCRETE WALL?
Dam!
WHAT DO ESKIMOS GET FROM SITTING ON THE ICE TOO LONG?
Polaroids.
WHAT DO YOU CALL A BOOMERANG THAT DOESN'T WORK?
A stick.
WHAT DO YOU CALL CHEESE THAT ISN'T YOURS?
Nacho Cheese.
WHAT DO YOU CALL SANTA'S HELPERS?
Subordinate Clauses.
WHAT DO YOU CALL FOUR BULLFIGHTERS IN QUICKSAND?
Quatro Sinko.
WHAT DO YOU GET FROM A PAMPERED COW?
Spoiled milk.
WHAT DO YOU GET WHEN YOU CROSS A SNOWMAN WITH A VAMPIRE?
Frostbite.
WHAT LIES AT THE BOTTOM OF THE OCEAN AND TWITCHES?
A nervous wreck.
WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN ROAST BEEF AND PEA SOUP?
Anyone can roast beef.
WHERE DO YOU FIND A DOG WITH NO LEGS?
Right where you left him.
WHY DO GORILLAS HAVE BIG NOSTRILS?
Because they have big fingers.
WHAT KIND OF COFFEE WAS SERVED ON THE TITANIC?
Sanka.
WHY DO A PILGRIM'S PANTS ALWAYS FALL DOWN?
Because they wear their belt buckle on their hat.
WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A BAD GOLFER AND A BAD SKYDIVER?
A bad golfer goes, whack, dang it! And a bad skydiver goes, dang it, whack!
HOW DO YOU CATCH A UNIQUE RABBIT?
Unique up on it.
HOW DO YOU CATCH A TAME RABBIT?
Tame way...
WHAT DO YOU CALL SKYDIVING LAWYERS?
Skeet.
HOW ARE A TEXAS TORNADO AND AN ARKANSAS DIVORCE THE SAME?
Somebody's gonna lose a trailer
HOW DO CRAZY PEOPLE GO THROUGH THE FOREST?
They take the Psycho path.
HOW DO YOU GET HOLY WATER?
You boil the Hell out of it.
WHAT DO FISH SAY WHEN THEY HIT A CONCRETE WALL?
Dam!
WHAT DO ESKIMOS GET FROM SITTING ON THE ICE TOO LONG?
Polaroids.
WHAT DO YOU CALL A BOOMERANG THAT DOESN'T WORK?
A stick.
WHAT DO YOU CALL CHEESE THAT ISN'T YOURS?
Nacho Cheese.
WHAT DO YOU CALL SANTA'S HELPERS?
Subordinate Clauses.
WHAT DO YOU CALL FOUR BULLFIGHTERS IN QUICKSAND?
Quatro Sinko.
WHAT DO YOU GET FROM A PAMPERED COW?
Spoiled milk.
WHAT DO YOU GET WHEN YOU CROSS A SNOWMAN WITH A VAMPIRE?
Frostbite.
WHAT LIES AT THE BOTTOM OF THE OCEAN AND TWITCHES?
A nervous wreck.
WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN ROAST BEEF AND PEA SOUP?
Anyone can roast beef.
WHERE DO YOU FIND A DOG WITH NO LEGS?
Right where you left him.
WHY DO GORILLAS HAVE BIG NOSTRILS?
Because they have big fingers.
WHAT KIND OF COFFEE WAS SERVED ON THE TITANIC?
Sanka.
WHY DO A PILGRIM'S PANTS ALWAYS FALL DOWN?
Because they wear their belt buckle on their hat.
WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A BAD GOLFER AND A BAD SKYDIVER?
A bad golfer goes, whack, dang it! And a bad skydiver goes, dang it, whack!
HOW DO YOU CATCH A UNIQUE RABBIT?
Unique up on it.
HOW DO YOU CATCH A TAME RABBIT?
Tame way...
WHAT DO YOU CALL SKYDIVING LAWYERS?
Skeet.
HOW ARE A TEXAS TORNADO AND AN ARKANSAS DIVORCE THE SAME?
Somebody's gonna lose a trailer
Lonely Knight
Cancer Survivor
- Joined
- Jan 19, 2005
- Posts
- 1,326
Blooming?
A big shot executive had to spend a couple of days in the hospital. He was a royal pain to the nurses, because he bossed them around just like he did his staff. None of the hospital staff wanted to have anything to do with him. The head nurse was the only one who could stand up to him. She came into his room and announced, "I have to take your temperature." After complaining for several minutes, he finally settled down, crossed his arms, and opened his mouth. "No, I'm sorry," the nurse stated, "but for this reading, I can't use an oral thermometer." This started another round of complaining, but eventually he rolled over and bared his behind. After feeling the nurse insert the thermometer, he heard her announce, "I have to get something. Now you stay JUST LIKE THAT until I get back!" She leaves the door to his room open on her way out. He curses under his breath as he hears people walking past his door, laughing. After a half hour, the man's doctor comes into the room.
"What's going on here?" asks the doctor.
Angrily, the man answers, "What's the matter, Doc? Haven't you ever seen someone having their temperature taken?"
After a pause, the doctor confesses, "Not with a carnation in his ass!!"
A big shot executive had to spend a couple of days in the hospital. He was a royal pain to the nurses, because he bossed them around just like he did his staff. None of the hospital staff wanted to have anything to do with him. The head nurse was the only one who could stand up to him. She came into his room and announced, "I have to take your temperature." After complaining for several minutes, he finally settled down, crossed his arms, and opened his mouth. "No, I'm sorry," the nurse stated, "but for this reading, I can't use an oral thermometer." This started another round of complaining, but eventually he rolled over and bared his behind. After feeling the nurse insert the thermometer, he heard her announce, "I have to get something. Now you stay JUST LIKE THAT until I get back!" She leaves the door to his room open on her way out. He curses under his breath as he hears people walking past his door, laughing. After a half hour, the man's doctor comes into the room.
"What's going on here?" asks the doctor.
Angrily, the man answers, "What's the matter, Doc? Haven't you ever seen someone having their temperature taken?"
After a pause, the doctor confesses, "Not with a carnation in his ass!!"
Lonely Knight
Cancer Survivor
- Joined
- Jan 19, 2005
- Posts
- 1,326
60 Years of bliss, until.
A married couple in their early 60s was out celebrating their 35th wedding anniversary in a quiet, romantic little restaurant. Suddenly, a tiny yet beautiful fairy appeared on their table and said, "For being such an exemplary married couple and for being faithful to each other for all this time, I will grant you each a wish."
"Oh, I want to travel around the world with my darling husband" said the wife. The fairy waved her magic wand and - poof! - two tickets for the Queen Mary II luxury liner appeared in her hands. Then it was the husband's turn.
He thought for a moment and said: "Well, this is all very romantic, but an opportunity like this will never come again.I'm sorry my love, but my wish is to have a wife 30 years younger than me."The wife and the fairy were deeply disappointed, but a wish is a wish...So the fairy waved her magic wand and - poof! - the husband became 92 years old.
The moral of the story: Men who are ungrateful bastards should remember that fairies are female.
A married couple in their early 60s was out celebrating their 35th wedding anniversary in a quiet, romantic little restaurant. Suddenly, a tiny yet beautiful fairy appeared on their table and said, "For being such an exemplary married couple and for being faithful to each other for all this time, I will grant you each a wish."
"Oh, I want to travel around the world with my darling husband" said the wife. The fairy waved her magic wand and - poof! - two tickets for the Queen Mary II luxury liner appeared in her hands. Then it was the husband's turn.
He thought for a moment and said: "Well, this is all very romantic, but an opportunity like this will never come again.I'm sorry my love, but my wish is to have a wife 30 years younger than me."The wife and the fairy were deeply disappointed, but a wish is a wish...So the fairy waved her magic wand and - poof! - the husband became 92 years old.
The moral of the story: Men who are ungrateful bastards should remember that fairies are female.
Lonely Knight
Cancer Survivor
- Joined
- Jan 19, 2005
- Posts
- 1,326
Signs of maturity
1. Your house plants are alive, and you can't smoke any of them.
2. Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question.
3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge.
4. 6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to bed.
5. You hear your favorite song on an elevator.
6. You watch the Weather Channel.
7. Your friends marry and divorce instead of hook up and break up.
8. You go from 130 days of vacation time to 14.
9. Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as "dressed up."
10. You're the one calling the police because those damn kids next door won't turn down the stereo.
11. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.
12. You don't know what time Taco Bell closes anymore.
13. Your car insurance goes down and your payments go up.
14. You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonalds leftovers.
15. Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.
16. You no longer take naps from noon to 6 PM.
17. Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of one.
18. Eating a basket of chicken wings at 3 AM would severely upset, rather than settle, your stomach.
19. You go to the drug store for ibuprofen and antacid, not condoms and pregnancy tests.
20. A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer "pretty good stuff."
21. You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time.
22. "I just can't drink the way I used to," replaces, "I'm never going to drink that much again."
23. 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.
24. You no longer drink at home to save money before going to a bar.
25. You read this entire list looking desperately for one sign that this doesn't apply to you.
1. Your house plants are alive, and you can't smoke any of them.
2. Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question.
3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge.
4. 6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to bed.
5. You hear your favorite song on an elevator.
6. You watch the Weather Channel.
7. Your friends marry and divorce instead of hook up and break up.
8. You go from 130 days of vacation time to 14.
9. Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as "dressed up."
10. You're the one calling the police because those damn kids next door won't turn down the stereo.
11. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.
12. You don't know what time Taco Bell closes anymore.
13. Your car insurance goes down and your payments go up.
14. You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonalds leftovers.
15. Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.
16. You no longer take naps from noon to 6 PM.
17. Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of one.
18. Eating a basket of chicken wings at 3 AM would severely upset, rather than settle, your stomach.
19. You go to the drug store for ibuprofen and antacid, not condoms and pregnancy tests.
20. A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer "pretty good stuff."
21. You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time.
22. "I just can't drink the way I used to," replaces, "I'm never going to drink that much again."
23. 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.
24. You no longer drink at home to save money before going to a bar.
25. You read this entire list looking desperately for one sign that this doesn't apply to you.
Lonely Knight
Cancer Survivor
- Joined
- Jan 19, 2005
- Posts
- 1,326
Fun time ahead..
He was a widower and she was a widow. They had known one another for a number of years. One evening there was a community supper in the Club House, and the widower and widow made a foursome with two other singles. They had a wonderful evening and spirits were high. The widower sent a few admiring glances across the table, and the widow smiled coyly back at him. Finally, he plucked up his courage to ask her, " Will you marry me?" After about six seconds of careful consideration, she answered, "Yes. Yes, I will. "
The meal ended with a few more pleasant exchanges and they went to their respective homes. The next morning, the widower was troubled. Did she say 'Yes' or did she say 'No'? He couldn't remember. Try as he would, he just could not recall. He went over the conversation of the previous evening, but his mind was blank. He remembered asking the question, but for the life of him he could not recall her response. With fear and trepidation, he picked up the phone and called her. First, he explained that he didn't remember as well as he used to. Then he reviewed the lovely evening past. As he gained a little more courage he then inquired of her when I asked if you would marry me, did you say 'Yes' or did you say 'No'? " "Why, you. silly man, I said 'Yes" “Yes I will. And I meant it with all my heart." The widower was delighted. He felt his heart skip a beat. Then she continued........... "And I am so glad you called because I couldn't remember who asked me.
He was a widower and she was a widow. They had known one another for a number of years. One evening there was a community supper in the Club House, and the widower and widow made a foursome with two other singles. They had a wonderful evening and spirits were high. The widower sent a few admiring glances across the table, and the widow smiled coyly back at him. Finally, he plucked up his courage to ask her, " Will you marry me?" After about six seconds of careful consideration, she answered, "Yes. Yes, I will. "
The meal ended with a few more pleasant exchanges and they went to their respective homes. The next morning, the widower was troubled. Did she say 'Yes' or did she say 'No'? He couldn't remember. Try as he would, he just could not recall. He went over the conversation of the previous evening, but his mind was blank. He remembered asking the question, but for the life of him he could not recall her response. With fear and trepidation, he picked up the phone and called her. First, he explained that he didn't remember as well as he used to. Then he reviewed the lovely evening past. As he gained a little more courage he then inquired of her when I asked if you would marry me, did you say 'Yes' or did you say 'No'? " "Why, you. silly man, I said 'Yes" “Yes I will. And I meant it with all my heart." The widower was delighted. He felt his heart skip a beat. Then she continued........... "And I am so glad you called because I couldn't remember who asked me.
Lonely Knight
Cancer Survivor
- Joined
- Jan 19, 2005
- Posts
- 1,326
Too smart?
After years of raising donkeys, an old farmer discovered that one was unusually intelligent. Remembering stories of horses learning to add and subtract by stomping their hooves, and knowing that this donkey was so much smarter than any horse, he went one step further and taught him to multiply and divide, as well. The farmer was positive that the public would pay to see this amazing donkey, so he sold his farm and went on the road, renting booths at fairs to show off the animal's mental prowess. Unfortunately, he could never find customers who wanted to see his donkey perform. It seems he learned the hard way that nobody likes a smart ass.
After years of raising donkeys, an old farmer discovered that one was unusually intelligent. Remembering stories of horses learning to add and subtract by stomping their hooves, and knowing that this donkey was so much smarter than any horse, he went one step further and taught him to multiply and divide, as well. The farmer was positive that the public would pay to see this amazing donkey, so he sold his farm and went on the road, renting booths at fairs to show off the animal's mental prowess. Unfortunately, he could never find customers who wanted to see his donkey perform. It seems he learned the hard way that nobody likes a smart ass.
Yuppers, read them all and still didn't find one!
techsan
...just chugging along
- Joined
- Feb 10, 2005
- Posts
- 6,165
ROTFLMAO...and the ones I've encountered didn't have a sense of humor either, dammit!copperbutterfly said:Happy Friday!
Texas Troopers
GOOD
In Richardson, Texas State Trooper was running radar. He had a perfect spot to watch for speeders, but wasn't getting any. Then he discovered the problem. A 12 year old boy was standing up the road with a hand painted sign which read "RADAR TRAP AHEAD!"
The officer later found a young accomplice down the road with a sign reading, "TIPS" and a bucket full of money. (And we used to just sell lemonade!)
BETTER
A motorist was mailed a picture of his car speeding through an automated radar post in Plano, Texas. A $140 speeding ticket was included. Being cute, he sent the police department a picture of $140. The police responded with another mailed photo of handcuffs.
BEST
A young woman was pulled over in Austin, Texas for speeding. As the TX State Trooper walked to her car window, flipping open his ticket book, she said, "I bet you are going to sell me a ticket to the Texas State Police Ball." He replied, "Texas State Troopers don't have balls." There was a moment of silence while she smiled and he realized what he'd just said. He then closed his book, got back in his patrol car and left. She was laughing too hard to start her car.
techsan
...just chugging along
- Joined
- Feb 10, 2005
- Posts
- 6,165
Whether a man winds up with a nest egg or a goose egg depends a lot on the kind of chick he marries.
Trouble in marriage often starts when a man gets so busy earnin' his salt he forgets his sugar.
Too many couples marry for better or for worse, but not for good.
When a man marries a woman, they become one, but the trouble starts when they try to decide which one.
If a mna has enough horse sense to treat his wife like a thoroughbred, she will never turn into an old nag.
A foolish husband says to his wife, "Honey, you stick to the washin', ironin', cookin', and scrubbin'. No wife of mine is gonna work."
The bonds of matrimony are a good investment only when the interest is kept up.
Many girls like to marry a military man - he can cook, sew, and make beds and is in good health, and he's already used to taking orders.
Trouble in marriage often starts when a man gets so busy earnin' his salt he forgets his sugar.
Too many couples marry for better or for worse, but not for good.
When a man marries a woman, they become one, but the trouble starts when they try to decide which one.
If a mna has enough horse sense to treat his wife like a thoroughbred, she will never turn into an old nag.
A foolish husband says to his wife, "Honey, you stick to the washin', ironin', cookin', and scrubbin'. No wife of mine is gonna work."
The bonds of matrimony are a good investment only when the interest is kept up.
Many girls like to marry a military man - he can cook, sew, and make beds and is in good health, and he's already used to taking orders.
Lonely Knight
Cancer Survivor
- Joined
- Jan 19, 2005
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