Laughter is Contagious
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techsan
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You know you're from Georgia if:
1. You measure distance in minutes or "over yunder".
2. You've ever had to switch from "Heat" to "A/C" in the same day.
3. Stores don't have bags; they have sacks.
4. You see a car running in the parking lot at the store with no one in it, no matter what time of the year.
5. You use "fix" as a verb. Example: I am fixin' to go to the store.
6. All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable, grain, insect or animal.
7. You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both doors unlocked.
8. You carry jumper cables in your car ... for your OWN car.
9. You know what "cow tipping" is.
10. You only own four spices: salt, pepper, chili powder, and ketchup. No genuine Georgian ever called it "Catsup." Down here it's "Ketchup" and let's not forget pepper sauce for the turnip greens!
11. The local papers cover national and international news on one page but require 6 pages for sports.
12. You think that the first day of deer season is a national holiday.
13. You find 90 degrees Fahrenheit "a little warm."
14. You know all four seasons: Almost summer, summer, still summer, and Christmas.
15. You know whether another Georgian is from east, west, or middle Georgia as soon as they open their mouth.
16. Visiting Wal-Mart is a favorite pastime known as "going to town."
17. You describe the first cool snap (below 60 degrees) as good Chili weather.
18. A carbonated soft drink isn't a soda, cola, or pop... it's a Coke, regardless of brand or flavor. Sample: "What kinna coke ya want?"
19. Fried Catfish is the other white meat.
1. You measure distance in minutes or "over yunder".
2. You've ever had to switch from "Heat" to "A/C" in the same day.
3. Stores don't have bags; they have sacks.
4. You see a car running in the parking lot at the store with no one in it, no matter what time of the year.
5. You use "fix" as a verb. Example: I am fixin' to go to the store.
6. All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable, grain, insect or animal.
7. You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both doors unlocked.
8. You carry jumper cables in your car ... for your OWN car.
9. You know what "cow tipping" is.
10. You only own four spices: salt, pepper, chili powder, and ketchup. No genuine Georgian ever called it "Catsup." Down here it's "Ketchup" and let's not forget pepper sauce for the turnip greens!
11. The local papers cover national and international news on one page but require 6 pages for sports.
12. You think that the first day of deer season is a national holiday.
13. You find 90 degrees Fahrenheit "a little warm."
14. You know all four seasons: Almost summer, summer, still summer, and Christmas.
15. You know whether another Georgian is from east, west, or middle Georgia as soon as they open their mouth.
16. Visiting Wal-Mart is a favorite pastime known as "going to town."
17. You describe the first cool snap (below 60 degrees) as good Chili weather.
18. A carbonated soft drink isn't a soda, cola, or pop... it's a Coke, regardless of brand or flavor. Sample: "What kinna coke ya want?"
19. Fried Catfish is the other white meat.
techsan
...just chugging along
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A wise old farmer went to town to buy a pickup truck that he saw advertised in the paper for a certain price. After telling the salesman which truck he wanted, they sat down to do the paperwork. The salesman handed the farmer the bill, and the farmer declared, “This isn't the price I saw!”
The salesman went on to tell the wise old farmer how he was getting extras such as power brakes, power windows, special tires, etc. and that was what took the price up. The farmer needed the truck badly, so he paid the price and went home.
A few months later, the salesman called up the farmer and said, “My son is in 4-H and he needs a cow for a project. Do you have any for sale?”
The farmer said, “Yes, I have a few cows and I would sell for $500.00 apiece. Come look at them and take your pick.”
The salesman said he and his son would be right out. After spending a few hours in the field checking out all the farmer's cows, the two decided on one and the salesman proceeded to write out a check for $500.00.
The farmer said, “Now, wait a minute, that's not the final price of the cow. You're getting extras with it and you have to pay for that too.”
“What extras?” asked the salesman.
The farmer handed him a list of extras and the final price:
Basic Cow...........................$500.00
Two tone exterior....................$45.00
Extra stomachs.......................$75.00
Product storing equipment............$60.00
Straw compartment...................$120.00
4 Spigots @ $10 ea...................$40.00
Leather upholstery..................$125.00
Dual horns...........................$45.00
Automatic Fly swatter................$38.00
Fertilizer attachment...............$185.00
GRAND TOTAL.......................$1,233.00
The salesman went on to tell the wise old farmer how he was getting extras such as power brakes, power windows, special tires, etc. and that was what took the price up. The farmer needed the truck badly, so he paid the price and went home.
A few months later, the salesman called up the farmer and said, “My son is in 4-H and he needs a cow for a project. Do you have any for sale?”
The farmer said, “Yes, I have a few cows and I would sell for $500.00 apiece. Come look at them and take your pick.”
The salesman said he and his son would be right out. After spending a few hours in the field checking out all the farmer's cows, the two decided on one and the salesman proceeded to write out a check for $500.00.
The farmer said, “Now, wait a minute, that's not the final price of the cow. You're getting extras with it and you have to pay for that too.”
“What extras?” asked the salesman.
The farmer handed him a list of extras and the final price:
Basic Cow...........................$500.00
Two tone exterior....................$45.00
Extra stomachs.......................$75.00
Product storing equipment............$60.00
Straw compartment...................$120.00
4 Spigots @ $10 ea...................$40.00
Leather upholstery..................$125.00
Dual horns...........................$45.00
Automatic Fly swatter................$38.00
Fertilizer attachment...............$185.00
GRAND TOTAL.......................$1,233.00
omahaman2
Here's your sign
- Joined
- Nov 16, 2001
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- 18,171
There is a factory in Northern Minnesota which makes the Tickle Me Elmo toys. The toy laughs when you tickle it under the arm.
Well Lena is hired at The Tickle Me Elmo factory and she reports for her first day promptly 8:00 a.m.
The next day at 8:45 there is a knock at the Personnel Manager's door.
The Foreman from the assembly line throws open the door and begins to rant about the new employee. He complains that she is incredibly slow and the whole line is backing up, putting the entire production line behind schedule.
The Personnel Manager decides he should see this for himself so the 2 men march down to the factory floor.
When they get there the line is so backed up that there are Tickle Me Elmo's all over the factory floor and they're reallybeginning to pile up.
At the end of the line stands Lena surrounded by mountains of Tickle Me Elmo's. She has a roll of plush red fabric and a huge bag of small marbles.
The 2 men watch in amazement as she cuts a little piece of fabric, wraps it around two marbles and begins to carefully sew the little package between Elmo's legs.
The Personnel Manager bursts into laughter.
After several minutes of hysterics he pull's himself together and approaches Lena.
"I'm sorry," he says to her, barely able to keep a straight face, "but I think you misunderstood the instructions I gave you yesterday.............
"Your job is to give Elmo two test tickles".
Well Lena is hired at The Tickle Me Elmo factory and she reports for her first day promptly 8:00 a.m.
The next day at 8:45 there is a knock at the Personnel Manager's door.
The Foreman from the assembly line throws open the door and begins to rant about the new employee. He complains that she is incredibly slow and the whole line is backing up, putting the entire production line behind schedule.
The Personnel Manager decides he should see this for himself so the 2 men march down to the factory floor.
When they get there the line is so backed up that there are Tickle Me Elmo's all over the factory floor and they're reallybeginning to pile up.
At the end of the line stands Lena surrounded by mountains of Tickle Me Elmo's. She has a roll of plush red fabric and a huge bag of small marbles.
The 2 men watch in amazement as she cuts a little piece of fabric, wraps it around two marbles and begins to carefully sew the little package between Elmo's legs.
The Personnel Manager bursts into laughter.
After several minutes of hysterics he pull's himself together and approaches Lena.
"I'm sorry," he says to her, barely able to keep a straight face, "but I think you misunderstood the instructions I gave you yesterday.............
"Your job is to give Elmo two test tickles".
techsan
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Cajun Ten Commandments
The Ten Commandments in Cajun … (keeps it REAL simple!):
1.God is number one … and das’ All.
2.Don’t pray to nuttin or nobody … jus’ God.
3.Don’t cuss nobody … ‘specially de Good Lord.
4.When it be Sunday … pass yo’self by God’s House.
5.Yo mama and you daddy dun did it all … lissen to dem.
6.Killin’ duck an’ fish, das’ OK … people – No!
7.God done give you a wife … sleep wit’ jus’ her.
8.Don’t take nobody’s boat … or nuttin’ else.
9.Don’t go wantin’ somebody’s stuff.
10.Stop lyin’ … you tongue gonna fall out you mouf!
The Ten Commandments in Cajun … (keeps it REAL simple!):
1.God is number one … and das’ All.
2.Don’t pray to nuttin or nobody … jus’ God.
3.Don’t cuss nobody … ‘specially de Good Lord.
4.When it be Sunday … pass yo’self by God’s House.
5.Yo mama and you daddy dun did it all … lissen to dem.
6.Killin’ duck an’ fish, das’ OK … people – No!
7.God done give you a wife … sleep wit’ jus’ her.
8.Don’t take nobody’s boat … or nuttin’ else.
9.Don’t go wantin’ somebody’s stuff.
10.Stop lyin’ … you tongue gonna fall out you mouf!
techsan
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First Family
Seems God was just about done with creating the universe but he had two extra things left over in his bas so he decided to split them between Adam and Eve. He told them that one of the things he had left was a thing that would allow the owner to pee while standing up. “It’s a very handy thing” God told them, “and I was wondering if either one of you would like that.”
Well, Adam jumped up and down and begged “Oh, give that to me! I’d love to be able to do that. It seems just the sort of thing a man should be able to do. Please. Please! Pleeease! Give it to me.”
On and on he went like an excited little boy.
So Eve just smiled and told God that if Adam really wanted it so badly, he should have it. So God gave Adam the thing that allowed him to pee while standing up and he was so excited. He whizzed on the bark of a tree and then went off to write his name in the sand, laughing with delight all the while. God and Eve watched him for a moment and then God said to Eve, “Well, here’s the other thing and I guess you can have it.”
“What’s it called?” Eve asked.
“Brains” God said.
Seems God was just about done with creating the universe but he had two extra things left over in his bas so he decided to split them between Adam and Eve. He told them that one of the things he had left was a thing that would allow the owner to pee while standing up. “It’s a very handy thing” God told them, “and I was wondering if either one of you would like that.”
Well, Adam jumped up and down and begged “Oh, give that to me! I’d love to be able to do that. It seems just the sort of thing a man should be able to do. Please. Please! Pleeease! Give it to me.”
On and on he went like an excited little boy.
So Eve just smiled and told God that if Adam really wanted it so badly, he should have it. So God gave Adam the thing that allowed him to pee while standing up and he was so excited. He whizzed on the bark of a tree and then went off to write his name in the sand, laughing with delight all the while. God and Eve watched him for a moment and then God said to Eve, “Well, here’s the other thing and I guess you can have it.”
“What’s it called?” Eve asked.
“Brains” God said.
techsan
...just chugging along
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Tech Support
At 3:37 a.m. on a Sunday, I had just looked at the clock to determine my annoyance level, when I received a frantic phone call from a new user of a Macintosh Plus. She had gotten her entire family out of the house and was calling from her neighbor’s. She had just received her first system error and interpreted the picture of the bomb on the screen as a warning that the computer was going to blow up.
At 3:37 a.m. on a Sunday, I had just looked at the clock to determine my annoyance level, when I received a frantic phone call from a new user of a Macintosh Plus. She had gotten her entire family out of the house and was calling from her neighbor’s. She had just received her first system error and interpreted the picture of the bomb on the screen as a warning that the computer was going to blow up.
techsan
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Ah, my dear, it is soooo much more pleasurable to be with a woman that "won't break" nor will stab you with a rib or something...sheesh, sex should be fun, not an exercise in self-defense!kayte said:Whew! It is so good to know men that may look at the skinny eye candy, but appreciate a warmer softer feel when with a woman.
techsan
...just chugging along
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Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop."
Customer: "Ok."
Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?"
Customer: "No."
Tech Support: "Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"
Customer: "No."
Tech Support: "Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this
point?"
Customer: "Sure, you told me to write ‘click’ and I wrote ‘click’." (At this
point I had to put the caller on hold to tell the rest of the tech support
staff what had happened. I couldn’t, however, stop from giggling when I got
back to the call.)
Tech Support: "Ok, did you type ‘click’ with the keyboard?"
Customer: "I have done something dumb, right?"
Customer: "Ok."
Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?"
Customer: "No."
Tech Support: "Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"
Customer: "No."
Tech Support: "Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this
point?"
Customer: "Sure, you told me to write ‘click’ and I wrote ‘click’." (At this
point I had to put the caller on hold to tell the rest of the tech support
staff what had happened. I couldn’t, however, stop from giggling when I got
back to the call.)
Tech Support: "Ok, did you type ‘click’ with the keyboard?"
Customer: "I have done something dumb, right?"
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