Laughter is Contagious

[rozezwild]

At 3:37 a.m. on a Sunday, I had just looked at the clock to determine my annoyance level, when I received a frantic phone call from a new user of a Macintosh Plus. She had gotten her entire family out of the house and was calling from her neighbor’s. She had just received her first system error and interpreted the picture of the bomb on the screen as a warning that the computer was going to blow up.

Shhhhhhhhhh you were not supposed to tell that i called

 

[rozezwild]

Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop."

Customer: "Ok."

Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?"

Customer: "No."

Tech Support: "Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"

Customer: "No."

Tech Support: "Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this
point?"

Customer: "Sure, you told me to write ‘click’ and I wrote ‘click’." (At this
point I had to put the caller on hold to tell the rest of the tech support
staff what had happened. I couldn’t, however, stop from giggling when I got
back to the call.)

Tech Support: "Ok, did you type ‘click’ with the keyboard?"

Customer: "I have done something dumb, right?"

Why you keep telling them my conversations ????

 

[omahaman2]

A man, Bob, and his friend Joe went out hunting. This was Joe's first time ever hunting, so he was following Bob?s lead.

Bob saw a small herd of deer and told Joe to stay in the exact spot he was and to be quiet!

After a few minutes, Bob heard a loud scream. He ran back and asked Joe what had happened.

Joe said "There was this snake and he slittered across my feet, but I never screamed.

Then there was this bear that came up to me and snarled, but I never screamed."

"So then what did make you scream," Bob asked, exasperated. "Well," Joe continued, "two squirrels crawled up my pants and I overheard them say, "Should we take them home or eat ? em now?""

 

[techsan]

Why you keep telling them my conversations ????

I'm sorry, dear, I just had to share...!

 

[techsan]

Tech Support

One woman called Dell’s toll-free line to ask how to install the batteries in her laptop. When told that the directions were on the first page of the manual the woman replied angrily, "I just paid $2,000 for this damn thing, and I’m not going to read the book."

 

[techsan]

Tech Support

Customer: "I received the software update you sent, but I am still getting the same error message."

Tech Support: "Did you install the update?"

Customer: "No. Oh, am I supposed to install it to get it to work?"

 

[techsan]

Tech Support

Customer: "I’m having trouble installing Microsoft Word."

Tech Support: "Tell me what you’ve done."

Customer: "I typed ‘A:SETUP’."

Tech Support: "Ma’am, remove the disk and tell me what it says."

Customer: "It says ‘{PC manufacturer} Restore and Recovery disk’."

Tech Support: "Insert the MS Word setup disk."

Customer: "What?"

Tech Support: "Did you buy MS word?"

Customer "No..."

 

[techsan]

Tech Support: "Ok, in the bottom left hand side of the screen, can you see
the ‘OK’ button displayed?"

Customer: "Wow. How can you see my screen from there?"

 

[techsan]

Customer: "Uhh...I need help unpacking my new PC."

Tech Support: "What exactly is the problem?"

Customer: "I can’t open the box."

Tech Support: "Well, I’d remove the tape holding the box closed and go from
there."

Customer: "Uhhhh...ok, thanks...."

 

[techsan]

Customer: "I’m having a problem installing your software. I’ve got a fairly old computer, and when I type ‘INSTALL’, all it says is ‘Bad command or file name’."

Tech Support: "Ok, check the directory of the A: drive-go to A:\ and type ‘dir’."

Customer reads off a list of file names, including ‘INSTALL.EXE’.

Tech Support: "All right, the correct file is there. Type ‘INSTALL’ again."

Customer: "Ok." (pause) "Still says ‘Bad command or file name’."

Tech Support: "Hmmm. The file’s there in the correct place-it can’t help but do something. Are you sure you’re typing I-N-S-T-A-L-L and hitting the Enter key?"

Customer: "Yes, let me try it again." (pause) "Nope, still ‘Bad command or file name’."

Tech Support: (now really confused) "Are you sure you’re typing I-N-S-T-A-L-L and hitting the key that says ‘Enter’?"

Customer: "Well, yeah. Although my ‘N’ key is stuck, so I’m using the ‘M’key...does that matter?

 

[pleaz_me]

The Ten Commandments in Cajun … (keeps it REAL simple!):

1.God is number one … and das’ All.
2.Don’t pray to nuttin or nobody … jus’ God.
3.Don’t cuss nobody … ‘specially de Good Lord.
4.When it be Sunday … pass yo’self by God’s House.
5.Yo mama and you daddy dun did it all … lissen to dem.
6.Killin’ duck an’ fish, das’ OK … people – No!
7.God done give you a wife … sleep wit’ jus’ her.
8.Don’t take nobody’s boat … or nuttin’ else.
9.Don’t go wantin’ somebody’s stuff.
10.Stop lyin’ … you tongue gonna fall out you mouf!

Cute tech! My son was studying the 10 commandments last night.....MUCH easier version here!

 

[pleaz_me]

A man, Bob, and his friend Joe went out hunting. This was Joe's first time ever hunting, so he was following Bob?s lead.
.............
"So then what did make you scream," Bob asked, exasperated. "Well," Joe continued, "two squirrels crawled up my pants and I overheard them say, "Should we take them home or eat ? em now?""

Good one!

 

[pleaz_me]

Customer: "I’m having a problem installing your software.
.....................
Customer: "Well, yeah. Although my ‘N’ key is stuck, so I’m using the ‘M’key...does that matter?

{{{giggles}}}...........love 'em all Tech! Nice way to start my day

 

[omahaman2]

Jenny visited her doctor to ask his help in reviving her Oman's sex drive. "What about trying Viagra?" asks the doctor. "Not a chance," she said. "He won't even take an aspirin." "Not a problem," replied the doctor. "Drop it into his coffee. He won't even taste it. Give it a try and call me in a week to let me know how things went." A week later, she rang up the doctor, who directly inquired as to progress. The poor dear exclaimed, "Oh, faith, bejaysus and begorrah! 'Twas horrid. Just terrible, Doctor." "Really? What happened?" asked the doctor. "Well, I did as you advised and slipped it in his coffee, didn't I? The effect was almost immediate. He jumped his self straight up, with a twinkle in his eye, and with his pants a-bulging fiercely! With one swoop of his arm, he sent the cups and tablecloth flying, ripped me clothes to tatters, and took me then and there, making wild, mad, passionate love to me on the tabletop! It was a nightmare, I tell you!" "Why so terrible?" asked the doctor. "Do you mean you didn't enjoy it?" "Of course I did doctor! Indeed; 'twas the best sex I've had in 25 years. But I'll never be able to show me face in Starbucks again."

 

[techsan]

Jenny visited her doctor to ask his help in reviving her Oman's sex drive. "What about trying Viagra?" asks the doctor. "Not a chance," she said. "He won't even take an aspirin." "Not a problem," replied the doctor. "Drop it into his coffee. He won't even taste it. Give it a try and call me in a week to let me know how things went." A week later, she rang up the doctor, who directly inquired as to progress. The poor dear exclaimed, "Oh, faith, bejaysus and begorrah! 'Twas horrid. Just terrible, Doctor." "Really? What happened?" asked the doctor. "Well, I did as you advised and slipped it in his coffee, didn't I? The effect was almost immediate. He jumped his self straight up, with a twinkle in his eye, and with his pants a-bulging fiercely! With one swoop of his arm, he sent the cups and tablecloth flying, ripped me clothes to tatters, and took me then and there, making wild, mad, passionate love to me on the tabletop! It was a nightmare, I tell you!" "Why so terrible?" asked the doctor. "Do you mean you didn't enjoy it?" "Of course I did doctor! Indeed; 'twas the best sex I've had in 25 years. But I'll never be able to show me face in Starbucks again."

ROTFLMAO!

 

[techsan]

More Tech Support

At our company we have asset numbers on the front of everything. They give the location, name, and everything else just by scanning the computer’s asset barcode or using the number beneath the bars.

Customer: "Hello. I can’t get on the network."

Tech Support: "Ok. Just read me your asset number so we can open an outage."

Customer: "What is that?"

Tech Support: "That little barcode on the front of your computer."

Customer: "Ok. Big bar, little bar, big bar, big bar . . ."

 

[pleaz_me]

At our company we have asset numbers on the front of everything.
..............
Customer: "Ok. Big bar, little bar, big bar, big bar . . ."

Too funny!

 

[techsan]

Customer: "I got this problem. You people sent me this install disk, and now my A: drive won’t work."

Tech Support: "Your A drive won’t work?"

Customer: "That’s what I said. You sent me a bad disk, it got stuck in my drive, now it won’t work at all."

Tech Support: "Did it not install properly? What kind of error messages did you get?"

Customer: "I didn’t get any error message. The disk got stuck in the drive and wouldn’t come out. So I got these pliers and tried to get it out. That didn’t work either."

Tech Support: "You did what sir?"

Customer: "I got these pliers, and tried to get the disk out, but it wouldn’t budge. I just ended up cracking the plastic stuff a bit."

Tech Support: "I don’t understand sir, did you push the eject button?"

Customer: "No, so then I got a stick of butter and melted it and used a turkey baster and put the butter in the drive, around the disk, and that got it loose. Then I used the pliers and it came out fine. I can’t believe you would send me a disk that was broke and defective."

Tech Support: "Let me get this clear. You put melted butter in your A:drive and used pliers to pull the disk out?" At this point, I put the call on the speaker phone and motioned at the other techs to listen in.

Tech Support: "Just so I am absolutely clear on this, can you repeat what you just said?"

Customer: "I said I put butter in my A: drive to get your crappy disk out, then I had to use pliers to pull it out."

Tech Support: "Did you push that little button that was sticking out when the disk was in the drive, you know, the thing called the disk eject button?" Silence.
Tech Support: "Sir?"

Customer: "Yes."

Tech Support: "Sir, did you push the eject button?"

Customer: "No, but you people are going to fix my computer, or I am going to sue you for breaking my computer?"

Tech Support: "Let me get this straight. You are going to sue our company because you put the disk in the A: drive, didn’t follow the instructions we sent you, didn’t actually seek professional advice, didn’t consult your user’s manual on how to use your computer properly, instead proceeding to pour butter into the drive and physically rip the disk out?"

Customer: "Ummmm."

Tech Support: "Do you really think you stand a chance, since we do record every call and have it on tape?"

Customer: (now rather humbled) "But you’re supposed to help!"

Tech Support: "I am sorry sir, but there is nothing we can do for you. Have a nice day."

 

[techsan]

Dear IRS,

Enclosed is my 2005 tax return showing that I owe $3,407.00 in taxes. Please note the attached article from USA Today, wherein you will see that the Pentagon is paying $171.50 for hammers and NASA has paid $600.00 for a toilet seat.

I am enclosing four toilet seats (value $2,400) and six hammers (value $1,029), bringing my total remitted to $3,429.00. Please apply the overpayment of $22.00 to the "Presidential Election Fund," as noted on my return. You can do this inexpensively by sending them one 1.5" Phillips Head screw (article from USA Today detailing how HUD pays $22.00 each for 1.5" Phillips Head Screws is enclosed for your convenience.)

It has been a pleasure to pay my tax bill this year, and I look forward to paying it again next year.

Sincerely,

A Satisfied Taxpayer

 

[pleaz_me]

Dear IRS,

Enclosed is my 2005 tax return
............
Sincerely,

A Satisfied Taxpayer

LMAO Tech! How I wish we could all get away with that!

 

[kayte]

At 3:37 a.m. on a Sunday, I had just looked at the clock to determine my annoyance level, when I received a frantic phone call from a new user of a Macintosh Plus. She had gotten her entire family out of the house and was calling from her neighbor’s. She had just received her first system error and interpreted the picture of the bomb on the screen as a warning that the computer was going to blow up.

Oh my!! You have me LMAO and this is just the first one of these!

 

[kayte]

Ah, my dear, it is soooo much more pleasurable to be with a woman that "won't break" nor will stab you with a rib or something...sheesh, sex should be fun, not an exercise in self-defense!

Exactly! Sex should be loads of fun!

 

[kayte]

Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop."

Customer: "Ok."

Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?"

Customer: "No."

Tech Support: "Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"

Customer: "No."

Tech Support: "Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this
point?"

Customer: "Sure, you told me to write ‘click’ and I wrote ‘click’." (At this
point I had to put the caller on hold to tell the rest of the tech support
staff what had happened. I couldn’t, however, stop from giggling when I got
back to the call.)

Tech Support: "Ok, did you type ‘click’ with the keyboard?"

Customer: "I have done something dumb, right?"

OMG!!!! There may be hope for this customer though, he realizes he is way over his depth!

 

[kayte]

Shhhhhhhhhh you were not supposed to tell that i called

Now that too is funny {{{roze}}}} Nice to see you!

 

[kayte]

One woman called Dell’s toll-free line to ask how to install the batteries in her laptop. When told that the directions were on the first page of the manual the woman replied angrily, "I just paid $2,000 for this damn thing, and I’m not going to read the book."

Oh well.....