Laughter is Contagious V2

A man once spent days looking for his new hat.

Finally, he decided that he'd go to church on Sunday and sit at the back. During the service he would sneak out and grab a hat from the rack at the front door.

On Sunday, he went to church and sat at the back. The sermon was about the 10 commandments.

He sat through the whole sermon and instead of sneaking out he waited until the sermon was over and went to talk to the minister.

"Father, I came here today to steal a hat to replace the one I lost. But after hearing your sermon on the 10 Commandments, I changed my mind."

The minister said, "Bless you my son. Was it when I started to preach 'Thou shall not steal,' that changed your heart?"

The man responded, "No, it was the one on adultery. When you started to preach on that, I remembered where I left my hat!"
 
A man goes into a store and asks the clerk for some "Polish Sausage". The clerk looked at him and asked, "Are you Polish?"

The guy, clearly offended, says "Well, yes I am, but let me ask you something. If I asked you for Italian Sausage, would you ask me if I was Italian? Or, if I asked for German Bratwurst, would you ask me if I was German? Or if I asked you for a Kosher Hot Dog, would you ask me if I was Jewish? Or, if I asked you for a Taco, would you ask me if I was Mexican? Would ya, huh? Would ya? Why did you ask me if I'm Polish just because I asked for Polish Sausage?"

The clerk replies, "Because you're at Home Depot."
 
A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel suite for their 25th anniversary. As the couple reflected on their magical evening 25 years earlier, the wife asks the husband, "When you first saw my naked body in front of you what was going through your mind?"

The husband replied, "All I wanted to do was fuck your brains out and suck your tits dry," then as the wife undresses she ask, "What are you thinking now?" He replies it looks as if I did a pretty good job"
 
The hunched back man decides very reluctantly, that he should go see a doctor after a few too many people have started to comment on his back.

DOCTOR: I need for you to get undressed, sir. (Hunchback removes jacket and then stops)

HUNCHBACK: I really don't like getting undressed, doctor.

DOCTOR: If you want me to examine your back you'll have to get undressed. (Hunchback removes his shirt but leaves his t-shirt on)

HUNCHBACK: I don't like showing people my back. They always laugh at me.

DOCTOR: Do you want me to examine your back or not? (Very reluctantly, the hunchback removes his t-shirt)

DOCTOR: Ah...just how long is it since you were in school?

HUNCHBACK: Gosh, over 20 years, doctor. Why?

DOCTOR: Did you ever wonder all those years what happened to your backpack?
 
A lady was walking down the street to work and she saw a parrot on a perch in front of a pet store. The parrot said to her, "Hey lady, you are really ugly." Well, the lady is furious! She stormed past the store to her work. On the way home she saw the same parrot and it said to her, "Hey lady, you are really ugly."

She was incredibly ticked now. The next day the same parrot again said to her, "Hey lady, you are really ugly."

The lady was so ticked that she went into the store and said that she would sue the store and kill the bird. The store manager replied, "That's not good," and promised he wouldn't say it again.

When the lady walked past the store that day after work the parrot called to her, "Hey lady."

She paused and said, "Yes?"

The bird said, "You know."
 
DOCTOR: I need for you to get undressed, sir. (Hunchback removes jacket and then stops)

HUNCHBACK: I really don't like getting undressed, doctor.

DOCTOR: If you want me to examine your back you'll have to get undressed. (Hunchback removes his shirt but leaves his t-shirt on)

HUNCHBACK: I don't like showing people my back. They always laugh at me.

DOCTOR: Do you want me to examine your back or not? (Very reluctantly, the hunchback removes his t-shirt)

DOCTOR: Ah...just how long is it since you were in school?

HUNCHBACK: Gosh, over 20 years, doctor. Why?

DOCTOR: Did you ever wonder all those years what happened to your backpack?
 
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