Laughter is Contagious V2
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done_got_old
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done_got_old
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With a couple celebrating their 50th anniversary at the church's marriage marathon, the minister asked Brother Ralph to take a few minutes and share some insight into how he managed to live with the same woman all these years.
The husband replied to the audience, "Well, I treated her with respect, spent money on her, but mostly I took her traveling on special occasions."
The minister inquired trips to where? "For our 25th anniversary, I took her to Beijing, China."
The minister then said, "What a terrific example you are to all husbands, Ralph. Please tell the audience what you're going to do for your wife on your 50th anniversary?"
Brother Ralph: "I'm going back to get her."
The husband replied to the audience, "Well, I treated her with respect, spent money on her, but mostly I took her traveling on special occasions."
The minister inquired trips to where? "For our 25th anniversary, I took her to Beijing, China."
The minister then said, "What a terrific example you are to all husbands, Ralph. Please tell the audience what you're going to do for your wife on your 50th anniversary?"
Brother Ralph: "I'm going back to get her."
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done_got_old
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done_got_old
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During his physical, a doctor asked his patient about his daily activity level.
The man said, "Well, yesterday afternoon, I waded along the edge of a lake, drank eight beers, escaped from wild dogs in the heavy brush, jumped away from an aggressive rattlesnake, marched up and down several hills, stood in a patch of poison ivy, crawled out of quicksand and took four leaks behind big trees."
Impressed by the story, the doctor said, "You must be one hell of an outdoors man!"
"Outdoorsman nothing," replied the man, "I'm just a lousy golfer."
The man said, "Well, yesterday afternoon, I waded along the edge of a lake, drank eight beers, escaped from wild dogs in the heavy brush, jumped away from an aggressive rattlesnake, marched up and down several hills, stood in a patch of poison ivy, crawled out of quicksand and took four leaks behind big trees."
Impressed by the story, the doctor said, "You must be one hell of an outdoors man!"
"Outdoorsman nothing," replied the man, "I'm just a lousy golfer."
VisualExplorer
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done_got_old
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n8Romantic
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Damn! I din't want this story to get out.
n8Romantic
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n8Romantic
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done_got_old
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You can lead a ho to the shower but she's still gonna use the sink.
done_got_old
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done_got_old
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SithLordSexyPants1
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Four old Catholic men and a Catholic woman were having coffee in St. Peters Square .
The first Catholic man tells his friends, "My son is a priest, when he walks into a room, everyone calls him
'Father'."
The second Catholic man chirps, "My son is a Bishop. When he walks into a room people call him
'Your Grace'."
The third Catholic gent says, "My son is a Cardinal. When he enters a room everyone bows their head and says
'Your Eminence'."
The fourth Catholic man says very proudly, "My son is the Pope. When he walks into a room people call him
'Your Holiness'."
Since the lone Catholic woman was sipping her coffee in silence, The four men give her a subtle, "Well....?"
She proudly replies,
I have a daughter,
SLIM & TALL
40 D Breasts
24" WAIST and
34" HIPS
When she walks into a room, people say,
‘JESUS’
The first Catholic man tells his friends, "My son is a priest, when he walks into a room, everyone calls him
'Father'."
The second Catholic man chirps, "My son is a Bishop. When he walks into a room people call him
'Your Grace'."
The third Catholic gent says, "My son is a Cardinal. When he enters a room everyone bows their head and says
'Your Eminence'."
The fourth Catholic man says very proudly, "My son is the Pope. When he walks into a room people call him
'Your Holiness'."
Since the lone Catholic woman was sipping her coffee in silence, The four men give her a subtle, "Well....?"
She proudly replies,
I have a daughter,
SLIM & TALL
40 D Breasts
24" WAIST and
34" HIPS
When she walks into a room, people say,
‘JESUS’
slutindianwife
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done_got_old
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Three women die together in an accident and go to heaven.
When they get there, St. Peter says. "We only have one rule here in heaven, don't step on the ducks!"
So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place. It is almost impossible not to step on a duck and although they try their best to avoid them, the first woman accidentally steps on one.
Well, along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw. St. Peter chains them together and says. "Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to this ugly man!"
The next day, the second woman steps accidentally on a duck and along comes St. Peter, who doesn't miss a thing. With him is another extremely ugly man. He chains them together with the same admonishment as for the first woman.
The third woman has observed all this and not wanting to be chained for all eternity to an ugly man, is very careful where she steps.
She manages to go months without stepping on any ducks.
And then one day St.Peter comes up to her with the most handsome man she has ever laid eyes on - Very tall, long eyelashes.and muscular.
St. Peter chains them together without saying a word.
The happy woman says. "I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you for all of eternity?"
The guy says. "I don't know about you, but I stepped on a duck!"
When they get there, St. Peter says. "We only have one rule here in heaven, don't step on the ducks!"
So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place. It is almost impossible not to step on a duck and although they try their best to avoid them, the first woman accidentally steps on one.
Well, along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw. St. Peter chains them together and says. "Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to this ugly man!"
The next day, the second woman steps accidentally on a duck and along comes St. Peter, who doesn't miss a thing. With him is another extremely ugly man. He chains them together with the same admonishment as for the first woman.
The third woman has observed all this and not wanting to be chained for all eternity to an ugly man, is very careful where she steps.
She manages to go months without stepping on any ducks.
And then one day St.Peter comes up to her with the most handsome man she has ever laid eyes on - Very tall, long eyelashes.and muscular.
St. Peter chains them together without saying a word.
The happy woman says. "I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you for all of eternity?"
The guy says. "I don't know about you, but I stepped on a duck!"
done_got_old
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Our manager at the restaurant where I worked was a friendly, jovial man, but there was one subject you didn't dare discuss in front of him: his height, or rather, his lack of it. He was very short and apparently sensitive about the subject.
One day he stormed through the kitchen doors and announced angrily, "Someone just picked my pocket!"
Everyone was speechless, except for one waitress who couldn't help herself as she blurted out, "How could anyone stoop so low?"
One day he stormed through the kitchen doors and announced angrily, "Someone just picked my pocket!"
Everyone was speechless, except for one waitress who couldn't help herself as she blurted out, "How could anyone stoop so low?"
ALdenteNoodle
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Mind you we were high
BIL: With feeling and body English “when you are on it. Dude it feels so good.”
Me: Turning down music, feeling disturbed. “Dude it feels really good to take a shit while on this? Why are you telling me this?”
BIL: Flabbergasted “ No man sex. Sex feels good when you are on this.”
Me: “Oh, ok.”
We both giggle
Hours... Or Minutes Later who knows
Me: Turns down music again even more disturbed, “ Dude why are you saying that to me?”
BIL: Confused AF “ Huh, what did you think I said?”
Me: “ That you show your dad porn.”
BIL: Jaw dropped “ Dude that is the second time you were hearing crazy shit. You fucking need to get your hearing checked.”
I laugh to the point of pain.
BIL: With feeling and body English “when you are on it. Dude it feels so good.”
Me: Turning down music, feeling disturbed. “Dude it feels really good to take a shit while on this? Why are you telling me this?”
BIL: Flabbergasted “ No man sex. Sex feels good when you are on this.”
Me: “Oh, ok.”
We both giggle
Hours... Or Minutes Later who knows
Me: Turns down music again even more disturbed, “ Dude why are you saying that to me?”
BIL: Confused AF “ Huh, what did you think I said?”
Me: “ That you show your dad porn.”
BIL: Jaw dropped “ Dude that is the second time you were hearing crazy shit. You fucking need to get your hearing checked.”
I laugh to the point of pain.
done_got_old
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A fellow is getting ready to tee-off on the first hole when a second fellow approaches and asks if he can join him. The first says that he usually plays alone but agrees to let the second guy join him.
Both are even after the first couple of holes. The second guy says, "Say, we're about evenly matched, how about we play for five bucks a hole?"
The first fellow says that he usually plays alone and doesn't like to bet but agrees to the terms. Well, the second guy wins the rest of the holes and as they're walking off of the eighteenth hole, and while counting his $80.00, he confesses that he's the pro at a neighboring course and likes to pick on suckers.
The first fellow reveals that he's the Parish Priest at the local Catholic Church to which the second fellow gets all flustered and apologetic and offers to give the Priest back his money. The Priest says, "No, no. You won fair and square and I was foolish to bet with you. You keep your winnings."
The pro says, "Well, is there anything I can do to make it up to you?"
The Priest says, "Well, you could come to Mass on Sunday and make a donation. Then, if you bring your mother and father by after Mass, I'll marry them for you."
Both are even after the first couple of holes. The second guy says, "Say, we're about evenly matched, how about we play for five bucks a hole?"
The first fellow says that he usually plays alone and doesn't like to bet but agrees to the terms. Well, the second guy wins the rest of the holes and as they're walking off of the eighteenth hole, and while counting his $80.00, he confesses that he's the pro at a neighboring course and likes to pick on suckers.
The first fellow reveals that he's the Parish Priest at the local Catholic Church to which the second fellow gets all flustered and apologetic and offers to give the Priest back his money. The Priest says, "No, no. You won fair and square and I was foolish to bet with you. You keep your winnings."
The pro says, "Well, is there anything I can do to make it up to you?"
The Priest says, "Well, you could come to Mass on Sunday and make a donation. Then, if you bring your mother and father by after Mass, I'll marry them for you."
done_got_old
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A young girl is walking home from school when a car pulls up alongside her...
The driver says "get in the car".
The girl says "No way!" and keeps walking.
The driver says "Get in the car and I'll give you a large bag of M&Ms!"
The girl says "No way."
The driver says "Get in the car and I'll give you a a large bag of M&Ms and twenty bucks!"
The girl says "No way."
The driver says "Get in the car and I'll give you a a large bag of M&Ms and fifty bucks!"
The girl says "No way."
The driver says "Get in the car and I'll give you a large bag of M&Ms and one hundred bucks!"
The girl says "Look Dad, you bought the Volvo, YOU deal with it."
The driver says "get in the car".
The girl says "No way!" and keeps walking.
The driver says "Get in the car and I'll give you a large bag of M&Ms!"
The girl says "No way."
The driver says "Get in the car and I'll give you a a large bag of M&Ms and twenty bucks!"
The girl says "No way."
The driver says "Get in the car and I'll give you a a large bag of M&Ms and fifty bucks!"
The girl says "No way."
The driver says "Get in the car and I'll give you a large bag of M&Ms and one hundred bucks!"
The girl says "Look Dad, you bought the Volvo, YOU deal with it."
