Larger women in BDSM

[Zaudika]

A good friend of mine, who's a Dom, brought up a very interesting question to me through email today.

I think it was phrased around the lines of, have you ever thought about the reasons that most women involved in BDSM are larger women. BBW..

Honestly.. I had never thought about it.. noticed it.. but as I did think about it, contemplate, I realized he was entirely correct.

Yes there's a great deal of slender women involved also, I'm not saying there's not... but at least as far as I've ever witnessed, there's a great deal more BBW who are involved in the scene.

Just thought I'd through this out there for discussion. I'm curious to know what other people's opinions are on why this is.

 

[lark sparrow]

On first guess I wonder if it wouldn't be true in most groups, that the average or majority of women (and men) are larger, rather then slender, perhaps especially in a group like BDSM where many become particularly involved a bit later in life. What do you think?

 

[bunny bondage]

lark sparrow already made my point - that there are more people on the face of the earth who are large than those who are slender. i'm slim, and since i'm the only girl i know who's involved in the lifestyle, i don't think i'm a very good judge for this sort of thing. what is everybody else's experiences? like, those who have been to clubs? is it true that there are more big girls into bdsm? i mean, hell, everyone's body is their own, and if they feel good about it, then that makes them beautiful, but i would be curious to know if this trend holds true.

 

[lark sparrow]

What I have noticed more than anything is that the majority in classes, clubs, and BDSM events are 30 and up. I do think there is less judgement about body size or physical appearance in BDSM though, generally speaking.

The last club I went to the most intriguing scene in there was a middle-aged, plain, big beer bellied guy in street clothes and glasses. There was also a flogging scene between two slender, pretty women, and a cross-dressing scene with a Domme - her sissy tied up and receiving a dildo anally... but I wasn't feeling their energy and presence as much as this short large guy in plains clothes who was using a variety of whips and paddles and floggers on his sub bent over a spanking bench - and I wasn't the only one - he had the largest audience in the club, and it certainly wasn't because he looked like a greek god. He had alot of skill and presence!

 

[tendril]

On first guess I wonder if it wouldn't be true in most groups, that the average or majority of women (and men) are larger, rather then slender, perhaps especially in a group like BDSM where many become particularly involved a bit later in life. What do you think?

I think you are right.

 

[Lancecastor]

I've noticed it seems to be the case here.... but IRL I've seen no trend towards big chix in the places I've gone or in the grrls I've known.

 

[Netzach]

It all depends where you go, too.

At the big pan events, people who got into it late in life are the majority. And yes, it seems like most femmes are bottoms and most fembottoms are larger women with post-kids bodies.

At dress-for-pleasure fetishistic events, it's more people who got into freakiness via fashion and my size 12 butt is a biggie in that context.

At lesbian SM events you will find a wide wide range of women of all types and sizes and ages and butchness and femmeness.

 

[serijules]

Part of what made it so easy for me to open up and meet people after I discovered the lifestyle, was the fact that a majority of the people involved in BDSM are bigger. Aka, they are not perfect, and don't expect anyone else to be either. It is that acceptance, that ability to not judge someone on something as silly as their looks, that made me most comfortable.

I don't think that the fact that someone is big has any link to BDSM desires, but rather, that the community as a whole is overall very accepting and non-judgemental, which makes it easier for more folks to 'come out' so to speak, and embrace their desires. If the community were so hung up on looks, I'm sure that a majority of the people involved publically (clubs, meets, parties) would be slender and 'perfect'.

There is a spanking group I know of that is very image-obsessed. The people involved in this group and its parties are overall very slender and well dressed. They rather remind me of the "popular" group in high school, lol. From what I have heard, there are very few people actively involved in the group that are overweight. People that do not fit the groups image don't seem to be included as much, or are soon shunned out for some reason or another. One girl involved used to be rather big...she lost a lot of weight, and all the sudden she is talked about more, she is included more, she is sought after more...and as far as I can see, her attitude and self-confidence have not changed...just her body image. She was suddenly accepted in ways she was not before, seemingly based just on her weight.

So that just goes to show that if a group overall is not accepting of a certain image, that image will not be present much. If a group is accepting and diverse of all images, then that will encourage and welcome a larger diversity of people. That's my opinion on the matter anyhow

 

[lark sparrow]

At lesbian SM events you will find a wide wide range of women of all types and sizes and ages and butchness and femmeness.

That's very true - but we're special and if you go to mainly gay male leather events you'll find more "greek gods" than you would on average!

 

[MystiqDrgn]

Greek Gods

Very true on both fronts. Pan events is where you find the largest range of body types. In male only events the greek gods rule the world. That is, except for Bear events which have Big, hairy and most of all lovable guys. It's one of the few events I have seen where big is best. ~M~

 

[Zaudika]

It's been good to read all of the responses, and I thought that I would share a few of my thoughts on the subject as well.

I think, and agree, that the BDSM community tends to be a great deal less judgemental the majority of the time. This I think could be one of the main reasons...

Another, less than positive reason could be that as we all know, some people get involved in BDSM for the wrong reasons. What I mean by wrong reasons is they loathe themselves, and want to get beaten for that reason. Forunately I haven't run across this very much, but there has been the occasional person I've met/talked to, that does seem to be involved for those reasons. I think a great deal of the time people who've had abuse in their past that lead up to this, are generally heavier people. This I don't think is the 'reason' for larger people in the BDSM community, but perhaps a small part of it.

I do definitely agree that it depends on where you go. Here in my area, Seattle, the different clubs I go to are of all different shapes and sizes. There are however a lot more people who are generally full figured. Then a few that are very large, and then a few that very slender. Because of the variety, I discovered that I've been able to be more comfortable in the scene also. The variety, and the acceptance and nonjudgemental attitude so many people had, since I'm more of a full figured woman myself.

 

[cellis]

Actually I was with some friends Friday night at a club where there was a large BDSM contingent. There are several groups in my city and this was one that was having a party at this swingers club.

One thing I noticed was that there was not a disportionate amont of Heavy Duty Beauties (thanks G, I love that title). There were some and they were dressed in part in fetish wear. There were women of all sizes and shapes there. There were tall women, short women, women with large breasts and women with almost no breasts.

The one thing that struck me was that almost all of them seemed to be comfortable with themselves and their bodies. It really was a nice thing to see...

So as far as there being a large number of BBW's or HDB's.... I think it is all a matter of perception.


Besides...


BIG GIRLS ROCK!

 

[Ebonyfire]

I have found

that we women are our own worst critics.

If you are at home in your own skin, if you love yourself and see yourself of value, others will do so too.

We have have our preferences, but unless we are in fetish, we can always find someone who is "outside the preference" to love and appreciate.

 

[Zaudika]

Actually I was with some friends Friday night at a club where there was a large BDSM contingent. There are several groups in my city and this was one that was having a party at this swingers club.

One thing I noticed was that there was not a disportionate amont of Heavy Duty Beauties (thanks G, I love that title). There were some and they were dressed in part in fetish wear. There were women of all sizes and shapes there. There were tall women, short women, women with large breasts and women with almost no breasts.

The one thing that struck me was that almost all of them seemed to be comfortable with themselves and their bodies. It really was a nice thing to see...

So as far as there being a large number of BBW's or HDB's.... I think it is all a matter of perception.


Besides...


BIG GIRLS ROCK!

Thats totally awesome!.. I think its great that at an event like that so many could be comfortable and happy. It makes the event and feeling so much nicer.
I know there's more of an underground club I go to here also, that has a lot of different shapes and sizes. Clothing is optional at this place, and the majority of the time everyone is mostly naked, at least from the waist up. The first time going I was a bit nervous about how people treated different people.. but everything was so comfortable, and laid back.. and relaxed. I loved that place.

 

[BlondGirl]

I saved something from an old ancient thread off Lit the other day. I don't remember where I found it or who originally wrote it, but I do have it right here. I had emailed it to a favorite lover who is a physician.

This was posted on a message board about edgeplay--I found it interesting
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I was reading the other day that there's a biochemical link between drug addiction, overeating, and edgy sex play. Apparently, because edgy sex games induce endorphin output, which stimulates the pleasure/pain nexus in the brain--the dopamine circuit, the pleasure response relies heavily on the condition of one's dopamine uptake in the brain. Those who are or have been addicted to drugs (like the obese) typically have slow dopamine uptake, meaning that larger doses of endorphins/adrenaline/seratonin/etc are needed to induce the pleasure response. Studies are ongoing to determine whether the children of addicts and overeaters face similar dopamine restrictions.

Does this mean that edgy play is bad for you? Well, no. In fact, even the purity-Nazis at CNN suggested that non-toxic endorphine stimulants like endurance sports and "extended or intense foreplay" (as they put it) can help to keep people with such biochemical limitations away from the damaging but common result--clinical depression.

Food for thought, in any case, isn't it?

Something else that I have wondered about is the proportion of larger sized folks in the Houston area. San Antonio is reputed to be the "fattest" city in the US with over 1/3 of the population to be seriously overweight. (Recent study, was in the newspaper)

I am guessing that with the Southern Tex-Mex lifestyles, that we do actually have more. As a healthcare worker who has only worked in Texas, I don't have other experience to go by. BUT, we had a doctor once in a meeting who stated that until he moved to the Houston area, he had never ever seen so many fat people in his life and how much it horrified him. (The discussion was concerning issues that deal with the health care related to the obesity in our patients.)

 

[MystiqDrgn]

BBW's/ Slender people and those in general

I have found some of the most beautiful people to be of the BBW type. Not that I haven't found any slender ones equally as beautiful. I believe every "body" has a place in this world and even in bdsm. My only "quirk" is those bodies who force themselves to wear tight scene clothes and wind up looking what I refer to the canned ham syndrome. If it makes them feel great...go for it. I do however beleive most would look better with nothing on. When you wear constricting clothes it is hard to get your raw sexuality to exume out. I have very few "scene" clothes. Why? It's my personal choice. I say, be comfortable. You don't have to wear scene clothes to be part of the scene. Be yourself and your natural beauty and ultimate sensuality will fill a room. ~M~

 

[cellis]

Re: BBW's/ Slender people and those in general

I have found some of the most beautiful people to be of the BBW type. Not that I haven't found any slender ones equally as beautiful. I believe every "body" has a place in this world and even in bdsm. My only "quirk" is those bodies who force themselves to wear tight scene clothes and wind up looking what I refer to the canned ham syndrome. If it makes them feel great...go for it. I do however beleive most would look better with nothing on. When you wear constricting clothes it is hard to get your raw sexuality to exume out. I have very few "scene" clothes. Why? It's my personal choice. I say, be comfortable. You don't have to wear scene clothes to be part of the scene. Be yourself and your natural beauty and ultimate sensuality will fill a room. ~M~

You are right... I have lots of scene clothing because I like it (it's that lingerie fetish of mine) and Himself likes seeing me dress that way... I do however always try to certain that it is tasteful... nothing is worse than to have the "fetish fashion police" after you!

 

[Ebonyfire]

Scene clothing

Some people do need to step away from the spandex counter.

LOL

 

[MystiqDrgn]

Re: Scene clothing

Some people do need to step away from the spandex counter.

LOL

The counter isn't limited to the bbw's either LOL ~M~

 

[Ebonyfire]

Re: Re: Scene clothing

The counter isn't limited to the bbw's either LOL ~M~

Yep!

 

[cellis]

Re: Scene clothing

Some people do need to step away from the spandex counter.

LOL

LOL

<-------- has no spandex and never has!

 

[MystiqDrgn]

Re: Re: Scene clothing

LOL

<-------- has no spandex and never has!

Spandex made its way into fashion in the 80's...with flash dancer and working out. As far as I am concerned, it should have died with the 80's. ~M~

 

[ownedsubgal]

i think...

...that there are indeed more larger women in the bdsm lifestyle and in the D/s lifestyle than slimmer women. why?? i think the reasons have all been mentioned here...more women in general are larger...the lifestyle is in general more accepting of things the vanilla world shuns, etc. i do attend some lifestyle clubs and parties, and with the exception of the fetish "dress up" clubs (that attract the kink-nosey college crowd), the overwhelming majority of the women there are overweight. this has actually caused some problems for my Master and i, as we do engage in play with others, and while it's easy to find other men to use me, it's very rare that we encounter other women that my Master wishes to use, as he's attracted to smaller women first and foremost, then their personality must be desirable to him, etc...so we may go to an event, and there may be a handful of smaller women there beyond myself...if we're EXTREMELY fortunate, maybe 1 of them may interest my Master. otoh, if a man happens to be a lover of BBWs, he has a huge variety to choose from at any bdsm oriented group, club or event. so the tables are really turned...great for many, not so great for others.