Just for laughs

[Guest]

Re: Are U Hungery Yet???

http://www.funny-pictures.com/albums/sexy/eat_me.sized.jpg

Thank you for the wonderful compliment, jj! I'm glad to hear you enjoyed my poem.

Hey, um, this picture here is a real hotty. I would love to feel my man nibble all that off me. Phew! Grocery list time

 

[Calvin]

here's one for you.....

 

[stonedfox]

I hope this pic shows up

 

[stonedfox]

I made this myself

 

[Luv2PleasureF]

it's DINNER TIME!!

Thank you for the wonderful compliment, jj! I'm glad to hear you enjoyed my poem.

Hey, um, this picture here is a real hotty. I would love to feel my man nibble all that off me. Phew! Grocery list time

Hoo yeah, babe... don't forget the strawberries, whipped cream, chocolate sauce, butterscotch, cherries, and whatever else you can think of for dinner! Best part is nothing to wash, and oh man, am I gonna enjoy licking that delicious plate clean!!

 

[Luv2PleasureF]

.


She's carrying a nice lolly pop on her belt, did you see it?
Hey nothing said here is to be taken personal, this is just for LAFFS, no one wants to come between you, besides I'm old and 3000 miles away, thanks for responding

No offense taken, JJ, none at all!
I just made note of the fact that you'd mis-spelled "dildo girl" as "dildo gril" - I added an extra 'L' and thought of dildos broiling over coals!!

I suspect that in that case we can both agree that hot dogs would be better eatin', no?

I didn't notice the lolly pop though... heehee

And heck, I'm not worried about anyone coming between me and my honey love! We're WAY too close, there ain't no room for anyone to fit! Sorry if you took it the wrong way, same as you, just lookin' for laughs and good times!

On the subject, one of my standby saves that always brings a chuckle, or at least a groan...

A horse walks into a bar... bartender asks, "Why the long face?"
<sound of cymbal crash>

 

[SweetVA]

http://www.schorsch-p.de/ulli/ulli/020925ulli/a%20cook's%20dream%202.jpg

A cook's dream.

 

[Luv2PleasureF]

http://www.schorsch-p.de/ulli/ulli/020925ulli/a%20cook's%20dream%202.jpg

A cook's dream.

Is that a cook's dream, or a Lovin' Oven?

 

[matriarch]

Not even going to try and compete with all them there pics.....so a silly verbal.

A couple had just had fabulous sex and were lying back in the bed, relaxing after all the exertion and pleasure.

The woman was softly stroking his dick which he was enjoying greatly.

Turning to her, he said, "Baby, do you want more ?"

"No," she said, a dreamy look on her face, "I'm just admiring your beautiful dick..............................I really miss mine."

 

[matriarch]

BLONDE BUS RIDE

Two bowling teams, one of all blondes and one of all brunettes, charter a double-decker bus for a weekend bowling tournament in Atlantic City.

The brunette team rides in the bottom of the bus and the blonde team rides on the top level. The brunette team down below is whooping it up having a great time, when one of them realizes she doesn't hear anything from the blondes upstairs. She decides to go up and investigate.

When the brunette reaches the top, she finds all the blondes frozen in fear, staring straight ahead at the road and clutching the seats in front of them. They all had white knuckles.

She says, "What the heck's going on up here? We're having a great time downstairs."

One of the blondes looks up and says to her, "Yeah, but you've got a driver."

 

[matriarch]

Dave returned from a doctor's visit one day and told his wife Doreen that the doctor said he only had 24 hours to live.

Wiping away her tears, he asked her to make love with him. Of course she agreed and they made passionate love.

Six hours later, Dave went to her again, and said, "Honey, now I only have 18 hours left to live. Maybe we could make love again?" Doreen agreed and again they made love.

Later, Dave was getting into bed when he realized he now had only eight hours of life left. He touched Doreen's shoulder and said, Honey? Please? Just one more time before I die." She agreed, then afterward she rolled over and fell asleep.

Dave, however, heard the clock ticking in his head, and he tossed and turned until he was down to only four more hours. He tapped his wife on the shoulder to wake her up. "Honey, I only have four hours left! Could we...?"

His wife sat up abruptly, turned to him and said, "Listen Dave, I have to get up in the morning! You don't."

 

[matriarch]

A retired gentleman went to the CPP office to apply for his pension. After waiting in line a long time he got to the counter. The woman behind the counter asked him for his driver's license to verify his age.

He looked in his pockets and realized he had left his wallet at home.
He told the woman that he was very sorry, but he seemed to have left his wallet at home. "I will have to go home and come back later."

The woman says, "Unbutton your shirt." So he opens his shirt revealing lots of curly silver hair. She says, "That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me," and she processed his CPP application.

When he gets home, the man excitedly tells his wife about his experience at the CPP office.

She said, "You should have dropped your pants, you might have gotten disability too."

 

[matriarch]

For everyone who has to work with THE PUBLIC.......

Customer: "I've been ringing 0700 2300 for two days and can't get through to enquiries, can you help?".
Operator: "Where did you get that number from, sir?".
Customer: "It was on the door to the Travel Centre".
Operator: "Sir, they are our opening hours".

Samsung Electronics
Caller: "Can you give me the telephone number for Jack?"
Operator: "I'm sorry, sir, I don't understand who you are talking about".
Caller: "On page 1, section 5, of the user guide it clearly states that I need to unplug the fax machine from the AC wall socket and telephone Jack before cleaning. Now, can you give me the number for Jack?"


RAC Motoring Services
Caller: "Does your European Breakdown Policy cover me when I am travelling in Australia?"
Operator: Doesn't the product give you a clue?

Caller (enquiring about legal requirements while travelling in France):
"If I register my car in France, do I have to change the steering wheel
to the other side of the car?"

Directory Enquiries
Caller: "I'd like the number of the Argoed Fish Bar in Cardiff please".
Operator: "I'm sorry, there's no listing. Is the spelling correct?"
Caller: "Well, it used to be called the Bargoed Fish Bar but the 'B' fell off".

Then there was the caller who asked for a knitwear company in Woven.
Operator: "Woven? Are you sure?"
Caller: "Yes. That's what it says on the label; Woven in Scotland".

On another occasion, a man making heavy breathing sounds from a phone box told a worried operator: "I haven't got a pen, so I'm steaming up
the window to write the number on".

Computer Capers
Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop".
Customer: "OK".
Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?".
Customer: "No".
Tech Support: "OK. Right-Click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"
Customer: "No".
Tech Support: "OK, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?".
Customer: "Sure. You told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'".


Tech Support: "OK. In the bottom left hand side of the screen, can you see the 'OK' button displayed?"
Customer: "Wow. How can you see my screen from there?"


Caller: "I deleted a file from my PC last week and I have just realised that I need it. If I turn my system clock back two weeks will I have my
file back again?".

 

[matriarch]

Had enough yet?

Shall I stop??

 

[matriarch]

I'll take that as a 'no'...............OK.

An extraordinarily handsome man decided he had the responsibility to marry the perfect woman so they could produce beautiful children beyond comparison. With that as his mission he began searching for the perfect woman.

Shortly thereafter he met a farmer who had three stunning, gorgeous daughters that positively took his breath away. So he explained his mission to the farmer, asking for permission to marry one of them.

The farmer simply replied, "They're lookin' to get married, so you came to the right place. Look 'em over and pick the one you want."

The man dated the first daughter. The next day the farmer asked for the man's opinion.

"Well," said the man, "she's just a weeeeee bit, not that you can hardly notice...pigeon-toed."

The farmer nodded and suggested the man date one of the other girls; so the man went out with the second daughter.

The next day, ! the farmer again asked how things went.

"Well," the man replied, "she's just a weeeee bit, not that you can hardly tell ...cross-eyed."

The farmer nodded and suggested he date the third girl to see if things might be better. So he did.

The next morning the man rushed in exclaiming, "She's perfect, just perfect. She's the one I want to marry."

So they were wed right away.

Months later the baby was born. When the man visited the nursery he was horrified: the baby was the ugliest, most pathetic human you can imagine. He rushed to his father-in-law asking how such a thing could happen considering the beauty of the parents.

"Well," explained the farmer, "She was just a weeeee bit, not that you could hardly tell...pregnant when you met her."

 

[SweetVA]

One more.... (can't figure out how I got the pic to show up in the post last time... grrrr!)