Joey3308
Let's Monkey Around
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- 24,198
Jokes
- Thread starter biggbear8
- Start date
Joey3308
Let's Monkey Around
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- 24,198
omahaman2
Here's your sign
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- Nov 16, 2001
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SURVIVOR SOUTHERN STYLE
Due to the popularity of the Survivor shows, several southern TV
stations are joining together and are planning to do their own,
entitled "Survivor: Southern Style."
The contestants will start in Alabama, travel over to Georgia and
On to South Carolina. From there they will head up to North
Carolina and over to Tennessee. They will then proceed down to
Mississippi and Louisiana. Finally ending up back over in Alabama.
Each will be driving a pink Volvo with New Jersey license plates
and large bumper stickers that read: I'm Gay, I'm a Vegetarian,
NASCAR Sucks, Go Yankees! Smoking Is for Idiots, Hillary in 2004,
Deer Hunting is Murder, and I'm Here to Confiscate Your Guns!
The first one that makes it back to Alabama alive, wins!
Due to the popularity of the Survivor shows, several southern TV
stations are joining together and are planning to do their own,
entitled "Survivor: Southern Style."
The contestants will start in Alabama, travel over to Georgia and
On to South Carolina. From there they will head up to North
Carolina and over to Tennessee. They will then proceed down to
Mississippi and Louisiana. Finally ending up back over in Alabama.
Each will be driving a pink Volvo with New Jersey license plates
and large bumper stickers that read: I'm Gay, I'm a Vegetarian,
NASCAR Sucks, Go Yankees! Smoking Is for Idiots, Hillary in 2004,
Deer Hunting is Murder, and I'm Here to Confiscate Your Guns!
The first one that makes it back to Alabama alive, wins!
omahaman2
Here's your sign
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- Nov 16, 2001
- Posts
- 18,171
A man and a woman were seated beside each other in the first class
section of the plane. The woman sneezed, took out a tissue, gently
wiped her nose and then shuddered quite violently for 10 or 15
seconds. The man went back to his reading.
A few minutes later, the woman sneezed again, took a tissue,
gently wiped her nose and shuddered quite violently as before.
The man was becoming more and more curious about the shuddering.
A few more minutes passed and the woman sneezed one more time.
Again she took a tissue, gently wiped he
section of the plane. The woman sneezed, took out a tissue, gently
wiped her nose and then shuddered quite violently for 10 or 15
seconds. The man went back to his reading.
A few minutes later, the woman sneezed again, took a tissue,
gently wiped her nose and shuddered quite violently as before.
The man was becoming more and more curious about the shuddering.
A few more minutes passed and the woman sneezed one more time.
Again she took a tissue, gently wiped he
omahaman2
Here's your sign
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Last edited:
Joey3308
Let's Monkey Around
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Joey3308
Let's Monkey Around
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Joey3308
Let's Monkey Around
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Wishful Thinking
http://www.lovelaughs.com/pics/breasts.gif
http://www.lovelaughs.com/pics/breasts.gif
~Elizabeth~
His horny lil devil
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- Nov 12, 2002
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- 44,351
A construction worker on the 3rd floor of a building needs a
handsaw so he sees another man on the 1st floor.
He yells down to him, but he can't hear, so he does sign language.
He points at his eye meaning "I," points at his knee meaning "need,"
and moves his hand back and forth in a handsaw motion.
The man on the 1st floor nods his head, pulls down his pants, and
starts masturbating. The man on the 3rd floor gets so angry he runs
down to the 1st floor and says," What the fuck is wrong with you
dumbass? I said I need handsaw!!"
The other guy says," I knew that, I was just trying to tell you I'm
coming."
handsaw so he sees another man on the 1st floor.
He yells down to him, but he can't hear, so he does sign language.
He points at his eye meaning "I," points at his knee meaning "need,"
and moves his hand back and forth in a handsaw motion.
The man on the 1st floor nods his head, pulls down his pants, and
starts masturbating. The man on the 3rd floor gets so angry he runs
down to the 1st floor and says," What the fuck is wrong with you
dumbass? I said I need handsaw!!"
The other guy says," I knew that, I was just trying to tell you I'm
coming."
~Elizabeth~
His horny lil devil
- Joined
- Nov 12, 2002
- Posts
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A little koala bear wanders into a whorehouse. He climbs the stairs
and finds a door open. He goes in to the room to find a naked
prostitute asleep on the bed. He quickly climbs into the bed and
begins performing oral sex on the prostitute.
She wakes up and decides that since it feels so good she'll let him
finish. The koala finishes, wipes his chin, climbs off the bed and
heads for the door. The prostitute jumps up and yells at him "Hey,
you have to pay for that". The koala shrugs and continues to head
for the door.
The prostitute yells at him again, "Hey you have to pay for that.
I'm a prostitute". She gets up and pulls a dictionary off a shelf
and shows the koala the definition.
PROSTITUTE
a person receiving payment for sexual services.
The koala shrugs, takes the dictionary and turns the pages to the
definition of koala bear.
KOALA
(n.) a small bear that eats bushes and leaves
and finds a door open. He goes in to the room to find a naked
prostitute asleep on the bed. He quickly climbs into the bed and
begins performing oral sex on the prostitute.
She wakes up and decides that since it feels so good she'll let him
finish. The koala finishes, wipes his chin, climbs off the bed and
heads for the door. The prostitute jumps up and yells at him "Hey,
you have to pay for that". The koala shrugs and continues to head
for the door.
The prostitute yells at him again, "Hey you have to pay for that.
I'm a prostitute". She gets up and pulls a dictionary off a shelf
and shows the koala the definition.
PROSTITUTE
a person receiving payment for sexual services.The koala shrugs, takes the dictionary and turns the pages to the
definition of koala bear.
KOALA
(n.) a small bear that eats bushes and leaves
~Elizabeth~
His horny lil devil
- Joined
- Nov 12, 2002
- Posts
- 44,351
A professor is sent to darkest Africa to live with a primitive tribe. He
spends years with them, teaching them reading, writing, math, and science.
One day the wife of the tribe's chief gives birth to a white child. The
members of the tribe are shocked, and the chief pulls the professor aside
and says, "Look here! You're the only white man we've ever seen and this
woman gave birth to a white child. It doesn't take a genius to figure out
what happened!"
The professor replied, "Chief, you're mistaken. What you have here is a
natural occurrence ... what we in the civilized world call an albino! Look at
that field over there. All of the sheep are white except for one black one.
Nature does this on occasion."
The chief was silent for a moment, then said, "Tell you what. You don't say
anything more about the sheep and I won't say anything more about the baby".
spends years with them, teaching them reading, writing, math, and science.
One day the wife of the tribe's chief gives birth to a white child. The
members of the tribe are shocked, and the chief pulls the professor aside
and says, "Look here! You're the only white man we've ever seen and this
woman gave birth to a white child. It doesn't take a genius to figure out
what happened!"
The professor replied, "Chief, you're mistaken. What you have here is a
natural occurrence ... what we in the civilized world call an albino! Look at
that field over there. All of the sheep are white except for one black one.
Nature does this on occasion."
The chief was silent for a moment, then said, "Tell you what. You don't say
anything more about the sheep and I won't say anything more about the baby".
~Elizabeth~
His horny lil devil
- Joined
- Nov 12, 2002
- Posts
- 44,351
Fresh from my shower, I stand in front of the mirror, complaining to my husband that my breasts are too small. Instead of characteristically telling me it's not so, he uncharacteristically comes up with a suggestion: "If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece of toiletpaper and rub it between your breasts for a few seconds."
Willing to try anything, I fetched a piece of toilet paper and stand in front of the mirror, rubbing it between my breasts. "How long will this take?" I ask.
"They will grow larger over a period of years," he replies.
I stop."Do you really think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between my breasts every day will make my breasts larger over the years?"
Without missing a beat he says,"Worked for your butt, didn't it?"
He's still alive, and with a great deal of therapy, may even walk again.
Stupid, stupid man.
Willing to try anything, I fetched a piece of toilet paper and stand in front of the mirror, rubbing it between my breasts. "How long will this take?" I ask.
"They will grow larger over a period of years," he replies.
I stop."Do you really think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between my breasts every day will make my breasts larger over the years?"
Without missing a beat he says,"Worked for your butt, didn't it?"
He's still alive, and with a great deal of therapy, may even walk again.
Stupid, stupid man.
Joey3308
Let's Monkey Around
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- Posts
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tonitits
MS. T
- Joined
- Mar 22, 2002
- Posts
- 25,852
Joey3308 said:
shame on her! 
I know,they switched babies at the hospital! 
alwaysawake
Beaver Believer
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- Jan 23, 2002
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- 23,179
Psssst, toni...News Flash! Elephants have live young, they don't lay eggs! 
Joey3308
Let's Monkey Around
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omahaman2
Here's your sign
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- Posts
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omahaman2
Here's your sign
- Joined
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omahaman2
Here's your sign
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omahaman2
Here's your sign
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omahaman2
Here's your sign
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biggbear8
heart and soul
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- Jul 20, 2002
- Posts
- 14,049
Casino Night
>
>
>
> > > > > > > >Two male casino workers were waiting at a craps
> > > > > > > >table. A very attractive blonde woman arrived and
> > > > > > > >bet twenty thousand dollars on a single roll of the
> > > > > > > >dice.
> > > > > > > >She said "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much
> > > > > > > >luckier when I'm completely nude." With that she
> > > > > > > >stripped from her neck down, rolled the dice and
> > > > > > > >yelled "Mama needs new clothes!" Then she hollered
> > > > > > > >"Yes! yes! I won! I won!" She jumped up and down
> > > > > > > >and hugged each of the dealers. She then picked up
> > > > > > > >all the money and her clothes and departed.
> > > > > > > >The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded.
> > > > > > > >Finally one of them asked, "What did she roll?" The
other
> > > > > > > >answered, "I don't know, I thought you were
> > > > > > > >watching."
> > > > > > > >Moral of the story: not all blondes are dumb, but all
men are
> >men.
>
>
>
>
> > > > > > > >Two male casino workers were waiting at a craps
> > > > > > > >table. A very attractive blonde woman arrived and
> > > > > > > >bet twenty thousand dollars on a single roll of the
> > > > > > > >dice.
> > > > > > > >She said "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much
> > > > > > > >luckier when I'm completely nude." With that she
> > > > > > > >stripped from her neck down, rolled the dice and
> > > > > > > >yelled "Mama needs new clothes!" Then she hollered
> > > > > > > >"Yes! yes! I won! I won!" She jumped up and down
> > > > > > > >and hugged each of the dealers. She then picked up
> > > > > > > >all the money and her clothes and departed.
> > > > > > > >The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded.
> > > > > > > >Finally one of them asked, "What did she roll?" The
other
> > > > > > > >answered, "I don't know, I thought you were
> > > > > > > >watching."
> > > > > > > >Moral of the story: not all blondes are dumb, but all
men are
> >men.
>
