Jokes

[Guest]

If you remember The Original Hollywood Squares and its comics....

ROFL !!
{{{{Bear}}}} those were GREAT !!
~~~~~~~~~~~
(kinda long but cute)
Young King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a
neighboring kingdom. The monarch could have killed him but was moved
by Arthur's youth and ideals. So, the monarch offered him his freedom,
as long as he could answer a very difficult question.

Arthur would have a year to figure out the answer and, if after a
year, he still Had no answer, he would be put to death.

The question?....What do women really want?
Such a question would perplex even the most knowledgeable man, and
to young Arthur, it seemed an impossible query. But, since it was
better than death, he accepted the monarch's proposition to have an
answer by year's end.

He returned to his kingdom and began to poll everyone: the princess,
the priests, the wise men and even the court jester. He spoke with
everyone, but no one could give him a satisfactory answer.

Many people advised him to consult the old witch, for only she would
have the answer. But the price would be high; as the witch was famous
throughout the kingdom for the exorbitant prices she charged.
The last day of the year arrived and Arthur had no choice but to talk
to the witch. She agreed to answer the question, but he would have to
agree to her price first. The old witch wanted to marry Sir Lancelot,
the most noble of the Knights Of the Round Table and Arthur's closest friend!

Young Arthur was horrified. She was hunchbacked and hideous, had only
one tooth, smelled like sewage, made obscene noises, etc. He had never
encountered such a repugnant creature in all his life.

He refused to force his friend to marry her and endure such a terrible
burden, but Lancelot, learning of the proposal, spoke with Arthur.
He said nothing was too big of a sacrifice compared to Arthur's life
and the preservation of the Round Table.

Hence, a wedding was proclaimed and the witch answered Arthur's
question thus:
What a woman really wants, she answered, is to be in charge of her
own life.

Everyone in the kingdom instantly knew that the witch had uttered a
great truth and that Arthur's life would be spared.

And so it was, the neighboring monarch granted Arthur his freedom and
Lancelot and the witch had a wonderful wedding. The honeymoon hour
approached and Lancelot, steeling himself for a horrific experience,
entered the bedroom. But, what a sight awaited him.

The most beautiful woman he had ever seen, lay before him on the bed.
The astounded Lancelot asked what had happened. The beauty replied
that since he had been so kind to her when she appeared as a witch,
she would henceforth, be her horrible deformed self only half the time
and the beautiful maiden the other half.

Which would he prefer? Beautiful during the day....or night?
Lancelot pondered the predicament. During the day, a beautiful woman
to show off to his friends, but at night, in the privacy of his castle,
an old witch?

Or, would he prefer having a hideous witch during the day, but by night,
a beautiful woman for him to enjoy wondrous, intimate moments?

What would YOU do?

*******
Noble Lancelot, knowing the answer the witch gave Arthur to his
question, said that he would allow HER to make the choice herself.

Upon hearing this, she announced that she would be beautiful all
the time because he had respected her enough to let her be in charge
of her own life.

Now....what is the moral to this story?
The moral is..... If you don't let a woman have her own
way....things are going to get ugly.

 

[carrie-on]

A GROUP OF 1ST, 2ND, AND 3RD, GRADERS ACCOMPANIED BY TWO FEMALE TEACHERS
WENT ON A FIELD TRIP TO THE LOCAL RACE TRACK TO LEARN ABOUT THOROUGHBRED HORSES.



WHEN IT WAS TIME TO TAKE THE CHILDREN TO THE BATHROOM IT WAS DECIDED THAT THE GIRLS WOULD GO WITH ONE TEACHER AND THE BOYS WOULD GO WITH THE OTHER TEACHER.


THE TEACHER ASSIGNED TO THE BOYS WAS WAITING OUTSIDE THE MEN'S ROOM WHEN ONE OF THE BOYS CAME OUT AND TOLD HER THAT NONE OF THEM COULD REACH THE URINAL. HAVING NO CHOICE, SHE WENT INSIDE, HELPED THE BOYS WITH THEIR PANTS AND BEGAN HOISTING THE LITTLE BOYS UP ONE BY ONE, ASSISTING THEM IN DIRECTING THE FLOW AWAY FROM THEIR CLOTHES.


AS THE TEACHER LIFTED ONE BOY, SHE COULDN'T HELP BUT NOTICE HE WAS UNUSUALLY WELL ENDOWED. TRYING NOT TO SHOW THAT SHE WAS STARING, THE TEACHER SAID "YOU MUST BE IN THE 4TH."


NO MA'AM, HE REPLIED, I'M THE JOCKEY RIDING SILVER ARROW IN THE 5TH"

 

[carrie-on]

One night, an 87-year-old woman came home from bingo to find
her 92-year-old husband in bed with another woman. She became violent and ended up pushing him off the balcony of their 20th-floor apartment, killing him instantly. Brought before the court on the charge of murder, she was asked if she had anything to say in her own defense.
"Your Honor," she began coolly, "I figured that at 92, if he could screw, he could fly!

 

[carrie-on]

Grandpa was driving with his 9 year old granddaughter and beeped the horn by mistake.
She turned and looked at him for an explanation.
He said, "I did that by accident."
She replied, "I know that, Grandpa."
He replied, "How did you know?
She said, "Because you didn't say 'asshole!' afterwards."

 

[Joey3308]

John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, between the legs of me wife!"
That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night! He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the best toast of the night."
She said, "Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?"
John said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife.
"Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!" Mary said.
The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking buddies on the street corner. The man chuckled leeringly and said, "John won the prize the other night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary."
She said, "Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised meself. You know, he's only been there twice! Once he fell asleep, an the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come"

 

[Succulent-one]

Brain Cell

THE LONELY LITTLE BRAIN CELL

Once upon a time there was a female brain cell,
which by mistake happened to end up in a man's head.

She looked around nervously, but it was all empty and quiet.

Hello?" she cried, but no answer.
"Is there anyone here?" she cried a little louder, but still no answer.
Now the female brain cell started to feel alone and scared and yelled
at the top of her voice,

"HELLO, IS THERE ANYONE HERE?"

Then she heard a faint voice from far, far,
away..........................................

We're down here ..."

 

[alwaysawake]

You might be from the Pacific Northwest if:

1. You know the state flower (Mildew) and state bird (Banana Slug).
2. You feel guilty throwing aluminum cans or paper in the trash.
3. Use the statement "sun break" and know what it means.
4. You know more than 10 ways to order coffee.
5. You know more people who own boats than air conditioners.
6. You feel overdressed wearing a suit to a nice restaurant.
7. You stand on a deserted corner in the rain waiting for the "Walk" signal.
8. You consider that if it has no snow or has not recently erupted, it is not a real mountain.
9. You can taste the difference between Starbucks, Seattle's Best, and Veneto's.
10. You know the difference between Chinook, Coho, and Sockeye salmon.
11. You know how to pronounce Sequim, Puyallup, Issaquah, Oregon, Yachats, and Willamette.
12. You consider swimming an indoor sport.
13. You can tell the difference between Japanese, Chinese and Thai food.
14. In winter, you go to work in the dark and come home in the
dark--while only working eight-hour days in the Winter.
15. You never go camping without waterproof matches and a poncho.
16. You are not fazed by "Today's forecast: showers followed by rain," and "Tomorrow's forecast: rain followed by showers."
17. You cannot wait for a day with "showers and sun breaks."
18. You have no concept of humidity without precipitation.
19. You know that Boring is a town in Oregon and not just a state of mind.
20. You can point to at least two volcanoes, even if you cannot see through the cloud cover.
21. You notice "the mountain is out" when it is a pretty day and you can actually see it.
22. You put on your shorts when the temperature gets above 50, but still wear your hiking boots and jacket.
23. You switch to your sandals when it gets about 60, but never use socks with them since they'd only get wet anyway.
24. You have actually used your mountain bike on a mountain.
25. You think people who use umbrellas are either wimps or tourists (unless they are golfers, and then it's OK if it's really raining hard).
26. You knew immediately that the view out of Frasier's window was fake.
27. You buy new sunglasses every year, because you can't find the old ones after such a long time.
28. You measure distance in hours.
29. You often switch from "heat" to "a/c" in the same day.
30. You use a down comforter in the summer.
31. You carry jumper cables in your car and your wife or girlfriend knows how to use them.
32. You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit under a raincoat.
33. You know all the important seasons: Almost Winter, Winter, Still Raining/Salmon Fishing (Spring), Road Construction (Summer), Deer & Elk season (Fall).

 

[alwaysawake]

I like this one, too--here is the link...

http://www.totallytom.com/MadCow.html

 

[alwaysawake]

Why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor when you can't drink and drive?
Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?
Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?
Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?
Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there?
Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime?
Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?
How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings?
If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors?
If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?
If nothing ever sticks to TEFLON(R), how do they make TEFLON(R) stick to the pan?
If you tied buttered toast to the back of a cat and dropped it from a height, what would happen?
If you're in a vehicle going the speed of light, what happens when you turn on the headlights?
You know how most packages say "Open here". What is the protocol if the package says, "Open somewhere else"?
Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM?
Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?
Why is brassiere singular and panties plural?
Why is it that when you transport something by car, it's called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship, it's called cargo?
You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes, why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance?
Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio?
I don't believe in reincarnation, but I did in my past life.

 

[Succulent-one]

For some this may be fun

EMBARRASSING FIRST DATE
This just tells you how hard it is to be single nowadays... This was on the Tonight Show with Jay Leno.

Jay went into the audience to find the most embarrassing first date that a woman ever had. The winner described her worst first date experience. There was absolutely no question as to why her tale took the prize!

Marilyn said it was midwinter...snowing and quite cold...and the guy had taken her skiing to Lake Arrowhead. It was a day trip (no overnight). No, not Marilyn. They were strangers, after all, and truly had never met before. The outing was fun but relatively uneventful until they were headed home late that afternoon. They were driving back down the mountain when she gradually began to realize that she should not have had that extra latte. They were about an hour away from anywhere with a rest room and in the middle of nowhere! Her companion suggested she try to hold it, which she did for a while. Unfortunately, because of the heavy snow and slow going, there came a point where she told him that he had better stop and let her pee beside the road, or it would be the front seat of his car.

They stopped and she quickly crawled out beside the car, yanked her pants down and started. Unfortunately, in the deep snow she didn't have good footing, so she let her butt rest against the rear fender to steady herself. Her companion stood on the side of the car watching for traffic and indeed was a real gentleman and refrained from peeking. All she could think about was the relief she felt despite the rather embarrassing nature of the situation.

Upon finishing however, she soon became aware of another sensation. As she bent to pull up her pants, the young lady discovered her buttocks were firmly glued against the car's fender. Thoughts of tongues frozen to pump handles immediately came to mind as she attempted to disengage her flesh from the icy metal. It was quickly apparent that she had a brand new problem due to the extreme cold. Horrified by her plight and yet aware of the humor she answered her date's concerns about "what was taking so long" with a reply that indeed, she was "freezing her butt off and needed some assistance"! He came around the car as she tried to cover herself with her sweater and then, as she looked imploringly into his eyes, he burst out laughing. She too, got the giggles and when they finally managed to compose themselves, they assessed her dilemma. Obviously, as hysterical as the situation was, they also were faced with a real problem. Both agreed it would take something hot to free her chilly cheeks from the grip of the icy metal! Thinking about what had gotten her into the predicament in the first place, both quickly realized that there was only one way to get her free so, as she looked the other way. her first time date proceeded to unzip his pants and pee her butt off the fender.

As for the Tonight Show...she took the prize hands down...or perhaps that should be "pants down."

And you thought your first date was embarrassing... A whole new definition of being "pissed off ".

 

[My Erotic Tail]

Succulent-one~

laughing-my-ass-off

A little boy goes to the bathroom in the
middle of the night ... As he passes by
his moms bedroom he sees her rubbing
her self and mumbling "God I need a man."

The next night the little boy does the
same thing...on his way to the bathroom
he looks in his moms room and shes in
bed with a strange man....

The next morning at breakfast the little boy
makes the comment to his mother..that her
prayers work better than his and the next
time she prayed would she ask for him a bike!!!

 

[biggbear8]

http://lovenotez.com/kitchen6.jpg

 

[biggbear8]

Re: For some this may be fun

EMBARRASSING FIRST DATE
This just tells you how hard it is to be single nowadays... This was on the Tonight Show with Jay Leno.

Jay went into the audience to find the most embarrassing first date that a woman ever had. The winner described her worst first date experience. There was absolutely no question as to why her tale took the prize!

Marilyn said it was midwinter...snowing and quite cold...and the guy had taken her skiing to Lake Arrowhead. It was a day trip (no overnight). No, not Marilyn. They were strangers, after all, and truly had never met before. The outing was fun but relatively uneventful until they were headed home late that afternoon. They were driving back down the mountain when she gradually began to realize that she should not have had that extra latte. They were about an hour away from anywhere with a rest room and in the middle of nowhere! Her companion suggested she try to hold it, which she did for a while. Unfortunately, because of the heavy snow and slow going, there came a point where she told him that he had better stop and let her pee beside the road, or it would be the front seat of his car.

They stopped and she quickly crawled out beside the car, yanked her pants down and started. Unfortunately, in the deep snow she didn't have good footing, so she let her butt rest against the rear fender to steady herself. Her companion stood on the side of the car watching for traffic and indeed was a real gentleman and refrained from peeking. All she could think about was the relief she felt despite the rather embarrassing nature of the situation.

Upon finishing however, she soon became aware of another sensation. As she bent to pull up her pants, the young lady discovered her buttocks were firmly glued against the car's fender. Thoughts of tongues frozen to pump handles immediately came to mind as she attempted to disengage her flesh from the icy metal. It was quickly apparent that she had a brand new problem due to the extreme cold. Horrified by her plight and yet aware of the humor she answered her date's concerns about "what was taking so long" with a reply that indeed, she was "freezing her butt off and needed some assistance"! He came around the car as she tried to cover herself with her sweater and then, as she looked imploringly into his eyes, he burst out laughing. She too, got the giggles and when they finally managed to compose themselves, they assessed her dilemma. Obviously, as hysterical as the situation was, they also were faced with a real problem. Both agreed it would take something hot to free her chilly cheeks from the grip of the icy metal! Thinking about what had gotten her into the predicament in the first place, both quickly realized that there was only one way to get her free so, as she looked the other way. her first time date proceeded to unzip his pants and pee her butt off the fender.

As for the Tonight Show...she took the prize hands down...or perhaps that should be "pants down."

And you thought your first date was embarrassing... A whole new definition of being "pissed off ".

ROFLMAO THAT IS A GREAT ONE SUCCULENT ONE

 

[Guest]

A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on "Science & Nature."

Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?"

She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"

 

[Joey3308]

An Asian man walked into the currency exchange in New York with 2000 yen and walked out with $72.
The following week, he walked in with 2000 yen and was handed $66.
He asked the teller, "Why get less money than got last week?"
The teller says, "Fluctuations."
The Asian man stormed out, and just before slamming the door, he turned around and said, "Fluc you Amedicans too!"

 

[Succulent-one]

Exercise

ALWAYS CONSULT YOUR DOCTOR BEFORE STARTING ANY EXERCISE PROGRAM.

NOW SCROLL DOWN...































NOW SCROLL UP...

That's enough for the first day.

 

[concrete]

eating fish.
..
.
the wrong kind of sushi.

 

[My Erotic Tail]

Concrete~

call it what you want...I'll eat it...<lol>

Little birdy in the sky...
Why'd you do that in my eye...
I won't fuss and I won't cry...
But I'm sure glad that cow's don't fly.

 

[Guest]

ONIONS AND CHRISTMAS TREES...


A YOUNG BOY ASKS HIS FATHER, "DAD, IS IT OKAY FOR US GUYS TO NOTICE ALL
THE DIFFERENT KIND OF BOOBS?"

SURPRISED, THE FATHER ANSWERS, "WELL, SURE SON, WE WOULDN'T BE NORMAL IF WE DIDN'T......THERE ARE ALL KINDS OF BREASTS...... DEPENDING ON A WOMAN'S AGE.....IN HER TWENTIES, A WOMAN'S BREASTS ARE
LIKE MELONS, ROUND AND FIRM. IN HER THIRTIES TO FORTIES, THEY ARE LIKE
PEARS, STILL NICE BUT HANGING A BIT. AFTER 50, THEY ARE LIKE ONIONS."

"ONIONS, DAD?"

"YEAH, YOU SEE THEM AND THEY MAKE YOU CRY."

NOT TO BE OUTDONE, HIS SISTER ASKS HER MOTHER, "MOM, HOW MANY KINDS OF PENISES ARE THERE?"

THE MOTHER, DELIGHTED TO HAVE EQUAL TIME, ANSWERS, "WELL, DAUGHTER, A MAN GOES THROUGH 3 PHASES. IN A MAN'S TWENTIES, A MAN'S PENIS IS LIKE AN OAK, MIGHTY AND HARD. IN HIS THIRTIES AND FORTIES, IT IS LIKE A BIRCH, FLEXIBLE BUT RELIABLE. AFTER HIS FIFTIES, IT IS LIKE A CHRISTMAS TREE."

"A CHRISTMAS TREE?"

"YEP, DRIED UP AND THE BALLS ARE ONLY THERE FOR DECORATION"


*runs out of the thread*

 

[Joey3308]

Rejected Hallmark Cards

1) So your daughter's a hooker,
and it spoiled your day.
Look at the bright side,
She's a really good lay!

2) My tire was thumping,
I thought it was flat.
When I loooked at the tire,
I noticed your cat.
Sorry!

3) You had your bladder removed,
and you're on the mends.
Here's a bouquet of flowers
And a box of Depends.

4) You've announced that you're gay,
Won't that be a laugh,
When they find out you're one
Of the Joint Chiefs of Staff!

5) Happy Vasectomy!
Hope you feel zippy!
'Cause when I had mine
I got real snippy!

6) Heard your wife left you.
How upset you must be,
But don't fret about it,
She moved in with me!

7) You totaled your car
And can't remember why.
Could it have been
that case of Bud Dry?

 

[mystic_Arrival]

see if this works lol if not i will add as an attatchment instead

http://us.f1f.yahoofs.com/bc/1e392a81/bc/Yahoo!+Photo+Album/0118_cs1.jpg?bfbGbHABY3TfmzzU

ugg i give up lol that at least opens it up

 

[Succulent-one]

For the guys

http://mirrored.flabber.nl/boob.cursor/ciagnijcycka.swf
screen cleaner for men

 

[Succulent-one]

Our Future

Subject: Fw: SIGN OF OUR FUTURE


Operator: "Thank you for calling Pizza Hut. May I have your..."

Customer: "Hi, I'd like to order."

Operator: "May I have your NIDN first, sir?"

Customer: "My National ID Number, yeah, hold on, eh, it's
6102049998-45-54610."

Operator: "Thank you, Mr. Sheehan. I see you live at 1742 Meadowland Drive,
and the phone number's 494-2366. Your office number over at Lincoln
Insurance is 745-2302 and your cell number's 266-2566. Which number are you
calling from, sir?"

Customer: "Huh? I'm at home. Where did you get all this information?"

Operator: "We're wired into the system, sir."

Customer: (Sighs) "Oh, well, I'd like to order a couple of your All-Meat
Special pizzas..."

Operator: "I don't think that's a good idea, sir."

Customer: "What do you mean?"

Operator: "Sir, your medical records indicate that you've got very high
blood pressure and extremely high cholesterol. Your National Health Care
provider won't allow such an unhealthy choice."

Customer: "Da mn. What do you recommend, then?"

Operator: "You might try our low-fat Soybean Yogurt Pizza. I'm sure you'll
like it."

Customer: "What makes you think I'd like something like that?"

Operator: "Well, you checked out 'Gourmet Soybean Recipes' from your local
library last week, sir. That's why I made the suggestion."

Customer: "All right, all right. Give me two family-sized ones, then.
What's the damage?"

Operator: "That should be plenty for you, your wife and your four kids, sir.
The 'damage,' as you put it, heh, heh, comes to $49.99."

Customer: "Let me give you my credit card number."

Operator: "I'm sorry sir, but I'm afraid you'll have to pay in cash. Your
credit card balance is over its limit."

Customer: "I'll run over to the ATM and get some cash before your driver
gets here."

Operator: "That won't work either, sir. Your checking account's overdrawn."

Customer: "Never mind. Just send the pizzas. I'll have the cash ready. How
long will it take?"

Operator: "We're running a little behind, sir. It'll be about 45 minutes,
sir. If you're in a hurry you might want to pick them up while you're out
getting the cash, but carrying pizzas on a motorcycle can be a little
awkward."

Customer: "How the hell do you know I'm riding a bike?"

Operator: "It says here you're in arrears on your car payments, so your car
got repo'ed. But your Harley's paid up, so I just assumed that you'd be
using it."

Customer: "@#%/$@?#!?#!"

Operator: "I'd advise watching your language, sir. You've already got a July
2006 conviction for cussing out a cop."

Customer: (Speechless)

Operator: "Will there be anything else, sir?"

Customer: "No, nothing. oh, yeah, don't forget the two free liters of Coke
your ad says I get with the pizzas."

Operator: "I'm sorry sir, but our ad's exclusionary clause prevents us from
offering free soda to diabetics."

 

[Succulent-one]

Men

~~ Men's Thesaurus~~

"I'M GOING FISHING" Means: "I'm going to drink myself dangerously stupid,
and stand by a stream with a stick in my hand, while the fish swim by in
complete safety."

"IT'S A GUY THING" Means: "There is no rational thought pattern connected
with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical."

"CAN I HELP WITH DINNER?" Means: "Why isn't it already on the table?"

"UH HUH," "SURE, HONEY," OR "YES, DEAR..." Means: Absolutely nothing. It's a
conditioned response.

"IT WOULD TAKE TOO LONG TO EXPLAIN" Means: "I have no idea how it works."

"I WAS LISTENING TO YOU. IT'S JUST THAT I HAVE THINGS ON MY MIND." Means: "I
was wondering if that redhead over there is wearing a bra."

"TAKE A BREAK HONEY, YOU'RE WORKING TOO HARD." Means: "I can't hear the game
over the vacuum cleaner."

"THAT'S INTERESTING, DEAR." Means: "Are you still talking?"

"YOU KNOW HOW BAD MY MEMORY IS." Means: "I remember the theme song to 'F
Troop', the address of the first girl I ever kissed, and the vehicle
identification numbers of every car I've ever owned, but I forgot your
birthday."

"I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT YOU, AND GOT YOU THESE ROSES." Means: "The girl
selling them on the corner was a real babe."

"OH, DON'T FUSS, I JUST CUT MYSELF, IT'S NO BIG DEAL." Means: "I have
actually severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I admit that I'm
hurt."

"HEY, I'VE GOT MY REASONS FOR WHAT I'M DOING." Means: "And I sure hope I
think of some pretty soon."

"I CAN'T FIND IT." Means: "It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm
completely clueless."

"WHAT DID I DO THIS TIME?" Means: "What did you catch me at?"

"I HEARD YOU." Means: "I haven't the foggiest clue what you just said, and
am hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don't spend
the next 3 days yelling at me."

"YOU KNOW I COULD NEVER LOVE ANYONE ELSE." Means: "I am used to the way you
yell at me, and realize it could be worse."

"YOU LOOK TERRIFIC." Means: "Please don't try on one more outfit, I'm
starving."

"I'M NOT LOST. I KNOW EXACTLY WHERE WE ARE." Means: "No one will ever see us
alive again.

 

[omahaman2]

A man is showering up in a locker room with his buddy when he
notices his friend has a huge penis.

"Damn Bob, you're hung!" Jim exclaims.

"I wasn't always this impressive, I had to work for it."

"What do you mean?" Jim asked. "Well, everyday for the past two
years I've spent an hour each night rubbing it with butter. I know
it sounds crazy but it actually made it grow 4 inches! You should
try it."

Jim agrees and the two say good bye.

A few weeks later, the two are in the same locker room and Bob
asks Jim how his situation was. Jim replied, "I did what you said
but my penis has actually gotten smaller! I lost two inches
already!"

"Did you do everything I told you? An hour each day with butter?"

"Well, butter is expensive, so I've been using Crisco."

"Crisco?!?" Bob exclaimed, "No wonder man, Crisco's shortening!"