wally2450
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Jokes
- Thread starter biggbear8
- Start date
wally2450
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A stunningly beautiful and well-stacked blonde walked into a dress
shop, and asked the manager, "I wonder if I might try on that blue
dress in the window?" "Go right ahead," he said. "It just might help
business.
A man picked up a girl at the local bar and brought her to his
apartment. He took off his clothes, and said, "I'd like you to meet
my little friend." She took a look, gathered up her clothes, then
said, "Call me when it grows up."
shop, and asked the manager, "I wonder if I might try on that blue
dress in the window?" "Go right ahead," he said. "It just might help
business.
A man picked up a girl at the local bar and brought her to his
apartment. He took off his clothes, and said, "I'd like you to meet
my little friend." She took a look, gathered up her clothes, then
said, "Call me when it grows up."
Lorelei_11
Its me
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wally2450 said:
lol...
Yep, a friend told me to download firefox.
Lorelei_11
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wally2450 said:
*laughing*
Sounds like they're the perfect couple.
It makes me wonder... hmmm. Would a guy do some housework and bring me flowers?
I mean, I enjoy giving a blowjob, it gets me all aroused.
wally2450
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Never Argue With A Woman
One morning the husband returns after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap.
Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out.
She motors out a short distance, anchors, and reads her book.
Along comes a Game Warden in his boat.
He pulls up alongside the woman and says, "Good morning, Ma'am. What are you doing?"
"Reading a book," she replies, (thinking, Isn't that obvious?)
"You're in a Restricted Fishing Area," he informs her.
"I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading."
"Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment.
"I'll have to take you in and write you up."
"If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault," says the woman.
"But I haven't even touched you," says the game warden.
"That's true, but you have all the equipment.
For all I know you could start at any moment."
"Have a nice day ma'am," and he left.
MORAL: Never argue with a woman who reads. It's likely she can also think.
One morning the husband returns after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap.
Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out.
She motors out a short distance, anchors, and reads her book.
Along comes a Game Warden in his boat.
He pulls up alongside the woman and says, "Good morning, Ma'am. What are you doing?"
"Reading a book," she replies, (thinking, Isn't that obvious?)
"You're in a Restricted Fishing Area," he informs her.
"I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading."
"Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment.
"I'll have to take you in and write you up."
"If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault," says the woman.
"But I haven't even touched you," says the game warden.
"That's true, but you have all the equipment.
For all I know you could start at any moment."
"Have a nice day ma'am," and he left.
MORAL: Never argue with a woman who reads. It's likely she can also think.
wally2450
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wally2450
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Bill Collector
Gentlemen:
I have just received your letter in regards to the bill I owe you. You
said the bill should have been paid long ago and you don't understand
why it wasn't. Well, I will enlighten you. In 1957 I bought a sawmill
on
credit. In 1959 I bought an ox team, a timber cart and two ponies; a
shotgun, a wine tester, a Colt revolver and five razorback hogs all on
credit. In 1960 the sawmill burned down. One of my ponies died and the
other I loaned to a son-of-a-bitch who starved him to death. In 1961
my
father died and my mother was hung for horse rustling. A mechanic
named
Joe knocked up my daughter and I had to pay the doctor $88.32 to keep
the bastard from becoming a relative of mine. In 1963 my son had the
mumps and they went down on him; the doctor had to castrate him to
save
his life. That summer I went fishing and the boat turned over and I
lost
the biggest catfish you ever saw, and one of my sons drowned (not the
castrated one). In 1966 my wife ran away with another feller and left
me
with the three small children as a souvenir. I married the hired girl
to
keep down expenses, but I had trouble getting her off, and the doctor
told me to try to create some excitement just as she was beginning to
get aroused. That night I pointed the shotgun out the window while we
were in bed and just as she was beginning to orgasm I pulled the
trigger. Well, she shit the bed, I ruptured myself and killed the best
damn milk cow I ever had. The next year my troubles really started. My
wife caught the clap from the ice man, my son wiped his ass with a
corn
cob with poison ivy on it, and someone de-nutted my best bull. In
1970 I
decided to go into another business on my own. I ordered six bee hives
from Sears, Roebuck, and Company. I bought a swarm of bees and a queen
bee all on credit on the installment plan. The queen bee died and I
ordered another one. She turned out to be a whore and started running
around with a horsefly. The honey tasted like shit so I couldn't sell
it. So now, gentlemen, you say if I do not pay you, you will cause me
trouble. Right now if it costs two cents to shit, I'd have to puke.
Getting money out of me would be like trying to poke butter up a
wildcat's ass with a hot trowel, but you are welcome to try. Yours for
more credit, Max.
Gentlemen:
I have just received your letter in regards to the bill I owe you. You
said the bill should have been paid long ago and you don't understand
why it wasn't. Well, I will enlighten you. In 1957 I bought a sawmill
on
credit. In 1959 I bought an ox team, a timber cart and two ponies; a
shotgun, a wine tester, a Colt revolver and five razorback hogs all on
credit. In 1960 the sawmill burned down. One of my ponies died and the
other I loaned to a son-of-a-bitch who starved him to death. In 1961
my
father died and my mother was hung for horse rustling. A mechanic
named
Joe knocked up my daughter and I had to pay the doctor $88.32 to keep
the bastard from becoming a relative of mine. In 1963 my son had the
mumps and they went down on him; the doctor had to castrate him to
save
his life. That summer I went fishing and the boat turned over and I
lost
the biggest catfish you ever saw, and one of my sons drowned (not the
castrated one). In 1966 my wife ran away with another feller and left
me
with the three small children as a souvenir. I married the hired girl
to
keep down expenses, but I had trouble getting her off, and the doctor
told me to try to create some excitement just as she was beginning to
get aroused. That night I pointed the shotgun out the window while we
were in bed and just as she was beginning to orgasm I pulled the
trigger. Well, she shit the bed, I ruptured myself and killed the best
damn milk cow I ever had. The next year my troubles really started. My
wife caught the clap from the ice man, my son wiped his ass with a
corn
cob with poison ivy on it, and someone de-nutted my best bull. In
1970 I
decided to go into another business on my own. I ordered six bee hives
from Sears, Roebuck, and Company. I bought a swarm of bees and a queen
bee all on credit on the installment plan. The queen bee died and I
ordered another one. She turned out to be a whore and started running
around with a horsefly. The honey tasted like shit so I couldn't sell
it. So now, gentlemen, you say if I do not pay you, you will cause me
trouble. Right now if it costs two cents to shit, I'd have to puke.
Getting money out of me would be like trying to poke butter up a
wildcat's ass with a hot trowel, but you are welcome to try. Yours for
more credit, Max.
wally2450
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wally2450
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wally2450
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There was a little boy who was learning how to count. He had mastered
the halfway point to a hundred, but was having some problems
afterward. One day, he was counting, and he got to 58... 59, and
asked what came next. Mom told him, "Sixty. Sixty is the next
number." When he got to 69, he asked, "What comes after 69?" His
father was just walking in the door from work, heard only the
question, and he replied, "Listerine!"
A wife comes home unexpectedly one day and finds her husband in bed
with a lady midget. Upset and furious over his actions, the woman
screams, "You promised me two weeks ago that you would never cheat on
me again!" Trying his best to calm her down, the husband turns to his
wife and says, "Take it easy Dear, Can't you see I'm trying to taper
off?"
the halfway point to a hundred, but was having some problems
afterward. One day, he was counting, and he got to 58... 59, and
asked what came next. Mom told him, "Sixty. Sixty is the next
number." When he got to 69, he asked, "What comes after 69?" His
father was just walking in the door from work, heard only the
question, and he replied, "Listerine!"
A wife comes home unexpectedly one day and finds her husband in bed
with a lady midget. Upset and furious over his actions, the woman
screams, "You promised me two weeks ago that you would never cheat on
me again!" Trying his best to calm her down, the husband turns to his
wife and says, "Take it easy Dear, Can't you see I'm trying to taper
off?"
wally2450
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Are you tired of all those sissy "friendship" poems that always sound good,
but never actually come close to reality? Well, here is a series of
promises
that really speaks to true friendship:
1. When you are sad - I will help get you drunk and plot revenge against
the
sorry bastard who made you sad..
2. When you are blue - I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.
3. When you smile - I will know you finally got laid.
4. When you are scared - I will rag on you about it every chance I get
5. When you are worried - I will tell you horrible stories about how much
worse it could be and to quit whining
6. When you are confused - I will use little words.
7. When you are sick - Stay the hell away from me until you are well again.
I don't want whatever you have.
8. When you fall - I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass.
This is my oath... I pledge it till the end. Why?, you may ask. Because
you
are my friend. Send this to 10 of your closest friends, then get depressed
because you can only think of two and one of them isn't speaking to you
right now anyway.
Remember: A good friend will help you move. A really good friend will help
you move a body. Let me know if I ever need to bring a shovel.
but never actually come close to reality? Well, here is a series of
promises
that really speaks to true friendship:
1. When you are sad - I will help get you drunk and plot revenge against
the
sorry bastard who made you sad..
2. When you are blue - I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.
3. When you smile - I will know you finally got laid.
4. When you are scared - I will rag on you about it every chance I get
5. When you are worried - I will tell you horrible stories about how much
worse it could be and to quit whining
6. When you are confused - I will use little words.
7. When you are sick - Stay the hell away from me until you are well again.
I don't want whatever you have.
8. When you fall - I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass.
This is my oath... I pledge it till the end. Why?, you may ask. Because
you
are my friend. Send this to 10 of your closest friends, then get depressed
because you can only think of two and one of them isn't speaking to you
right now anyway.
Remember: A good friend will help you move. A really good friend will help
you move a body. Let me know if I ever need to bring a shovel.
wally2450
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Murphy's Lesser Known Laws
1. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
2. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
3. Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.
4. Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.
5. The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.
6. If you lined up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try to pass them, five or six at a time, on a hill, in the fog.
7. The things that come to those who wait will be the scraggly junk left by those who got there first.
8. The shin bone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.
9. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
10. When you go into court, you are putting yourself into the hands of 12 people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.
1. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
2. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
3. Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.
4. Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.
5. The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.
6. If you lined up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try to pass them, five or six at a time, on a hill, in the fog.
7. The things that come to those who wait will be the scraggly junk left by those who got there first.
8. The shin bone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.
9. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
10. When you go into court, you are putting yourself into the hands of 12 people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.
wally2450
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ANYBODY LOOKING TO RESIGN CAN USE THIS LETTER:
Dear Sir,
This will confirm my fucking resignation with your fucked up company. I have accepted a lucrative position with a company where being a bitch is not a
job prerequisite for managerial skills.
I am looking forward to my new position and the challenges that await me, unlike when I worked with you assholes.
My last day of work will be when you realize I came in late last night and cleaned out my desk, including all the supplies I requested and received last week.
Hopefully, your dumb ass can figure out all the shit I've left undone for the new team, as well as the ongoing projects I never completed.
Once the company figures out that you don't know a damn thing, they will not only fire my replacement, but your ass as well.
Please feel free not to say a damn thing to me should you see me on the street, unless you want your ass kicked.
My experience with this fucking company has been very unrewarding. I was only rewarded by your secretary. She is a good fucker. She screwed me on your desk when you were away. She told me that you screwed her every time she appealed for salary increment. She enjoyed sex with me but not with a corpse like you. In short, you are not only a fucker but a poor fucker.
Anyway, I appreciate having had the opportunity to use you as a stepping stone to a better future.
I wish you and the organization not a fucking thing, bitch-ass motherfuckers.
Yours sincerely,
Dear Sir,
This will confirm my fucking resignation with your fucked up company. I have accepted a lucrative position with a company where being a bitch is not a
job prerequisite for managerial skills.
I am looking forward to my new position and the challenges that await me, unlike when I worked with you assholes.
My last day of work will be when you realize I came in late last night and cleaned out my desk, including all the supplies I requested and received last week.
Hopefully, your dumb ass can figure out all the shit I've left undone for the new team, as well as the ongoing projects I never completed.
Once the company figures out that you don't know a damn thing, they will not only fire my replacement, but your ass as well.
Please feel free not to say a damn thing to me should you see me on the street, unless you want your ass kicked.
My experience with this fucking company has been very unrewarding. I was only rewarded by your secretary. She is a good fucker. She screwed me on your desk when you were away. She told me that you screwed her every time she appealed for salary increment. She enjoyed sex with me but not with a corpse like you. In short, you are not only a fucker but a poor fucker.
Anyway, I appreciate having had the opportunity to use you as a stepping stone to a better future.
I wish you and the organization not a fucking thing, bitch-ass motherfuckers.
Yours sincerely,
wally2450
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A guy is walking along the beach in Malibu, finds a bottle, and picks it up.
Immediately, a genie pops out and replies,
"Thanks for letting me out! For your kindness, I will grant you one wish."
The guy says, "I've always wanted to go to Hawaii,
but I can't because I'm too afraid to fly and ships make me deathly sick from claustrophobia.
So...I guess, my wish is for you to build a road from here to Hawaii."
"I'm sorry," the genie says, "But I don't think I can do that. Just think of all the work involved...
think of the huge pilings we'd need to hold up the highway, and how deep they would have to be to reach the bottom
of the ocean. And think of all the cement that would be needed. Plus, since it's such a long span,
there would have to be gas stations and rest stops along the way. No, that is just too much to ask."
"Well, there is one other thing I've always wanted," the guy replies. "
I'd like to be able to understand women. What makes them laugh and cry, why they're so temperamental,
why are they so difficult to get along with them...you know, what makes them tick?"
The genie thinks a second, and then answers, "Would that road be two lanes or four?"
Immediately, a genie pops out and replies,
"Thanks for letting me out! For your kindness, I will grant you one wish."
The guy says, "I've always wanted to go to Hawaii,
but I can't because I'm too afraid to fly and ships make me deathly sick from claustrophobia.
So...I guess, my wish is for you to build a road from here to Hawaii."
"I'm sorry," the genie says, "But I don't think I can do that. Just think of all the work involved...
think of the huge pilings we'd need to hold up the highway, and how deep they would have to be to reach the bottom
of the ocean. And think of all the cement that would be needed. Plus, since it's such a long span,
there would have to be gas stations and rest stops along the way. No, that is just too much to ask."
"Well, there is one other thing I've always wanted," the guy replies. "
I'd like to be able to understand women. What makes them laugh and cry, why they're so temperamental,
why are they so difficult to get along with them...you know, what makes them tick?"
The genie thinks a second, and then answers, "Would that road be two lanes or four?"
wally2450
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Succulent-one
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Jose & Carlos are panhandling on the street. Jose drives a Mercedes, lives in a mortgage free house and has a lot of money to spend.
Carlos only brings in 2 to 3 dollars a day. Carlos asks Jose how he can bring home a suitcase full of $10 bills every day.
Jose says "Look at your sign. It says: I have no work, a wife and 6 kids to support".
Carlos looks at Jose's sign. It reads "I only need another $10.00 to move back to Mexico".
Carlos only brings in 2 to 3 dollars a day. Carlos asks Jose how he can bring home a suitcase full of $10 bills every day.
Jose says "Look at your sign. It says: I have no work, a wife and 6 kids to support".
Carlos looks at Jose's sign. It reads "I only need another $10.00 to move back to Mexico".
wally2450
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This guy wants to be a proctologist, and he wants to be a really good
proctologist, so he decides to go down to the morgue after class and
practice a little. Well, he uncovers the first guy and there is a
cork in his butt! He thinks it's a little strange, so he pulls it and
music starts playing! "... On the road again, just can't wait to get
on the road again..." The guy really freaks out! He runs and gets the
M. A. and drags the poor guy back to the table. "Look!" he says, and
pulls the cork out again "... On the road again..." The M. A. is
totally unimpressed..." So what?" he says. "Isn't that the most
amazing thing you've ever seen?" the guy asked. "Are you kidding?"
says the M. A. "Any asshole can sing country music!"
proctologist, so he decides to go down to the morgue after class and
practice a little. Well, he uncovers the first guy and there is a
cork in his butt! He thinks it's a little strange, so he pulls it and
music starts playing! "... On the road again, just can't wait to get
on the road again..." The guy really freaks out! He runs and gets the
M. A. and drags the poor guy back to the table. "Look!" he says, and
pulls the cork out again "... On the road again..." The M. A. is
totally unimpressed..." So what?" he says. "Isn't that the most
amazing thing you've ever seen?" the guy asked. "Are you kidding?"
says the M. A. "Any asshole can sing country music!"
wally2450
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something to think about...
The Stranger
A few years after I was born, my Dad met a stranger who was new to our small Texas town. From the beginning, Dad was fascinated with this enchanting newcomer and soon invited him to live with our family. The stranger was quickly accepted and was around from then on.
As I grew up, I never questioned his place in my family. In my young mind, he had a special niche. My parents were complementary instructors: Mom taught me good from evil, and Dad taught me to obey. But the stranger...he was our storyteller. He would keep us spellbound for hours on end with adventures, mysteries and comedies.
If I wanted to know anything about politics, history or science, he always knew the answers about the past, understood the present and even seemed able to predict the future! He took my family to the first major league ball game. He made me laugh, and he made me cry. The stranger never stopped talking, but Dad didn't seem to mind.
Sometimes, Mom would get up quietly while the rest of us were shushing each other to listen to what he had to say, and she would go to the kitchen for peace and quiet. (I wonder now if she ever prayed for the stranger to leave.)
Dad ruled our household with certain moral convictions, but the stranger never felt obligated to honor them. Profanity, for example, was not allowed in our home... Not from us, our friends or any visitors. Our longtime visitor, however, got away with four-letter words that burned my ears and made my dad squirm an d my mother blush.
My Dad didn't permit the liberal use of alcohol. But the stranger encouraged us to try it on a regular basis. He made cigarettes look cool, cigars manly and pipes distinguished. He talked freely (much too freely!) about sex. His comments were sometimes blatant, sometimes suggestive, and generally embarrassing.
I now know that my early concepts about relationships were influenced strongly by the stranger. Time after time, he opposed the values of my parents, yet he was seldom rebuked... And NEVER asked to leave.
More than fifty years have passed since the stranger moved in with our family. He has blended right in and is not nearly as fascinating as he was at first. Still, if you could walk into my parents' den today, you would still find him sitting over in his corner, waiting for someone to listen to him talk and watch him draw his pictures. His name?...............See below:
We just call him, "TV."
* *Note: This should be required reading for every household in America!**
P. S He has a wife now....We call her "Computer."
The Stranger
A few years after I was born, my Dad met a stranger who was new to our small Texas town. From the beginning, Dad was fascinated with this enchanting newcomer and soon invited him to live with our family. The stranger was quickly accepted and was around from then on.
As I grew up, I never questioned his place in my family. In my young mind, he had a special niche. My parents were complementary instructors: Mom taught me good from evil, and Dad taught me to obey. But the stranger...he was our storyteller. He would keep us spellbound for hours on end with adventures, mysteries and comedies.
If I wanted to know anything about politics, history or science, he always knew the answers about the past, understood the present and even seemed able to predict the future! He took my family to the first major league ball game. He made me laugh, and he made me cry. The stranger never stopped talking, but Dad didn't seem to mind.
Sometimes, Mom would get up quietly while the rest of us were shushing each other to listen to what he had to say, and she would go to the kitchen for peace and quiet. (I wonder now if she ever prayed for the stranger to leave.)
Dad ruled our household with certain moral convictions, but the stranger never felt obligated to honor them. Profanity, for example, was not allowed in our home... Not from us, our friends or any visitors. Our longtime visitor, however, got away with four-letter words that burned my ears and made my dad squirm an d my mother blush.
My Dad didn't permit the liberal use of alcohol. But the stranger encouraged us to try it on a regular basis. He made cigarettes look cool, cigars manly and pipes distinguished. He talked freely (much too freely!) about sex. His comments were sometimes blatant, sometimes suggestive, and generally embarrassing.
I now know that my early concepts about relationships were influenced strongly by the stranger. Time after time, he opposed the values of my parents, yet he was seldom rebuked... And NEVER asked to leave.
More than fifty years have passed since the stranger moved in with our family. He has blended right in and is not nearly as fascinating as he was at first. Still, if you could walk into my parents' den today, you would still find him sitting over in his corner, waiting for someone to listen to him talk and watch him draw his pictures. His name?...............See below:
We just call him, "TV."
* *Note: This should be required reading for every household in America!**
P. S He has a wife now....We call her "Computer."
wally2450
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wally2450
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wally2450
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Kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out about
something exciting and relate it to the class the next day.
The first little boy called upon, walked up to the front of the class, and with a piece of chalk,made a small white dot on the blackboard, then sat back down.
Puzzled, the teacher asked him just what it was.
He said a period.
She said, "but what is so exciting about a period?"
"Damned if I know," said the little boy, "but this morning
my sister was missing one, Dad had a heart attack, Mom fainted, and the man next door shot himself."
something exciting and relate it to the class the next day.
The first little boy called upon, walked up to the front of the class, and with a piece of chalk,made a small white dot on the blackboard, then sat back down.
Puzzled, the teacher asked him just what it was.
He said a period.
She said, "but what is so exciting about a period?"
"Damned if I know," said the little boy, "but this morning
my sister was missing one, Dad had a heart attack, Mom fainted, and the man next door shot himself."
wally2450
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MEN'S THOUGHTS DURING LOVE MAKING
Kissing/Light Petting: What he hopes you're thinking: "Oh, I can't resist: I'm powerless before your seductive ways!" What he's afraid you're thinking: "Garlic breath--ewwww!"
Undressing: What he hopes you're thinking: "My God, look at the SIZE of that!" What he's afraid you're thinking: "My God, look at the size of that!"
Foreplay/Oral Sex: What he hopes you're thinking: "I could worship at the alter of your impressive manhood for hours." What he's afraid you're thinking: "If he doesn't warn me before he cums, I'm going to kill him."
Penetration: What he hopes you're thinking: "You stallion, you're splitting me in half!" What he's afraid you're thinking: "Is it in yet?"
Your Orgasm: What he hopes you're thinking: "Yes, (his name here), yes!" What he's afraid you're thinking: "I deserve an Academy Award for this performance." What he's even more afraid you're thinking: "Yes, (other guy's name here), yes!"
Postcoital Bliss: What he hopes you're thinking: "Now I know what an earthquake feels like." What he's afraid you're thinking: "Maybe I should let my lesbian friend Sue take me to that females-only dance club after all."
Kissing/Light Petting: What he hopes you're thinking: "Oh, I can't resist: I'm powerless before your seductive ways!" What he's afraid you're thinking: "Garlic breath--ewwww!"
Undressing: What he hopes you're thinking: "My God, look at the SIZE of that!" What he's afraid you're thinking: "My God, look at the size of that!"
Foreplay/Oral Sex: What he hopes you're thinking: "I could worship at the alter of your impressive manhood for hours." What he's afraid you're thinking: "If he doesn't warn me before he cums, I'm going to kill him."
Penetration: What he hopes you're thinking: "You stallion, you're splitting me in half!" What he's afraid you're thinking: "Is it in yet?"
Your Orgasm: What he hopes you're thinking: "Yes, (his name here), yes!" What he's afraid you're thinking: "I deserve an Academy Award for this performance." What he's even more afraid you're thinking: "Yes, (other guy's name here), yes!"
Postcoital Bliss: What he hopes you're thinking: "Now I know what an earthquake feels like." What he's afraid you're thinking: "Maybe I should let my lesbian friend Sue take me to that females-only dance club after all."
wally2450
Inquisitive
- Joined
- Dec 12, 2005
- Posts
- 12,353
A nervous groom is giving his speech at the wedding
reception. The couple had been given a very nice
coffee set by her parents.
"I'd like to thank you all for coming here to
celebrate our wedding. I'd like to thank the beautiful
brides maids and finally I'd like to thank my new
parents-in-law for the gift of a perky copulater."
reception. The couple had been given a very nice
coffee set by her parents.
"I'd like to thank you all for coming here to
celebrate our wedding. I'd like to thank the beautiful
brides maids and finally I'd like to thank my new
parents-in-law for the gift of a perky copulater."
wally2450
Inquisitive
- Joined
- Dec 12, 2005
- Posts
- 12,353
Two Aboriginal are riding along Oxley Road on a motorbike.
They break down and start hitching a lift.
A friendly trucker stops to see if he can help and the Aboriginals ask him
for a lift.
He tells them he has no room in the wagon as he is carrying 20,000 bowling
balls but will take a look at the bike for them.
He tries everything he knows but is unable to repair it. Time is getting on
now and he's late for his delivery so he tells the Aboriginal he has to
leave.
"R ey mate" they say "gissa pucken lift".
The trucker once again explains that he has no room as he is carrying
20,000 bowling balls. The Aboriginal put it to the driver that if they can
manage to fit in the back will he take them and he agrees.
They manage to squeeze themselves and their motorbike into the back of the
wagon so the driver shuts the doors and gets off on his way. By this time he
is really late and so puts his foot down.
Sure enough the coppers pull him up for speeding. The good officer asks the
driver what he is carrying to which he replies Aboriginal Eggs. The
policeman obviously doesn't believe this so wants to take a look. He opens
the back door and quickly shuts it and locks it . He gets onto his radio and
calls for immediate backup from as many officers as possible.
The dispatcher asks what emergency he has that requires so many officers.
"I've got a wagon with 20,000 Aboriginal eggs in it - 2 have hatched and
the bastards have managed to steal a motorbike already".
They break down and start hitching a lift.
A friendly trucker stops to see if he can help and the Aboriginals ask him
for a lift.
He tells them he has no room in the wagon as he is carrying 20,000 bowling
balls but will take a look at the bike for them.
He tries everything he knows but is unable to repair it. Time is getting on
now and he's late for his delivery so he tells the Aboriginal he has to
leave.
"R ey mate" they say "gissa pucken lift".
The trucker once again explains that he has no room as he is carrying
20,000 bowling balls. The Aboriginal put it to the driver that if they can
manage to fit in the back will he take them and he agrees.
They manage to squeeze themselves and their motorbike into the back of the
wagon so the driver shuts the doors and gets off on his way. By this time he
is really late and so puts his foot down.
Sure enough the coppers pull him up for speeding. The good officer asks the
driver what he is carrying to which he replies Aboriginal Eggs. The
policeman obviously doesn't believe this so wants to take a look. He opens
the back door and quickly shuts it and locks it . He gets onto his radio and
calls for immediate backup from as many officers as possible.
The dispatcher asks what emergency he has that requires so many officers.
"I've got a wagon with 20,000 Aboriginal eggs in it - 2 have hatched and
the bastards have managed to steal a motorbike already".
