Isolde
Guardian's Desire
- Joined
- Dec 27, 2000
- Posts
- 4,432
1. OVERWEIGHT BLONDE
A blonde is terribly overweight, so her doctor puts her on a diet. "I
want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat
this procedure for two weeks. The next time I see you, you'll have
lost at least five pounds."
When the blonde returns, she's lost nearly 20 pounds.
"Why, that's amazing!" the doctor says. "Did you follow my
instructions?"
The blonde nods. "I'll tell you, though, I thought I was going to
drop dead that third day."
"From hunger, you mean?" asked the doctor.
"No, from skipping."
2. BLAME
Let's see if I understand how America works lately...
If your teen-age son kills himself, you blame the rock'n'roll music or
musician he liked.
If you smoke three packs a day for 40 years and die of lung cancer,
your family blames the tobacco company.
If your daughter gets pregnant by the football captain you blame the
school for poor sex education.
If your neighbor crashes into a tree while driving home drunk, you
blame the bartender.
If your grandchildren are brats without manners, you blame television.
If your friend is shot by a deranged madman, you blame the gun
manufacturer.
And if a crazed person breaks into the cockpit and tries to kill the
pilots at 35,000 feet, and the passengers kill him instead, the mother
of the deceased blames the airline.
I must have lived too long to understand the world as it is anymore.
So, if I die while my old, wrinkled butt is parked in front of this
computer, I
want you to blame Bill Gates, OK?
3. CHAT ROOM DATING
Bunny and Bob, two frequent users of a chat room, discovered that they
had a lot in common. Eventually, they abandoned the chat room for a
more intimate correspondence. After months of virtual communication,
the two decided to meet each other face-to-face at a small café.
Bunny arrived a little late. One customer, a short, frail man with an
eye patch, sat at the back of the cafe.
"Are you Bob?" asked Bunny.
"Yes I am," said Bob.
"Unbelievable!" Bunny exclaimed. "You told me that you were tall,
dark and handsome."
"How do you think I feel?" Bob asked, his face turning red. "You told
me that you were skinny, blonde, and... female!"
A blonde is terribly overweight, so her doctor puts her on a diet. "I
want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat
this procedure for two weeks. The next time I see you, you'll have
lost at least five pounds."
When the blonde returns, she's lost nearly 20 pounds.
"Why, that's amazing!" the doctor says. "Did you follow my
instructions?"
The blonde nods. "I'll tell you, though, I thought I was going to
drop dead that third day."
"From hunger, you mean?" asked the doctor.
"No, from skipping."
2. BLAME
Let's see if I understand how America works lately...
If your teen-age son kills himself, you blame the rock'n'roll music or
musician he liked.
If you smoke three packs a day for 40 years and die of lung cancer,
your family blames the tobacco company.
If your daughter gets pregnant by the football captain you blame the
school for poor sex education.
If your neighbor crashes into a tree while driving home drunk, you
blame the bartender.
If your grandchildren are brats without manners, you blame television.
If your friend is shot by a deranged madman, you blame the gun
manufacturer.
And if a crazed person breaks into the cockpit and tries to kill the
pilots at 35,000 feet, and the passengers kill him instead, the mother
of the deceased blames the airline.
I must have lived too long to understand the world as it is anymore.
So, if I die while my old, wrinkled butt is parked in front of this
computer, I
want you to blame Bill Gates, OK?
3. CHAT ROOM DATING
Bunny and Bob, two frequent users of a chat room, discovered that they
had a lot in common. Eventually, they abandoned the chat room for a
more intimate correspondence. After months of virtual communication,
the two decided to meet each other face-to-face at a small café.
Bunny arrived a little late. One customer, a short, frail man with an
eye patch, sat at the back of the cafe.
"Are you Bob?" asked Bunny.
"Yes I am," said Bob.
"Unbelievable!" Bunny exclaimed. "You told me that you were tall,
dark and handsome."
"How do you think I feel?" Bob asked, his face turning red. "You told
me that you were skinny, blonde, and... female!"
