I've been having dreams...

[eepy]

Okay, so, I've always been straight, or at least I haven't had any real leanings toward lesbianism/bisexuality.

Many women are beautiful, and I've considered what it would be like to kiss a girl or sleep with one, but I haven't dwelt on it (although there's that scene in Buffy with Willow and the "potential," whatever the hell her name was...).

Anyway, I've dated guys, fucked guys, fallen for guys, been very hurt by guys. I'm used to guys. I don't get along well with them, though... hence, the break-ups and the long-time-singleness.

It would make more sense to be with a woman, right? We'd understand each other better, live together better, have more in common. I grew up with sisters; I miss sharing clothes, shoes, make-up. I keep having straight male roommates, and it sucks. I think the only thing that makes living with a guy bearable is sex.

So, anyway, lately I've had a reoccuring kind of dream. I forget the details when I wake up, but basically I've been dreaming about beautiful girls, me kissing beautiful girls. Should I make anything of these dreams, or do you think they just mean I've been spending too much time on Lit?

I know this sounds like a really stupid question for a sexually-experienced 22-year-old woman to ask, but could I be bisexual? How can I know for sure -- would I need to make the dreams become reality? It's something I should just know, right?

I do apologize if I sound ignorant or if my phrasing is offensive-- I spent most of my adolescent years in a fairly repressive environment.

Any comments are appreciated.

 

[eepy]

No comments? That's okay -- I'm sure this is a very common kind of post. It just seems to be an important situation to me because it's about me, you know? And I think it's kinda a slow night on here anyway.

I would like to add that I was looking at some girl-seeking-girl online personals the other day, and I was amazed with how much like me a lot of the girls were. They had glasses with plastic frames, liked to read, were obsessed with little personal possessions (like my turtle box). They seemed nice.

I don't know; I guess this just kinda encouraged me to keep thinking about the being-bi thing and come up with reasons to go for it. I know it wouldn't be a 24/7 slumber party and it would be a lot different than a sister/sister relationship and that the societal-nonacceptance thing would be a major issue, but it still makes sense. I like things that make sense.

Just more rambling, I guess. Maybe if I keep doing this, I'll figure it all out on my own

 

[flyrv9]

HI. It seems to me you may be interested in women for the wrong reason. Your not happy with men right now, so the pubes are greener on the other side! (sorry, I couldn't help it!) If you want to explore your Bi or Gay side, fine; but to do so because things arn't going well with men - I feel is the wrong reason. You're in your 20's, how many relationships could you have had to form this opnion on. Besides, not all same sex relationships work out either. What are you really looking for? A relationship, sex partner, or......? Take your time, keep an open mind and have fun.

 

[eepy]

HI. It seems to me you may be interested in women for the wrong reason. Your not happy with men right now, so the pubes are greener on the other side! (sorry, I couldn't help it!) If you want to explore your Bi or Gay side, fine; but to do so because things arn't going well with men - I feel is the wrong reason. You're in your 20's, how many relationships could you have had to form this opnion on. Besides, not all same sex relationships work out either. What are you really looking for? A relationship, sex partner, or......? Take your time, keep an open mind and have fun.

That's a good point. I wouldn't want to end up in a relationship with a woman and then realize it was mostly because I was fed up with guys. That would not be fair to her or to myself. Of course, it's more complicated than that, but that is certainly something for me to consider, flyrv9.

And yes, I am looking for a relationship. I don't want to just fool around with women; I'm tired of being used by men, so that wouldn't really be an improvement.

 

[SweetErika]

I don't think it's a stupid question at all, and it's certainly normal to start asking these things at 22 (or older for that matter).

Only you can know or figure out who you are, but if you're attracted to the idea of being sexual with another woman, there's a chance you're bi. My progression over the last 8 years was:
-I admired women
-I thought women were beautiful
-I started fantasizing about them
-I became curious
-I dismissed my curiosity as something almost every woman feels, mainly because I was in a satisfying relationship with a man and I knew I wasn't a lesbian
-I accepted my curiosity and decided I'd like to explore my feelings
-My attraction grew (or I just accepted it)
-I finally went through with it in real life
-I loved it and wanted to do it again and again...I knew for sure I was bi.

Everyone has a different story and progression though. It might be worth it to experiment a little bit (if you're doing it in person, make sure they know you're experimenting though)...if it doesn't work out, no harm done.

 

[eepy]

Thanks for the advice, SweetErika!

I guess I can't expect someone to come on here and just say, "Yes, you are bi," or "Nope, forget it." It would certainly be nice, though I just get so tired of thinking and worrying about everything.

 

[CJontherocks]

In my own search to explore and define my sexuality, I've discovered that a lot of the barriers came from thinking the way I've been conditioned to think over a lifetime... a product of a repressive environment and stereotyped role models. In my case, I acted on the impulses before I really thought much about it. So I had to do my deep thinking much later... years later.

Is it something you should know? Not necessarily. I didn't know, and I'd already been with a number of guys. I just figured since I wasn't necessarily attracted to men and didn't consider them with a romantic interest, I wasn't bisexual. When I approached it from a different perspective, I became more aware of my attraction to men. Now I am comfortable saying I am bisexual. But you might not be bisexual. It's one thing to fantasize, after all, and another thing to act. And even if you do someday act on your fantasy, only you can decide whether you're bisexual. Heck, you might not like it at all.

I'm not sure choosing women is the solution to unsuccessful realationships with men. But if you find a woman you'd like to be with, then why not go for it? The worst thing that could happen is you discover relationships between people are much the same, regardless of gender. Best case scenario: you discover a sexual experience so incredibly exciting, you can't wait for more.

 

[SweetErika]

Thanks for the advice, SweetErika!

I guess I can't expect someone to come on here and just say, "Yes, you are bi," or "Nope, forget it." It would certainly be nice, though I just get so tired of thinking and worrying about everything.

It's more a matter of everyone has a different experience based on their past, beliefs, values, etc. The good news is that the thinking will lead to less worrying eventually, and you're still single, so figuring everything else will be a little easier than if you were in a serious relationship.

Re-read CJ's post (he's one smart guy) and maybe check out https://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?s=&threadid=288708 as well. Feel free to PM me if you'd like to talk!

 

[flyrv9]

Eepy, if you are tired about worrying about everything, perhaps you need a break. By that I mean take some time for you, do some thinking without the pressure of a relationship. How much time? That will depend on you - take as much as you need - then (with a clear head and a better understanding of what you want) go in search of that special someone. I can remember having really crappy luck with relationships when I tried to force things. It seems I had the best luck when I was just being myself.

 

[eepy]

In my own search to explore and define my sexuality, I've discovered that a lot of the barriers came from thinking the way I've been conditioned to think over a lifetime... a product of a repressive environment and stereotyped role models. In my case, I acted on the impulses before I really thought much about it. So I had to do my deep thinking much later... years later.

Yep, if I am bi, I probably wouldn't have realized it before now. Too much Christian school, etc.

It's one thing to fantasize, after all, and another thing to act.

Very true! Thanks for that

I'm not sure choosing women is the solution to unsuccessful realationships with men. But if you find a woman you'd like to be with, then why not go for it?

Yeah, it would make sense to be open to relationships with both men and women. It's so hard for me to find compatability; why should I limit myself to men only?

The worst thing that could happen is you discover relationships between people are much the same, regardless of gender. Best case scenario: you discover a sexual experience so incredibly exciting, you can't wait for more.

You are smart

 

[SweetErika]

Yeah, it would make sense to be open to relationships with both men and women. It's so hard for me to find compatability; why should I limit myself to men only?

I don't think limiting yourself to one gender before you have a good grasp on your own sexuality, wants, and needs is a good solution. There are always exceptions and connections that transcend gender. Ask yourself how many relationships you've really had. Do the men (or boys...a lot of people don't mature until they're well into their 20s or 30s) you've dated have any similarities or is there some kind of pattern? Why hasn't it worked in the past? Can your difficulty finding compatibility be narrowed down to something more specific (some trait they have or one you have)? Take a look at your history, yourself, and stay open-minded...you'll probably be pleasantly surprised!

 

[eepy]

Eepy, if you are tired about worrying about everything, perhaps you need a break. By that I mean take some time for you, do some thinking without the pressure of a relationship. How much time? That will depend on you - take as much as you need - then (with a clear head and a better understanding of what you want) go in search of that special someone. I can remember having really crappy luck with relationships when I tried to force things. It seems I had the best luck when I was just being myself.

Thanks for the advice, but I have been single for almost a year. I worry about everything too much, though. I'm just a generally uptight person... arg.

 

[CJontherocks]

You are smart

Nah... I'm just a regular guy, reaching for the sunlight and stumbling through life like everyone else. Erika is the wise one. And wait 'til you hear from Etoile. She is the Maharishi Rashneesh of Literotica!

 

[eepy]

CJ, did you notice our location lines? Spooky stuff..

 

[CJontherocks]

That's funny! I noticed yours, but didn't put the two together. I was thinking something different when I wrote mine, though. Pablo was lost. But I'm getting close to finding him.

 

[eepy]

Do the men (or boys...a lot of people don't mature until they're well into their 20s or 30s) you've dated have any similarities or is there some kind of pattern? Why hasn't it worked in the past? Can your difficulty finding compatibility be narrowed down to something more specific (some trait they have or one you have)? Take a look at your history, yourself, and stay open-minded...you'll probably be pleasantly surprised!

Basically, they're not good enough for me No, I know what you mean. Lots to think about. Lots of not-fun stuff to think about (who really wants to dwell on past relationships?).

If I found a guy who was good to me, who I could love, who wouldn't get sick of me, who I could work with to avoid repeating past mistakes/problems... that'd be really great. But if I found a girl who I could have the same kind of relationship with, would that be okay with me? I think it would, but I'm not sure.

 

[eepy]

Pablo, hmm?

 

[CJontherocks]

Pablo, hmm?

Long story... I was Pablo some years ago.

 

[CJontherocks]

... But if I found a girl who I could have the same kind of relationship with, would that be okay with me? I think it would...

For what it's worth, I think so too.

 

[eepy]

Long story... I was Pablo some years ago.

Well, then I'm glad you're finding yourself -- always good

 

[CJontherocks]

Well, then I'm glad you're finding yourself -- always good

Typical guy... waited much too long to stop and ask for directions.

 

[SweetErika]

Maybe I've had one too many Cosmos tonight, but seeing your (Eepy and CJ's) AVs right in a row is getting to be too much!

 

[eepy]

We actually do look good together

I haven't had a Cosmo in the longest time. Craving one now. But I have... Sprite. Hmm, not the same. Not at all.

 

[CJontherocks]

I should change it?

 

[CJontherocks]

Hmmmm... this is gettin' a little creepy. First the location line and now the AV. I sure hope you're not my long lost twin sister, eepy. 'Cause if you are, I've been thinking about some horribly inappropriate things. lol