Today, my relationship ended with the girl I was dating. I met her last July... we dated some from August-October. When we met, she was ending a relationship with a boyfriend from a couple years. (i know - very possibly a "rebound"... you don't have to tell me). After dating for a while, she said she found somebody she really wanted to get to know better and spend more time with. That's fine, and I wish her luck. Some time goes by, and a couple days after Christmas she calls back wanting me back in her life... Turned out that that guy wasn't all he seemed, and acted like a jerk (what a surprise). She said that first and foremost, she wanted us to be good friends, and if a relationship was possible - that would be great.
We go out a few times, and spend some nights at home together as well. Things seem to go fairly well up until this week... Monday, her aunt passed away. She called me to let me know, and I told her I was there for her, and I would do whatever I could to help. I call her back on Tuesday evening, and leave a message. Tried calling again on Wednesday evening - again leave a message. Thursday I give her some time... she already has my messages, and if she wants to talk, she knows I'm here, right? Friday (today) comes about and she's "okay"... but not doing the best. I baked her some cookies on Tuesday, so I take some over to her. She's surprised to see me come over - and not expecting me at all.
The conversation gets around to her waking up this morning at 4am to let her dog out, and telling me she thought of me. I told her "you should have called me - I was on my way to work... and I just thought about you". (which I really had.) She says: "but I wasn't alone." I just thought: "Oh. Um. I don't know what to say to that." Little things pop into my head, and one of the first ones is: "So that's why you haven't called me all week... not because of your aunt, but because you've been with someone else." I mean - if she freely admits she was with him last night, what's to say she wasn't with him all week? That's a reasonable thought, right?
She tells me that she got back together with her ex (the first guy), and that they're going to get married... but "he hasn't asked, and I haven't said yes". She broke up with him in the beginning 'cause he wasn't going anywhere... always expected her to do everything, was mooching off his parents, and was spending all his time with his derby car and not with her. I can't imagine that these things have changed, though I wished her the best of luck that they had... for her sake.
There's no hard feelings. There could be... not only because I have every right to be upset by it, but also because this is the 2nd time now that she's said "If you hate (are mad at) me, I understand." I had a good idea that things weren't permanent, but all I asked for was her to be honest and up-front from the beginning.
Why is it so hard for people to be honest in a relationship? In the recent past (within the last year), I've begun to focus on honesty as being part of the foundation of a relationship. Because of this, more and more I've noticed that some people either choose to hide details about themselves or with relationships with others, or they simply -cannot- be open and honest, even when it is requested of them.
I dunno... am I asking too much?
Should I give up on the "honesty" thing and just go with the flow? Or have my experiences just been "exceptions to the rule" and I should keep my values true, and not lower my expectations?
As I said... I'm not mad or upset about it. It's just that she took away something that was going well and we both enjoyed (a relationship, not just the sex... though that was GREAT). I guess it's better that it ends sooner rather than later, though, before any "real" feelings are formed and before it really would hurt... right? Maybe I'm just rationalizing things to understand it all.
So anyways... If you've read through all this... thank you. I don't seek sympathy or pity - not in any way. Just felt like I had to get some of my thinking out of my head and out in the open... Responses are welcome. Digs, general, derogatory comments, or name calling can be kept to yourself.
See ya's around the board!
FJ
We go out a few times, and spend some nights at home together as well. Things seem to go fairly well up until this week... Monday, her aunt passed away. She called me to let me know, and I told her I was there for her, and I would do whatever I could to help. I call her back on Tuesday evening, and leave a message. Tried calling again on Wednesday evening - again leave a message. Thursday I give her some time... she already has my messages, and if she wants to talk, she knows I'm here, right? Friday (today) comes about and she's "okay"... but not doing the best. I baked her some cookies on Tuesday, so I take some over to her. She's surprised to see me come over - and not expecting me at all.
The conversation gets around to her waking up this morning at 4am to let her dog out, and telling me she thought of me. I told her "you should have called me - I was on my way to work... and I just thought about you". (which I really had.) She says: "but I wasn't alone." I just thought: "Oh. Um. I don't know what to say to that." Little things pop into my head, and one of the first ones is: "So that's why you haven't called me all week... not because of your aunt, but because you've been with someone else." I mean - if she freely admits she was with him last night, what's to say she wasn't with him all week? That's a reasonable thought, right?
She tells me that she got back together with her ex (the first guy), and that they're going to get married... but "he hasn't asked, and I haven't said yes". She broke up with him in the beginning 'cause he wasn't going anywhere... always expected her to do everything, was mooching off his parents, and was spending all his time with his derby car and not with her. I can't imagine that these things have changed, though I wished her the best of luck that they had... for her sake.
There's no hard feelings. There could be... not only because I have every right to be upset by it, but also because this is the 2nd time now that she's said "If you hate (are mad at) me, I understand." I had a good idea that things weren't permanent, but all I asked for was her to be honest and up-front from the beginning.
Why is it so hard for people to be honest in a relationship? In the recent past (within the last year), I've begun to focus on honesty as being part of the foundation of a relationship. Because of this, more and more I've noticed that some people either choose to hide details about themselves or with relationships with others, or they simply -cannot- be open and honest, even when it is requested of them.
I dunno... am I asking too much?
Should I give up on the "honesty" thing and just go with the flow? Or have my experiences just been "exceptions to the rule" and I should keep my values true, and not lower my expectations?As I said... I'm not mad or upset about it. It's just that she took away something that was going well and we both enjoyed (a relationship, not just the sex... though that was GREAT). I guess it's better that it ends sooner rather than later, though, before any "real" feelings are formed and before it really would hurt... right? Maybe I'm just rationalizing things to understand it all.
So anyways... If you've read through all this... thank you. I don't seek sympathy or pity - not in any way. Just felt like I had to get some of my thinking out of my head and out in the open... Responses are welcome. Digs, general, derogatory comments, or name calling can be kept to yourself.
See ya's around the board!
FJ
All I can say is that we honest guys are out here. The trouble is - I know many women who say "i want a good, honest guy"... and then they go try to hook up at bars, etc... Not at all saying you do this - just saying I see this contradictory behavior often. Me personally - I'm from Indiana. It's not blisteringly, pushing-you-back-in-your-seat exciting... but I love Chicago (about 35 mins away), and I can make almost any situation a good time. Isn't that what it's about anyways? I guess that people just look for the wrong people in the wrong places... But alas... we are out here. (Oh yeah - I was an Eagle Scout, too... lol) 
