It was a cool day and the sky was close.

[jomar]

A sentence from a C J Box Joe Pickett novel. I thought it conveyed a lot with a few short words. Nice.

 

[TarnishedPenny]

Hmm. Something to ponder. Thank you.

 

[KeithD]

Yep, that was my day. Seventy miles on the Skyline Drive.

 

[NotWise]

I'm not sure I understand "the sky was close." Was it overcast with low clouds?

 

[XerXesXu]

I'm not sure I understand "the sky was close." Was it overcast with low clouds?

'Close' weather is hot and humid, can't have been that on a cool day. Possibly the sky was 'lowering', but who knows.

 

[BobbyBrandt]

It sounds foggy to me.

Personally, any story that starts out by describing the weather is one that I would toss aside pretty quickly. It's too much of a cliche.

 

[jomar]

I'm not sure I understand "the sky was close." Was it overcast with low clouds?

Yes, the story is set in Wyoming big sky country. Low clouds shrouding the mountains.

It sounds foggy to me.

It wasn’t.

Personally, any story that starts out by describing the weather is one that I would toss aside pretty quickly. It's too much of a cliche.

The sentence comes after a couple of pages and sets a mood to end a segment as Joe gets out of his truck and gets to his business.

ETA: The books are now a series on Amazon/paramount+ and have a 7.6 IMBD rating.

 

[SimonDoom]

There's a rule of writing, said by somebody, that says you shouldn't start a story with a comment about the weather, but I don't agree. I'm not familiar with this author or this story but I like the line. I like it because it's suggestive, and I imagine its meaning becomes clearer in the context of the words around it, but it's not totally clear in and of itself. Once you disclose the setting is Wyoming, it all makes sense, because that's exactly how it feels when you travel through the open spaces of the American West. They call Montana the "Big Sky" state, and you might not have any idea what that means until you've been to Montana, but when you've been there you think, "Yes, I get it." The sky is all over the place, in a way that it is not in other parts of the country. It's totally different in California or New York.

 

[NotWise]

I like the line. Had I not acted as the literalist, and gone instead with the way the line "felt," then I'd probably have the same impression I do now that it's explained--a sense of the world feeling a little enclosed.

 

[Trionyx]

It was a dark and stormy night…

 

[MrPixel]

"The morning fog had crept over the mountains like it always does this time of year. Pouring my coffee, I glanced out the kitchen window and was surprised to not see the end of the driveway, it was that thick. Next thing I noticed was Jennifer emerging from the pea soup having retrieved the trash container from the curb, wearing sandals. Just sandals. I like the fog."

 

[SimonDoom]

"The morning fog had crept over the mountains like it always does this time of year. Pouring my coffee, I glanced out the kitchen window and was surprised to not see the end of the driveway, it was that thick. Next thing I notice is Jennifer emerging from the pea soup having retrieved the trash container from the curb, wearing sandals. Just sandals. I like the fog."

I like this, but make your tense consistent. You start in past tense and shift to present tense. It should be "Next thing I noticed was . . . ."

 

[MrPixel]

Fixed.

 

[yowser]

One of the classic weather related beginnings is from Raymond Chandler’s “Red Wind”:

“There was a desert wind blowing that night. It was one of those hot dry Santa Anas that come down through the mountain passes and curl your hair and make your nerves jump and your skin itch. On nights like that every booze party ends in a fight. Meek little wives feel the edge of the carving knife and study their husband’s necks. Anything can happen. You can even get a full glass of beer at a cocktail lounge.”

 

[Bubo_bubo]

"It rained. Then it rained again. And then it rained some more. Monrovia in July was a hellhole of humidity with not even the sun to brighten up the place. It had remained hidden behind the clouds for more than a week now."

 

[MillieDynamite]

One of the classic weather related beginnings is from Raymond Chandler’s “Red Wind”:

“There was a desert wind blowing that night. It was one of those hot dry Santa Anas that come down through the mountain passes and curl your hair and make your nerves jump and your skin itch. On nights like that every booze party ends in a fight. Meek little wives feel the edge of the carving knife and study their husband’s necks. Anything can happen. You can even get a full glass of beer at a cocktail lounge.”

I love Raymond Chandler's stories. I read a story on Medium with a woman reading those words when she noticed a couple of people walking up to her door. The author made sure to give credit where credit was due at the end of the story. But he credited him in the story text, saying she opened a novel by Raymond Chandler and read, then the quote, and "..." to indicate she read until she saw the people in her yard.

 

[SamScribble]

There's a rule of writing, said by somebody...

Elmore Leonard

 

[SimonDoom]

Elmore Leonard

I should have guessed. I'm a fan of his and I've read his "10 rules" before. That one slipped my mind.

 

[TadOverdon]

It sounds foggy to me.

Personally, any story that starts out by describing the weather is one that I would toss aside pretty quickly. It's too much of a cliche.

The sky was the color of television, tuned to a dead channel.

That got my attention. Read the book at one sitting.

 

[XerXesXu]

The sky was the color of television, tuned to a dead channel.

That got my attention. Read the book at one sitting.

An analogue TV, for the young folk who may be wondering.

 

[TadOverdon]

An analogue TV, for the young folk who may be wondering.

Yeah, does date the book, doesn't it?

Which is funny, because when I read it I thought that image captured the mood of Gibson's future world perfectly. The viewpoint character has no frame of reference for experience nearly so basic as his relationship to everyday technology.

 

[Candy_Kane54]

"Aye, twas was a dark and stormy night, ye git, when all hell broke loose!!!" Candy frantically screamed, her tall, lithe, fit body gyrating like a top on the leather sofa in the dimly lit but well-appointed study as she perused Elmore Leonard's 10 rules, trying to break as many of them in one sentence as possible.