It makes my teeth hurt

[bronzeage]

When I read stuff like this, and I feel a little bad, just for bringing it up. Its not the worst I ever read.

She watched the man performing oral ecstasy on her and then looked again skyward. The rain was pouring into her face and thunder and lightning ripped the sky. It was the most erotically surreal moment of her life. He pulled her upright and bent her forward, placing her hands on a tree for support. She was blitzed, but she did remember to ask him if he was using a condom and even groped his cock to confirm he had one on before bending over to allow him inside her. He [sic] cock entered her ass and he began slamming into her, taking advantage of her state of inebriated relaxation to go where she would have otherwise objected.

ouch.

 

[Trinique_Fire]

*guffaw*

 

[Guest]

When I read stuff like this, and I feel a little bad, just for bringing it up. Its not the worst I ever read.



ouch.

"performing oral exctasy" Yikes.

However, we can't all be literary geniuses..

 

[oggbashan]

Please - Don't read DurtGurl.

You will never be the same again.

Og

 

[bronzeage]

Please - Don't read DurtGurl.

You will never be the same again.

Og

Ow! my eyes are burning! At least its posted in Satire and Humor.

Man, that stings.

 

[dr_mabeuse]

Tease! Give us the worst you ever read!

I want to get blitzed.

 

[dr_mabeuse]

Please - Don't read DurtGurl.

You will never be the same again.

Og

I guess now it can be told.

I wrote "Mom's Submarine Anal Birthday Surprise". Honest.

We had a DurtGirl syndicate. We were going to make a fortune. Sony was already talking about picking up the film rights.

 

[oggbashan]

I guess now it can be told.

I wrote "Mom's Submarine Anal Birthday Surprise". Honest.

We had a DurtGirl syndicate. We were going to make a fortune. Sony was already talking about picking up the film rights.

And a finer piece of something it is too.

What went wrong? Oh yes. G W won the election and DurtGurl was no longer patriotically acceptable.

I think the DurtGurl syndicate could have adapted by daisychaining ragheads to a rendition of Old Glory on massed fundaments...

Og

 

[poppy1963]

When I read stuff like this, and I feel a little bad, just for bringing it up. Its not the worst I ever read.



ouch.

Curious...were you talking content or style more? I'm just not sure!

 

[CharleyH]

When I read stuff like this, and I feel a little bad, just for bringing it up. Its not the worst I ever read.

ouch.

And what makes you such a better writer?

 

[bronzeage]

And what makes you such a better writer?

You are free to draw your own conclusion on that. I consider all comments and accept all criticism it the spirit it is given.

 

[bronzeage]

Curious...were you talking content or style more? I'm just not sure!

I left out the part where out heroine has sore after having sex because she had been "nailed on a big, sharp rock."

Its like singing, or dancing. It may take some core of genius or talent to be brilliant, but the technical skills can be learned and mastered well enough for the product to be presentable.

The part I quoted was consistant with the whole work. I think fiction needs a degree of verisimilitude. The images through the entire piece read like they were written by someone who had never had sex.

 

[3113]

Hey, where's my Oral Esctacy? Bronzeage, I think you outta volunteer seeing as you posted it.

And good heavens, Og, what's with the sad face? That's the most forlorn AV I've ever seen! Can we kiss it and make it better?

 

[poppy1963]

I left out the part where out heroine has sore after having sex because she had been "nailed on a big, sharp rock."

Its like singing, or dancing. It may take some core of genius or talent to be brilliant, but the technical skills can be learned and mastered well enough for the product to be presentable.

The part I quoted was consistant with the whole work. I think fiction needs a degree of verisimilitude. The images through the entire piece read like they were written by someone who had never had sex.

well...double ouch for both content and style then...but I understand you were referring more to style now.

I need to read more stories at Lit to get a good handle on the quality overall. I've read many but mostly those of people I've befriended or enjoyed their posts so their "style" is generally to my liking in ways already.

Think I will spend some time doing so tonight!

 

[CharleyH]

You are free to draw your own conclusion on that. I consider all comments and accept all criticism it the spirit it is given.

I am asking you to assess your writing compared to someone you have talked about. WHAT makes YOUR writing so much better? That was my question.

My assessment of your writing will not suit you at this time.

 

[ChilledVodkaIV]

I am asking you to assess your writing compared to someone you have talked about. WHAT makes YOUR writing so much better? That was my question.

Hark! The tolling of bells. (Don't ask)

 

[Rumple Foreskin]

Hey, where's my Oral Esctacy? Bronzeage, I think you outta volunteer seeing as you posted it.

And good heavens, Og, what's with the sad face? That's the most forlorn AV I've ever seen! Can we kiss it and make it better?

And considering this is my usual AV...

http://img.villagephotos.com/p/2004-12/909970/Plutarch001.jpg

...that's saying something.

Rumple Foreskin

 

[CharleyH]

Hark! The tolling of bells. (Don't ask)

I won't ask :| LOL

The boiling of the balls? I like that tone much better.

 

[cheerful_deviant]

The boiling of the balls? I like that tone much better.

That frightens me more than a little bit.

 

[CharleyH]

That frightens me more than a little bit.

You are safe, sexy.

 

[dr_mabeuse]

You might want to consider this example of some fine erotic writing by Smoove B, the Onion's own Love Columnist. It shows the same skillful blend of delicate eroticism and bold earthiness that makes Bronzeage's example so moving...

Girl, if there is any doubt in your mind as to what time it is, let me break it down for you: It is time for you to get Smooved.

Aw, baby, I know that I had said some things that made you mad, but I am extremely sorry. If you just come on home, I will make it up to you. I will take you to new stratospheres of love. I will sex you wild.

To make up for all the foolish things I said, tomorrow night, I will escort you to my crib, where I will prepare for you a romantic meal comprised of succulent lobster from the finest sea. We will both eat the lobster and enjoy a side dish of rice with it. There will also be a baked potato waiting for you, and some butter for you to place upon that potato. In addition, there will be sour cream, which you may also put on the potato if you so desire.

I will also serve juice.

Then, when we have each finished eating our meals, I will lay your body down on a bedsheet comprised of 100 percent silk, which I will purchase in advance from the finest store in this city. Then, just before we freak, I will inquire as to how you like the feel of the sheets. If you inform me that you do not like it, I will travel to other cities around the world until I locate a store that sells sheets that are more to your satisfaction. Then, I will purchase those sheets and return home to put them on the bed for you.

It is then that I will hit you doggy-style.

While I am freaking you, I will whisper various things in your ear. Some of the phrases I will say to you are, "Baby, you are my everything," "You feel so good, I can't stand it," and, "Girl, ride me." There will also be candles and a CD featuring the music of Keith Sweat to create an atmosphere of unbridled romance, making you wet.

More of Smoove B's work may be found here

 

[CharleyH]

You might want to consider this example of some fine erotic writing by Smoove B, the Onion's own Love Columnist. It shows the same skillful blend of delicate eroticism and bold earthiness that makes Bronzeage's example so moving...

Girl, if there is any doubt in your mind as to what time it is, let me break it down for you: It is time for you to get Smooved.

Aw, baby, I know that I had said some things that made you mad, but I am extremely sorry. If you just come on home, I will make it up to you. I will take you to new stratospheres of love. I will sex you wild.

To make up for all the foolish things I said, tomorrow night, I will escort you to my crib, where I will prepare for you a romantic meal comprised of succulent lobster from the finest sea. We will both eat the lobster and enjoy a side dish of rice with it. There will also be a baked potato waiting for you, and some butter for you to place upon that potato. In addition, there will be sour cream, which you may also put on the potato if you so desire.

I will also serve juice.

Then, when we have each finished eating our meals, I will lay your body down on a bedsheet comprised of 100 percent silk, which I will purchase in advance from the finest store in this city. Then, just before we freak, I will inquire as to how you like the feel of the sheets. If you inform me that you do not like it, I will travel to other cities around the world until I locate a store that sells sheets that are more to your satisfaction. Then, I will purchase those sheets and return home to put them on the bed for you.

It is then that I will hit you doggy-style.

While I am freaking you, I will whisper various things in your ear. Some of the phrases I will say to you are, "Baby, you are my everything," "You feel so good, I can't stand it," and, "Girl, ride me." There will also be candles and a CD featuring the music of Keith Sweat to create an atmosphere of unbridled romance, making you wet.

More of Smoove B's work may be found here

lol

 

[dr_mabeuse]

lol

Admit it, Charlie - you're in love!

 

[CharleyH]

Admit it, Charlie - you're in love!

With you! Come tend my tooth dammit, Doc! Lets go to Morrocco and get sweet girls and opium or ride camels with sweet girls? That will do!

 

[Jenny_Jackson]

This is by far the finest lines I have ever written

“That’s not a dildo, Harry. That’s a Christmas Tree butt plug. Try it. You’ll like it,” said Maria laughing.

Harry was completely confused. “What do I do with it?”

“You stick it up your ass, silly?”

“Whatever for?” Harry was incredulous.