Is it true?

[Exciteher]

.... i have not done anything apart from sleeping on another bed but it seems even a small thing like that gave him a hint of the end.
God i hope so......
I never wanted a relationship to end so much,i know you are trying to make me feel strong and thanks for that,but i still feel small till i get away from here for a few days.

Thanks everyone.

sba, here is the first time I have seen you CLEARLY STATE what you wanted..."I never wanted a relationship to end so much."

sba, yes, I want you to feel strong, bit I know I cannot "make" you feel that!

What I am actually doing is showing you, "reality testing" you, about how your attitude has actually changed in a BIG way. You were saying things like "my mind goes blank" (which we all know is impossable..) and "I don't seem to have it in me to end it"..and "i go on auto pilot".. etc. etc. But I am just showing how you actions have PROVED that you do have have it in you to end it! See the difference?

sba, there is a part of you that quit believing the things you were telling yourself, you quit believing that "there is one shortfall, "ME" i can not follow them up."

Your actions prove that! You are the one that changed things babe! Do not forget or minimize that!

You have followed up! THIS IS A BIG THING! THIS IS A HUGE SHIFT!

Can you feel how very small changes, like you sleeping on the couch, can have really big effects?

"but i still feel small till i get away from here for a few days."
So what you are saying here is that when you get away for a few days, you will be able to look back and see how what you did, and you yourself..are actually not small? LOL! It does not matter if you feel small, it is th eway you feel. But what you have done is exactly opposite of what you have told us you were capable of doing!

sba, it is the things we tell ourselves that often really get in the way and keep us stuck. Seems to me you are figuring that out! You have this thing whipped! Next step is to take credit for yourself and revise the things you tell yourself. You use to say "I can't" But now you have PROVED you can! Soon you will be able to say that!

I love how you took and executed all the suggestions everyone has given you here here, and I also love how you have also come up with a way to make that into your own plan that is working for you.

 

[sba]

I am here with my friend and she will come over to my house tuesday!
I think i have done it,where by having my phone switched on,there has been no calls.
I have his sisters home address and when i get hom,i will post every thing he has there to that address too.

 

[rosebud5446]

sba... i have been lurking this thread for some time now. i haven't said much of anything because i am still young, and it seemed everyone else had the topic under control. i just want to tell you i am very proud of you for doing this. i know it must be hard, i have seen my mother in abusive relationships without the will or strength to go, even when i told her she needed to. i am so happy for you.

 

[Exciteher]

I am here with my friend and she will come over to my house tuesday!
I think i have done it,where by having my phone switched on,there has been no calls.
I have his sisters home address and when i get hom,i will post every thing he has there to that address too.

Wow sba, you have done it! I just knew you could do it! I was wondering about all the stuff he left, but I see you came up with a great plan for that!

Three cheers! Well done!

And keep posting here! I think you could help other people here!

You got your wings girl!

 

[Emes]

I am here with my friend and she will come over to my house tuesday!
I think i have done it,where by having my phone switched on,there has been no calls.
I have his sisters home address and when i get hom,i will post every thing he has there to that address too.

You did it....well done you!!!

It is the hardest thing in the world to do and will take what seems a lifetime to sort out, but take it from one who knows....it is soooooo worth it! The light is at the end of the tunnel....it might only be a tiny pinprick but it is there i promise!

One thing...if you are still scared of him causing a problem for you, talk to the police. They may be able to supply some kind of panic button or alarm for you....just in case.

Well done again....and i agree.....wings earned!!

 

[subwannabe]

Congratulations! I have been lurking on this thread too but didn't have anything more to say than what everyone else has already said. I'm proud of you for taking charge of your own life. Now, I will give you some advice. Many people keep on making the same mistake over and over again with partners. Please don't do this. It is better off being alone than being with the wrong person. You don't need anyone else but yourself - unless you find an actual PARTNER.

 

[sba]

I never knew he would fall so easy!
He has just given up!
Is it too early to say all these?A feeling says i am free,but another says"just wait".

 

[silverwhisper]

i recommend not letting your guard down for at least a week or two.

ed

 

[lotsoflove]

Well done!

I never knew he would fall so easy!
He has just given up!
Is it too early to say all these?A feeling says i am free,but another says"just wait".

This is good news. I am happy for you

 

[M's girl]

Hey, SBA, good for you!

See, you have already proved you are much stronger than you ever thought you would be!

The thing with your phone (and him maybe calling from another number) could be solved by using an answering machine, so you can screen your calls and only pick up when you heard it's not him.

If you want to be a little more bold and get your point accross even more you could answer the phone, even when it is clearly him and make sure there is only one thing you have to say to him, no matter what he says, and that is: "I don't want to talk to you". If you're not sure you can pull that one off, just don't answer.

I know how scary this all must seem at this point but you've taken the biggest hurdle already and I think he gets the point.

Just be prepared for a slight fall back. Nothing wrong or strange about that. Just know it's coming and prepare yourself for it. Might be coming from you, might be coming from him (or both). Just remember at that time how much you wanted out! Never mind the good memories you might contemplate at one time within the next few weeks. Remember they are are NOTHING compared to all the bad times you had to go through with him.

If you are in doubt, just turn to us here. We will gladly talk you out of any doubts you might have!

You go girl! Proud of you!

 

[krysbigcat]

to blow or not to blow

yeah men can get a build up of pressure, but what the heck is wrong with him doing something about it himself, or maybe you need to teach him how lol

 

[sba]

The problem was not what he wanted,it was how he wanted it and nothing in return.
Infact when i meet they guy i love,i would just sleep on the edge of a bed and ask him to do it non stop if that is what he wanted.
But he was different and i hated him and still do.
So far no contacts no nothing!
Infact i have never gone so long without having a bit! would 1ni8 stands help this period of anxiety and cat and mouse game?

 

[silverwhisper]

sba, you're kinda vulnerable right now. i don't know how good an idea it is to meet people right now for you but my inclination is to think it wouldn't be a good one at all, frankly.

ed

 

[M's girl]

I agree with SW... please take your time. You can't possibly be ready to start something new at this point. If you do, chances are your vulnerability attracks exactly the same type of guy and before you know it you're in the middle of something exactly the same as what you are in the process of leaving behind you!

Again, please, please, take your time to first and at least get this whole situation over and done with!

 

[FluteMaster]

Chill Time

The problem was not what he wanted,it was how he wanted it and nothing in return.
Infact when i meet they guy i love,i would just sleep on the edge of a bed and ask him to do it non stop if that is what he wanted.
But he was different and i hated him and still do.
So far no contacts no nothing!
Infact i have never gone so long without having a bit! would 1ni8 stands help this period of anxiety and cat and mouse game?

After any great stress, it's always a good idea to recenter yourself and take some "me" time. May I suggest remedial massage??

Then, ease your way gently into normal social life (just friends).

You've done an amazing thing sba, congratulations

 

[Emes]

I agree...take some time out for you...shopping, pamper yourself, get back in touch with old friends, spend time here on lit...but DONT go rushing into any kind of relationship (even one night stands). Emotionally its not worth it....

Well done though hun....you did good!

 

[Bandit58]

sba, you're kinda vulnerable right now. i don't know how good an idea it is to meet people right now for you but my inclination is to think it wouldn't be a good one at all, frankly.

ed

Agree totally with ed here - you would be better to take some "me" time and decide what it is you really want out of life. Believe me one night stands are not all they're cracked up to be. Maybe I'm of a different generation but after a broken relationship I tried just having sex for sex and it left me feeling very empty and used.

 

[sba]

I've got mail from him ,and in it he wrote about his feelings for me and how he thinks we could make it work.
His reasons for being so nasty with me is qoute"Pressures of work led me into treating you bad"
I have or will not reply to him eventhough he has put down an address for me to notice!
His address is un known to me?
I will reply by sending his stuff back to his sisters house! is that a good move?
He also wants my email so that he can keep intouch.
It is finished,it is just these little last contacts that i feared! when these are done,i am sure some time has passed and dating again should not be a problem.
Men have it great,since there are women who would charge for certain services and when done,she would go her way for ever,but what about for women like me? i have a sex drive to match 3 women.
Comming to lit. and spending time here,you can not help but notice lustfull threads that by a magnet type pull,you would open the thread to read,which makes the problem worse!
Thanks for all your help guys and gals.

 

[M's girl]

For the time being it would be wise to satisfy your sexual needs yourself. Me? I always felt empty and numbed after a relationship ended, even when it was a mutual decision where we had just grown apart. I mean... not after a situation like yours.

Maybe, because you broke it off so suddenly, some of the sexual feelings and desires (even maybe for him) are still there though. I guess that is natural. Happened to me once when I felt I had to broke up with someone who had been unfaithful to me. My sexual desire was still there, even for him I suppose, even though I resented and hated him for what he had done. This is something you just have to go through for the time being, and then these feelings will also subside and eventually go away.

Until then, what's wrong with satisfying yourself? Watch some porn (or not).. buy some toys (or not). Do whatever it takes to show yourself you don't need him for that. Take time, lots of time, to get your feelings sorted. Learn from this past relationship and remember what it was that you don't ever want again!

As for his e-mail? I don't believe him. Do you? I don't think so. So yes... don't reply because I honestly don't believe there is anything you can say that he won't use as material to get further under your skin again. Sending his stuff back is a good idea. Makes a strong point towards him, and yourself. It's over!

Good luck, and stay strong!

 

[FluteMaster]

Men have it great,since there are women who would charge for certain services and when done,she would go her way for ever,but what about for women like me? i have a sex drive to match 3 women.

Sorry to blow the myth, but that is as an empty way of a guy being "fulfilled" as for a woman, not for all maybe, but for most.

I know that high sex urges can be tough, epsecially when you are coming out of a nasty relationship, but try and get yourself settled first before you make yourself vulnerable to any other B*****ds out there waiting for another mind to mess up.

And while you are here, pull up a drink, enjoy the show and join the threads. Enjoy the sex in your head!!

(ps - mine's a Gin and Tonic, Ice and lemon ta very much)

 

[Exciteher]

....
I will reply by sending his stuff back to his sisters house! is that a good move?
He also wants my email so that he can keep intouch.
It is finished,it is just these little last contacts that i feared! when these are done,i am sure some time has passed and dating again should not be a problem.
.....
Comming to lit. and spending time here,you can not help but notice lustfull threads that by a magnet type pull,you would open the thread to read,which makes the problem worse!
Thanks for all your help guys and gals.

I'm with what M's Girl said. sba, stick with your plan, send his stuff to his sister, you do not need our permission... but you have our support.

Also, why be in such a rush. Take some time to reflect on what got you into that fix with that guy to begin with. I get the impresion you think a lot about what you would do for that special guy in your future, but please take the time to think about what you want that guy to give to you, what kind of guy that would be, and what you will have to change about yourself to attract that kind of guy!

Think about changing this sentence:

"Infact when i meet they guy i love,i would just sleep on the edge of a bed and ask him to do it non stop if that is what he wanted."

To this sentence:

"Infact when i meet they guy i love, if I asked he would just sleep on the edge of a bed and do it to me non stop if that is what I wanted."

See the difference?

Someone along the line seems to have taught you to just toss your power away, you need to look at changing that or you could end up making the same mistakes over and over. You already have changed it a bit you know!

About those magnetic lustful threads, and how sexual you are. Perhaps it is not a problem really... but is actually a sign that points you in a direction of new ways of expressing your sexual self? Ever consider that sex is actually a way of expressing? Perhaps this whole experience with this guy is a way the cosmos is trying to tell you that you need more ways of expressing yourself? Do you dance?

 

[glynndah]

Hey, SBA, good for you!

See, you have already proved you are much stronger than you ever thought you would be!

The thing with your phone (and him maybe calling from another number) could be solved by using an answering machine, so you can screen your calls and only pick up when you heard it's not him.

If you want to be a little more bold and get your point accross even more you could answer the phone, even when it is clearly him and make sure there is only one thing you have to say to him, no matter what he says, and that is: "I don't want to talk to you". If you're not sure you can pull that one off, just don't answer.

I know how scary this all must seem at this point but you've taken the biggest hurdle already and I think he gets the point.

Just be prepared for a slight fall back. Nothing wrong or strange about that. Just know it's coming and prepare yourself for it. Might be coming from you, might be coming from him (or both). Just remember at that time how much you wanted out! Never mind the good memories you might contemplate at one time within the next few weeks. Remember they are are NOTHING compared to all the bad times you had to go through with him.

If you are in doubt, just turn to us here. We will gladly talk you out of any doubts you might have!

You go girl! Proud of you!

Write it down in great big letters by the phone. If he calls, read it outloud and hang up. It's much easier (and assertive?) to "read" something than it is to "say" it.

 

[Stanard]

Blue balls

On those times when I've been sitting around with a girl, and maybe not even yet fooling around, I have gotten that serious achin feeling called blue balls. It hardly ever happens with girls who I am sexually active with--even if they were to hold me off. It is always in that very early stage with a girl--or with an old girlfriend that has been away for a long time. The balls writhe around more than usual and--even without an erection--sometimes enough seminal fluid seeps out enough that an observant girl might notice. The ache isn't from the erection. It has some other source--maybe the gland that produces the seminal fluid, maybe the Cowper's gland, maybe the balls. I don't know. But the ache is definitely a pain. I am always surprised to hear any GUY say it doesn't ever happen! Let him sit around close to a pretty girl for a few hours, in a situation where he thinks he might be able to get at her, and he might well feel the pain called "blue-balls."

 

[sba]

So the old man was telling the truth after all!
It has happened to me maney times and always, i gave into their demands,but have to say when a guy says this,he is deperate i think,since alot of stuff and thick,comes out.
The thickness of the stuff always made me think that he was telling the truth!

 

[silverwhisper]

stan, it's at most a mild discomfort from your hard-on. and it sure as fuck isn't sba's responsibility or any else's to do thing one about it.

sba, that's their problem, not yours. don't ever give in just b/c you're dating a selfish, self-involved shithead.

ed