Is it me, or does the net just suck when it comes to meeting women?

[human_male]

Every now and again I meet a woman online. We usually then progress to chatting and now and then a meeting. Most are overseas though, so not very often. But none of them, not one has ever led to anything. We get to know each other, they seem to like me, they see my pics and know everything about me and things are fine for a while, but when they meet me they don't want to see me again. Or, it doesn't even get that far. Sometimes a close online friend will just stop talking to me suddenly, seemingly for no reason.

I want to know why. Is it something I've done or said? Or something I should have done or said and haven't? Is there something wrong with me that just doesn't become apparent until they see me face to face? I don't think I'm doing anything really bad like suddenly putting pressure on them to sleep with me, or acting like a schmuck, or something else that would put them off. So what is it?

I'd be cool just being friends with them. Ok I wouldn't mind an intimate encounter of some kind, it's been a long time for me, but I'd seriously be happy just being friends. Sometimes they say the same thing, like they just want someone to hang out with or go to the movies with but then after we meet they're suddenly "busy", or "not really ready for another person in their life".

This self-indulgent rant is because of the latest one that has me feeling all sorry for myself and depressed. I logged on to yahoo with a handle I haven't used in ages and there were three messages from the same woman. Just "would you like to chat" kind of things. Three, and she also put me on her friends list. I had a look at her profile and was surprised and delighted to see she's from my city, and she's really really nice. So I responded to the messages and also sent her an email explaining why I hadn't responded and that I would love to hear from her, but it's been a few days and she hasn't replied. Her situation might have changed I suppose or maybe she just hasn't been online, but could there be another reason? Could she be pissed that I hadn't responded to her right away despite my explanation? I can't remember now how long it was, but a couple of months I think.

My guess as to why women go off me when they meet me is as they get to know me through chatting and whatnot they construct an image in their mind as to what I'm like, and when they meet me and realise I'm not what they expected they're of course disappointed. What do you reckon? Has anyone, well men really, ever met anyone you knew online and had it develope further, or at least still keep in touch, or does the same thing happen to you?

I know people lead busy lives and everyone has the right to talk to or not talk to whom they choose, I'm cool with all that. I don't have any ill feeling toward any of them at all. I'm just starting to wonder if it's something about me that puts them off.

Anyway, if you're still reading, thanks. Sorry to sound whiny and all that. If you have any advice or can share any of your own experiences that would be cool.

Ta very much.

 

[Guest]

 

[silverwhisper]

human male: this isn't quite the same thing but i frequent another forum and have met several of the regulars there (solely platonic relationships). since most of our interaction is in the context of forum posting, i've had the opportunity to get to know them before meeting them and in absolutely zero instances have my expectations been incorrect. indeed, if anything, i've been pleasantly surprised.

why you're experiencing this, i can't say. the example you mention: how long a time has it been since this woman sent you those messages and your responses? it's possible she just gave up or perhaps is traveling (vacation? business trip?) and unable to receive your messages. if it's been less than a week, i wouldn't stress over it.

without any other information to go on, perhaps they mentally classify you as a friend, or perhaps give off the brother vibe? that's the only conclusion i can draw based on what you've said.

ed

 

[EJFan]

all i can really offer you HM is the statistical approach...

of alllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll the women on the net who are even contemplating the idea of finding and/or meeting a guy for ANYTHING, the fact that you've gone so far as to have met a couple of them is a success.

i don't think meeting women online is optimal, but it's one option and can certainly work out. this method isn't failing for you... you just have to continue to be yourself and stick with it. the odds will come 'round to you sooner or later.

 

[Cockyfox]

have you thought of meeting chicks without using the net?

 

[Typo Fu Master]

I've met one woman online through chatting. We ended up having a threesome with my wife and I. Obviously this doesn't happen everyday, and I doubt it'll ever happen again. I've still got her on my buddy list, but we haven't spoken in a while. She found another guy and seems to be happily involved with him. I'm ok with that, since I wasn't looking for a long term commitment to begin with.

I think it all depends on the person and what they're looking for. From the sound of your post, I get the impression you were just chatting with ladies and didn't go to a personals website, where people are more likely looking to get into a relationship. There's any number of reasons why the women you met decided not to continue. Some may have just got cold feet. I know I was nervous meeting someone for the first time. Like EJ said, just meeting them is a success. Eventually you'll find one that wants to be friends, or even get into a relationship.

 

[GldnAngl]

As a woman who met her husband online, I would say that this (Literotica) is not the forum on which to meet potential actual girlfriends.

I have tons of advice I could give you, but I'll spare you, unless you are interested.

 

[Emerald Eyed]

My guess is your personality online is different from your personality in real life.


Be 100% truthful in everything you say to these women. It is to easy to use this as a fantasy world.

 

[human_male]

Hi and thanks for your comments. The new one hasn't contacted me yet and it's been nearly a week. I don't think she's even been online though. I put her on my list on yahoo and it still says "add request pending" and you either have to accept or deny. I think it's most likely her situation changed and she got a boyfriend. It's rare for attractive women to be without them for very long in this country, man drought or no man drought. It's a shame but I hope it's something like that and nothing's happened to her.

I would meet them in real life if I could, that would be ideal but I don't have the kind of social life where I get invited to parties and things. There is a young lady at work though. She is always nice to me and says hello and yesterday she asked my name so I got to have a little chat to her. She's really nice so if I get the opportunity and feel comfortable I'll ask her for coffee.

Ladies, is it better to just go for it and ask right away or is it better to take one's time and chat to her a few more times? I'd prefer to do that but I come in where she works after hours and sometimes she's there and sometimes she's gone home, so I rarely get the chance to say hi.

Ta very much.

 

[human_male]

My guess is your personality online is different from your personality in real life.


Be 100% truthful in everything you say to these women. It is to easy to use this as a fantasy world.

I am always honest and as far as I can tell I'm the same in person as I am online. Maybe less inhibited online, and perhapse slightly reserved in person.

But my last "date" we chatted for an hour. That's good isn't it?

 

[human_male]

As a woman who met her husband online, I would say that this (Literotica) is not the forum on which to meet potential actual girlfriends.

I have tons of advice I could give you, but I'll spare you, unless you are interested.

Yes please, lay it on me.

 

[Honeygirl]

This self-indulgent rant is because of the latest one that has me feeling all sorry for myself and depressed. I logged on to yahoo with a handle I haven't used in ages and there were three messages from the same woman. Just "would you like to chat" kind of things. Three, and she also put me on her friends list. I had a look at her profile and was surprised and delighted to see she's from my city, and she's really really nice. So I responded to the messages and also sent her an email explaining why I hadn't responded and that I would love to hear from her, but it's been a few days and she hasn't replied. Her situation might have changed I suppose or maybe she just hasn't been online, but could there be another reason? Could she be pissed that I hadn't responded to her right away despite my explanation? I can't remember now how long it was, but a couple of months I think.

Love-a-duck - you gotta be kidding right? I think right ^ there lies the answer to your perceived problem. YOU didn't log on for several months, but you expected HER to respond within days...come on. I don't think that's reasonable.

I know that I'm possibly the subject of part of this rant. Yes, I do owe you an e-mail and I will get onto it tonight. I did explain to you when we begun chatting that I work huge hours and have responsibilities outside of the Internet. It was not a matter of meeting you and going `off' you for whatever reason. It was simply a matter of being on annual leave when we begun chatting and then returning to work the week we met. This week (for example), I worked over 56 hours and am completely knackered. Yes, people do lead busy lives - some more than others.

Please don't take this the wrong way, but having seen this - I really had to respond.

 

[human_male]

Love-a-duck - you gotta be kidding right? I think right ^ there lies the answer to your perceived problem. YOU didn't log on for several months, but you expected HER to respond within days...come on. I don't think that's reasonable.

I know that I'm possibly the subject of part of this rant. Yes, I do owe you an e-mail and I will get onto it tonight. I did explain to you when we begun chatting that I work huge hours and have responsibilities outside of the Internet. It was not a matter of meeting you and going `off' you for whatever reason. It was simply a matter of being on annual leave when we begun chatting and then returning to work the week we met. This week (for example), I worked over 56 hours and am completely knackered. Yes, people do lead busy lives - some more than others.

Please don't take this the wrong way, but having seen this - I really had to respond.

Yes you're absolutely right. You've all helped me put this in perspective. I have terrible insecurities about this kind of thing, I guess that's obvious. I'm sorry honeygirl, I hope my email explained things. I'm feeling terribly embarrassed now.

Thank you all.