Interesting facts about boys (sons, brothers, nephews, etc.)

[matriarch]

Interesting things when you have sons, like...

1. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house 4 inches deep.

2. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.

3. A 3-year old boy's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.

4. If you hook a dog lead over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20 ft. room.

5. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a ball a long way.

6. The glass in windows (even double-glazed) doesn't stop a ball hit by a ceiling fan.

7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh", it's already too late.

8. Brake fluid mixed with Domestos makes smoke, and lots of it.

9. A six-year old boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year old man says they can only do it in the movies.

10. Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a 4- year old boy.

11. Playdough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.

12. Super glue is forever.

13. No matter how much jelly you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.

14. Pool filters do not like jelly.

15. DVD's do not eject sandwiches.

16. Rubbish bags do not make good parachutes.

17. Marbles in petrol tanks make lots of noise when driving.

18. You probably DO NOT want to know what that odour is.

19. Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not like ovens.

20. The fire service in Leeds has a 5-minute response time.

21. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.

22. It will, however, make cats dizzy.

23. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.

24. 80% of Women will pass this on to almost all of their friends, with or without kids.

25. 80% of Men who read this will try mixing the Domestos and brake fluid.




I love my sons, and thank god, I have no memory of any of these things ever happening. Phew.

 

[cloudy]

Interesting things when you have sons, like...

21. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.

corollary to 21) crayons in dryers make interesting tie-dye patterns - on clothes themselves, as well as on the inside of the dryer.

 

[scheherazade_79]

I was thinking about cultivating some dust bunnies, actually, and seeing if I can set them on fire

 

[rgraham666]

Uh? What's Domestos? Scientific curiousity only.

 

[maggot420]

Uh? What's Domestos? Scientific curiousity only.

Trust me...it works

 

[matriarch]

Uh? What's Domestos? Scientific curiousity only.

Domestos is a registered trade name for a bleach-type cleaner used in the UK. It's claim is that it kills 99% of all known germs. Maybe.

Domestos web site

 

[rgraham666]

Trust me...it works

I'm just going to have to find out for myself.

 

[cloudy]

Domestos is a registered trade name for a bleach-type cleaner used in the UK. It's claim is that it kills 99% of all known germs. Maybe.

Bleach will make the tires smoke on a car, too, when you "bark" the tires.

(don't ask me how I know this )

 

[MagicaPractica]

Interesting things when you have sons, like...
7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh", it's already too late.

Go down the hooooooole.

10. Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a 4- year old boy.

I hope that's the really small ones.

13. No matter how much jelly you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.

No, they should have used Knox gelatin.

15. DVD's do not eject sandwiches.

No, but a VCR will eject a frozen waffle.

16. Rubbish bags do not make good parachutes.

Cheap modern rubbish bags, make sure it's a hefty bag.

19. Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not like ovens.

Um, yeah, who didn't know you're supposed to always check the oven before turning it on?

 

[Grushenka]

24. 80% of Women will pass this on to almost all of their friends, with or without kids.

25. 80% of Men who read this will try mixing the Domestos and brake fluid.

I think after the first few I'd already decided on two friends to share it with, but #25 really cracked me up. Thanks for the grins.

 

[elsol]

I was in fact a son... and while I cannot confirm these I can add some of my own.

1. A tri-cycle brake is not strong enough to stop the tri-c if a great dane has been tied to the tri-cycle to play horsey.

2. You cannot drown the scary froggy by sticking a water-hose into the drain pipe and turning it on... you will flood the front yard, the back yard, and the basement. (Never did like frogs.)

3. Those pieces leftover after taking the TV apart and putting it back together are important in the proper functioning of the tv.

4. Female cousins cannot fly.

5. The Jedi Mind Trick is not the way to get out of being punished for doing something bad, even if it works on your little brother. (Corollary: If it does work on you little brother, don't have him take responsibility for things that are too high for him to have broken.

6. Fire is not a toy.

7. An umbrella should never be used as an 'arm extender' during the game of tag.

 

[R. Richard]

Interesting things when you have sons, like...

2. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.

Thanks, but I think I will continue to use el cheapo lighters I can buy two to a poly bag, guaranteed for 5,000 lights. [However, if I do run out of juice in the last lighter in my possession, I will certainly keep the hair spray/dust bunny thing in mind, even though I don't have a pair of rollerblades.]

 

[SeaCat]

1) A bed sheet doesn't make a good parachute when jumping from the Hayloft of a barn.

2)Trying to trap ants with honey for your ant farm can attrat Bees.

3) Making a flame thrower may seem like a good ida at the time, but your father will not be amused. (He will however teach you how to do it correctly after tanning your hide.)

4) Neglecting to do your chores, even if for the good reason of a make out session with the neighbors daughter is not a good idea.

5) Lawn Darts thrown high into the air will come back to earth.

6) Souping up the Garden Tractor without your fathers permission is not a good idea.

7) Telling the local priest that he was a twisted pervert in the middle of Mass is not a good idea.

8) Bratwurst on the grill are hot. Use tongs to pick them up no matter how hungry you are.

9) Telling your father that something is too hard is not a good thing. He will show you just how you can do that thing.

10) Asking your father why he insists on camping with the absolute least amount of gear is like asking for a how to video only in real life.

11) Always tie a rope to a tree on the river bank if you are alone and cutting through the river ice.

12) Laying in a hospital bed wearing a body cast is not fun, nor is it good for your mothers sense of humor.

13) Taking more than a month off from High School to go camping with your father will teach you a lot.

14) With enough welding you can fit damn near any engine into damned near any car.

15) Thirty something year old women do not appreciate being told they are hot by a ten year old kid.

16) If you gut a fish and pack it with Onion Grass, Lemon Grass and other Herbs before packing the whole thing in clay and tossing it into a fire it will taste great.

Cat

 

[FallingToFly]

Things my sons have taught me:

1. The Ghost ALWAYS did it. Even if said ghost has trouble manifesting enough energy to throw potatoes at my husband even when he's good and pissed off.

2. Lipstick is the hottest decorating craze. Just ask any 2 year old. (And if it's Kiss Ass RED it's even better!)

3. Women really are suckers for big blue eyes, killer dimples and unruly white-blond curls. A three year old so equipped can fondle any boobs he wants, to the extent of lifting them OUT of said women's shirts, squeezing them, burying his face in them and using them as bongos.

4. Seven year olds do NOT know how to drive.

5. Try telling them that.

6. Oak tree + seven year old driver + my car = Ass whooping from hell.

7. Homework can be done at the end of a switch. That doesn't mean it will get turned in.

8. A seven year old left to his own devices for a half hour becomes MacGuyver on crack.

9. The only people on earth who understand the true effectiveness of halters and lead ropes used as child harnesses are other mothers with three boys.

10. DCF is not amused by using your horse equipment as training aids for children.

11. DCF may not be amused, but are willing to turn a blind eye after you offer them your children for an hour.



Not that innocent lil me would do such a thing...

(They brought them back in under ten minutes.)

 

[Skip1934a]

Things my sons have taught me:

1. The Ghost ALWAYS did it. Even if said ghost has trouble manifesting enough energy to throw potatoes at my husband even when he's good and pissed off.

2. Lipstick is the hottest decorating craze. Just ask any 2 year old. (And if it's Kiss Ass RED it's even better!)

3. Women really are suckers for big blue eyes, killer dimples and unruly white-blond curls. A three year old so equipped can fondle any boobs he wants, to the extent of lifting them OUT of said women's shirts, squeezing them, burying his face in them and using them as bongos.

4. Seven year olds do NOT know how to drive.

5. Try telling them that.

6. Oak tree + seven year old driver + my car = Ass whooping from hell.

7. Homework can be done at the end of a switch. That doesn't mean it will get turned in.

8. A seven year old left to his own devices for a half hour becomes MacGuyver on crack.

9. The only people on earth who understand the true effectiveness of halters and lead ropes used as child harnesses are other mothers with three boys.

10. DCF is not amused by using your horse equipment as training aids for children.

11. DCF may not be amused, but are willing to turn a blind eye after you offer them your children for an hour.



Not that innocent lil me would do such a thing...

(They brought them back in under ten minutes.)

LMAOROF

 

[cloudy]

9. The only people on earth who understand the true effectiveness of halters and lead ropes used as child harnesses are other mothers with three boys.

Or...mothers with two boys with ADHD.

 

[cheerful_deviant]

26.) A potato cannon works well with WD40, better with hairspray and really well with starter fluid (ether).

27.) Rotten potatoes make a huge mess and small really bad when fired from a potato cannon.

28.) A potato cannon running on ether will make enough noise to attract the local Police Department.

29.) The local Police Department will be much less ammused by said potato cannon than a group of 14 year olds.

 

[elsol]

Of course... we're forgetting the most important part of all this.

1. Mothers live vicariously through the destructiveness of their male children.

I can prove it.

a. Tonka truck
b. ElSol's Christmas present
c. Christmas tree (glass C-balls)
d. 30 seconds
e. The highest storage place in the house and a heartfelt mom promise that I wouldn't sit for a year if I even thought about touching the truck.

YET.. upon occasion, the Tonka truck would be gotten out of storage and given to me to 'play for a bit'... we, all know how that ended EVERY TIME!

Complain all you want... but you love it!

 

[cumallday]

They will also try and spy on you having sex.

 

[cumallday]

Most boys also name their penis. Mine's named Babe because after I ejaculate I like to look it square in the eye and say, "That'll do, pig!"

 

[Spawn_of_Cloudy]

*runs off to get all the items mentioned* Muhahahaha your son strikes again!

 

[Salvor-Hardon]

Spawn,

I have to send you a book called "Backyard Ballistics" Its a guide for potato cannons, catapults, the works!

 

[Guest]

Letting a three year old help with lawn work by watering the plants with the hose, leads to said three year old imprisoning the entire family in the house as he hoses down any who dares to try and escape.

Yelling at a two year old, who has taken Grandma's bird from its cage and is holding it firmly, stresses the child, and makes them eager to make sure the bird does not escape his grip. It also stresses the bird and makes their little eyes bulge out.

 

[cloudy]

Spawn,

I have to send you a book called "Backyard Ballistics" Its a guide for potato cannons, catapults, the works!

Have at it. He lives with his dad.

 

[RedHairedandFriendly]

Letting a three year old help with lawn work by watering the plants with the hose, leads to said three year old imprisoning the entire family in the house as he hoses down any who dares to try and escape.

Yelling at a two year old, who has taken Grandma's bird from its cage and is holding it firmly, stresses the child, and makes them eager to make sure the bird does not escape his grip. It also stresses the bird and makes their little eyes bulge out.

Is this wrong to laugh at both of these things?