Interested in Submission. Advice?

[OSK]

Hi, this is my first post here. I've been interested in submission for some time, without realising it (if you know what I mean). I've begun to take a more active interest in submission, yet I don't know where to start.

I'm new to the adult world (I turned 18 roughly 6 months ago), so you can understand I'm very naive and shy about this sort of thing. I guess what I'm wanting is to learn about submission. I don't know anything about it, but the idea interests and excites me to the point that I'm having thoughts of contacting a professional dominatrix. I have no idea how it works, but I'm just interested in learning. I need advice and help so I came here.

What advice can you give a newbie who thinks he's interested in submission? Thanks in advance, all.

 

[SweetDommes]

Read, observe, learn. Ask questions, and don't let the assholes discourage you from your search. Be patient, unfortunately, male submissives are in abundance and those who want male subs are not.

That's the basics of my advice - anyone else?

 

[Caitlynne]

Read & ask questions, read & ask questions, and then read some more.

You have to explore your own inner needs before you explore BDSM. Read, and ask yourself questions about how you feel, how you are aroused, how your inner needs are met through submission.

Don't worry about what submission means to the BDSM community or to Domme's right now, discover what it means to your first. Once you're on your way to understanding who you are, you'll be ready to search for who you were meant to serve. If indeed you were even meant to serve.

It can all sound so exciting when it is new, but that's the very time to take the time to explore who you are first. If you have a question, look at the library here, google the item, etc. Explore it.

Trust me, that is half the fun anyway.

 

[Trinique_Fire]

Advice?

Yeah.

Don't say no. Ever.

 

[catalina_francisco]

You have received great advice already, that being to read, observe, communicate, and get to know yourself inside and out. Another thing you will likely notice is that what may be unacceptable to you in the beginning, may become a craved for and loved need in the future. Enjoy the journey and just enjoy the changes you will notice happening in and around you.

Catalina

 

[Ms_Toy]

Read & ask questions, read & ask questions, and then read some more.

You have to explore your own inner needs before you explore BDSM. Read, and ask yourself questions about how you feel, how you are aroused, how your inner needs are met through submission.

This has to be the best advise I've seen. That is the place I started myself. Thanks to the wonderful world of www.com's, we are able to access so much more than ever before. Also there isn't the stigma of being judged before you even understand what it is your searching for.

It can be scary at times, but don't give up. Read, question, listen. Most of all, be true to your own feelings to the different things you may come acrros in your journey.

Good luck to you.

 

[bronntanas]

What advice can you give a newbie who thinks he's interested in submission? Thanks in advance, all.

You've gotten some really great advice so far from the most part. Here's mine: Don't do anything right away. That sounds kind of strange I know, but hear me out please.

Sit down and decide what it is that makes you feel submissive. Are you into pain? Masochism is not required to be a sub, but you need to know what your desires are and be specific as to where you are when it comes to pain play. Think about your past relationships and how you responded to your lover. Are you service oriented? I found myself that my own pleasure was closely linked to my partner's. When I went deeper, I found that it wasn't just taking pleasure in their pleasure it was wanting to make it good for them. I really get off on service, not just sexual pleasure or impact play. The latter two are fun [boy howdy are they ever!), but not where my primary 'kink' lies, for lack of a better term. Are you into role plays and bondage? If you don't have a lot of actual experience to go on, look into your fantasies, your pet erotic themes as Claudia Varrin put it. See what you can learn from them.

While you're trying to figure out where you are on the erotic landscape, do the reading and the research. Make a note of anything that turns you on, knocks your socks off or scares you to death. When you're ready to start seeking out your local community, don't be afraid to say no. If anyone or anything makes you uncomfortable, you have the right, and the responsibility to say no. You don't have to participate until you're ready. Case in point, I haunted the local bdsm org for about 9 months before I did anything. I looked around and saw what I thought I liked and what I didn't like. I was too intimidated by the Dommes and there weren't any Doms that tickled my fancy. I did however, meet a wonderfully sweet femsub who was my first. (Really my first, taking care of "the big V" as we jokingly called it) She was able to get around my nerves and though it was very light on the dominance side of things at first, she helped refine what I was looking for in a Dom/me. So don't rule out a non-Dominant partner during this time in your search. I learned as much from my submissive lover than I did from my Domme one later. More really, as she had been terminally shy too, she helped me get around that.

Anyway, I hope this helps.

 

[Aeroil]

haha.... another barely-legal male sub here on the board, that makes 3 if I'm not mistaken.
We're taking over!
lol, sorry, time to be serious. A lot of what I did was read some of the stories here, (do a search for Mistress, gets a lotta good results) but that can help you figure some things out I think, it did for me.

 

[AngelicAssassin]

... We're taking over!

Yep, it's pretty funny alright. For one thing, you have to have a brain to run things once you've taken over. The capability to read helps too.

 

[bronntanas]

haha.... another barely-legal male sub here on the board, that makes 3 if I'm not mistaken.

I'm still not legal in some jurisdictions; I'm not 21 yet. Bizarre that it's still 21 someplaces. But I have no intentions of taking over! I'm too busy already.

 

[Marquis]

A male sub takeover huh?

Wait till Netzach gets a wiff of this.

 

[Aeroil]

hahaha...... I forgot about netzach.... she can lead the resistence and crush us.... perhaps I need to arrange an accident......
Lol, okay enough of the idocy, I'm stopping before she gets pissed at me.

 

[SweetDommes]

Who says we have to wait for Netzach to get here? I think that we can take care of them just fine.

 

[Caitlynne]

Yep, it's pretty funny alright. For one thing, you have to have a brain to run things once you've taken over. The capability to read helps too.

*snicker*

 

[Aeroil]

Who says we have to wait for Netzach to get here? I think that we can take care of them just fine.

Lol, yeah but my stupid joke was in context.
Then again, the male subs DO outnumber the dommes . *points to Karen's earlier post*

 

[LadyNatasha]

Then again, the male subs DO outnumber the dommes . *points to Karen's earlier post*

We're meaner and we carry big sticks.

 

[Aeroil]

We're meaner and we carry big sticks.

hahaha, a good point.
but anyway, we've totally hijacked this thread, perhaps we should stop.
for another bit of advice, referencing LadyNatasha's post, whether they're yours or not, don't piss the dommes off lol.

 

[SweetDommes]

Another piece of advice - pay attention to how people around here interact. Some people give bad advice on purpose, some people are assholes just because they can be, and some people ... just aren't worth listening to. You should be able to figure out by paying attention who is worth it and who isn't.

 

[Marquis]

Yes, watch out for the assholes, they are very sneaky...

You never know who you can trust on this board.

 

[SweetDommes]

As much as Marquis might like to make people believe otherwise, he is one of them that can (usually) be trusted ...