intercourse and feeling

[lip.stick]

Hello all, I'm new to this fantastic site and forum. I'm sad to say that I have a kinda embarassing first post. I'm 23 and hve jsut recently lost my virginity. I've only had sex 4 times with my boyfriend. The first time was pretty painful and I bled only a bit. Anyway the last time we were intimate, while the pain is gone, I didnt feel anything AT ALL during intercourse. No pleasure at all. I jsut feel a weird ring-like thingy, just inside my vagina, move in and out as he penetrated. Is this my hymen? This is all i felt. Is sex suppose to get better (i.e.actually pleasurable) as time goes by? I'm starting to think either a) all these women who claim to LOVE and orgasm through intercouse alone are lying and faking it or b) I'm a freak of nature. Any help would be great.

 

[human_male]

Rule number one is, you're never the only one. Maybe your bf is being too rough?

 

[SweetErika]

Most women who say they love it aren't lying, and you're not a freak of nature. Like almost anything else, sex requires learning and practice (4 times is a start, but definitely not enough to judge). As you continue, you'll learn more about your own and eachothers' bodies and what feels best in terms of positions, speed, angle, depth, etc. I know it's cliche, but sex is like a dance, and it requires patience to really get it down. Learn about new positions, try new things, and communicate with eachother about what feels good (I know you say it doesn't feel like anything really, but I'm betting with enough practice and trying, it WILL get better and better).

Also recognize that a lot of women don't orgasm through penetration alone. Many need clitoral stimulation, and you can achieve that in various positions and with toys. A lot of women also take years to learn their body well enough to have an orgasm through penetration alone, but there's a lot of fun in just trying. Sex also generally feels better after an orgasm...at least that's the case for me, so you might want to consider working on that through oral, manual, or toys.

Happy practicing!

 

[yoshimitsu]

Do you guys foreplay? Does he get you all hot and horney before you go at it?
I don't know a lot other than all women are different but I do know that some women are more clitorally orgasmic, some more internally orgasmic and some both. How experienced is he?

You might try playing with a dildo and try to find spots that feel better than others, you could also get him to try all kinds of different angles, positions, speeds, techniques.
You might also read this and see if you can find your internal sweet spots.
https://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=70892
I have heard at least for some there is a period after you loose your virginity where it transitions into getting better and better. Since I am not a girl I can't really say though. For me the first time was just as good as the last.

 

[M's girl]

I'll make it short and sweet (I hope)....

a) Agreed with SweetErica (and she usually knows...)
b) I am a woman who can't cum from PIV sex alone. Never have and I don't think I ever will, no matter how good and sweet and loving and sexy my current man is.... it's just that I'm not wired that way
c) So.... that does not mean you are the same as me. You have to get used to these sensations and, indeed, try different positions. Maybe the first few times were also a bit stressful. Many women need to be relaxed to be able to enjoy sex.
d) I don't think I've read if you were able to orgasm from other sex, either by yourself or with your partner... Find out what works for you. Then see if you or your partner can add a stimulation to PIV sex that makes it more pleasurable for you. I usually finger myself at the same time. Works a lot of the times.... sometimes it doesn't, but that's OK too.... It's not the destination but the journey that matters.....

 

[TBKahuna123]

I've also found that while my wife usually can have an orgasm from penetration, it's easiest for her after she has had one through foreplay(oral or manual stimulation). I suppose it's because the nerves are all sensitive and tingly and more responsive to stimuli. I usually make sure my wife has at least one orgasm before we start any pentration, mainly so I don't have to worry about who cums first, but also because I think it makes sex better for her. You might try the same thing.

Other than that tid bit, I can only reinforce what the lovely ladies have already said. They know best.

 

[LadyJeanne]

Sex for women is a lot different from sex for men, meaning what gets him off isn't going to be the same thing that gets you off, and vice versa. Sex for women also varies, meaning what gets one woman off might not work with a different woman.

Having said that, you are not alone. Lots and lots of women don't come from intercourse alone. I need clit stimulation or it's just not going to happen. Intercourse feels really good, though, and there are some things you can do to enjoy it more than you are right now.

- Lubrication!!! Even if you're aroused through foreplay, you might need more lube so the friction that it sounds like you're feeling (that ring moving in and out) is less wierd and more fun. Lube is your friend, especially if you're using condoms. I also highly recommend oral before penetration, as he can get you very wet from the inside and out with his tongue.

- Relaxation!! If you come before penetration, your vagina will be wet and very relaxed, which will feel really good to both of you.

- Imagination!!! I always need some level of fantasy or erotic thoughts in my head during penetration (and during oral) to really bring myself to the peak. Feel free to fantasize, think dirty thoughts, or even talk dirty - whatever gets your motor running.

- Practice!!! Masturbation is a fantastic way to learn what your body and mind likes. The more you learn about what kinds of touches and movements turn you on, the better you'll be to tell him. So play using your fingers, maybe get some toys and play with those too.

You may never be one of those women who can come through penetration alone, but you will certainly enjoy trying.

Have fun!

 

[SweetErika]

<snip>
- Imagination!!! I always need some level of fantasy or erotic thoughts in my head during penetration (and during oral) to really bring myself to the peak. Feel free to fantasize, think dirty thoughts, or even talk dirty - whatever gets your motor running.

I'm really glad you mentioned this one, LJ. Fantasizing during sex isn't talked about much, and for a long time, I thought there was something wrong with it...my thought was, 'I'm with a partner, so why should I need fantasy? That seems like kind of a betrayal and is something I should only do during masturbation.' But then I had a lot of trouble due to distraction, and fantasy worked, so I figured it was healthy and stuck with it. Anyway, thanks for bringing it up as a normal activity!

 

[TBKahuna123]

- Lubrication!!! Even if you're aroused through foreplay, you might need more lube so the friction that it sounds like you're feeling (that ring moving in and out) is less wierd and more fun. Lube is your friend, especially if you're using condoms. I also highly recommend oral before penetration, as he can get you very wet from the inside and out with his tongue.

You know I hadn't even made that connection, but yeah. I just always figured it was because the nerves were warmed up and ready for action, but what you saw makes a lot of sense.

 

[averageblonde]

I too just recently lost my virginity, and it felt weird for the first 3 times we did it. Then after that it started to get better and better, trust me practice practice practice...I'm sure he won't mind.

 

[lip.stick]

thanks everyone for your insight and excellent advice, including the link!!! to answer some quesitons, my boyfriend wasn't rough at all, in fact he was very attentive and patient. i think i may not have been completely relaxed and obviously not fully aroused. i was probably more in shock that I was actually having sex. anyway i'll be sure to buy some lubricant and have it ready for the next tme we make love.

i do climax with clitoral sitmulation easily, but maybe im part of the percentage who wont with intercourse or even feel anything. i just htought the sensations would feel something similar to when i/he touches my clitoris, but instead only in and at the opening of the vagina. can someone please explain what exactly it feels like??? i'm sure it's different for all women, but anything i could compare it to would help with my curiosity. i guess i was just kinda disappointed. i really thought intercourse was going to be wow .Thanks again everyone.

 

[SweetErika]

thanks everyone for your insight and excellent advice, including the link!!! to answer some quesitons, my boyfriend wasn't rough at all, in fact he was very attentive and patient. i think i may not have been completely relaxed and obviously not fully aroused. i was probably more in shock that I was actually having sex. anyway i'll be sure to buy some lubricant and have it ready for the next tme we make love.

i do climax with clitoral sitmulation easily, but maybe im part of the percentage who wont with intercourse or even feel anything. i just htought the sensations would feel something similar to when i/he touches my clitoris, but instead only in and at the opening of the vagina. can someone please explain what exactly it feels like??? i'm sure it's different for all women, but anything i could compare it to would help with my curiosity. i guess i was just kinda disappointed. i really thought intercourse was going to be wow .Thanks again everyone.

I can't think of anything to compare it to...it's a bit of stretching, the sensation of sliding, hitting different spots that are more sensitive/pleasureable than others. Some positions are more physically pleasureable than others; try tilting your hips up or down until you find something that feels good, and different positions like missionary with your knees up/legs on his shoulders and doggy style. Get rid of expectations of how it's going to feel, and just experience it and try different things in the moment.

Part of the WOW for me is that I'm as close as possible to another person...it's the ultimate intimacy and amazing to look down and watch him slide in and out of me, even after all of these years. That helps to contribute to the mental stimulation, which is the most important thing.

 

[LadyJeanne]

Part of the WOW for me is that I'm as close as possible to another person...it's the ultimate intimacy and amazing to look down and watch him slide in and out of me, even after all of these years. That helps to contribute to the mental stimulation, which is the most important thing.

*nods*

That is a really big part of the WOW - goes back to those erotic thoughts, again. WOW, he's IN my body. My SO took out a hand-mirror one day and placed it so I could see him sliding in and out of me...it's an incredible sight! I totally get it why guys are so visual during sex - how can you look away??

 

[Sybarist]

Although I have occasionally climaxed from intercourse alone, it is not a normal occurance for sure. I find that it mainly happens after a very stimulating session of foreplay where I have not been able to quite "get there" from manual or oral ministrations because it seems something is almost missing? Even if I have had an orgasm (or more preferably!!) already, I can feel the need still lurking and things building up in my brain. Then, if R times penetration right and everything fits exactly where it's supposed to- YEE HAW!! I think I get off more from the feeling of it being the perfect ending to my experience than the actual in and out stimulation....

As for the way it really feels, SweetErika has it nailed for me as well (I know, how unoriginal!!) But I can say that it seems like it's different every time, and what it feels like really does depend on what you are experiencing in your mind at the time it happens LOL!

I think your anxiety comes from the fact that you had expectations of how things were supposed to feel and the actual act isn't living up to them. That plus a painful first time (been there done that too sorry to say! ) makes you more tense than you realize when it comes time for penetration. Relax, relax, relax and try to think more about the sensation of the whole experience rather than just feelings from the point of action....

I will add that it took me a while to learn to enjoy oral sex. (Horrible, but true!!) I initially felt like a freak because I had heard it was supposed to be this mind-blowing experience and to me all it felt like was awkward and kind of wet.. LOL! Time, experience, and my wonderful imagination eventually took care of that little problem for me, now if only it could take care of it for R and make him do it all the time, we'd be fine....

Have fun!
Syb.

 

[M's girl]

I can't think of anything to compare it to...it's a bit of stretching, the sensation of sliding, hitting different spots that are more sensitive/pleasureable than others. Some positions are more physically pleasureable than others; try tilting your hips up or down until you find something that feels good, and different positions like missionary with your knees up/legs on his shoulders and doggy style. Get rid of expectations of how it's going to feel, and just experience it and try different things in the moment.

Part of the WOW for me is that I'm as close as possible to another person...it's the ultimate intimacy and amazing to look down and watch him slide in and out of me, even after all of these years. That helps to contribute to the mental stimulation, which is the most important thing.

For me it's the same I suppose... Especially the part about the closeness and the mental stimulation. So I don't cum from PIV alone, and even if and when I throw in a little help (meaning stimulating my clit by hand) it's difficult sometimes. But I still absolutely love to have PIV sex with M. Especially when we go real nice and slow. It will make me feel more aware when we go slow of him going in and out of me. There's all this talk about the G-spot on this board but I don't think I have one, honestly. Although a few times now M managed to hit a spot that was very pleasurable but the feeling was gone soon enough too. I hardly ever have problems with natural lubrication so that helps I guess. I like it very much when M enters me after I climaxed. Not for the wetness, because that's always there, but I guess I'm all relaxed and can concentrate on M and how he feels inside of me. What I also like, and feel much better when I've already climaxed, is feel him cum inside of me. Feel how, just before ejaculation, his penis widens and then the warm flow right after that.

So, in my point of view there is still a lot that's wonderful about PIV sex, even if you can't climax from it alone.

 

[Guest]

 

[bytor2112]

sounds like your boyfriend is a chump in the sack...

go down to the docks and find some real men who will fuck you stupid..

 

[Kpooh]

Sounds like you are just very nervous, & maybe concentrating on the direct feeling TOO much. Just relax & enjoy the closeness of being with each other, and don't be afraid to just let your body move on its own, it will find where it feels good.

You can also discuss this with your gynecologist just to be sure there aren't any problems. But it sounds like most of it is just nerves.

 

[absolutBFC]

stats

just to put some numbers to this, something like 25-30% of women are able to achieve orgasm through intercourse. so you're in the majority who do not. in other words, you're normal, so don't stress =)

the more often you have sex with your bf, the more comfortable you'll get with it. i'm a guy and i was so tense the first few times we had sex i didn't have an orgasm from intercourse... later i figured out condoms just don't work for me, so we got the gf on the pill which was okay with her and great for me. it's a cliche but it's true, the brain is the biggest sexual organ...

 

[yoshimitsu]

sounds like your boyfriend is a chump in the sack...

go down to the docks and find some real men who will fuck you stupid..

Good advice
I 100% agree







































Oh wait

No I don't

just to put some numbers to this, something like 25-30% of women are able to achieve orgasm through intercourse. so you're in the majority who do not. in other words, you're normal, so don't stress =)

I don't think she's even been doin it long enough to know weather she can't or not.

(Damn double negatives)

 

[TBKahuna123]

Talk about over-analyzing. I think we've run this poor girl's problem into the ground, haven't we?

Serious, don't stress about it too much, just go with it. You said you just lost your virginity? Well give it a little time and just let the sensations come on their own (pardon the pun). Just take your time and enjoy it, let your body learn for itself. I think many times we all take sex too seriously. Just LET it be fun and pleasurable.

A little self exploration might not hurt either. Learn exactly the spots you like and tell your BF where they are. Just have fun with it.

 

[teacherman570]

Thinking...

Make sure that you are having fun. Years ago I had problems being too nervous and stressed about having sex that I would always last a really short time.
Laugh, talk, touch, all before getting to actual intercourse. You'll learn so much just by talking with your partner, finding out what he likes, and exploring together. You'll find that if you spend a lot of time with foreplay, the sex will be so much better. It make take weeks or months, but you'll be happy with the results.