Insecurities and self-judgment- a woman's version

[uberundunter]

I'm working on a story that is partly coming-of-age and partly about the insecurities that hide in the shadows and whisper to us for the rest of our lives.

The narrator is a male, and I don't think I need any help with those issues. I'd some help regarding the female characters. I don't mean an answer to the old male question, "What does sex feel like for a woman." Instead I am talking about things that might cross the mind of a girl or a woman the first time she undresses in front of a male, or even the first time she fully exposes herself to a particular man for the first time. What reservations might she have? What are the sorts of things that might prompt her to study his face for signs of disappointment or surprise, or what might cause her to avert her eyes, anticipating such a reaction, but not wish to see it. The same sort doubts and fears immediately before having first time sex, ever and/or with new lover.

Here's the kind of thing I'm talking about. In university, I got to now a sweet, bright, funny, and upbeat girl, with whom one thing began to lead to another, one evening. I was thrilled to be with her and, as I saw her naked body for the first time, couldn't imagine anything cuter or more delightful. But, she started apologizing for her breasts. It wasn't because of her size, but because (she insisted, but I couldn't really tell and didn't care in the slightest) that one was slightly smaller than the other. With another women, a very attractive divorced woman who was not quite a generation ahead of me, while I was there, about to join her in the bed and not quite believing how lucky I was to be with such a fascinating, sexy, willing beauty, her lips began to tremble and she began, in effect, to ask that I understand how having children affects a woman's figure, etc.

No reason to recount more examples; you get the idea. My point is that I know what women I have been with told me, but I don't know what they and other women didn't tell me. I guy may not bring up his perceived lack of size or the fact that his penis has a pronounced curve or unusual shape, or even that he has a slightly sunken chest, but that doesn't mean he isn't concerned about how a woman will react the first time he reveals what he regards as an embarrassing physical secret.

Is anyone willing to share some other insecurities/anxieties a woman might have, especially any she might not openly share with her lover?

 

[PennLady]

I really think you've gotten what you need, at least generally speaking, and can extrapolate to specifics from that. Most women will certainly be concerned about their physical appearance. They will worry that their breasts are too big or too small; that they are too fat or too thin; too curvy or not; you get the idea.

Some may be concerned that they aren't experienced enough, or perhaps they're experienced but not "kinky" enough. Maybe experimental would be a better word.

 

[Bramblethorn]

...scars, freckles, stretch marks, you name it. If you're short on inspiration for physical issues, browse the "women's magazines" at a newsagent and look at their beauty advice.

Aside from the physical stuff, one of the biggies is: how is she going to be treated afterwards? She might not be looking for a sexual encounter to turn into a long-term commitment, but she still won't want to find out that he loses all respect for her as soon as he's got his rocks off. It can be very damaging for a woman to get a reputation as "easy".

 

[defter]

Thank you uberundunter for a question I might have not dared to ask, and certainly wouldn't have been able to frame as well.

I have always found women without insecurities, because they claim to be so, a little bit uncouth. But then again the insecurities when present, make up a smaller part of a personality than we give credit for. Thus I end up probing elsewhere. Not that probing is a good thing to do.

Finding parallels from male psyche would work to a degree of course. Being probed about one's impotence for example, if he had it, would yield excellent information about how we don't like our insecurities being probed, if nothing else. We would prefer to have the real deal of course, fully knowing that it might be hard to get.

d.

 

[uberundunter]

Thanks, all.

I especially appreciated the reminder about "what will he think/how will he treat me tomorrow," which I know is very real, and like body-image insecurities, can detract from the moment.