infidelity in D/s

[NCShin]

What do you all think? Is infidelity less often encountered in D/s relationships than in vanilla ones?

Simple quesion i think, with a not so simple answer.

 

[Netzach]

If a submissive is sneaking out then there's a fundamental lack of control. If a Dominant is sneaking out then there's a fundamental lack of honesty. Sneaking out is totally different than simply excercising a prerogative inherent to the relationship that's overt enough to be recognized by the sub, and falls within expectations. (He does as he pleases and I accept that, rather than....who?what?)

I don't have a value judgement on hand, I just think that what we have has ceased to be a traditionally recognizeable D/s relationship simply by virtue of the failure of control/ self control. That's kind of my notion for the committed, aware, highly functional no kinks in the kink, loving blah blah relationship.

We sneak out just as much. Only because the whole idea of "A D/s relationship" is predicated on this issue of control and awareness, it changes the whole dynamic, whereas "a relationship" certainly continues to be "a relationship" with or without total disclosure or any control of the other.

 

[NCShin]

I have to be quick as I have to leave for work...but...

here is where the question came from.

As you may or may not know i'm in a LDR. So this morning she called me at 6am (7pm her time) to let me know that she was going to her co-worker's wedding. We chatted for a bit, I talked to one of her friends and that was it.

As I'm showering I realized that her cheating on me never even entered my mind (until that moment). Anyway, we aren't 24/7 and are likely not nearly as into D/s as some (even most?) here are.

Anyway, that's what brought the question up in my mind.

 

[Pure]

oddly, i think sometimes ldr's have LESS cheating, at least in their heyday.

OTOH, it's pretty common for an LDR to either be replaced my something in person, or turn into something in person.

 

[NCShin]

well we do meet in person, i've known her for about 8 years. We met in japan when I was still in the military. She's been coming to the US about once every 3 months for the past year or so. every 6 months or so before that.

 

[CreativeSubmissions]

Honestly there is nothing wrong with someone trying to find the way within the lifestyle that is best for them,but I think that I could never be in a relationship where I am hiding things or cheating on my partner,that is just my opinion.

Sarah

 

[Pure]

now there's an old debate, the uprights vs. the sneakies.

 

[FungiUg]

Like any kind of relationship between humans, D/s relationships are going to encounter polyamoury, unfaithfulness, etc.

Humans are like that, and I don't think there's any inherent reason why D/s devotees should be any more "pure" than the rest of the species.

We do have more of an interest in being open minded and communicative, but then I have seen examples that refute that logic as well.

So... I'd suggest it's no more common or uncommon than in other circles.

 

[Mr Blonde]

This is just an opinionated guess!

I will say infidelity is less prevalent in D/s relationships. With all of that communication, if the relationship is meant to be "open" or "poly" then that would have already been negotiated.

Vanilla people don't spend much time discussing dirty details so there is less familiarity with blunt honesty and more of a tendency to cheat.

 

[SubmissiveDove5]

I agree with that, but then again I am an emotional wreck right now, so my thoughts may change.

 

[Etoile]

I think Mr Blonde has a really, really good point. Sounds on the money to me.

 

[Lancecastor]

Cheaters cheat because they cheat, not because they have a common law contract, a marriage contract or a D/s contract.

Example: The vanilla housewife who sneaks in here to be a CyberSub is a cheater because she's whoring herself out on webcam and phone to get guys off every day.

Q: Is she a cheater because she's into D/s online? Or because she's vanilla IRL?


A: Who cares? She's fucking around on you.

 

[Phoenix Stone]

Cheaters cheat because they cheat, not because they have a common law contract, a marriage contract or a D/s contract.

Example: The vanilla housewife who sneaks in here to be a CyberSub is a cheater because she's whoring herself out on webcam and phone to get guys off every day.

Q: Is she a cheater because she's into D/s online? Or because she's vanilla IRL?


A: Who cares? She's fucking around on you.

True. But in your example, also complicated by the 'in the closet' factor. Like someone who is gay and closeted, someone who has a compulsion or fetish or whatever, is still to my mind, a slightly different animal than the cheater who cheats to cheat.
'Course one could also make the case that many 'cheaty cheaters' are polyamorous types who haven't faced that in themselves, either.

Still, whether the dishonesty was originally with themselves and you were an innocent bystander, or they Meant to run you over, in the end, flattened is flattened.