I'm pro-Fidelity

[modest mouse]

Why is there an undercurrent at Lit that sees lying to one's spouse as liberation?

Sure, open marriage is great... but if you lie, ya reap what ya sow.

 

[lobito]

There's not really room in this world for closed minded people.

Some might say that what I just said above, is closed minded though...

 

[Mia62]

mouse? Are you sitting down?

I totally and completely agree with you. If you have to lie in order to do something, then you need to get out.

Signed,
*one who learnt by taking the long way out*

 

[Mia62]

Mind you...the above comment doesn't close out the empathy or sympathy that I feel for those in the situation.

 

[Minkey Boodle]

I'm Hi-Fidelity.

 

[modest mouse]

Lo, sorry but I cannot consider it closed minded to step out and say that lies are bad.

***

Mia, we all fuck up. Its dealing with the aftermath that shows character.

 

[cybergirly]

It's a personal choice. For me I don't want to be lied to, so I don't lie.

 

[Nora]

The beauty is that their personal relationships aren't any of your business, just as yours isn't their business.

 

[lavender]

You know, I think there's a difference between being judgmental as a whole, and being judgmental on the issue of fidelity. People enter a marriage and take a VOW of fidelity/chastity to the person. They make this VOW public. The make this VOW before family, friends, their God (if they believe in one), and recognized by the State.

Why in the world is it judgmental to say that you think infidelity is wrong? What's wrong with saying lying is bad?

Are we going to eliminate all rights and wrongs just so we aren't "judgmental." I can't buy it.

Some people value their word. Some people value faith and loyalty to a spouse. Some people measure a person's character based upon their ability to have the respect for their spouse, respect for their vows, and respect for their relationship.

I see nothing wrong with it.

I seriously advocate fidelity. I can think of little that would disturb me as much as my lover/husband lying to me about his faithfulness to me.

 

[Pyper]

I'm pro-not-drowning-puppies.

 

[Spinaroonie]

Once again Mouse, you are ahead of the pack.

Fidelity investments are a great way to protect your IRA, making your retirement work for you, not you work for your retirement.

 

[modest mouse]

The beauty is that their personal relationships aren't any of your business, just as yours isn't their business.

Great one-liner but doesnt fit here.

 

[lobito]

Nora said what I meant a bit more "tasteful" than I did. Lying isn't right when you are married, but worrying about others' business is B.S.

 

[sunstruck]

People will say just about anything to justify their behavior no matter what it is. I think deep down everyone knows lying is wrong. Some people just don't care. Or rather, they simply care more about their needs than their integrity and the feelings of others.

I'm speaking in general terms and not about anyone specific.

 

[Ishmael]

Why is there an undercurrent at Lit that sees lying to one's spouse as liberation?

Sure, open marriage is great... but if you lie, ya reap what ya sow.

Well Mouse, once again you and Lavy and I agree. It is a VOW. And you're right, you do reap what you sow.

Ishmael

 

[Ms_Lilith]

Having learned this lesson the hard way, I too advocate fidelity. I've had my moments where I've wavered, and when my wavering came to the attention of my SO, we had a talk about it. And I am blessed, because he believes we can make it, and I believe it, too. I want nothing more than to make him happy, because doing so makes me happy. And I want nothing more than to be faithful to him.

As for other people... if you can lie, without your conscience nagging at you in the back of your head, then do so. But if your conscience makes any noise at all, then you should reconsider. Guilt is a strong motivator. Don't give it anything to work with.

 

[lavender]

What I don't get is quite simple:

If this person would cheat on their spouse, they'll probably cheat on you too.

 

[modest mouse]

Lo, tone down the defensiveness. I could care less who fucks who and why and what position and if it conflicts with their personal agenda.

But what I find curious is that lying to ones spouse could ever bec onsidered an act of freedom, liberation, or anything other than a lie? Its a lie, pure and simple.

Not talking about the sex, or the emotional commitment, blah blah blah, but the lie.

 

[Mia62]

Why am I getting the passive-aggressive thread chill up my back right about now?? I have this sinking feeling that y'all know who you are talking about and I don't...not that I want to know.


*crawling back under my rock*

 

[modest mouse]

Why am I getting the passive-aggressive thread chill up my back right about now?? I have this sinking feeling that y'all know who you are talking about and I don't...not that I want to know.

I have a feeling there will be a ton of subtext that will fly over my head. But nope, thread is non-specific.

 

[Nora]

Why am I getting the passive-aggressive thread chill up my back right about now?? I have this sinking feeling that y'all know who you are talking about and I don't...not that I want to know.


*crawling back under my rock*

Because it's yet another thinly veiled "oh no! I wasn't talking about anyone specific!" passive-aggressive thread. *yawn* Talk about one-trick ponies.

Edited to add: oh, and when you call 'em on it, they say that you must be reacting defensively and/or with a guilty conscience. Same old. Same old.

 

[lavender]

Well, since the "one trick ponies" was a refernece to me, Nora, I'll respond

If you want to see proof from me that this isn't about a specific person, read my post on the movie thread about Unfaithful. I think that post should indicate to you that this is actually a very important issue to me in the abstract, and is not case specific. I'm not trying to judge any particular person and I can be a loving and caring friend to someone going through this who is in need.

At the same time, I categorically do not approve of infidelity without the other partner's knowledge.

You can pass this off as a passive aggressive thread, aimed at one person, but I think it's more of a general - what's the deal with all of the marital relationship going haywire on this board.

That's all, really.

 

[Ishmael]

Lo, tone down the defensiveness. I could care less who fucks who and why and what position and if it conflicts with their personal agenda.

But what I find curious is that lying to ones spouse could ever bec onsidered an act of freedom, liberation, or anything other than a lie? Its a lie, pure and simple.

Not talking about the sex, or the emotional commitment, blah blah blah, but the lie.

Mouse, it's a violation of trust. Far beyond a lie. And if you roll in the deciet and subterfuge you have a real mess.

It may not be easy, but just saying "I don't love you anymore." and getting a divorce is the honest way of gooing about it.

But more to your point, and it is a good one. Jumping into bed with a new partner before you've divested yourself of the old is the ultimate act of dependency. Male or female. It is a statement that says "I cannot live on my own." as well as saying "I cannot be trusted under any circumstances."

If you would betray your first "Vow", why would anyone believe that you wouldn't betray any subsequent "Vow"?

Ishmael

 

[sunstruck]

Because it's yet another thinly veiled "oh no! I wasn't talking about anyone specific!" passive-aggressive thread. *yawn* Talk about one-trick ponies.

Edited to add: oh, and when you call 'em on it, they say that you must be reacting defensively and/or with a guilty conscience. Same old. Same old.

Actually Nora I'd have to disagree. That's not Mouse's style.

 

[Rambling Rose]

Again, happy to be single and forthright.