Cultivateddesires
Weaver of dreams
- Joined
- Aug 4, 2024
- Posts
- 459
I recently developed an infatuation that taught me a lot. Gave me a lot to ponder, even now as I write this.
A new acquaintance with a lot of baggage, a significant amount of which was ostensibly not her fault.
Her sexuality was far beyond my own. I used to roam these Lit halls thinking I had found my people. A sex positive community, where I felt heard and accepted. But A showed me there are levels and then there are levels.
She is an absolute slut. I wish there were another word which had more positive connotations but this is all I can think of. She lost track of her body count a long time ago. Permanently on Apps looking for hook ups. More dick in her inbox than she knew what to do with. And also the Queen of the Smokin’ Hot MILF Club.
The first big question this relationship raised for me was to directly nuke my previous assertion that I would enjoy having a hot wife. The fantasy of your wife being sex positive is different to the reality of them being out fucking other people all the time. I am no longer sure I could handle that. I couldn’t even handle the thought of this new friend doing it, with whom I had no real relationship.
Which, in turn, deepens my appreciation for my wife’s reluctance to countenance an open relationship for me.
The second big point is that it challenges my assumptions about what a sexual relationship would be. The unsaid assumption I had not previously noticed, was that there would always be some kind of mental or emotional connection. For me, this spark is necessary. For A, this was not required. To hear her describe it, it was purely a physical act devoid of meaning. She claims she liked the thrill of the new (and who wouldn’t) but, in reality, she reduced it to something merely transactional. It wasn’t prostitution but sounded a lot like a barter situation on more than one occasion. “Give me that O and I give you this one.”
Basically, an itch to scratch.
I don’t know why she was like that. I jumped to the conclusion of trauma and was roundly shot down. I genuinely think it was a biological urge, hard wired, maybe even as simple as a nervous system that meant sex is genuinely better for her than the “average” woman. This then compounded into a spiral by consequential events, perhaps. But this is not the point.
The biggest learning for me was a reinforcement of the import of separating fantasy and reality. Understand there is a difference. There are downsides to your fantasies so don’t pin too much on chasing them. Be careful what you wish for.
A new acquaintance with a lot of baggage, a significant amount of which was ostensibly not her fault.
Her sexuality was far beyond my own. I used to roam these Lit halls thinking I had found my people. A sex positive community, where I felt heard and accepted. But A showed me there are levels and then there are levels.
She is an absolute slut. I wish there were another word which had more positive connotations but this is all I can think of. She lost track of her body count a long time ago. Permanently on Apps looking for hook ups. More dick in her inbox than she knew what to do with. And also the Queen of the Smokin’ Hot MILF Club.
The first big question this relationship raised for me was to directly nuke my previous assertion that I would enjoy having a hot wife. The fantasy of your wife being sex positive is different to the reality of them being out fucking other people all the time. I am no longer sure I could handle that. I couldn’t even handle the thought of this new friend doing it, with whom I had no real relationship.
Which, in turn, deepens my appreciation for my wife’s reluctance to countenance an open relationship for me.
The second big point is that it challenges my assumptions about what a sexual relationship would be. The unsaid assumption I had not previously noticed, was that there would always be some kind of mental or emotional connection. For me, this spark is necessary. For A, this was not required. To hear her describe it, it was purely a physical act devoid of meaning. She claims she liked the thrill of the new (and who wouldn’t) but, in reality, she reduced it to something merely transactional. It wasn’t prostitution but sounded a lot like a barter situation on more than one occasion. “Give me that O and I give you this one.”
Basically, an itch to scratch.
I don’t know why she was like that. I jumped to the conclusion of trauma and was roundly shot down. I genuinely think it was a biological urge, hard wired, maybe even as simple as a nervous system that meant sex is genuinely better for her than the “average” woman. This then compounded into a spiral by consequential events, perhaps. But this is not the point.
The biggest learning for me was a reinforcement of the import of separating fantasy and reality. Understand there is a difference. There are downsides to your fantasies so don’t pin too much on chasing them. Be careful what you wish for.
