I'm married

[Recidiva]

What have I started??

Cilantro shame. *lip tremble*

 

[Sir_Winston54]

I have been for some time. I know I have, quite pointedly, omitted this important detail from my posts here and to that I can only say that I had reasons but they are private and shall remain so.

I’m coming forward now because, firstly, it is not usually my nature to be deceptive or misleading and I haven’t enjoyed behaving in that manner; secondly because my reasons for the misdirection are no longer an issue. Most importantly, however, is simply that I love my husband and even though he never reads this board I dislike excluding him from any part of my life.

Regardless, my apologies.

K

You're married? Wow... *someone* has really great taste. What a surprise.

Other than that, who shives a git? (Well, besides the two of you.)

 

[~Haze~]

I don't think this is something that you have to explain to anyone. We all have aspects of our lives that we don't share. In this environment, I think of it as discretion and privacy over a misleading omission.


I am curious what prompted this... disclosure/admission/declaration (whatever you want to call it).

Is something or someone from this board infringing on your privacy and real life?

 

[Keroin]

I don't think this is something that you have to explain to anyone. We all have aspects of our lives that we don't share. In this environment, I think of it as discretion and privacy over a misleading omission.


I am curious what prompted this... disclosure/admission/declaration (whatever you want to call it).

Is something or someone from this board infringing on your privacy and real life?

Mmmm, a combination of reasons. As I mentioned, the reasons for omission are no longer an issue. But also, I'm just not someone who's happy when they're hiding things. I've never been part of an online community before this so I guess I still think of it very much in the same way I think of a real life community. And in real life I don't hide who I am.

I made some friends here and felt weird not sharing the real me with them. I "came out" to just a few people, first, and it wasn't as earth shattering as I thought it would be. (Well, it was and it wasn't but that's a whole other mess of Bingo balls). This encouraged me to open up in general to the board. I know, now, that no one here expects people to disclose everything about themselves but I just feel more comfortable being fully open about who I am.

And even though I'm on a BDSM board, I've never said anything here that could get me into any kind of real life trouble, so it's not such a big deal if anyone from the outside discovers my identity.

Anyway, thanks for asking. Hope that answers the question.

 

[Recidiva]

Mmmm, a combination of reasons. As I mentioned, the reasons for omission are no longer an issue. But also, I'm just not someone who's happy when they're hiding things. I've never been part of an online community before this so I guess I still think of it very much in the same way I think of a real life community. And in real life I don't hide who I am.

I made some friends here and felt weird not sharing the real me with them. I "came out" to just a few people, first, and it wasn't as earth shattering as I thought it would be. (Well, it was and it wasn't but that's a whole other mess of Bingo balls). This encouraged me to open up in general to the board. I know, now, that no one here expects people to disclose everything about themselves but I just feel more comfortable being fully open about who I am.

And even though I'm on a BDSM board, I've never said anything here that could get me into any kind of real life trouble, so it's not such a big deal if anyone from the outside discovers my identity.

Anyway, thanks for asking. Hope that answers the question.

I treat online life like regular life pretty much. No, not everyone needs to know, but I don't enjoy hiding things either.

I do respect people's anonymity and I don't pry, but I also get how the "veil of the internet" becomes a burden to me. I've posted lots and lots of personal information, stories and pictures and specifics.

I've come under attack for doing so because it seems to violate some sense of internet anonymity being not only the ideal, but prudent. It's odd how some people demand full disclosure and some people require absolute detachment and somewhere you have to find your own comfort level of what you want to share. I do respect many who hide their true selves more zealously, if only because it's very true that often putting more of yourself into the internet appears like throwing pearls to swine. But...meh, for me there's no real risk involved and I've got plenty of pearls. I think I just like strewing them about. More my style. And I actually get a payback from it. The more I put out there, the more people who are unwilling to talk about it on the boards, will contact me privately on certain subjects dear to their hearts. In my case that means I'm free about my illness (migraines), or my son's condition (autism), or my marital state (insert adjective here) or my beliefs, spiritual or political or whatever. Means a lot of arguments...but also a very surprising amount of support. I've been blessed, I think.

Sometimes it's just nice to get it out there because even if it goes against internet forum tradition, it's just more me. And I do get quite a bit back from it, even if the public fracas is the most visible part to most, but the private cameraderie is what I'm truly after in the long run, and what keeps me coming back.

 

[Keroin]

Sometimes it's just nice to get it out there because even if it goes against internet forum tradition, it's just more me. And I do get quite a bit back from it, even if the public fracas is the most visible part to most, but the private cameraderie is what I'm truly after in the long run, and what keeps me coming back.

I think this is where I'm at. I could probably keep the important parts of me hidden from a group of strangers, with whom I have only random, long distance contact but as soon as I start making real connections then I have a problem. I've met some nice people on here and I just felt it was unfair to not be honest. By "coming out", I now don't have to worry about any more "Hey, there's something I need to tell you about me" moments in private conversation.

I came here for friendly conversation and met friends, go figure. Lol.

 

[~Haze~]

Mmmm, a combination of reasons. As I mentioned, the reasons for omission are no longer an issue. But also, I'm just not someone who's happy when they're hiding things. I've never been part of an online community before this so I guess I still think of it very much in the same way I think of a real life community. And in real life I don't hide who I am.

I made some friends here and felt weird not sharing the real me with them. I "came out" to just a few people, first, and it wasn't as earth shattering as I thought it would be. (Well, it was and it wasn't but that's a whole other mess of Bingo balls). This encouraged me to open up in general to the board. I know, now, that no one here expects people to disclose everything about themselves but I just feel more comfortable being fully open about who I am.

And even though I'm on a BDSM board, I've never said anything here that could get me into any kind of real life trouble, so it's not such a big deal if anyone from the outside discovers my identity.

Anyway, thanks for asking. Hope that answers the question.

It does. I was just wondering because I've seen very ugly situations develop out of an online community and curious if something happened.

When I started posting here, I was also posting on a different message board and over the years, a few ugly situations developed. It was sports and business related and overwhelmingly populated by thirtysomething year old men. Everyone became pretty familiar with everyone else (just like it is here) and over the course of a few years, some pretty scary things happened.

One regular on that board starting a thread that he was flirting with a married woman and entertaining the possibility of sleeping with her. He disclosed some information - he met her at a store that her husband owned or managed (he mentioned the name of the store) and someone called up the store, got the husband on the phone and informed him about what was going on and told him how to find the thread. It wasn't pretty and apparently, the person who called had no dog in the fight. Didn't know anyone involved. From what I gather, it wasn't a moral objection that prompted the call, but something a petty as spite or jealousy.

Another experience - The board was moderated and one guy volunteered some time to help moderate the board. It was moderated to maintain a 'safe for work' environment. This moderator was a 5th grade school teacher in real life. There were people who violated the TOS for the board and the moderator/teacher ended up suspending users (not that uncommon). As a way to seek some kind of revenge, the suspended user decided to look up the moderator's name and other info, discovered where he worked, called up the school Principal with accusations of child porn, drug use, and other things that were not true.

While I can (possibly) understand having a moral objection to the first situation, I don't think I can understand the argument to get involved when you don't know the people.

The second situation is entirely uncalled for and cross every boundaries. Suggested, mentioned, or just understood. There are some things that you don't do. Messing with a family man's reputation and lively hood to strike back because... well, there's no because. There's no excuse.

I was just wondering if perhaps someone misunderstood a flirtation as an advance and felt hurt or betrayed. Betrayed enough to cause concern that there would be some kind of invasion of your space/privacy.

 

[Recidiva]

I think this is where I'm at. I could probably keep the important parts of me hidden from a group of strangers, with whom I have only random, long distance contact but as soon as I start making real connections then I have a problem. I've met some nice people on here and I just felt it was unfair to not be honest. By "coming out", I now don't have to worry about any more "Hey, there's something I need to tell you about me" moments in private conversation.

I came here for friendly conversation and met friends, go figure. Lol.

This happens every time I try to set up some sort of barrier or safe zone online. Turns out I don't like barriers or safe zones. Well, from some people, sure, but eventually it starts to feel stifling, like a parka in Spring, when I want to feel sun on my skin.

I start out guarded and tentative, and then the anonymity itself becomes a barrier.

Especially when I see so many people online vulnerable and sharing and doing all that brave stuff people do. Makes me want to be one of them.

 

[Fuckette]

It does. I was just wondering because I've seen very ugly situations develop out of an online community and curious if something happened.

When I started posting here, I was also posting on a different message board and over the years, a few ugly situations developed. It was sports and business related and overwhelmingly populated by thirtysomething year old men. Everyone became pretty familiar with everyone else (just like it is here) and over the course of a few years, some pretty scary things happened.

One regular on that board starting a thread that he was flirting with a married woman and entertaining the possibility of sleeping with her. He disclosed some information - he met her at a store that her husband owned or managed (he mentioned the name of the store) and someone called up the store, got the husband on the phone and informed him about what was going on and told him how to find the thread. It wasn't pretty and apparently, the person who called had no dog in the fight. Didn't know anyone involved. From what I gather, it wasn't a moral objection that prompted the call, but something a petty as spite or jealousy.

Another experience - The board was moderated and one guy volunteered some time to help moderate the board. It was moderated to maintain a 'safe for work' environment. This moderator was a 5th grade school teacher in real life. There were people who violated the TOS for the board and the moderator/teacher ended up suspending users (not that uncommon). As a way to seek some kind of revenge, the suspended user decided to look up the moderator's name and other info, discovered where he worked, called up the school Principal with accusations of child porn, drug use, and other things that were not true.

While I can (possibly) understand having a moral objection to the first situation, I don't think I can understand the argument to get involved when you don't know the people.

The second situation is entirely uncalled for and cross every boundaries. Suggested, mentioned, or just understood. There are some things that you don't do. Messing with a family man's reputation and lively hood to strike back because... well, there's no because. There's no excuse.

I was just wondering if perhaps someone misunderstood a flirtation as an advance and felt hurt or betrayed. Betrayed enough to cause concern that there would be some kind of invasion of your space/privacy.

I have been living the nightmare of having several nutjobs attempting to contact my family in real life.

 

[Recidiva]

I have been living the nightmare of having several nutjobs attempting to contact my family in real life.

That's truly horrible and despicable.

I guess I just feel prepared for whether or not someone who sees me or my kids at the supermarket is going to be horrible and despicable and be prepared to deal with it no matter the source.

I've also had absolutely horrific threats to me personally posted online and even on this site.

I'm not dismissing that something absolutely horrific could happen to me, I just think the odds are higher in reality, and I'm prepared for both.

But again, in my case, nobody who knows me would be...surprised that someone online might take a dislike to me. My family would probably agree that I'm insufferable, but back me up. That's the plan anyway. That and a good security system and an ability to shoot straight.

 

[MasterPhoenix]

Admission: I am not married.

I am taking applications.

k... keep on keepin on...

 

[sb2009]

you have prompted me to come clean, as well.

I am actually an 80, 400lb man. I live with my mother and 34 cats.

I feel so much better now!

 

[Fuckette]

That's truly horrible and despicable.

I guess I just feel prepared for whether or not someone who sees me or my kids at the supermarket is going to be horrible and despicable and be prepared to deal with it no matter the source.

I've also had absolutely horrific threats to me personally posted online and even on this site.

I'm not dismissing that something absolutely horrific could happen to me, I just think the odds are higher in reality, and I'm prepared for both.

But again, in my case, nobody who knows me would be...surprised that someone online might take a dislike to me. My family would probably agree that I'm insufferable, but back me up. That's the plan anyway. That and a good security system and an ability to shoot straight.

It's annoying when you are having a family birthday dinner and the phone is ringing.


I don't understand why certain people on these boards care what goes on in the private lives of individuals once they log off. I have been on lit for 8 years or so and there are people i have never interacted with. I went on another board, someone I had never interacted with nor did I really know who she was, sent me a private message. In the private message she demanded that I tell her my lit name. She sent me more private messages telling me to disclose my relation to another member on that board.
It was none of her business. My life is not the property of any board.
I could care less if someone is going to call me a stalker because my private life is private.

 

[Recidiva]

It's annoying when you are having a family birthday dinner and the phone is ringing.


I don't understand why certain people on these boards care what goes on in the private lives of individuals once they log off. I have been on lit for 8 years or so and there are people i have never interacted with. I went on another board, someone I had never interacted with nor did I really know who she was, sent me a private message. In the private message she demanded that I tell her my lit name. She sent me more private messages telling me to disclose my relation to another member on that board.
It was none of her business. My life is not the property of any board.
I could care less if someone is going to call me a stalker because my private life is private.

Oh, it's beyond annoying, absolutely, you have my deepest sympathy and the willingness to kick someone in the tender bits.

Be glad you don't understand. But also be assured that for someone like that, life's already handing out worse punishment than you could. At least that's my conclusion. Most of the "internet badasses" that have been unmasked turn out to be truly pathetic.

And just like all truly pathetic, powerless people, they really can only try to destroy, as they sure as hell can't create. They only can try to latch on to other people like ticks trying to suck some blood.

I'm glad you're you instead.

 

[Homburg]

Wow, not the responses I expected at all.

This is the part where I say, "Told ya."

 

[DVS]

Am I to understand that the guy you married isn't Chuck? He's not a penguin? You don't submit to Chuck with frozen herring butt plugs? And this guy of yours...Lance, he jumps out of perfectly fine buildings?

So, all of this talk about fish, cod, frozen butt plugs, penguins and your lover Chuck were just, as you called him, um...fables?

And you say you...EAT fish? And you LIKE it?

Well, if all of this is true, then I'm going back to eating Kipper Snacks and sardines. Can't wait to have the stench of fish oil on my fingers again.

 

[unregistered]

 

[YourCaptor]

Nooooooooooo!!!!!!

My dream, she is a dying.

Why are the slutty ones always taken.

So I’m curious though, is the dom and the husband the same guy? Or have you got some complicated shit going on. And do you guys stick together, or are you frequently in separate parts of the world?

… and the responses here are making me think everyone is keeping secrets. Who would have thought, people keeping secrets, online, in a sex forum. No way.

 

[Keroin]

It does. I was just wondering because I've seen very ugly situations develop out of an online community and curious if something happened.

(Snipped)

I have been living the nightmare of having several nutjobs attempting to contact my family in real life.

That is indeed horrible! Definitely fear of the Big Bad Internet was part of my initial motivation for keeping my personal info secret.

you have prompted me to come clean, as well.

I am actually an 80, 400lb man. I live with my mother and 34 cats.

And...?

This is the part where I say, "Told ya."

Am I to understand that the guy you married isn't Chuck? He's not a penguin? You don't submit to Chuck with frozen herring butt plugs? And this guy of yours...Lance, he jumps out of perfectly fine buildings?

So, all of this talk about fish, cod, frozen butt plugs, penguins and your lover Chuck were just, as you called him, um...fables?

And you say you...EAT fish? And you LIKE it?

Well, if all of this is true, then I'm going back to eating Kipper Snacks and sardines. Can't wait to have the stench of fish oil on my fingers again.

I've called Dr Phil. He'll be at your home shortly. Please stand by.

We all love you, Keroin. Your husband is one lucky guy!

I understand your turmoil; it's interesting what one keeps private on an anonymous board and what some choose to reveal (everything!). I was recently discussing this with another lit member.

Glad you've shared and feel better.

Thank you. And yes, I do. it's like weights lifted off my shoulder. Weird.

Nooooooooooo!!!!!!

My dream, she is a dying.

Why are the slutty ones always taken.

So I’m curious though, is the dom and the husband the same guy? Or have you got some complicated shit going on. And do you guys stick together, or are you frequently in separate parts of the world?

… and the responses here are making me think everyone is keeping secrets. Who would have thought, people keeping secrets, online, in a sex forum. No way.

"Chuck" is part overactive imagination, part past lovers, part husbandly one. Mostly he was just a convenient way of saying "Sorry, I'm taken" and thus avoiding awkward moments without revealing anything about myself.

We stick together mostly. Though we have been known to travel apart from time to time. We're both very free spirits. Since we quit the film biz in 2003, we've lived and worked and traveled together full time, so we see LOTS of each other as it is and are quite happy to have spouse-free time.

 

[Velvet Bubbles]

I think it was brave of you to tell everyone. It can be hard to reveal yourself to people. (No pun intended.)

I've always thought you were a cool person. And, as long as you're happy, it's all good.

P.S. I love your avatar.

 

[rida]

Come on! Where is the support here? Someone trow this poor woman a rock and makes her feel better!

Ok, here's my rock:

*trows a rock. Misses K and hits a windows instead* ... Oops!

As for me? I like you even more!

 

[Keroin]

I think it was brave of you to tell everyone. It can be hard to reveal yourself to people. (No pun intended.)

I've always thought you were a cool person. And, as long as you're happy, it's all good.

P.S. I love your avatar.

Thank you all around!

Geez, you guys are making me feel bad. I should have had more faith in this crowd. I am not worthy.

Come on! Where is the support here? Someone trow this poor woman a rock and makes her feel better!

Ok, here's my rock:

*trows a rock. Misses K and hits a windows instead* ... Oops!

As for me? I like you even more!

I appreciate the effort with the rock.

And you are too sweet.

 

[Velvet Bubbles]

Right. Forgot about the rocks. I've got a collection that's been growing over the years. Which makes life a little hard when you have to move. What kind do you like? Agates? Quartz? Lapis?

 

[Keroin]

Right. Forgot about the rocks. I've got a collection that's been growing over the years. Which makes life a little hard when you have to move. What kind do you like? Agates? Quartz? Lapis?

Whichever one hurts the most.

 

[Recidiva]

Whichever one hurts the most.

*wings some Apache tears around*

I have really bad aim.