I'm don't know what I'm looking for.

[EndCredits]

I'm hardly experienced. I've hooked up a few times, but never anything beyond a hand job/fingering. Even then, I've been underwhelmed, like I wanted more. Even cybering... hell, it's not that I don't like it but it's kind of unfulfilling, like I'd rather be getting the real thing. I've thought about posting pictures of myself - and "myself" - here but then thought what's the point? I'm not an exhibitionist, I'd just be fishing for compliments. There's something refreshing about just being able to talk about sex and turn-ons openly but it's still like I don't quite belong here. I look around here and think "I'm not that kind of guy".

But of course, I still want to get off and I think that's getting in the way. It's like I still want random hookups just to get these first times out of the way so they don't distract me in an actual relationship - I don't want to come off as chomping at the bit. My type isn't the wild and crazy kind. I'm more into the smart, nice girl, introvertish type. The type that doesn't really bring "hidden wild sexual side" to mind.

I know, this has been rambling, maybe even pointless. But I honestly don't know how sexual I am. I think sometimes that I'm just trapped in some immature horny adolescent phase that I haven't been able to get out of yet. Or am I?

 

[SweetErika]

I'm hardly experienced. I've hooked up a few times, but never anything beyond a hand job/fingering. Even then, I've been underwhelmed, like I wanted more. Even cybering... hell, it's not that I don't like it but it's kind of unfulfilling, like I'd rather be getting the real thing.

I'm thinking that's all perfectly normal and common. Perhaps a change in perspective would help though... I get the feeling you're expecting cybering and fooling around to be kind of like the real thing. For me, cybering is very different... it's more like reading a story, and about engaging my mind and exploring fantasies than physical fulfillment. Fooling around is fun and exciting, a prelude to something more, and also a lot of mental engagement, even though it does have more of a physical component. I'm not sure if comparing it to a quickie would make sense to you, but I think it's along the same lines physically and mentally... maybe not the most physically satisfying activity, but it feels passionate, wild, and a little naughty. Or something.

I've thought about posting pictures of myself - and "myself" - here but then thought what's the point? I'm not an exhibitionist, I'd just be fishing for compliments. There's something refreshing about just being able to talk about sex and turn-ons openly but it's still like I don't quite belong here. I look around here and think "I'm not that kind of guy".

I've posted pics, but felt the same way...it didn't do a lot for me, especially considering all of the responses are glowing for everyone all of the time. However, I think it's fun for a lot of people...naughty and daring, the comments (e.g. "Boy, I'd sure like to wrap my lips around that delicious looking cock!") stimulate the mind and fantasies, and many need or want that affirmation they're attractive or whatever. At any rate, it's not really for me, but you have nothing to lose by giving it a try. Plus, you'll likely meet some new people and even make a few friends by putting yourself out there.

I also had the thought I wasn't like the people here and I didn't fit in for awhile. I think the thing that changed that was when I really jumped into posting and started getting to know and talking to others, especially via PM. Most of us share an openness and love for sexuality, but when you really interact and get to know individuals, you realize you have A TON of other things in common, from hobbies to philosophies on life, to politics to problems. It's a community, and it's easier to get that sense when you start to form friendships with others.

But of course, I still want to get off and I think that's getting in the way. It's like I still want random hookups just to get these first times out of the way so they don't distract me in an actual relationship - I don't want to come off as chomping at the bit.

I'm curious as to why you think you have to get stuff "out of the way" and why you believe not doing so will be a distraction in a relationship. I think experience is a good thing, and I'm glad I got a fair amount before meeting my husband, but there's no reason you can't gain that experience while in a relationship.

My type isn't the wild and crazy kind. I'm more into the smart, nice girl, introvertish type. The type that doesn't really bring "hidden wild sexual side" to mind.

I'm smart, nice, pretty quiet, and introverted. There are lots of women like me who are extremely sexual and wild, too. In fact, I can think of a bunch right here at Lit.

I know, this has been rambling, maybe even pointless. But I honestly don't know how sexual I am. I think sometimes that I'm just trapped in some immature horny adolescent phase that I haven't been able to get out of yet. Or am I?

As you experience and mature, you'll come into your own sexually. It's important to be patient, open to learning and experiencing, and not let fear or expectations get in the way.

 

[EndCredits]

I'm curious as to why you think you have to get stuff "out of the way" and why you believe not doing so will be a distraction in a relationship. I think experience is a good thing, and I'm glad I got a fair amount before meeting my husband, but there's no reason you can't gain that experience while in a relationship.

Well, it's weird. One one hand, I'd rather my first time not be with somebody completely random. Then, after that, I'd feel more comfortable with random play because it's not my first time. (or maybe society places too much emphasis on the first time and losing it to somebody "special", who knows)

On the other hand, I don't want to come off as aggressive, which I've done before and have since realized I'm stupid. Random play would take the edge off of me for once a relationship develops with somebody different. At least that's what I think. I could be out of my fucking mind.

 

[M's girl]

I don't know how old you are and maybe that does not even matter. I understand your anxiety and your questions but only time will tell. My look at it is if you try too hard to make something happen you are setting yourself up for a disappointment because your expectations will be too high.

You say you don't know what you want. I would say if you're 65 and still don't know yet I would start to worry.... but for now...? Just take the things as they come. When you meet a girl/woman you would like to be with be selective but don't over-analyze if she should be the one for your first time. Like Erika said, it's not at all bad to have some experience before you meet Miss Right and if she happens to be the first girl or woman you have sex with that's okay too, isn't it? All the things you wish or think you wish to experience can be done with one or more partners, just depending on what comes your way. Go with the flow and accept what's coming your way and when...

What Erika said about cybering makes sense to me too. It can be a prelude to something more. But more often it is not and will not be more than just an online-thing. I don't say that can't be satisfying but it sure is far from te real thing. On the other hand it's sort of the safest sex you can have if you disregard the effects (like disappointment if expectations are not met) it can have on your psyche.

So maybe you should just go with your heart and check with your head every once in a while. The combination of the two should stir you in the right direction in the end... is my guess. Good luck!

 

[Ravin the Poet]

I am in the same boat as you, as in I don't know what I am looking for, and I really don't know why I am here. I haven't had sex, and I really can't give much advice to any situation that deals with sex because I just don't know. But one thing that has come out of Lit has been good advice and good knowledge. I'm more well in tune with what sex is about, and what certain things can be good, and what can. I have a better understanding then most people my age would have, even if they are just having sex all the time.

As far as the first time, it's a thing you never know about. I think everyone would want it with someone special, but then again, like me, I know I want sex, and consider it with people I'm not dating. It's human nature to do so. I'm a young man, it's normal for me to feel the need for sexual pleasure and want to enjoy it, but I always have my morals telling me, not to become a player and sleep around, but wait for someone special. I can't possibly tell you what I would do, all I know is, it will happen.

Don't worry to much about feeling left out. As I said, use this time to learn, because I asure you, it will make the first time much better if you can atleasy go into your mind and be like "ok, I learned this" and then actually do it. You wanting to get off will always influence the things you do and say, but it may not be exactly what you think. It is hard to come here, see everyone enoying sex and I can't say anything, or give an experience. I do feel left out on many things because of that. But I look on the positive, that when something does happen, I have people here who will make it better for me by examples. And while I don't get anything now, I will learn while I can.


Ravin

 

[Recidiva]

I'm hardly experienced. I've hooked up a few times, but never anything beyond a hand job/fingering. Even then, I've been underwhelmed, like I wanted more. Even cybering... hell, it's not that I don't like it but it's kind of unfulfilling, like I'd rather be getting the real thing. I've thought about posting pictures of myself - and "myself" - here but then thought what's the point? I'm not an exhibitionist, I'd just be fishing for compliments. There's something refreshing about just being able to talk about sex and turn-ons openly but it's still like I don't quite belong here. I look around here and think "I'm not that kind of guy".

But of course, I still want to get off and I think that's getting in the way. It's like I still want random hookups just to get these first times out of the way so they don't distract me in an actual relationship - I don't want to come off as chomping at the bit. My type isn't the wild and crazy kind. I'm more into the smart, nice girl, introvertish type. The type that doesn't really bring "hidden wild sexual side" to mind.

I know, this has been rambling, maybe even pointless. But I honestly don't know how sexual I am. I think sometimes that I'm just trapped in some immature horny adolescent phase that I haven't been able to get out of yet. Or am I?

Don't underestimate the smart, nice, introvertish type. She might be guarding a secret worth keeping and worth finding. Sometimes not. People aren't all that easy.

Doesn't sound like horny is it, sounds like you'd like something else in your sex. Like words, or humor, humanity or knowing someone wants YOU, not just pleasure for themselves. Might be something you haven't found yet but you know "this isn't it." Keep looking, though. With enough of "That's not what I want" maybe you can fill in enough of the blank spaces of the puzzle to narrow in on what's missing and look for it.