I'm a little fucked up about this

[Betticus]

I was having dinner last night with two of my femme friends. During the conversation the topic of my personality came up. The one I've known for a year and a half the other for two weeks. To keep it short I scare the new one and the older friend said that I used to scare her until she got to know me well. They both said that even though I'm thoughtful, well spoken and behave perfectly gentlemanly that it's my directness and the intensity of my personality. That I'm so different from any other men they know, that I don't lie.

Does anyone else have experiences like this with their more vanilla type friends. I had thought I was blending in quite well but I was wrong.

 

[graceanne]

I was having dinner last night with two of my femme friends. During the conversation the topic of my personality came up. The one I've known for a year and a half the other for two weeks. To keep it short I scare the new one and the older friend said that I used to scare her until she got to know me well. They both said that even though I'm thoughtful, well spoken and behave perfectly gentlemanly that it's my directness and the intensity of my personality. That I'm so different from any other men they know, that I don't lie.

Does anyone else have experiences like this with their more vanilla type friends. I had thought I was blending in quite well but I was wrong.

I don't have problems from that point. No one would call me scary. Well almost no one. But I do have trouble blending. I'm not sure why, but I do know that this is the first group of people I've ever been with that I blend at all. I spent most of my youth trying to blend, and I've finally realized it's neve gonna happen. All I do is make myself ill being somethign I'm not, and people still know I'm not like them. Go figure.

 

[jadefirefly]

*shrug* It depends. Most people do wind up complaining about my inability to make decisions for myself some of the time, and my habit of trying to be invisible in a crowd. But nobody's scared of it.

I don't really "fit in" with most people, which really sucks when I've already got social issues and worry that people don't like me anyhow. But I'm kind of used to it.

 

[RJMasters]

I do not come across as intimidating, however yes these situations do occur.

An example happend not too long ago at class where the instructor split us all into groups to do a project. Once he had divided everyone into their groups, he then went to the group and ask who is going to be the leader of the group. All four in the group pointed to me in unison without even so much as a discussion. I accepted with a simple nod and took care of business. Situations like this one seems to happen alot for me. Whenever I have been around people for any length of time, they seem to look to me to make decisions and lead.

Not sure if that was what you were looking for B.

 

[catalina_francisco]

I have been told similar to you Betticus, and advised I should perhaps not be so open and honest, or good at what I do because those around me found it intimidating and resented me for it. I thought about it and realised I am who I am and I am not comfortable with becoming someone who stuffs around on purpose and misleads people, so it was preferrable for them to go on resenting me, being intimidated by me than my feeling a fake. The question that kept coming to mind though was if they were intimidated by who I was and felt inferior because of it despite my treating them equally, why didn't they attempt to improve themselves in their eyes instead of try and force me down to what they considered their level? Just another reason why I avoid people most times....it is easier and less stressful for me. LOL, the best bit was after all the shit my former boss gave me due to these issues, she asked me to write a series of professional articles on ground breaking areas in our field, then had them published under her name and when congratulated over and over by others in the field for writing such outstanding material, accepted their praise without ever letting them know she had not wrtten them nor understood a word of what they were about.

Catalina

 

[Hisbabydoll26]

I was having dinner last night with two of my femme friends. During the conversation the topic of my personality came up. The one I've known for a year and a half the other for two weeks. To keep it short I scare the new one and the older friend said that I used to scare her until she got to know me well. They both said that even though I'm thoughtful, well spoken and behave perfectly gentlemanly that it's my directness and the intensity of my personality. That I'm so different from any other men they know, that I don't lie.

Does anyone else have experiences like this with their more vanilla type friends. I had thought I was blending in quite well but I was wrong.

Sounds like a compliment to me.....

I think how you come across to someone can be directly related to their own life experiences. For example if you resemeble someone they have known, or if they "think" they know you before they really get to know you. They can put you in a category somehow....then you change that perception with time. I come off as very shy, and almost because I dont' talk much stuck up. Once I warm up, I can't shut up and will tell it like it is. I just don't do so in mixed company. It takes years for me to feel comfortable enough to really express myself completely as I never feel safe enough to not get hurt. Therefore many of those first impressions of me are not based on the real me. Hmm..not sure that makes sense.

I think though the example that RJ gave....about everyone pointing to him. I know that would never happen to me as I dont' speak up and would not have been a good choice. Obviously they could see his confidence, and I would assume would see my "apparent" lack of it. We all not with ill regard peg eachother when we meet. It's being able to take that time and effort to get to know one another. I'm not sure it's a lifestyle thing shining though as much as just how you come off. You can just tell by how people walk, body language how they feel, or tone of voice how they are. You can see confidence, sadness, if they are feeling threatened. Some people are more attune to that.

 

[caela]

I was having dinner last night with two of my femme friends. During the conversation the topic of my personality came up. The one I've known for a year and a half the other for two weeks. To keep it short I scare the new one and the older friend said that I used to scare her until she got to know me well. They both said that even though I'm thoughtful, well spoken and behave perfectly gentlemanly that it's my directness and the intensity of my personality. That I'm so different from any other men they know, that I don't lie.

Does anyone else have experiences like this with their more vanilla type friends. I had thought I was blending in quite well but I was wrong.

I don't usually get people being scared of me so much, thought I tend to think that's more a gender thing, but I do get told that I'm intense. I also get told that I shouldn't be so blunt and straightforward at times. I'll never really blend in with most "normal" people and that just doesn't bother me anymore. If they find me intimidating or intense I figure that's their perceptive issue not mine.

 

[graceanne]

I do not come across as intimidating, however yes these situations do occur.

An example happend not too long ago at class where the instructor split us all into groups to do a project. Once he had divided everyone into their groups, he then went to the group and ask who is going to be the leader of the group. All four in the group pointed to me in unison without even so much as a discussion. I accepted with a simple nod and took care of business. Situations like this one seems to happen alot for me. Whenever I have been around people for any length of time, they seem to look to me to make decisions and lead.

Not sure if that was what you were looking for B.

This happens to me, too. Mostly cause I have no problems talking to people. I'm elected leader cause I'm a chatterbox.

 

[BBWetKitty]

I had thought I was blending in quite well but I was wrong.

For you to recognize that you've been making an 'effort to blend' indicates that you are aware of your intense personality and how it may be perceived. For your friends to confide in you how they feel speaks for how well they respect you.

 

[FurryFury]

Hon, everyone is scared of someone. That is their choice and it probably says more about them than you!

*hugs*

Fury

 

[Betticus]

Maybe I should stop holding back so much. It's possible that they are sensing the restraint and using their own imaginations to fill in the blanks and what they are imagining is what scares them.

 

[FurryFury]

Maybe I should stop holding back so much. It's possible that they are sensing the restraint and using their own imaginations to fill in the blanks and what they are imagining is what scares them.

*nods*

Holding back can block the chi and lead to baaaaad things. Never hold back Baybee!

*smiles sweetly*

Fury

 

[sphynx's dragon]

Oddly enough I blend in rather well. I end up in charge of alot mainly because I am unafraid to make decisions and handle the consequences of them. Also cause I have no problem being an asshole if thats what it takes to get the job done.

 

[graceanne]

Also cause I have no problem being an asshole if thats what it takes to get the job done.

Yeah, tell me about it.

jk

 

[Betticus]

I want a steak darnit and the good steak places don't open for three and a half hours!

I want soup too, on the side. Brocolli Cheddar would be quite nice.

 

[jadefirefly]

Oh, great. Now you have me thinking about steak. And I can't even afford to go get some, either! No fair!!

*grumbles*

 

[Betticus]

Oh, great. Now you have me thinking about steak. And I can't even afford to go get some, either! No fair!!

*grumbles*

You are only one state over girliepants! You could almost smell the prime rib where you are at!

 

[jadefirefly]

You are only one state over girliepants! You could almost smell the prime rib where you are at!

*cry* No fair!
From that close, you could send me a steak and it'd still be good when it got here!

 

[Purple Sage]

*cry* No fair!
From that close, you could send me a steak and it'd still be good when it got here!

Sure, but it would just clog your arteries- and don't forget Mad Cow disease! You're better off with some lentils and a bit of broccoli. Some day you'll thank me.

 

[jadefirefly]

Sure, but it would just clog your arteries- and don't forget Mad Cow disease! You're better off with some lentils and a bit of broccoli. Some day you'll thank me.

Can't I just put the broccoli on the side and eat it WITH the steak? And maybe a baked potato? Pleeeeeeeeeeease?
*begs*

 

[Betticus]

Can't I just put the broccoli on the side and eat it WITH the steak? And maybe a baked potato? Pleeeeeeeeeeease?
*begs*

Absolutely!

 

[jadefirefly]

Woohoo! Steak for me!!!

*bounce*