If you've dated a married man...
- Thread starter chiapetto
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he's married. Therefore, keep it in your pants.
You're playing with fire by pursuing anything with this man. Maybe he's in an open relationship, but then, maybe he's not. Maybe he's unhappy in his marriage, but maybe he still remains faithful to his wife. Maybe he doesn't remain faithful to his wife, but what if he has kids?
There are so many things that you DON"T know about his marriage that you should just leave it alone.
You're playing with fire by pursuing anything with this man. Maybe he's in an open relationship, but then, maybe he's not. Maybe he's unhappy in his marriage, but maybe he still remains faithful to his wife. Maybe he doesn't remain faithful to his wife, but what if he has kids?
There are so many things that you DON"T know about his marriage that you should just leave it alone.
chiapetto said:
As a woman who has dated more than one married man, I would advise you to stay away from him...but I also know that when it came to me and my married lovers, logic was the first thing to go...
So...if he's interested, he will likely show it. If he doesn't you can test the waters a bit by just treating him like you would a single man you were interested in...and if he doesn't want it, he will make it clear. Remember, he's the one married here. So, if he's considering an affair, he's already given it quite a bit of thought. He will react accordingly.
Just remember, babe...please...a married man is just that. He belongs to someone else. If you get involved, your heart is going to follow suit, and pain is impossible to avoid. Know that going into it...you will get hurt. It's a simple fact. Think long and hard about the consequences, and run through every scenario.
Be at peace with your decision. And best of luck to you.
PM me if you feel you need to, okay?
S.
Listen to both Vixen and Sheath. I've gotten involved with more than one married man - they are nothing but heartache and misery.
My only question - if you know he is married already, why in heaven's name would you want to find out if he's interested in you?
Leave it go. Leave him to his wife.
My only question - if you know he is married already, why in heaven's name would you want to find out if he's interested in you?
Leave it go. Leave him to his wife.
illinois_guy2
resident goofball
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I see that Vixen, Sheath, and SexyChele are all recommending against being with a married guy.
However, if any ladies out there would still like to try it, feel free to contact me. I am a married guy who is quite frustrated by the lack of a good sex life at home, and would love to find a little discreet "something on the side"
However, if any ladies out there would still like to try it, feel free to contact me. I am a married guy who is quite frustrated by the lack of a good sex life at home, and would love to find a little discreet "something on the side"
Hello_Kitten
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I recommend against it as well. I've had one relationship with a married man. Even though I didn't know until about a month into it, I didn't stop it and it ended horribly. It's something I'd never consider doing again. I've also been on the other end, being the wife and finding out my husband had a girlfriend on the side. I can't even begin to describe what that ordeal did to me as well as my daughter. Even though his wife and family [if he has one] is not your responsibility, if he's one to cheat he'll do it with you or someone else, really think about the consequences your actions could have. If nothing else, you don't want the kind of drama and trouble a situation like this can create.
Some couples have open marriages, arrangements. If that was the case, then I'd say go for it but be careful still. But your question was how to know if he's interested - I say leave it alone.
As far as illinois_guy2....since I don't know your exact situation I won't say what I'm really thinking about your post, although honesty, caring, and understanding with your wife would be a much better approach than trying to finding "something on the side."
Some couples have open marriages, arrangements. If that was the case, then I'd say go for it but be careful still. But your question was how to know if he's interested - I say leave it alone.
As far as illinois_guy2....since I don't know your exact situation I won't say what I'm really thinking about your post, although honesty, caring, and understanding with your wife would be a much better approach than trying to finding "something on the side."
illinois_guy2 said:
The question is, why in heaven's name would any women who has an ounce of brains in her head even bother with a married man? There is absolutely no future to it. Even if he does leave his wife, he still can't be trusted.
If you are that frustrated at home, might I suggest a good divorce attorney? Hell, why the fuck be miserable when you don't have to be?
illinois_guy2
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I see that subsequent posters have had a negative response to my post - and I understand that. I realize that spouses looking to cheat does not creat a favorable impression.
In one of the responses it was suggested that I look for a divorce attorney if I am that miserable. Although I am extremely frustrated sexually, I still do care for my wife and have no desire to hurt her. In fact, we don't really fight much and are generally fairly affectionate. If it weren't for the lack of sex, I would probably be happy. I realize that there is much more to love and marriage than sex, but if the sexual interest level between partners in a marriage is so great that one partner feels constantly rejected and frustrated, that is a problem. I also love our son and don't want to leave him.
Regarding the comment "honesty, caring, and understanding with your wife would be a much better approach than trying to finding "something on the side." - I agree and wish I had more success with this approach. I have tried for years with no success. I admit that sometimes my tone has been frustrated anger (and have even indicated that I might eventually leave if the situation did not improve), but many other times a loving, heart - to - heart talk approach has been used. Not surprisingly, she responds more favorably to the heart-to-heart approach. But the response is generally verbal only. She agrees that we should have more intimacy and sex, but she rarely is interested. Countless times, I have been encouraged that maybe later tonight, or how about tomorrow, but when the time comes, she is not interested. Typically the excuse is that she is tired or too busy between work and our son. However, she certainly is not too busy to catch plenty of TV shows (she has more than one "never-miss" shows almost every night of the week - in fact it is not uncommon for her to watch one show and tape another) or talk on the phone with her friends or to read the newspaper or books. I think the real issue is that intimacy is not a priority for her.
On the rare times we do have sex (usually less than once per month), she typically comments how nice it was. This makes it even harder to understand why she is so rarely interested. And on these rare occasions, it is pretty much always me initiating it and "doing all the work". Although I have no problem being the one to initiate things and pamper and massage her (or ravish her), I sure would like to at least occasionally be pampered or ravished myself - I can't remember the last time that happened.
My interest in something "on the side" is not a case of me rejecting my wife but rather a response to being constantly rejected by her. I would love to have a situation where we are intimate everynight before we go to sleep (ok, I realize every night is asking a bit much, but at least a couple times a week would be nice). To me this would be very preferable to looking elsewhere, but it just doesn't seem likely to happen. I will continue to try to improve this situation, but it seems to me my choices are (1) go through life being extremely sexually frustrated, (2) get a divorce and start over - but as I stated above I don't really want to do this. or (3) look for sexual exitement outside of marriage.
I have not actually had any affairs, but I have now reached the point that I am willing (thus my previous post). I am not some sexual predator that is looking to have a stable of women to satisfy a male-ego power trip. I am just tired of being constantly frustrated and am losing hope of things changing within the marriage.
With that said, I realize that there are plenty of people that will condemn any extramarital activities regardless of the reason - and I respect that. I actually used to feel that way myself.
In one of the responses it was suggested that I look for a divorce attorney if I am that miserable. Although I am extremely frustrated sexually, I still do care for my wife and have no desire to hurt her. In fact, we don't really fight much and are generally fairly affectionate. If it weren't for the lack of sex, I would probably be happy. I realize that there is much more to love and marriage than sex, but if the sexual interest level between partners in a marriage is so great that one partner feels constantly rejected and frustrated, that is a problem. I also love our son and don't want to leave him.
Regarding the comment "honesty, caring, and understanding with your wife would be a much better approach than trying to finding "something on the side." - I agree and wish I had more success with this approach. I have tried for years with no success. I admit that sometimes my tone has been frustrated anger (and have even indicated that I might eventually leave if the situation did not improve), but many other times a loving, heart - to - heart talk approach has been used. Not surprisingly, she responds more favorably to the heart-to-heart approach. But the response is generally verbal only. She agrees that we should have more intimacy and sex, but she rarely is interested. Countless times, I have been encouraged that maybe later tonight, or how about tomorrow, but when the time comes, she is not interested. Typically the excuse is that she is tired or too busy between work and our son. However, she certainly is not too busy to catch plenty of TV shows (she has more than one "never-miss" shows almost every night of the week - in fact it is not uncommon for her to watch one show and tape another) or talk on the phone with her friends or to read the newspaper or books. I think the real issue is that intimacy is not a priority for her.
On the rare times we do have sex (usually less than once per month), she typically comments how nice it was. This makes it even harder to understand why she is so rarely interested. And on these rare occasions, it is pretty much always me initiating it and "doing all the work". Although I have no problem being the one to initiate things and pamper and massage her (or ravish her), I sure would like to at least occasionally be pampered or ravished myself - I can't remember the last time that happened.
My interest in something "on the side" is not a case of me rejecting my wife but rather a response to being constantly rejected by her. I would love to have a situation where we are intimate everynight before we go to sleep (ok, I realize every night is asking a bit much, but at least a couple times a week would be nice). To me this would be very preferable to looking elsewhere, but it just doesn't seem likely to happen. I will continue to try to improve this situation, but it seems to me my choices are (1) go through life being extremely sexually frustrated, (2) get a divorce and start over - but as I stated above I don't really want to do this. or (3) look for sexual exitement outside of marriage.
I have not actually had any affairs, but I have now reached the point that I am willing (thus my previous post). I am not some sexual predator that is looking to have a stable of women to satisfy a male-ego power trip. I am just tired of being constantly frustrated and am losing hope of things changing within the marriage.
With that said, I realize that there are plenty of people that will condemn any extramarital activities regardless of the reason - and I respect that. I actually used to feel that way myself.
illinois_guy2 said:
Okay, I'm not heartless, and I can hear the general frustration in your posts. But this line's a killer. You care for your wife. You have no desire to hurt her. Yet, you can justify the possibiliyt of seeking something "on the side". Good grief.
I've been the "other woman" - more than once. The man was "frustrated", "looking for a little spice", "didn't really mean for things to get out of hand." The problem? I found out from his wife - that means 2 hurt women. Then both turn on him, and guess what? He thought his life was a living hell before? Just wait until you deal with a wife who's discovered a husband has been cheating! And you think you ain't gettin' any NOW?!?!? Plus, you can kiss your girlfriend good-bye once the wife knows - she ain't gonna stick around and mend your boo-boos.
Trust me, I've seen it happen. You are better off trying to make it work with your wife, even if it means counseling and a few frustrated years ahead of you. Once she loses that trust in you, you will have to work 10 times harder to gain it back. Another woman is NOT the solution to your problem, no matter how it might seem as though it is!
Bobmi357
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illinois_guy2 said:
DIVORCE!
There is nothing worse than being in an unhappy relationship. Kids or no kids. I lived for 12 yrs with my first wife and things went sour very quickly. I thought I could hang in there for the sake of the kids, but I found my health suffering, I started working grueling hours just to avoid going home, which cause more health problems.
Then I might wife 2.0 online, and 2400+ miles away. I was so hooked on her and I had never even met her face to face. My wife and I seperated first, I moved into a new apartment, got settled in, then went to meet wife 2.0. 10 yrs later and my feelings for her have only grown stronger.
Had I stayed in old relationship I would have probably had a nervous breakdown, or some other serious health issue. This wasn't just a case of not getting laid every so often, it was a hostile atmosphere even though we rarely had a fight of any sort. Trust me when I tell you this, a miserable relationship will spill over into everything you do.
Bob
Avery_Chisholm
School Bus Slut!
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ITA with vixen, sheath and sexy been there done that....
Tx girl
Back and forth!
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My 2 cents..
Im sorry but a married man is just that, married. I don't feel like a woman or man for that matter should chase after someone that is committed like that. To me its just wrong. I mean what if you were his wife? Would you want some other woman seeing your husband behind your back knowing full well that he is with someone else? I sure the hell wouldn't. As i said before it goes both ways. It would kill me if i found out my husband was cheating on me, much less finding out that his "other" knew he was married.
I would say stay clear of him, if he would do this to his wife, you can sure bet he'd do it to you. And there is good possibility that there will be heartache for you in the end.
Im not trying to talk badly of anyone by all means. Its just my thoughts and my advice.
Im sorry but a married man is just that, married. I don't feel like a woman or man for that matter should chase after someone that is committed like that. To me its just wrong. I mean what if you were his wife? Would you want some other woman seeing your husband behind your back knowing full well that he is with someone else? I sure the hell wouldn't. As i said before it goes both ways. It would kill me if i found out my husband was cheating on me, much less finding out that his "other" knew he was married.
I would say stay clear of him, if he would do this to his wife, you can sure bet he'd do it to you. And there is good possibility that there will be heartache for you in the end.
Im not trying to talk badly of anyone by all means. Its just my thoughts and my advice.
I had an affair with a man who was dating someone else, seriously. It lasted about 18 months. He moved out of state and ended up getting married to her. When he came back into town about 6 months later, he tried to get with me, but because of his ring it didn't/wouldn't happen.
I didn't/don't mind messing around with a guy who is dating, seriously or not, but once there is a ring there is no fling.
I didn't/don't mind messing around with a guy who is dating, seriously or not, but once there is a ring there is no fling.
MyPussyServedPink
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RE: Never again!
hello,
I have to chime in too. I had a relationship with a married man and I can't tell you the guilt I still have. Don't do it no matter what is my best advice. I lost my job, people still will remind me of it years later and I am ashamed of the pain I caused an innocent woman. There is a good reason it is called cheating. There so many good men out there!! There are still days I miss sampling each and every one. LOL
On the other hand. I married a man that is younger than me and I thought the wild sex would last. Wrong!! My dear hubby is like your wife -- once a month if I'm real lucky. We went through the counseling thing and it did help for awhile but now we are back where we started. I've come to realize that we have way too many good things together to ever split over sex. That is why I found this paradise and I take out all of my frustrations with my partners in sex babble. I can talk and play with other without hurting my life with hubby, my family and my honor. I learned that I need to honor myself, beliefs and learn form my previous mistakes.
Life is not for the faint of heart!
Pussy
hello,
I have to chime in too. I had a relationship with a married man and I can't tell you the guilt I still have. Don't do it no matter what is my best advice. I lost my job, people still will remind me of it years later and I am ashamed of the pain I caused an innocent woman. There is a good reason it is called cheating. There so many good men out there!! There are still days I miss sampling each and every one. LOL
On the other hand. I married a man that is younger than me and I thought the wild sex would last. Wrong!! My dear hubby is like your wife -- once a month if I'm real lucky. We went through the counseling thing and it did help for awhile but now we are back where we started. I've come to realize that we have way too many good things together to ever split over sex. That is why I found this paradise and I take out all of my frustrations with my partners in sex babble. I can talk and play with other without hurting my life with hubby, my family and my honor. I learned that I need to honor myself, beliefs and learn form my previous mistakes.
Life is not for the faint of heart!
Pussy
illinois_guy2 said:
You've missed the best one: 4) seek marriage counselling with your wife. If your wife is turning down sex with you, for TV shows and reading, etc, then she may have issues with you or within herself. She needs to talk about those issues with someone who's trained to help her through them. And you should support her discovery all the way. And you TWO should go TOGETHER sometimes, because you are bound together. You are married.
For goodness sakes.. exhaust all avenues within your marriage before you give up on it like you are.
This is coming from someone who's parents have, in the last 20 years, had sex twice. TWICE. Why? Because for the last 20 years my mother has known she is not in love with my dad. She loves him, but is not IN love with him, and she could not make herself be intimate with him. It hurt her emotionally and spiritually, and therefore she refused to do it. My dad stayed faithful the ENTIRE time. Now they are separating, and I wish happiness and love for them both in their new lives, but for goodness sakes...
twice in 20 years. You're at least getting it once a month.
I have read all the posts on this thread...and am a new user tonight so...
I am also married, and have been propositioned by another married lady.
I am having problems rl with sex in my marriage. But have decided not to go ahead...why?
no matter what the thrill of having an affair may belike, or the enjoyment of sex that may be provided with this person...
Could I or her cope with guilt the conscience or the possible loss of spouse and child(ren)
If you want to be purely logical, do a weighing of pro's and con's
is losing your heart to a married someone worth sex?
is losing your wife/children worth sex?
Thats basically it IMHO....
Good Luck with your decision whatever it may be
- Cueball
I am also married, and have been propositioned by another married lady.
I am having problems rl with sex in my marriage. But have decided not to go ahead...why?
no matter what the thrill of having an affair may belike, or the enjoyment of sex that may be provided with this person...
Could I or her cope with guilt the conscience or the possible loss of spouse and child(ren)
If you want to be purely logical, do a weighing of pro's and con's
is losing your heart to a married someone worth sex?
is losing your wife/children worth sex?
Thats basically it IMHO....
Good Luck with your decision whatever it may be
- Cueball
illinois_guy2
resident goofball
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vixenshe said:
Actually, I did not miss option (4). I did not include every detail since my post was already quite long. Counseling was discussed several years ago, but she does not think that there is anything wrong other then her always been tired or too busy.
She was married once before, and she told me while we were dating about how the first hubby complained about lack of sex. I guess I should have recognized that as a red flag. But at the time we were dating, she wanted sex almost every time we were together. In fact, she even told me (again, when we were dating) that she saw her ex and told him that she was now with a great guy and that the sex life was great - so the problem with their sex life must have been with him.
I realize that's its tough to keep up the passionate flame of a new relationship for years and decades. But its also tough to feel like you are the only one who is really trying. (It's also tough to be constantly horny and rarely getting any)
I'm not giving up on the marriage - just getting discouraged by the lack of intimacy. In fact, if the difference in sex drives wasn't so HUGE (either hers much greater or mine much less), I probably would never come onto this board in the first place.
By the way - its less than once a month. Once a month would be a bit of an improvement. However, I will admit it's not as bad as twice in 20 years.
SlickTony
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I was involved with a married man back in the 70s. I was married myself, but very unhappily. I got involved with a guy I worked with. It just happened that I was a type, physically, that he had fantasized about ever since he was a boy but had never thought he'd meet. I had recognized that I was vulnerable to an affair but thought that if I avoided footloose American Embassy clerks, itinerant journalist types, and visiting brothers etc. of the American wives of my husband's coworkers--I'd be safe. So quite naturally I fell like a tall tree for someone completely different and unexpected. There were a lot of passionate kisses, lots of fervent conversation, some very frightened, hasty, and so-so sex. We were blackmailed by a coworker and almost got caught by my first husband. However, he made me feel good about myself, and gave me the courage to leave my first husband and get a divorce, which I should have done the first year. Later some correspondence went astray and his wife found out and of course she hates my guts. This all happened over 25 years ago. I feel guiltier about having borrowed him from his wife than stepping out on my husband, who by that time I felt deserved it. He (the lover) told me he wasn't getting enough passion, romance, or sex at home, which might even have been true.
Recommend it? No, I wouldn't recommend it. It was a crazy period in my life.
Recommend it? No, I wouldn't recommend it. It was a crazy period in my life.
