If Your Partner Has Been Unfaithful...
- Thread starter juicylips
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The Dipsomaniac
man about town
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juicylips said:do you want to know?
If you do, how much detail would you like?
If you DON'T want to know..why?
JL
Would want to know, and in fine detail. Arent we all voyeurs? If not what are you doing here?
freescorfr
Awaiting autumn harvests
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I'd simply want to know that her sexual health is OK.
My focus would remain on the quality of my relationship with her. That's enough to be going on with. She can deal with the quality of her own relationships with other people.
I'm not overkeen on the word, "unfaithful". It implies that we can only love one person at a time. When I loved my dad I was not being unfaithful to my mum and vice versa.
In terms of intimate relationships, I consider monogomy an ideal; but that does not exclude loving other woman and men.
I'm digressing. and I'm off to Scotland today.
http://www.tartans.scotland.net/images//pic_types_intro.jpg
Me being unfaithful - I'm reading the "Collected Threads of JuicyLips."
My focus would remain on the quality of my relationship with her. That's enough to be going on with. She can deal with the quality of her own relationships with other people.
I'm not overkeen on the word, "unfaithful". It implies that we can only love one person at a time. When I loved my dad I was not being unfaithful to my mum and vice versa.
In terms of intimate relationships, I consider monogomy an ideal; but that does not exclude loving other woman and men.
I'm digressing. and I'm off to Scotland today.
http://www.tartans.scotland.net/images//pic_types_intro.jpg
Me being unfaithful - I'm reading the "Collected Threads of JuicyLips."
sabbathstorm
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I'd want to know based on health concerns. I'm borderline paranoid about STDs and because of a previous occupation, I know what's rampant in the area. I wouldn't want to know much detail at all because I'd be too busy packing his things 
sabbathstorm said:I'd want to know based on health concerns. I'm borderline paranoid about STDs and because of a previous occupation, I know what's rampant in the area. I wouldn't want to know much detail at all because I'd be too busy packing his things
Good Morning, ss.
Somehow I KNEW you'd be packing his shit ...lol
JL
The Dipsomaniac
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sabbathstorm said:I'd want to know based on health concerns. I'm borderline paranoid about STDs and because of a previous occupation, I know what's rampant in the area. I wouldn't want to know much detail at all because I'd be too busy packing his things
no second chances???
bharman4102
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of course, what exactly does unfaithful mean? just vaginal intercourse? oral too? masturbating with someone? I know guys who go to massage parlors and get handjobs and/or blowjobs, and don't consider it cheating. Adult bookstores have booths where you can jerk off while being seen (and I hear possibly do more....no personal experience with that!)
How far does it have to go before it becomes unfaithful?
How far does it have to go before it becomes unfaithful?
Never
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Re: Re: If Your Partner Has Been Unfaithful...
The Dipsomaniac
"Would want to know, and in fine detail. Arent we all voyeurs? If not what are you doing here?"
We are not all voyeurs. Some of us are exhibitionists.
I am certain that I will not be in a serious relationship for a couple of years. Until then, I would not get too excited about any extracurricular activity.
If I were 'settled' with someone?
I would hope that they simply tell me that they were not interested in continuing the relationship. I can picture myself going apeshit if I found out someone I was serious with cheated on me.
The Dipsomaniac
"Would want to know, and in fine detail. Arent we all voyeurs? If not what are you doing here?"
We are not all voyeurs. Some of us are exhibitionists.
I am certain that I will not be in a serious relationship for a couple of years. Until then, I would not get too excited about any extracurricular activity.
If I were 'settled' with someone?
I would hope that they simply tell me that they were not interested in continuing the relationship. I can picture myself going apeshit if I found out someone I was serious with cheated on me.
sabbathstorm
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The Dipsomaniac said:
Neither one of us believes in second chances. Both been cheated on before and burned badly. If he feels the need to be with someone else, bring her home so we can both have fun
bharman4102 said:
Hello, b
How are you doing?
We can open a huge can of worms here with someone's different definitions of unfaithfulness. I think you would know what your partner considered unfaithfulness. I don't think jerking off would be considered that. I am thinking blow jobs, or fucking.
JL
bharman4102
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well, here's the conflict then --
and hello to you to, btw...
if she gave a bj to someone, or did more, i definitely want to know. the bj i could handle, the more, i'm not sure.
if i got one from someone, i'm not sure i'd tell.
if i had sex with someone, or wanted to that badly, i'd have to consider how we were doing on a grand scale. might be time to just end that relationship!
and hello to you to, btw...
if she gave a bj to someone, or did more, i definitely want to know. the bj i could handle, the more, i'm not sure.
if i got one from someone, i'm not sure i'd tell.
if i had sex with someone, or wanted to that badly, i'd have to consider how we were doing on a grand scale. might be time to just end that relationship!
DopeyAngel
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Hmmm JL you have opened a can of worms....while I regard sex to be important (of course!) I don't see it as the whole basis of my relationship, it's much more than that, so........ if what many regard as love (emotional closeness etc...) is the whole point of their relationship, wouldn't it be harder to realise that your partner prefers another's company and finds closeness with that person than that they were just horny? It is hard to define 'unfaithful'..........I still don't get it.......to answer your previous questions though, I would want to know all the details so I could somehow get revenge (I know, I know, it doesn't work but it sure makes you feel better....)........
*Climbing down of hobby horse*
*Climbing down of hobby horse*
DopeyAngel said:
Stay on your hobby horse as long as you like, d.
You make lots of sense. That was the purpose of this thread. I wanted to see how others defined "unfaithfulness" I have been on the board long enough to realize that there would be different aspects, I like knowing things.
JL
Debbie
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do you want to know?
Yes, honesty is the best policy.
If you do, how much detail would you like?
Very little. He has been cheated on in previous marriage.
I know he wouldn't cheat on me. But hypothetically
speaking, I wouldn't want to hear intimate details.
I would want to know if they had safe sex.
Does he love her/ how long had this been going on?
And WHY he didn't have the balls to tell me he was
attracted to someone else or whatever before the
dirty deed was done.
No other questions, LOL Apart from where does she live?
(Unfaithful to me is, sneaking around to see her, oral, sex.)
Sex isn't the be all and end all in a relationship.
It is fun though.
In my relationship we have made the commitment
to each other to remain faithful. That includes online
and in real life. I respect my hubby. And we have talked
about if things changed between us that we would
continue to be honest.
Yes, honesty is the best policy.
If you do, how much detail would you like?
Very little. He has been cheated on in previous marriage.
I know he wouldn't cheat on me. But hypothetically
speaking, I wouldn't want to hear intimate details.
I would want to know if they had safe sex.
Does he love her/ how long had this been going on?
And WHY he didn't have the balls to tell me he was
attracted to someone else or whatever before the
dirty deed was done.
No other questions, LOL Apart from where does she live?
(Unfaithful to me is, sneaking around to see her, oral, sex.)
Sex isn't the be all and end all in a relationship.
It is fun though.
In my relationship we have made the commitment
to each other to remain faithful. That includes online
and in real life. I respect my hubby. And we have talked
about if things changed between us that we would
continue to be honest.
Yes I would want to know if he cheated. The details..maybe. I've been cheated on,but then who hasn't, then again this isn't the same person . So yes on a second chance as long as he wasn't in love with them. If he isn't happy...put them where they will be and move on with your life.
His_kitty
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Yes I would want to know. Especially if it was more of an emotional affair, than a casual fuck.
To me having an emotional affair with one person is worse than say having a fuck affair with a total of five other women (one night stands), even if there is only one sexual encounter.
To me having an emotional affair with one person is worse than say having a fuck affair with a total of five other women (one night stands), even if there is only one sexual encounter.
crysede
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Assuming I was in a monogamous relationship (which any serious relationship with me would have to be), then, like Laurel said, it depends on what sort of cheating it was.
If it was just a one time thing, and he had no feelings for her (or him), then I'd want to know for health reasons, and I'd want to know the details because depending on the circumstances I might forgive him.
On the other hand, if he had feelings for the person he cheated with, then I'd be spitting venom that he didn't have the decency to tell me about it before it got to the point of cheating - and I'd definitely want to know, so that I'd know he couldn't be trusted (but wouldn't want to know any details, that would be too painful).
If it was just a one time thing, and he had no feelings for her (or him), then I'd want to know for health reasons, and I'd want to know the details because depending on the circumstances I might forgive him.
On the other hand, if he had feelings for the person he cheated with, then I'd be spitting venom that he didn't have the decency to tell me about it before it got to the point of cheating - and I'd definitely want to know, so that I'd know he couldn't be trusted (but wouldn't want to know any details, that would be too painful).
Mornin JL
Honestly, it could be either or neither. If the person is bored then they should speak up to their partner. If their partner isn't willing to spice it up a bit then that's when they go elsewhere. If it's a no love issue..they should have the guts to say so. Staying around for finacial reasons or out of loyalty is an insult to their partner I think. But then thats just my opinion
Honestly, it could be either or neither. If the person is bored then they should speak up to their partner. If their partner isn't willing to spice it up a bit then that's when they go elsewhere. If it's a no love issue..they should have the guts to say so. Staying around for finacial reasons or out of loyalty is an insult to their partner I think. But then thats just my opinion
erosman
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Hmmmm....*that's the sound my brain makes when it boots up*
To tell or not to tell....
That would be totally up to her. Yes, I love details. Yes, there is a certain amount of voyeur in me. But, I think that free's thoughts come closest to my feelings on this. Sex is not the relationship. I know it varies from one individual to the next. There are lots of activities that my SO and I don't share similar passions for.
I think 'unfaithful' is something she could only be to herself. For her to not be honest with me, would be more of a reflection of my willingness to give her space to be faithful to her inner self. Does my love invite her expression of her inner desires? Decades of slugging it out in the relational trenches has finally taught me that I cannot be her all, and likewise, she cannot be my all. That is not real. There are moments to be sure, when we feel that it is all within our reach, but those moments quickly become memories - emotional photos for life's scrapbook. Life is a continuum, and to limit its growth to the confines of predetermined parameters seems to be a reflection of our insecurities.
To not expect growth and change is in fact quite opposite of love. Love should invite honesty and openness. Love should encourage faithfulness to the inner blueprint of the heart. Love should be secure enough in itself, to set the heart free. As for extra-committed-relationship sex, my first concern would be for her safety. Is her sex partner safe...emotionally, physically(STDs), etc. Second, I would want to know how she felt. What does she learn about herself when she is in this other's arms? Thirdly, How does she see this affecting her/our future?...Where does she want to see the relationship go?
If I use her love and commitment to prop up my own insecurities, then the 'unfaithful' moment is my lesson. The essence of love is found in listening...not in dictation.
To tell or not to tell....
That would be totally up to her. Yes, I love details. Yes, there is a certain amount of voyeur in me. But, I think that free's thoughts come closest to my feelings on this. Sex is not the relationship. I know it varies from one individual to the next. There are lots of activities that my SO and I don't share similar passions for.
I think 'unfaithful' is something she could only be to herself. For her to not be honest with me, would be more of a reflection of my willingness to give her space to be faithful to her inner self. Does my love invite her expression of her inner desires? Decades of slugging it out in the relational trenches has finally taught me that I cannot be her all, and likewise, she cannot be my all. That is not real. There are moments to be sure, when we feel that it is all within our reach, but those moments quickly become memories - emotional photos for life's scrapbook. Life is a continuum, and to limit its growth to the confines of predetermined parameters seems to be a reflection of our insecurities.
To not expect growth and change is in fact quite opposite of love. Love should invite honesty and openness. Love should encourage faithfulness to the inner blueprint of the heart. Love should be secure enough in itself, to set the heart free. As for extra-committed-relationship sex, my first concern would be for her safety. Is her sex partner safe...emotionally, physically(STDs), etc. Second, I would want to know how she felt. What does she learn about herself when she is in this other's arms? Thirdly, How does she see this affecting her/our future?...Where does she want to see the relationship go?
If I use her love and commitment to prop up my own insecurities, then the 'unfaithful' moment is my lesson. The essence of love is found in listening...not in dictation.
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